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The W - Pro Wrestling - Let's Ruin Wrestling!
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Alex
Bratwurst








Since: 24.2.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.70
I read Ken Anderson's 10 ways to save wrestling, and while I don't think that Vince McMahon wrestling in main events will kill the WWE, I wonder what it would take. Here's a short list of what I came up with!


1. Extend the extension!
Despite their best efforts, the brand split hasn't given many midcarders the oppurtunity to break through to the main event scene. So, what I propose is that WWE split Raw & Smackdown and create the Velocity! and Heat! brands. Give each of them their own world championship (I don't think that ECW needs THEIR world title anymore, and I'll bet Jarrett could be convinced to take his belt with him) and you're off!

2. Multiple unrelated feuds
With the roster thinned out as it is, why not run a Chris Jericho vs. Rodney Mack feud, and at the same time feud Chris Jericho and Steven Richards? They could alternate on a weekly basis! And no mention of Y2J's issues with Stevie Night Heat should be made on weeks that he is to feud with Mr. Mack. That would just be confusing.

3. Change name of all TV shows to various obscenities.
Tune in this Monday night for WWE Shit Fucker! Don't miss an exciting episode of FUCK FUCK FUCK this Thursday on UPN! The idea sells itself!

4. No More House Shows
Screw house shows! They're just injury-fests anyways. Having only to work one night most weeks would give the wrestlers time to rest and recuperate.

5. Weekly Pay Per Views
One show ought to be ample time to build to a PPV match! In the mean time, think about this: If you take the annual PPV income, and double it a few times, THAT'S how much money they could make! Amazing!

6. WWE: The Musical!
Most other television shows have at least one episode where the characters sing their way through their problems. Why should WWE be any different? Imagine a show kicking off with a great ensemble number featuring the entire cast! ('I'm the king of bling bling, and I'm here to sing-a-sing-siiiing') and ending the evening with a firey duet between Triple H and Goldberg! ('All my matches end the same, I am Triple H and I am the game!' 'The fans tonight will get their fill, when you lose to the power of the man called Bill!')

7. Man vs. Animal
Capitalizing on the Fox special's popularity, I think a series of matches between animals and wresters would be great fun. I mean, you could have: Randy Orton vs. a chimp, Booker T. vs. a giraffe, Undertaker vs. a donkey, and Rhyno vs. rhino. Ratings GOLD!

8. More celebrity wrestlers!
I want Gilbert Gottfried and Helen Hunt vs. Jerry Seinfeld and Christina Aguilera to headline Wrestlemania, and I want it now! At Wrestlemania.

I think it's kind of fun to think about the worst things possible they could do. Maybe you do, too. Maybe you'd like to come up with some ideas and share them with the other few hundred people on this forum. I say, make it happen!

Oh, here 's number 9:
Instead of SHOWING people hitting and slamming each other, simply take the route of Batman from the 70's and have giant cartoon sound effects such as ZAP!!! and CRASH!!! burst on to the screen when appropriate. Also, play the 'Batman Fighting Theme' during all matches. This would have definitely generated higher ratings for the Brock/Kurt iron man match from SmackDown! last month. Think about it, won't you? Thank you.



Promote this thread!
Gugs
Bierwurst








Since: 9.7.02
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)

Since last post: 526 days
Last activity: 6 days
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Y!:
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.73
I hope and pray you know that this is seriously funny. Otherwise, you threaten to leapfrog Grady Little on the chain of stupidity.



Josh Beckett is God. If you don't believe me, ask the Yankees (or what's left of them after Georgie Porgie goes nuts).

I write for CSSA. You probably don't.
Tribal Prophet
Andouille








Since: 9.1.02
From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.13
    Originally posted by Mack Salmon
    Instead of SHOWING people hitting and slamming each other, simply take the route of Batman from the 70's and have giant cartoon sound effects such as ZAP!!! and CRASH!!! burst on to the screen when appropriate.


Hey, don't laugh man. Goddamned MTN here in Manitoba used to actually DO that on Wrestling Challenge and the other syndicated shows. They didn't use the Batman words, but they would block out any illegal activities (as it it were a real sport, and they might be damaging how aspiring wrestlers choose to play the game).

Thank God they only really did it for a few months.


