Minutae Of My Life As A Man Who Would Eat Lunch: Had a couple hot dogs and some Pringles and a grape cole drank. My three year old was adorable telling me jokes she made up.
- Our Olympic Jesus, Kurt Angle, is just motherfucking GREAT in the Kidman match. He pulverizes lil Billy with an extended arsenal of superphat suplexes and then bumps like a fuckin PSYCHOPATH to get over Kidman`s offense. THEN! Kidman remembers that noone is ever allowed to outbump him so he ups the ante post-match with the no-hands Jerry Bump to complete oblivion and YOU and I as WRESTLING FANS completely party and freak out. Angle is like Regal in his ability to work all Cruiserweight as a heavyweight without the need to go all Native on ya- in that he sells like a heavyweight when selling all the cruiserweight spots. It`s complicated. They gave this an eternity and made me think that Kidman vs Angle would be the better feud of the Lord And Savior Angle vs Scrawny Cruiserweight. A battle of hellish bumps would be better than Rey Rey the Giant Killer II.
- The Rock talks of the People`s Testicle, thus assuring that segment a spot on this side. The swallowing of said testicle is two weeks in a row of homoerotic banter, this time reaching a level that even I am baffled by. One can only hope that Rock and Edge form some kind uppercard Intercontinental Chuck and Billy- but one can only speculate at this juncture, but think of the weight of the ass adoration I could conjure if it was that high on the card.
- Rikishi and John Cena are randomly generated as a tagteam and they face the randomly generated tagteam break-up fued that is DeVon and Bautista. Bautista can work. He looked good holding up his end against a fired up Rikishi- the secret good worker of US wrestling. They tease Rikishi placing his big fat ass on Bautista`s face but instead it is D-Von who travels to Rikishi`s pungent cornshoot wonderland where faint remnants of yesterday`s Kim chee and barbecued beef dishwater blow-out reside. They make the mystery break-up official as Bautista does a gnarley Modified RYDEEN BOMB on D-Von to allow Rikishi to mash his giant ass on him some more to get the duke. I could bitch about the break-up looking so random, but if this were a shoot and not a work, tag teams would break up off camera all the time. Heyman is so experimental.
I'm tingling in anticipation for part III of the WORKRATE REPORT! Why must we wait so long Dean!? WHY!! The climax of Dean's work should be his comments on Benoit tonight, I can't wait to see what he thought.....
Cause' here me and KG come naked, out of the side hatch, with the oils and perfumes, and incense!
Thank you Dean for your use of pungent in this weeks report.
I wonder if Rikishi wiped poetic before the match?
These commercials are superfine because they pay for the production costs of putting CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING BENOIT on my GODDAMN TV SCREEN! I will GO GREYHOUND! I am thinking OUTSIDE THE BUN! – Dean Rasmussen 8/1/2002 Smackdown Workrate Report
They tease Rikishi placing his big fat ass on Bautista`s face but instead it is D-Von who travels to Rikishi`s pungent cornshoot wonderland where faint remnants of yesterday`s Kim chee and barbecued beef dishwater blow-out reside.
This may be the greatest line in the history of wrestling recapping.
I bow at the feet of DEAN, knowing full well that I am not worthy.
how come you're so afraid of things that dont make any sense to you? do you water your raisins daily? do you have any raisins? is there anything that does make sense to you? are you afraid of twelve button suits? how come you're so afraid to stop talking?
Nahh, the SMARTEST thing for him to do woulda been to keep the belt on Tommy Dreamer after Tazz laid down for him, have Dreamer toss the belt to the ground, denounce ECW (a la Shane Douglas'infamous bit with the NWA belt)