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The W - Guest Columns - Last one posted by me - Inside the Ropes
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Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

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#1 Posted on
Inside The Ropes
June 12, 2003
By Canadian Bulldog

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages: Lllllllllet's get to ready...... to read Canadian Bulldog's Inside the Ropes! Hi, I'm Canadian Bulldog and this is Inside the Ropes.

First, a segment I'm starting this week called Canadian Bulldog's Trivia. What I'll do is ask a trivia question, and then the answer will appear at the end of the column. Here's this week's question:

Which WrestleMania match was my favorite EVER?

Now on to the week's news....

Are you all as pumped-up as I am about this coming weekend? Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that the WWE's latest pay-per-view extravaganza, Johnny B. Badd Blood, is coming your way on Sunday. And as Billy Red Lyons used to say, doncha dare miss it!

This PPV is similar to the other ones WWE typically serves up for our viewing pleasure, with one important difference: it will spotlight only the superstars of Eric Bischoff's Monday Night Raw. This will allow the federation to shine the spotlight on those who might not normally get it, such Heartburn Kid Shawn Michaels, RDV and Big Daddy Booty Scott Steiner.

I covered most of my predictions in last week's column, but here's an EXCLUSIVE JAM-PACKED PREVIEW of what to expect this weekend:

- Hell From The Cell: Triple HHH vs Big Sex Kevin Nash, with special referee Mick Foley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More on this breaking development later.
- Retirement Match: HB Kid Sean Michaels Vs Little Naitch Ric Flair.
- Bill Goldenberg vs Chris Jerichon
- Spin-O-Roonie Contest: Booker T vs The Christian
- The Dudley Brothers vs Rodney Mac and Christopher Lewinski
- Winner Gets Stacy Carter: Frakzilla Scott Steiner and Test
- Rob Van-Damme and RVD vs La Resistance (French for ``The Resistance'')
- Redneck Decathalon: Stone Cold vs Eric Bischov vs Mick Foley

Consider me impressed with the unique abilities of Zak Gowan, otherwise known as Zenacious T. This youngster from Idaho showed me a lot of promise winning the big arm-wrestling contest with Mr. MacMahon. The scary part? I don't even think he was using his REAL arm for that match (It was hard to tell on TV)!!! Imagine what he could do if Stephanie Mc MacMahon ever signed this guy to a wrestling contract?

Just one question: Who betta than Kanyon?

Backstage gossip alert: Looks like there's some real life heat between Big Booty Pump and The Test!!! Last week on Raw, Steiner said bad things on the microphone about Test's wife, the lovely Stacey Keebler. So then backstage, Test tried to get revenge and was beaten down by Freekozilla!

This brings me to an important question which I've been meaning to rant about: You know all those front office officials who always break up fights, such as Rene Goulet, Corporal Slaughter and The Hebner Brother Who No Longer Wrestles? Well, why can't they break up BACKSTAGE fights too??? Isn't that what they're paid for?

Home Video Alert: It's time for another video review, exclusive to Inside the Ropes, unless you want to use it for your column (wwe.com, this includes YOU!). I was going through my collection, actually my neighbor's collection (actually, my neighbor's trash bin) and found a copy of Jesse The Body Ventura, released by the WWE when it was called the WWF many moons ago.

This video covers all aspects of Jesse's illustrious wrestling career, including the time he was a commentator, when he hosted his own game show called The Body's Shop, and when he wrestled. They also talk about when he became President, what a great era that was.

I would highly recommend this video to anyone interested in learning more about the WFF's greatest star EVER -- Jessie Ventura!

Spoiler Alert: This past week on Raw is War, Mick Foley made his triumphant return to the squared circle. Many of the newer fans or idiots may not remember who he is, so allow me to provide some background. He was the best wrestler EVER! He was hardcore before the days of ECW and Terry the Funk!!

During his days as an active wrestler, he competed under numerous different characters. Here is a bit of a refresher, courtesy of his best-selling book: The Many Faces of Foley.

1. Cactus Jack Manson
2. ManKind Manson
3. The Dude of Love
4. Cactus Mick
5. Mick MacMahon (the corporate butt-kisser!)
6. Mr. Commissioner Foley
7. Just Plain Mick Foley
8. The One In The Movie `Beneath The Mat' (by the way, terrible movie. Avoid at all costs!)