Tribal Prophet



Wrestling exists in the eternal present. What is, has always been, and when it no longer is, it never was. It has no past and no future, and sometimes even today is in question. - Madame Manga

Click Here (welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 5 hours
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54

    7. Man vs. Animal
    Capitalizing on the Fox special's popularity, I think a series of matches between animals and wresters would be great fun. I mean, you could have: Randy Orton vs. a chimp, Booker T. vs. a giraffe, Undertaker vs. a donkey, and Rhyno vs. rhino. Ratings GOLD!


You could extend this to all kinds of animal-related WWE nicknames. Austin vs. a rattlesnake, Sting vs. a scorpion, Brock vs. a vanilla gorilla, etc.



Of all the gizmos forced upon us by the modern world, is any more melancholy than the leaf blower? The device is manifestly useless. It blows leaves from one place to another, and then the wind blows them back again. -- Roger Ebert

Watching that movie was like watching a young child be repeatedly punched in the face.-- my friend Dave after watching Bad Boys II

Your children will laugh when you're dead!-- Jason Robards in "A Thousand Acres"

I can tell you with no ego that this is my finest blade. If you should encounter God, God will be cut.-- Sonny Chiba in "Kill Bill: Volume 1"

I would gladly pay $10.00 to see a kangaroo kick the shit out of Jeff Jarrett.-- Bubblesthechimp
jwrestle
Lap cheong








Since: 4.4.03
From: Nitro WV

Since last post: 175 days
Last activity: 19 hours
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.22
Knowing Vince he'll run across it surfing the web. I can see it now.

Vince: Linda can you come here a moment, I think I've got our next new marketing strategy.



As Eric Bishoff asks if he's ok I get this message ------------

ssjaj23: Goldberg: What's wrong? I can't sell, I'm sloppy in the ring. I don't like being heel. I have no ring phycology
Swordsman Yen
Frankfurter








Since: 16.2.02
From: Shaolin

Since last post: 3945 days
Last activity: 3929 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Well you know something, Mean Gene...
Remember when the NWO set up Sting and Luger for an attack by having a net fall over them in the ring? That's probably the closest I've seen wrestling go into Batman mode. And WCW went out of business! Coincidence?

Anyway, here's how I would ruin wrestling:

1. Run For The Title Match: Here's an XFL holdover. Why waste 15-20 minutes on some boring wrestling match when you could have wrestlers race for the belt? Keep the entrances the same, except once both wrestlers are in the ring, the title is placed back at the entranceway. The bell rings, and both wrestlers race back up the entrance ramp to the belt. First one to grab the belt is the champion! Most matches would last about 10 seconds, unless of course Rikishi takes on Big Show for the U.S. Title. This would free up much more time for things like 20 minute promos, the McMahons, and A-Train.

2. Ringside Reporters: Another XFL holdover. Have 4 ringside reporters with mic-in-hand ready to interview during the match. Next time Goldberg is getting choked on the ropes or Randy Orton gets thrown into the steel steps, Coach or Terri Runnels scurry to the scene ready to ask insightful questions like "Does that hurt?" or "It looks like you're taking a beating right now. What is your strategy to come back in this match?"

3. Instant Replay: Like in the NFL, each wrestler gets two challenges to reverse a call. Once a wrestler challenges a call, the referee stops the match and runs to the back to review the tape. If the challenge is overturned, the opponent gets to deliver one free whack with a chair.

4. Mic the Wrestlers and Refs. And yet another XFL holdover. In Yen's wrestling world, we just don't kill kaybabe, we bury it and set it in concrete. Wrestlers and the refs are mic'd so that you the viewer get complete access to the wrestling product. Hear the ref tell Triple H to finish his squash because they're running 10 minutes late. Listen in awe as Rey Mysterio tells Tajiri to lay on the ropes for the 6-1-9. Cry with tears of joy as you hear Rikishi compassionately tell Charlie Haas to hold his breath prior to being stinkfaced.

5. More Cartoony Gimmicks: We need gimmicks to relate to the youth of today. Lance Storm dressed up as Spongebob Squarepants. Cade and Jindrak as video game nerds (as suggested in a previous thread). Bring back Mabel to team with Mark Henry, but them in red and yellow singlets with an "M" on the front, and you have the giant M&M tag-team. Better yet, get some wrestlers from Kaiju Big Battle. Who wouldn't want to see Kung Fu Chicken Noodle vs. Chris Benoit or American Beetle vs. Randy Orton?

