It is under twenty-four hours before Christian Cage’s plane is scheduled to land at Pierre Eliot Trudeau Airport or as the locals still call it Dorval. I have been doing publicity for the International Wrestling Syndicate for just over four years and I do not remember any show that has generated this much excitement from the fans. My phone has been ringing off the hook with fans looking for tickets. I have received e-mails from fans from three different continents and six different countries telling me that they were coming. And the fans that can not make it are so excited by the future DVD release of Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 that one contacted by AIM to ask me if the DVD is out yet. (I think he was joking.)
With Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 so close, I thought I would give a detailed breakdown for each match.
Un F'n Sanctioned 2007 Card: Saturday, March 24th, 2007 Medley, 1170 St-Denis (corner Rene Levesque) Metro Berri-UQAM Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Battle of 2.0: Jagged vs. Shane Matthews
Regles de Quebec: Fred la Merveille vs. Shayne Hawke Special Outside Referee for the Match: Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze)
EXesS Open Challenge: EXesS vs. Azriel
Four Way Ladder Match: Hi-5 (Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze) vs. Team Checkmate (Lionel Knight and Chris Bishop) vs. Up In Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy) vs. Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied)
Canadian Open: IWS Canadian Champion Dan Paysan vs. Justin White vs. Kenny the Bastard vs. Rob Vega$ vs. Pornstar Juan and Twiggy vs. Vanessa Kraven
IWS Tag Team Title Match: Challengers The Hardcore Ninjaz vs. Champions The Green Phantom and Sexxxy Eddy
IWS Title Match: Challenger Necro Butcher vs. Champion Viking
Special Attraction: NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage and “Canadian Dynamite” Maxime Boyer vs. Pierre Carl Ouellet and “Paranoid” Jake Matthews
Dan Paysan will defend his IWS Canadian Title in a Canadian Open. The match will start with two wrestlers. A new competitor will join the match every minute until every wrestler has joined the match. The winner will be the last wrestler left after all wrestlers are eliminated.
The Rob Vega$ Scouting Report
I called Rob Vega$ to get some information to pass on to the IWS fans about this JAPW and AWA veteran. He turned the tables on me a little looking for information about his opponents in the match. Here is what I told him:
Dan Paysan: He used to be known as the most talented wrestler in Quebec without a belt. He now has belts in three different promotions. Master of the Gimmick Match, Dan specializes in matches where he has to beat multiple opponents. Quebec’s most talented high-flyer, Dan has a strong technical background as well.
(For those who remember me saying that Dan had FOUR belts, he just recently lost his NCW Inter-Cities belt to Samson in a thirty minute Iron Man Match three falls to two. Not without some controversy. I had the match scored four falls to three in Dan’s favour since Samson hit the referee with a chair halfway through the match which NCW somehow did not call a DQ and the match ended with Samson in the Sharpshooter yelling that he quit and tapping and NCW mysteriously did not count that as a fall either.)
Pornstar Juan and Twiggy: The IWS’ beloved underdogs, Juan and Twiggy frequently fight as a team and enter as a unit even for singles matches. They have combined for surprising upsets in the past.
Kenny the Bastard: A former IWS Canadian champion, Kenny is virtually indestructible. A masked wrestler, Kenny is strange and unpredictable and practices a weird form of martial arts based on his life-long study of the fighting habits of Komodo Dragons and other lizards. Either that or he is a lizard. Only his vet knows for sure.
Justin White: A graduate of Dru Onyx’ Torture Chamber, Justin White was the 2006 NWA Rookie of the Year. Just did well in a technical match with Kid Kamikaze, the IWS’ technical wizard. Probably will fight a more ground based style than the high flyers like Dan and Kenny.
Vanessa Kraven: At six foot two inches and close to two hundred athletic pounds, she is one of the most intimidating physical presences in Quebec wrestling. Male wrestlers who underestimate her because “she is just a girl” have a tendency to pay the price as Franky the Mobster can attest. She wrestles a very traditional big man style. An elimination match is a big advantage for Vanessa Kraven because she is so hard to pin. On the other hand, she could find herself outnumbered as the other wrestlers team together to eliminate the biggest threat. She is still my pick to win the match.
Rob Vega$: Dial Tone. After I gave him that scouting report, the asshole hung up on me.
The Battle of 2.0 may be the match that people are simultaneously looking forward to and dreading. On one hand, Jagged and Shane Matthews know each other intimately after years of tagging with one another and emotions in both men are running high. On the other hand, no one wants to see this tag team break up, even the two men in this match. On the gripping hand, this match might be necessary for the two men to be able to continue tagging together. Shane Matthews is just coming back from six months of injury time. He is the stronger and more charismatic of the two. Jagged has been forced to wrestle as a singles wrestler during Shane’s injury and had some success. He has always been the technical workhorse of the time. Give the edge to Jagged in this contest.
The “Regles du Quebec” match is a specialty of Fred la Merveille, but he has never actually won one. Shayne Hawke is younger and has numbers on his side with Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze) acting as the outside referees. Of course, Above Standards are so incompetent that their presence might actually help Fred. I am picking Fred to win this, because Shayne Hawke is an annoying pest, plus I refuse to pick a “maudit roux” to win.
