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24.10.14 2044
The W - Random - My life was threatened???
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cfgb
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Ottawa, Ontario

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 4 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.05
{ Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }

Edited, as per the advice of CRZ. My girlfriend does not know I post here regardless, but point taken...

(edited by cfgb on 7.5.06 2030)
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Guru Zim
SQL Dejection
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Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

Since last post: 19 hours
Last activity: 4 hours
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.81
Run.

//edit:

OK, here's my personal gauge of this. I look at your post, and ask myself: If I was watching Court TV, would I be bored of this show at the commercial break, or would I keep watching?

I'm pretty sure I'd watch this until the end of the show. That's a bad sign for someone in the situation.

(edited by Guru Zim on 7.5.06 1643)


Ignorance is bliss for you, hell for me.
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 3 hours
Last activity: 2 hours
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.87
    Originally posted by cfgb
    Alright law-abiding W's .... Help me out, because this one is MESSY.

    6 months ago, I started seeing a woman thirteen years my senior. She was splitting up from her husband (had told him that 6 months earlier), and there was a very obvious attraction with us.
Too bad you didn't come to us six months ago where we could have offered our opinion on hooking up with a married woman 13 years older than you.

The absolute best advice I can offer is to not post on an Internet message board for advice about a situation like this. Since that's off the table, the SECOND absolute best advice I can offer is to listen to the cops.



CRZ
ShotGunShep
Frankfurter








Since: 20.2.03

Since last post: 2539 days
Last activity: 2425 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.37
I thought everyone was happy and neighborly in gun controlled countries. Well at least you won't have to worry about him shooting you... oh wait.

Seriously, is she really worth all this? Take a step back and look at the situation. (I hate to get personal, but) who was the last person you were seeing, how long ago was it and how did it end? Why are you so connected to this woman so quickly?

Also, why doesn't she have a restraining order against this jerk?

When we have things in our lives, it is often hard to imagine our lives without them, but when those things are taken away, we keep on living. Try your best to detach yourself emotionally from this situation and make a clear rational choice.

cfgb
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Ottawa, Ontario

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 4 hours
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.05
{ Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }
Alpha Dog
Pickled pork








Since: 10.2.03

Since last post: 17 days
Last activity: 3 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.86
    Originally posted by cfgb (edited for context)
    I said "no sir, I am not".

    Me: "We're clear sir. I was just trying to have a small discussion with her ...."

    Me: "Sir, I am not looking for trouble."

    Me: "Yes sir."


cfgb, you're being way too conciliatory and deferential to this man. He's strong-arming and trying to intimidate you, and there's a line between being a responsible and non-violent citizen and being a doormat. Responding to his threatening tone and unreasonable attitude in this way is only giving his words agency and more power over you both; the woman in question sees this man rolling right over the guy she has been with (you) without any resistance offered.

I'm not saying you should fight or even respond aggressively, but a line also exists between aggressiveness and assertiveness. All the meek "sir" nonsense just reeks of being spineless.

I realize you were probably frightened, so avoiding any conflicts was almost certainly your priority, but you need to stand up for yourself. And then if it should escalate, I'm not one to ever advocate violence, but sometimes there are times in life you have to throw down. Even if you get your ass kicked, there are still victories to be found in not rolling over.

    Originally posted by cfgb
    I'm just an absolute mess concerning all of this here, and I need some good, thoughtful, mature advise on how to proceed going forward.


I join everyone in saying that you need to be done with this situation, and you shouldn't even have a question about it. I'm sure it will suck since you have feelings for this woman, but you need to do it like a band-aid, one good bye, that's it, done. No friends, no calls, no booty calls, no emails, nada. This will be difficult to hear (read, whatever) but by leaving with her former man, the woman has demonstrated exactly what she thinks of you and your relationship; you are the fall-back guy. Don't be that guy.

Things this woman needs in her life right now (severing her relationship with the old man) and emotional stability will be found with you around. She needs to find it, and perhaps (unlikely, but perhaps) you guys can see where you're at.

I read the MILF thread you started and your post to ShotGun Shep, and I figure you're a young guy, 23-24 or so. There's more than enough women out there, even excluding subordinates (an aside: never a good idea); you'll find someone new in no time (women love that "nursing the wounded bird" effect, and somehow they can sense it).

If you take anything from this, please listen to everyone and skid the lady you wrote about, and stand up for yourself.
AWArulz
Knackwurst








Since: 28.1.02
From: Louisville, KY

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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.63
cfgb,

Obviously, I don't know the whole situation, but back in my days as a P.O., I rolled on many domestic disturbances. In most of those cases, you might even say all, the couples were having serious problems. In many of them, they were in the process of trying to kill each other. But in almost every case, the next day, the next minute sometimes, they were back together. In my cynical and probably judgemental mode, I would say that most long term marriages (15 yrs in this case) where one or the other is mentally, physically or otherwise abusive, well, I think it's probable that the other one has come to see it as a mode of attention, fondness, maybe even love. That won't be stopping without years and years of therapy.