6. PBS-style Telethons: Just before the concluding moments of a classic Lesnar-Angle 30 minute Hell in the Cell Match on PPV, they break away to Vince McMahon in a studio with Sean O'Haire, Shelton Benjamin, and Rico taking calls in the background. Vince informs tells the viewer that their money is the life-blood of the WWE, and if they want to continue to see wrestling, call the number at the bottom of the screen to make a donation.



Dear Vince,

It's time to take a Dump...


DUMP FOR WWE DIVA!
Excalibur05
Knackwurst








Since: 19.1.02
From: Minnesota

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 4 min.
AIM:  
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.08
You want to kill off the WWE?

Simple. Have them do EVERYTHING I say. Hell, the production costs alone will dry them up in a week.



Wisconsin Badgers: 6-2 (What a sever letdown. The fact that despite getting outclassed the whole game, we stayed in it gives me a glimmer of hope for the rest of the season.)


Minnesota Vikings: 6-0 (What a play, huh? Everybody on the team played well and we won, can't ask much more than that.)
Aldo D 2112
Goetta








Since: 21.4.02
From: West Palm Beach, FL

Since last post: 2574 days
Last activity: 2403 days
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Y!:
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.05
    Originally posted by Swordsman Yen
    Bring back Mabel to team with Mark Henry, but them in red and yellow singlets with an "M" on the front, and you have the giant M&M tag-team.


Better idea - have Mabel come out dressed up like Majinn-Buu from the Dragonball Z series.



"Alright, now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner, who mocks him and laughs at him as he is repeatedly crushed and maimed. I hope you enjoy it!"

"Weird" Al Yankovic - UHF
The Goon
Boudin blanc
Moderator








Since: 2.1.02
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.53
    Originally posted by Mack Salmon
    8. More celebrity wrestlers!
    I want Gilbert Gottfried and Helen Hunt vs. Jerry Seinfeld and Christina Aguilera to headline Wrestlemania, and I want it now! At Wrestlemania.



You know, with the exception of Seinfeld's involvement, I think I'd enjoy this match.
TheItalianJob
Tocino








Since: 4.10.03

Since last post: 3973 days
Last activity: 3936 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.60
ok, here's a few ideas to kill off Vince's baby.

- Hire some indy chump and put the Blue Blazer suit on him. Teach him how to properly WOOOOOOOO his way to the ring and after the matches. Here's the fun part. Instead of giving Shane McMahon all the heat, it'll be the Blue Blazer the one performing big spots from the Titantron and the likes. that is, except opponents will always get up and Blazer gets to splat on the mat. Hopefully, this is gonna take us to the next big concept idea, the Death Angle, the one Vince always wished he could promote but never did.

- Give Ross another run with his Ross Report, b/c God knows the educated wrestling fans NEED to know how many pounds Mark Henry needs to lose to become a great champion.

- Let's expose Linda McMahon for the horny bitch she really is. Have a camera crew follow Linda in the locker rooms while she makes advances to Bubba Ray Dudley, only to betray him for Rob Conway and reveal her true French ties all along. At least it can't be worse than Jim Duggan *turning Canadian*.

- Hire Tiger Ali Singh and give him that long awaited Tiger Ali Laden gimmick we've been waiting for over 2 years.

- Pay Bret Hart a million dollar to wrestle Kurt Angle at WM XX. After 30 minutes of **** action, have Bruce Hart run to the ring dressed as a ref to *ring the fucking bell* and give the win to Angle.

- For months we follow Bret's adventures out of the ring as he tries to kill himself without success. Of course it's all a work, as Bret returns at Summerslam against Shawn Michaels. Too bad Bret's contract is up and he gets screwed a third time.

- Bring back the Dead Man. I know, it's alreay in the plans, but twist it a little bit. Have Mark interact with several wrestlers in the locker room, trying to convince them he really is dead and he can fly is ass when put in a coffin.

"Hey, I died at the Royal Rumble, flew my ass out of the arena and came back to kill that evil Japanese Yokozuna! I'm the Dead Man!"

