- I AM THE GOD! I actually changed all the locks on my doors without severing my hands.
- My new neighbors RULE. He is an assistant minister at a Black baptist church and he helped my unload my bookshelves. Two different guys from my cul-de-sac at two different times offered to help me unload my giant truck of crap. One of the guys had the IHRA shirt on and had a pitbull and was really stoked when I told him about all the wrestling tapes I have. He has four kids and his daughters and my daughters are already playing together.
- There are about 67,000 children in my cul-de-sac and they all like to stand around in my yard as I move stuff in and watch me not be able to cuss when I drop a dresser on my foot. Upside is that they keep my own children occupied as I try to drill screws through my own hand trying to fix the shower curtain rod.
- Spencer's Exxon is my local beer-host and it is fabulous with the 40 O Zs. The most fannypants booze is Samuel Adams. I am falling in love with Coors as Overpriced Swill Of Choice again.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- I SUCK. I didn't put the bunkbeds together yet because after the 2004 Lock-Changing Triumph I opted to get really drunk on my deck.
- My idiot labrador complete freaked out at the new cornicopia of neighborhood bitches in heat and he bit me when I was trying to drag him away from the gate. Luckily my wife was there so the dog is allowed to live. I spit at him quite a bit and he growled at me. We're fine now.
Well...I can't say that I have. But I was disturbed one day whilst spay coating my leather coat by the fact that the chemicals in the spray smelled just like circus peanuts, which really made me want circus peanuts.