As much as I recommend the entire ring introduction speech from the 1998 Slamboree cruiserweight battle royal, the line that made me laugh out loud was "rock rock 'til ya drop, rock rock never stop MARTY JANNETTY!"...the line coupled with Jannetty rolling out looking like an over the hill stoner fresh off a week long bender was just classic.
I just saw Jericho on an old episode of Figure it Out. He busted out some huge word that I've already forgotten, and sold the slime like a MAN. Proof positive that Jericho. Is. God.
Sometimes I ask myself why I watch WWE after all the crap it's given me. HLA, necro, HHH, and so on. And then it hits me. That one simple phrase that can be modified and used for anything that gets you down, yet makes you keep coming back.
Every episode has the potential to be the best one ever, and I'll be damned if I'm going to miss it after sitting through this shit.
Its not really on the level of some of the classic Y2J-isms that have been mentioned above, but it made me laugh when he called Steiner "King Arthur" in an interview segment on this week's RAW.
I also enjoyed it when he called out "Bill Greenberg" in WCW and announced that he was 4 and 0 against him after Goldberg didn't come out to accept his repeated challenges (on nights when Goldie wasn't in the arena, natch)
"...Don't the sun look angry through the trees? Don't the trees look like crucified thieves?" --Warren Zevon, Desperadoes Under the Eaves
Jericho was 4-0 against Greenberg...wasn't Greenberg the lookalike midget that Jericho used to defend the TV title against in belt vs. belt matches for the midget's foam belt from the souvenir stand? I'm sure that happened at least once.
And who did he call "Sham-ma-lam-a-ding-dong?" I remember him saying it, but just can't remember who he was talking to.
I think it was a variation on 'Iaukea.'
Of all the gizmos forced upon us by the modern world, is any more melancholy than the leaf blower? The device is manifestly useless. It blows leaves from one place to another, and then the wind blows them back again. -- Roger Ebert
Watching that movie was like watching a young child be repeatedly punched in the face.-- my friend Dave after watching Bad Boys II
Your children will laugh when you're dead!-- Jason Robards in "A Thousand Acres"
I can tell you with no ego that this is my finest blade. If you should encounter God, God will be cut.-- Sonny Chiba in "Kill Bill: Volume 1"
I would gladly pay $10.00 to see a kangaroo kick the shit out of Jeff Jarrett.-- Bubblesthechimp
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Jericho introduces the cruiserweights:
DAVE PENZER: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as Slamboree continues, this is the Cruiserweight Battle Royale, the winner to face Chris Jericho tonight. In this contest wrestlers can be eliminated by either pin fall or when their feet touch the ringside floor. And ladies and gentlemen, here are the participants..."
CHRIS JERICHO: "Hold on just one second here, David Penzer you unintelligible moronic high voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I'm gonna do all the Jerichoholics a great favor. I'm gonna introduce all of the contestants in the cruiserweight battle royale. Let's face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance at the cruiserweight belt, (they'll never win it), but tonight you're gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let's get down to the list here..."
"Coming out first from (?)(Sounds like Sunchimilko) Mexico, you'll notice his hat NEVER comes off, the master of trick-track, the master of Da Funk, he is Super Calo! Look at those moves ladies and gentlemen. You got about a one in ten chance of winning, maybe."
"Next, from El Paso, Mexico, this guy used to be a great bar tender, but it hasn't translated into his wrestling skills, he is the scourge of the illustrious Guerrero family, he is Chavo Guerrero Jr. maybe a two in ten chance of winning."
"Coming out next, from Mexico, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Ciclope!"
"Then we got Damien. He can't afford a mask, he's using paint, but sooner or later he's gonna buy a mask, I'm guaranteein' you that."
"Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno look alike contest, this guy is also from Mexico, El Dandy."
"Coming out next is the (?), feather weight pacer(?) champion, El Grillo."
"Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out '68 El Camino Chevy, he's the ugliest man in our sport today, he's the illustrious Quazijuice Skelerra."
"A former champion in many countries, he's gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Marty Jannetty, ladies and gentlemen."
"Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He's a lost and lonely soul, his name is Kidman. And Kidman, I've got some Calamine lotion for you after the show!"
"This guy's the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he's Evan Courageous, ladies and gents."
"Oh yeah, straight from Minneapolis, Minnesota, I want my Lover Boy tape back, Lenny Lane!"
"And of course we've got Psychosis, he's got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he'll procure one for you after the show."
"This guy is Silver King, if he wins twelve more matches he'll be upgraded to Golden King."
"This guy is Johnny Sinjer? Johnny SSS.... Johnny Swinger? You ever heard of this guy? I haven't. Zero out of ten chance in winning! No chance."
"And last but not least, representing Villanos 1 through 62, from the Villano family, he is Villano IV."
"Those are your contestants in tonight's battle royale, I'm going in the back for a coffee cause none of these guys will ever ever beat me for my belt!"
TONIGHT! Can this show hit a lower point than it did last week? I've got the vodka bottle in case it does. SmackDown is NOW! WWE - The Champ Is Here! Opening credits - Do You Know Your Enemy? Opening pyro!