- Have a special "Dead Pool Countdown" segment where Chris Jericho examines a new basket case every week. he can add a little spice and have little "(insert name)Facts" like "Scott Hall drinks Wild Turkey" or "Jake Roberts holds the record for midgets squashed in MidSouth".

- Give the book to Keith and see Benoit skyrocket to stardom.

- Inject Scott Steiner live on Raw. What the hell! Give him a Popey gimmick where, after getting a beating, he injects himself and hulks up.

- Hogan dissed Angelo Poffo, Savage's dad, on radio? Let's promote the damn match! Have Poffo debut on Smackdown a-la-Piper and tell the world Hogan never clearly beat him 1-2-3. Have Macho Man turn on his dad and form a clique with Hogan. Angelo can counter that by bringing Jimmy Snuka, Ivan Koloff, Superstar Graham and The Boogie Woogie Man back. Tons of action as the two cliques fight in "winner gets in the hall of fame" matches.

- Have Andre the Giant's son debut in the fed. His gimmick may be that he craps on his opponents. (hope you get the joke)

and these are my contributions.
Nate The Snake
Liverwurst








Since: 9.1.02
From: Wichita, Ks

Since last post: 3757 days
Last activity: 3226 days
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#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.63
    Originally posted by Mack Salmon
    Instead of SHOWING people hitting and slamming each other, simply take the route of Batman from the 70's and have giant cartoon sound effects such as ZAP!!! and CRASH!!! burst on to the screen when appropriate. Also, play the 'Batman Fighting Theme' during all matches. This would have definitely generated higher ratings for the Brock/Kurt iron man match from SmackDown! last month. Think about it, won't you? Thank you.


Oddly enough, I distinctly remember a time when TBS would advertise WCW Saturday Night with footage from matches complete with cartoon sound effects.

I wouldn't say it was a company-killing move, but it certainly made it hard to suspend my disbelief when a shot of Arn Anderson taking a bump was accompanied by something out of Tom & Jerry.



Kansas-born and deeply ashamed
The last living La Parka Marka

"They that can give up essential liberty to gain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin
Alex
Bratwurst








Since: 24.2.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.70
Oh, I came up with another one.
10. Change the Wrestlers' Names to Those of Various Sponsors
Product placement works great in TV shows, so why not have the wrestler's names BE products? Your main event at Wrestlemania could be Castrol GTX vs. Stacker 2! With a sub-main of Twix and Subway vs. Bod and The Joe Schmoe Show, Tuesdays at 9 on Spike TV!

Imagine, if you will, the Fink making this announcement: 'The winner of the match, and NEWWWWW WWE World Champion, Coca Cola!'
If that smell isn't money, then I don't want to know what it is.

Oh yeah, and they should have Arnold Schwarzenegger defend that WWF title he got on Smackdown so many years ago.

Swordsman, your list rocks! I suggest they have the wrestlers wear helmets, so we can get have shots from the 'Helmet Cam' during the match. And each wrestler needs their own cheerleader squad to dance and do human pyramids during the matches.

And Excalibur, I shudder to think of how much it would cost alone just to clone Lance Storm, after freezing and liquidifying him.



HairRaiser
Kishke








Since: 13.1.03
From: S. Attleboro, MA

Since last post: 2618 days
Last activity: 1953 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.67
    Originally posted by Mack Salmon
    6. WWE: The Musical!
    Most other television shows have at least one episode where the characters sing their way through their problems. Why should WWE be any different? Imagine a show kicking off with a great ensemble number featuring the entire cast! ('I'm the king of bling bling, and I'm here to sing-a-sing-siiiing') and ending the evening with a firey duet between Triple H and Goldberg! ('All my matches end the same, I am Triple H and I am the game!' 'The fans tonight will get their fill, when you lose to the power of the man called Bill!')



Now this one is PPV Gold! They've got so many opportunities with the hallway skits to have the extras start following the guys around and either dance or sing backup. Team Stone Cold vs Team Bischoff in a West Side Story-esque rumble would be the stuff of legend. Please Vince, if you can poke fun at yourself for the XFL now, make this happen!
Doc_whiskey
Frankfurter








Since: 6.8.02
From: St. Louis

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 15 days
AIM:  
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.83
    Originally posted by HairRaiser
      Originally posted by Mack Salmon
      6. WWE: The Musical!
      Most other television shows have at least one episode where the characters sing their way through their problems. Why should WWE be any different? Imagine a show kicking off with a great ensemble number featuring the entire cast! ('I'm the king of bling bling, and I'm here to sing-a-sing-siiiing') and ending the evening with a firey duet between Triple H and Goldberg! ('All my matches end the same, I am Triple H and I am the game!' 'The fans tonight will get their fill, when you lose to the power of the man called Bill!')