Each week before I sit down to watch Smack! Down, I'm completely convinced that Mister American is really The Immortal Hulk Hogan. But then they keep finding new ways to prove my theories wrong.

Question and Answer time. This has to be my favorite part of the column, where I reach deeeeeeep into my virtual bag and find out what you, the reader, want to hear.

(By the way: Not sure how, but many of you know that yours truly comes from Canada. When you all start wishing that I come down with SARS, that's *NOT* a good thing. You probably don't know this up in the United States, but its actually a disease!!!)!!!

Q: Do you think that Triple H is holding young talent down?
A: Not likely! Don't you think we would have heard about a vicious rumor like that already? Puh-lease!
Q: Do you think that Goldberg will eventually go over HHH?
A: That's a good question. Depends on what Triple HHH has got up his sleeve -- if his Revolution group is lurking around ringside that could cost Goldbergh the match. It's too close to call. But it would be the best match EVER -- no doubt!!!!
Q: Do you know that move where the opponent goes for the arm, but the first guy reverses it and does the same move on him. What's that called?
A: Tope can rana.
Q: Is Stone Cold retired for good?
A: No way! If I know Austen as well as I think I do, he's just doing the CEO job because Linda MacMahon asked him to. As soon as that angle plays itself out, he'll be back to kicking A-S-S-S in the ring!
Q: What can you tell me about my favorite WWE wrestler, Spike Dudley?
A: Spike Dudley may be the runt of the Dudley litter, but he's the perfect example of the old cliche, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog!
While in ECW, nearly half of the roster tossed Spike around like a rag doll, threw him through tables and split him open with thunderous chair shots to the head. But he still got up and continued to fight.
Although various WWE Superstars still underestimate Spike for his size, they learn pretty quickly about the size of Spike's heart, how far it's gotten him already, and that the best out of Spike is still yet to come!
Q: Increase Your Cell Phone Reception 300 %
A: Uh.... No Thanks.
Q: Tired of missing important phone calls because of bad reception?
A: I don't get a lot of important phone calls. But thanks for the compliment!
Q: Don't buy another phone! Increase your reception by 700 percent by clicking on this chip.
A: I don't own a phone. And what does this have to do with my Inside The Ropes column? By the way, Mr. Smartey-Pants, I clicked on your link and saw your ADVERTISEMENT there. I gave you my credit card number, but there's NO WAY I'm buying your product. Thanks but no thanks!
Q: Do you have any background information on Ultimo Dragon?
A: Ultimo Dragon may be the runt of the Dragon litter, but he's the perfect example of the old cliche, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog!
While in ECW, nearly half of the roster tossed Ultimo around like a rag doll, threw him through tables and split him open with thunderous chair shots to the head. But he still got up and continued to fight.
Although various WWE Superstars still underestimate Spike for his size, they learn pretty quickly about the size of Ultimo's heart, how far it's gotten him already, and that the best out of Ultimo is still yet to come!

That's it for this week. Any feedback is encouraged. Any at all! Be sure to leave your thoughts on this here board about how much you love Inside The Ropes, and how it's the best column EVER!!! And how its way better than those other columns run by idiots who keep using the same jokes over and over again (You know who I'm talking about!!!!) Or you can email me at Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com

Remember, if you heard it here, it's.... Inside the Ropes!



Willful ignorance of science is not commendable. Refusing to learn the difference between a credible source and a shill is criminally stupid.
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Since: 2.11.02
From: Edinburgh, Scotland

Since last post: 2843 days
Last activity: 1189 days
#2 Posted on
Q: Tired of missing important phone calls because of bad reception?
A: I don't get a lot of important phone calls. But thanks for the compliment!
Q: Don't buy another phone! Increase your reception by 700 percent by clicking on this chip.
A: I don't own a phone. And what does this have to do with my Inside The Ropes column? By the way, Mr. Smartey-Pants, I clicked on your link and saw your ADVERTISEMENT there. I gave you my credit card number, but there's NO WAY I'm buying your product. Thanks but no thanks!


Great stuff dude.

I guess we're left in suspense over your favourite WM match. Dang ;)



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The thing that amazed me about this match is that, in the old Mid-Atlantic area, fans years later would still chant "I Quit" at Blanchard. Of course, the ironic thing is that Blanchard screamed "YES!
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