- I AM THE GOD! I actually changed all the locks on my doors without severing my hands.
- My new neighbors RULE. He is an assistant minister at a Black baptist church and he helped my unload my bookshelves. Two different guys from my cul-de-sac at two different times offered to help me unload my giant truck of crap. One of the guys had the IHRA shirt on and had a pitbull and was really stoked when I told him about all the wrestling tapes I have. He has four kids and his daughters and my daughters are already playing together.
- There are about 67,000 children in my cul-de-sac and they all like to stand around in my yard as I move stuff in and watch me not be able to cuss when I drop a dresser on my foot. Upside is that they keep my own children occupied as I try to drill screws through my own hand trying to fix the shower curtain rod.
- Spencer's Exxon is my local beer-host and it is fabulous with the 40 O Zs. The most fannypants booze is Samuel Adams. I am falling in love with Coors as Overpriced Swill Of Choice again.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- I SUCK. I didn't put the bunkbeds together yet because after the 2004 Lock-Changing Triumph I opted to get really drunk on my deck.
- My idiot labrador complete freaked out at the new cornicopia of neighborhood bitches in heat and he bit me when I was trying to drag him away from the gate. Luckily my wife was there so the dog is allowed to live. I spit at him quite a bit and he growled at me. We're fine now.
Well, not quite. The Shatner novel explains it as such: Remember when Spock stole a thruster suit in Star Trek: The Motion Picture and thrust himself deeper into V'Ger's inner chamber? (All right, stop that laughing.)