I hope I am not being too mean when I say I agree with the Guru. Run. Unless you are sure, sure, sure this is the "LOVE OF YOUR LIFE", run.




We'll be back right after order has been restored here in the Omni Center.
Whattaburger
Boerewors








Since: 18.5.04
From: Badstreet USA

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 3 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.06
I agree dude.

RUN!

TURN AND RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU FREAKING CAN!

This lady ain't worth it!

FLAAAVA FLAAAAAV!



It's just a message board, people. Chill out. Now, go show your internet diapproval of me! YEA!
Nag
Landjager








Since: 10.1.03
From: Enter your city here

Since last post: 2178 days
Last activity: 233 days
Y!:
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.51
Maybe he feels the lady is worth it.

A boring little story here. See, I'm friends with this girl, who is poor, had a bad upbringing, dates the white trash, been in abusive relationships, and to be frank she's a bit of a slut. But deep down, I feel she is a good person, shes got issues galore, but she is a good person, I mean she went out of her way to bring me thanksgiving dinner last year, and for some reason shes, god knows why, is in love with me.

Couple months ago, she asked me, why haven't I asked her out. My reply was, it couldn't work, I'd treat you too much like a human being, it would be impossible.

What I'm trying to say is this, based on my experiences, and damn I attract these types for some reason, is Women, who get themselves in this situation, tend to not to stray too far from the situation, even when a better alternative presents itself. You may believe you are playing the knight in shining armor, your a man and thats what we do, but just trust me on this, it's up to her to slay the dragon. Take a step back, check up on her in a few months, but really, as is and as stands, your going to get fucked in the end.

Also take note of Alpha's advice. There comes a time and place where you have to stand up for yourself.





"A guy from Ohio can make it in life if he works hard enough."--Woody Hayes
Guru Zim
SQL Dejection
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Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

Since last post: 19 hours
Last activity: 4 hours
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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.81
Plus, and you probably didn't think of this yet... Those hockey season tickets were probably his season tickets. He knows exactly where those seats are. Odds are he was at the game in a different seat watching everything you ever did in those seats.



Ignorance is bliss for you, hell for me.
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 4 hours
Last activity: 1 hour
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.83
My advice? Don't run red text on a dark background.



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker

My blog will amuse. (heygregory.blogspot.com)
JayJayDean
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 51 days
Last activity: 5 hours
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Y!:
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.39
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    My advice? Don't run red text on a dark background.


He used the { Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! } .



"You know what you need?
Some new quotes in your sig.
Yeah, I said it."
-- DJFrostyFreeze

rinberg
Boudin rouge








Since: 30.1.02
From: South Georgia

Since last post: 1019 days
Last activity: 23 hours
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.76
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    My advice? Don't run red text on a dark background.

Actually, that's the effect of the hidden tag that will prevent his text from being picked up by the Search Engine Bots. You can change the font color, but you gotta force it with the HTML font tag .... { Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }

(edited by rinberg on 8.5.06 1247)

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that can read binary and those that can't.
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

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#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.79

Chris - I would have to agree with the posters in this thread. It's never a good thing to get involved with anyone who is not quite divorced. They usually end up getting back together. Even though it sounds like the two of you truly enjoy each other's company, only bad will come of this. I hope you find the strength to break it off and move on. It's hard to think there's someone else out there, but I didn't meet my true love (second wife) until I was 33.





Gabba gabba hey!
Hogan's My Dad
Andouille








Since: 8.6.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 22 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.87
Chris, mah man, you're better than this. I know how hard it is to find that triple connection (brain, heart, crotch), where it works on all those different levels, but it seems to me that you're not gettin' any respect in this scenario.

First off, while I would never publicly advocate having the crap beaten out of this guy, by the same token, he really needs to have the crap beaten out of him. He comes into YOUR HOME and talks to you like that? Who the fuck is he? He was trespassing for God's sake! The arrogance of it! People like this are begging for either death, or life-long incarceration. Is it your job to bring him to one of these solutions? No, certainly not. But if he ever comes into your home again, you're well within your rights to take strong actions to defend yourself.

As for this woman, you have to realize she is severely damaged goods, with all due respect. A woman who is attractive, and has her life together, is the hardest thing to find, but there are only more headaches in your future, possibly much worse, if you continue to see her. A woman who has been in an abusive relationship needs a lot of time to heal, probably years. She cannot possibly function properly, and she needs help. The whole "knight in shining armour" thing is a great idea, but it only makes sense in theory. Putting the pieces of a shattered person together shouldn't be your job, and you're not a bad person for not wanting to take on that role.

