Courtesy The 7 and the [slash] - hey, remember when I used to write, and it was entertaining? This approaches that!
BILLY & CHUCK v. SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & ALBERT 2...ALBERT - Ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA introduces them as "Chuck & Billy" in direct opposition to the graphic (Billy & Chuck) as well as the EntertainmentTron (Gunn Palumbo) - who knows, either way I'm frightened. Or am I just a little bit curious? "Hey hey, whoa whoa whoa - whoa whoa whoa whoa. Did I just hear that right? Trish and Terri in a wet T-shirt contest? If anyone should be in a wet T-shirt contest, it should be me 'n' Chuck, because...because of our fabulous physiques! Now, you don't think so? Chuck, why don't you pull out your hose, and get all these people--" "Turn it up!" Well, dodged a bullet there, didn't we. This match, incidentally, was set up as a result of shenanigans taking place during last night's Heat, which saw - believe it or not - two separate singles matches involving these two teams. Billy and Albert start - lockup, side headlock by Billy - Albert tosses him off - I mean, throws him to the corner with Billy landing on his feet. Albert walks into a kick, right, right, right, Billy pulls on him - I mean, tries to whip him out of the corner, but Albert stands hard - err, FAST - err...stays his ground, so Billy kicks him twice - Albert reverses the whip into a clothesline. Free shot for Chuck as HE comes in - whip into Billy, yaaaaaavalanche on both men - Chuck falls to the apron and Billy is wobbling, wobbling, wobbling....and there's the TIMBERRRRRR headbutt to the groin we've all come to know and love. Scotty finds it so funny, he hangs himself by the ankles in the ropes. Albert frees him and tags out. Scotty does the "my peepee hurts!" dance but Chuck is not amused. "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" by Scotty, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, dueling hiptosses, slap in the gut by Scotty bends him over - I mean, doubles him over, leg over the neck, flippy floppy dong - I mean, flippy flippy - ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for 2. Right hand by Scotty, staying on him - whip is reversed, and Billy gets a cheap look - cheap SHOT from behind - err, in the back - Scotty turns around and punches him back. But that momentary distraction proves important as Chuck lays him down - OUT - with a clothesline. Chuck gets to stomping a bunghole - mudhole in him - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp...stomp. Right hand. Discus punch. Scooped up...Scotty breaks free on the running powerslam attempt and shoves Chuck to the corner - ducks a swing, gutshot, DDT - Chuck with the Venis-like handstand sell. Very nice. Albert wants the tag and the crowd comes...comes ALIVE for him. Tag for Billy, HOT TAG for Albert! Albert with a right, right for Chuck, right for Billy, right for Chuck, Billy into the ropes, big powerslam by Albert - Albert is exploding all over the place - oh I mean....well, he gets 2 - Chuck comes in but ends up elbowdropping his life partner - his PARTNER when Albert moves aside. Albert puts him down with a right. Billy shot into the corner, big yaaaah splash by Albert, tag to Scotty and Albert wants him to get a piece...or hit him with the bulldog, but Billy is ready for it - catching him with the full nelson, but Scotty breaks free as Chuck throws the right hand - AGAIN catching Billy instead of his opponent. Albert is back in the fray to pump him - err, pump KICK Chuck out of the ring - Scotty DOES bulldog Billy and it's time to dance! Gonna Make You Sweat W O R M hoo hoo hoo HOO HOO HOO HI-YA 1, 2, Chuck rescues Billy, pulling Scotty off his man - his partner, and out of the ring. Chuck in - JUNGLE KICK for Albert! Over to Scotty on the apron - Scotty again hits "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," shoulder to the gut through the ropes, back to back over the top and back into the ring, off the ropes but sucks - DUCKS the clothesline from Chuck - but Billy is also back in the ring and he's LONG and STRONG... with the gut (money) shot, the Pound Ass'er, and laying on top of him - COVERING for the 1, 2, 3. (3:45) Whew, I'm spent. For some reason, I feel like Kevin Nealon must have felt after he watched "Heavy Into Jeff." Quick, let's go to an ad break.
1999: ECW Hardcore TV (slashwrestling.com) by Robert Schwabe 1999: WWF in San Jose by Ronnie Cox 2000: ECW Heat Wave (quick'n'dirty results) 2000: Heat by Alex Beckers 2001: RAW 2002: Tuesday: The Lost Tuesday Update for July 16th by Seadawg