    Now this one is PPV Gold! They've got so many opportunities with the hallway skits to have the extras start following the guys around and either dance or sing backup. Team Stone Cold vs Team Bischoff in a West Side Story-esque rumble would be the stuff of legend. Please Vince, if you can poke fun at yourself for the XFL now, make this happen!


This reminds me of the old Norm MacDonald musical sketches. Where people do the music number, and he questions how they came up with such great choreagraphy. I can see Stone Cold announcing his team.
Austin: And I have RVD
(RVD jumps up in the air and does some ballet move)
Austin: Oh thats not good



Mr. Burns: You are of course familiar with our state usury laws?
Homer:U-sur-y?
Mr. Burns: Oh silly me, I must have just used a word that doesn't exist.
DarkRenegade
Bockwurst








Since: 19.5.02
From: YOUR MOTHER!

Since last post: 2760 days
Last activity: 521 days
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#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.53
The current BWF Women's Champion says:


I just have one idea right now...a new stipulation of a match...

DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION! I can see it now! We'll see how educated RVD's feet really are when he challenges the champion in a DDR match at Wrestlemania with the song of...MAX 300! Hell, that has my thirty bucks right there!

And I bet only like two of you will even get what I'm talking about...





MMPS Member

Visit JKyle.com...it's good for you!

HairRaiser
Kishke








Since: 13.1.03
From: S. Attleboro, MA

Since last post: 2618 days
Last activity: 1953 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.67
    Originally posted by DarkRenegade
    I just have one idea right now...a new stipulation of a match...

    DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION! I can see it now! We'll see how educated RVD's feet really are when he challenges the champion in a DDR match at Wrestlemania with the song of...MAX 300! Hell, that has my thirty bucks right there!

    And I bet only like two of you will even get what I'm talking about...


Can't wait for the insiprational underdog title win by Zack Gowan. Imagine how many quad tears a DDR match might inflict...
Gugs
Bierwurst








Since: 9.7.02
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)

Since last post: 526 days
Last activity: 6 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.73
    Originally posted by DarkRenegade
    I just have one idea right now...a new stipulation of a match...

    DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION! I can see it now! We'll see how educated RVD's feet really are when he challenges the champion in a DDR match at Wrestlemania with the song of...MAX 300! Hell, that has my thirty bucks right there!

    And I bet only like two of you will even get what I'm talking about...


Shawn Michaels gets to defend the Dance Dance World Title? Yay!



Josh Beckett is God. If you don't believe me, ask the Yankees (or what's left of them after Georgie Porgie goes nuts).

I write for CSSA. You probably don't.
thatdude21601
Pickled pork








Since: 22.9.03
From: Easton, md

Since last post: 3865 days
Last activity: 3864 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.81
Then ... La Parka would definatly have to be in the WWE



"dubya never talks while cheney is drinking water...check that shit out"
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 487 days
Last activity: 487 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.39
    Originally posted by TheItalianJob
    Hogan dissed Angelo Poffo, Savage's dad, on radio? Let's promote the damn match! Have Poffo debut on Smackdown a-la-Piper and tell the world Hogan never clearly beat him 1-2-3. Have Macho Man turn on his dad and form a clique with Hogan. Angelo can counter that by bringing Jimmy Snuka, Ivan Koloff, Superstar Graham and The Boogie Woogie Man back. Tons of action as the two cliques fight in "winner gets in the hall of fame" matches






You do realize that this is the corporate strategy for the post Mania XX months, right? And don't forget to include Abdullah the Butcher in this group, so Lawler can chant puppies while Vince has a new 'Diva' to feel up.



The Public Demands: Fire Grady Little or Else.
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If you mean NOT facing the ring, I dont believe anybody has done that. But, facing the ring, John Kronus used to use the 450 splash as a finisher with the Eliminators.
- StaggerLee, Move name (2003)
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