I also would advise that you start approaching women, learning to funny/witty/flirtatious/teasing, and start taking the lead in your relationships. Ending the interactions first, setting the plans up, controlling as much as you can without being controlling, because when you sit back and coast you end up being led, and a lot of women lead you smack dab into deadly situations like this. The one thing this guy's got right is he's certainly setting the parameters in the relationship; there's a way to do it where she loves you for it, as apposed to it ruining her life.



It hurts to be a wrestling fan.
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 12 days
Last activity: 3 days
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#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.57
Apologies for being both trite and repetitive, but run the fuck away from this situation. In the very best case scenario you end up being with someone who is ready to leave you at the drop of a hat, is working through severe traume issues, and will never truly be free of the past due to the child issue. And that's the best you can hope for. The worst case scenario is one night on your way to your car or bus or whatever someone walks up behind you and yanks a blade across your neck or something of that nature. Either way, this can't end well.



Now I'll never be able to lead SPF's spfers! (The W)
cfgb
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Ottawa, Ontario

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 4 hours
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.05
{ Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }
DJ FrostyFreeze
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Hawthorne, CA

Since last post: 47 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.47

    Originally posted by cfgb
    { Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }
If I may be nozy for a minute, is this crazy dude one of the reasons you're moving in with your 400 pound buddy?



You should visit AlenOnline.com today
Alpha Dog
Pickled pork








Since: 10.2.03

Since last post: 17 days
Last activity: 3 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.86
Chris (Can I call you Chris? I am offering free semi-solicited advice after all), you seem like a nice guy and I want to help you, but I find this latest message distressing.

I think you're making a mistake in not leaving this whole relationship, a move that I think would have additional benefits for you. Beyond the obvious extrication from this stressful situation, I think you finally asserting control over the situation would provide a seemingly much-needed boost to your self-esteem as well(I don't think it's going too far out on a limb to recognize self-confidence issues on your part). This would have you take charge of the situation with such a decisive measure (something you've failed to do thus far, your biggest mistake in my estimation), and the resultant self-image boost will help you going forward.

But, since you're intent on ignoring all of the good advice offered forth in this thread and continue to venture forth into the breach, you should try to give the relationship your best shot.

    Originally posted by cfgb
    { Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }


Here's the biggest problem. You two are adults, for chrissakes, you shouldn't have to be concerned with behaving "safely" and having to avoid even chatting as you leave work. This is the element of the situation that must stop, and it's up to you, Chris, to stop it. Which leads us to...

    Originally posted by cfgb
    { Sorry, you must be logged in to see this text! }


You say you don't stand your ground because you lack self-confidence. Wrong.

I say you lack self-confidence because you don't stand your ground.

Clearly, you're afraid (I think the hide tags ascribed to your posts in the thread neatly underscore this point) of this man, and that's okay; no one looks forward to the immediately receiving bodily harm. The bigger problem is the emotional fallout from this fear; it seems to have affected your lady friend's judgment, as I'd bet that her acquiescing to this man when he showed up at your place was her way of protecting you.

You have to put a stop to it. Not your friends (400 pounds or otherwise), not setting up a group to ambush this ex-husband, but you; otherwise your lady friend will never fully respect you, since you backed down and "acted safely" when your relationship was in jeopardy.

If you're going to continue to see this woman, then don't "act safely." Be together and live your own lives. And if this man continues his behavior, then (as mentioned earlier) maybe the time has come where you've got to throw down. There are worse things in life than getting your ass kicked, and I'd say being too spineless to stand up for yourself or your girl is one of them.
Eddie Famous
Andouille








Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 335 days
Last activity: 329 days
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.42

She doesn't want to be with you, or she would put a stop to the crap.



As of 2/28/05: 101 pounds since December 7, 2004
OFFICIAL THREE-MONTH COUNT: 112 pounds on March 9, 2005
OFFICIAL SIX-MONTH COUNT: 142 pounds on June 8, 2005
OFFICIAL ONE YEAR COUNT: 187 pounds on December 7, 2005
As of 2/27/06: 202 pounds "I've lost a heavyweight"
As of 4/17/06: 210 pounds

Born Famous, Naturally Handsome: http://eddiefamous.blogspot.com/
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Oh, I've heard of Phineas Gage in Psychology class... didn't he suffer some sort of brain malfunction in which before he was a well-mannered man, but afterwards, he'd do rude stuff like belch in public? My memory's a bit foggy.
- The Great Thomas, Man Survives 6 Nails in Head (2004)
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