EXesS and Azriel had a great match in JAPW, back in 2005 that had JAPW fans raving online. Normally, I would say that EXesS ought to have a home town advantage, but the Quebec fans are seriously upset at EXesS for his vicious attack on Stefany at Violent Valentine 2007. Azriel won in 2005 in his home town and fans here are hoping that Azriel can do it again, teaching EXesS a lesson in the process. But Azriel may be surprised at the changes in EXesS since their last encounter. The “Baby Oil Phenom” is still a dangerous submission specialist, but he has added a deep and violent vicious streak to his arsenal. My heart is rooting for Azriel, my head says that EXesS will take it.
The four way ladder tag may be the most competitive match at the show. Hi-5 (Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze) are former IWS champions and won that belt in a (barbed wire) ladder match, but their recent reunion is as the result of Beef Wellington’s delusion that he is Kid Kamikaze’s “Best Friend Forever”. The talent and the experience are there, the unity is not. The Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied) are certainly more united. Uno is a former IWS Canadian champion, Stupefied is the 2006 IWS Rookie of the Year, but the two men are relatively new to tag teams and to teaming with one another. So talent and unity, but little experience. Up In Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy) combine all three elements, but the final team Team Checkmate (Lionel Knight and Christopher Bishop) also combine those three elements and a new factor to the equation. Well, factors. First Christopher Bishop is insane, in a good way, his suicidal heroics are exactly what is required in a ladder match, but most importantly Lionel Knight is the angriest man that I now and he has not gotten any calmer since Kid Kamikaze publicly insulted him on Bloodstream. Giving a man that angry a weapon in the form of ladder is a recipe for victory for Team Checkmate.
The Hardcore Ninjaz are the most successful tag team in IWS history. They have won the belts three times as a team with Hardcore Ninja Number One having won it a fourth time with Heavy Maxx Fury. For comparison, no other team has ever won the titles more than once. In addition, the Ninjaz have never been pinned for their titles. They lost to Iceberg and FOD in a Flaming Tables match, they lost to Hi-5 in a barbed wire ladder match, and they lost to Mean and Green (Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom) in a Christmas Tree Death Match when Dru Onyx pinned Beef Wellington. But Dru Onyx is injured and the Green Phantom forced to take a new partner with Sexxxy Eddy, a partner that he despises so much that he pile drove Eddy through a table during the live contract signing for the Medley match. That said, the Green Phantom has never been pinned at the Medley and as he demonstrated with Eddy, the IWS Hardcore Hero is prepared to do whatever he needs to do to keep his tag team belts. So, I have to pick... oh who am I kidding? I am a great big Ninja mark. The Hardcore Ninjaz are getting their belts back.
IWS champion Viking has fought the Necro Butcher before in last year’s Ontario Tournament of Death and lost in a match that most fans called the match of the night. (Necro Butcher ended up losing in the finals to Lufisto, but not before breaking Lufisto’s hand by hitting it repeatedly with his skull.) While he has never fought in the IWS before, Necro Butcher has a history with the Green Phantom whose nose and orbital socket that he broke in a match during CZW’s Tournament of Death. The one guarantee for this match: it will be violent. Viking has the home town advantage and the champion’s advantage. At the Medley, in front of a thousand plus screaming fans, that home town advantage. Necro has the edge in experience and sadism. He also has the backing of IWS owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny, who is so desperate to get the IWS title off Viking that he is prepared to offer Necro Butcher an open contract to come to the IWS for as long as he can win title matches. As Necro Butcher might say: Choose Necro for the IWS Title or CHOOSE DEATH!
Fortunately for Viking, Manny will be so busy with NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage that he will have no time to get involved in the IWS Title Match.
(Cue Llakor furiously pounding on wood.)
When Manny approached Christian to come to Montreal, his plan was to leech off the glamour of the returning hero and to use him to teach Maxime Boyer and Viking a lesson. Unfortunately for Manny, the NWA World Heavyweight Champion is a little like the proverbial eight hundred pound Gorilla: he does whatever he wants. And what Christian Cage wants is to tag with the best young technician that this country has seen since the glory days of the Hart Family. Manny is throwing against them two of the most dangerous heavyweight psychopaths to team together since the bloody swath that the Garvins’ cut through this Province’s psyche: Pierre-Carl Ouellet and the shovel-waving maniac “Paranoid” Jake Matthews. I have no idea what is going to happen in this match. and I can not wait to find out!
My most recent When We Were Marks column is called “An Unreasonable Accommodation”. It focuses on the current Quebec provincial election which has been consumed in a rather racist debate about how immigrants adjust to society in Quebec and how all of that relates to wrestling. It can be found here: http://the-w.com/thread.php/id=32356
The IWS proudly presents: Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, Saturday, March 24th, 2007, at the beautiful downtown Medley, 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30 PM, show starts at 9 PM. VIP tickets are $30, Regular tickets are $25. VIP ticket holders admitted first. VIP tickets are almost sold out so order them today. No reserved seating. Tickets can be purchased online at http://www.ticketpro.ca or in person at the Medley box office. 18+. Card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
I'm not sure which is funnier: the visual of Sharon Osbourne taking Stone Cold up for a powerbomb, or the behind-the-scenes footage of the Matrix-level special effects required for Sharon Osbourne to take Stone Cold up for a powerbomb.