If Abyss has been kidnapped by the WWE, making this quest start to trend would be the best way to find him. Cole would be happy to acknowledge on camera that they have him caged up somewhere, so long as that gives them control of the trending phrase. Searching for him this way is definitely worth a try.
Aw, come on, man. HHH would love Tazz. Sure, he may be small, but he's fortified with baditude and attitude. And he pretty much owns HeAT. (Aside: No, Michael Cole does NOT own HeAT. He couldn't even own Mat F'n Mania)