L.A. sure gets the PPV's when things are in the crapper lately.
Haas/Rico vs. Holly/Gunn (tag titles): One's a wacky tag team, the other is a Velocity tag team. I'll say Holly/Gunn get the belts, as at least that will prevent any brilliant 'Let's Give Bob Holly or Billy Gunn another Single's Push' idea from occurring for another month.
Torrie vs. Dawn Marie: Al Wilson is rolling over in his grave over this one. Dawn Marie pulls off the upset, with help from Rene Dupree, segwaying into.
John Cena vs. Rene Dupree (U.S. Title): Much more interesting when it was the evil Soviet rather than the annoying frog trying to win the belt. The power of the wang overcomes the dullness of Cena's offense. Dupree wins the belt.
Dudleys vs. Rey/RVD: Rey/RVD win, as a face has to go over at some point.
Chavo vs. Jackie (Cruiser Title): In a shoot finish, Jackie wins after one of her jugs smacks Chavo in the face, knocking him unconscious.
Taker vs. Booker T: Conventional logic dictates Booker going over here, possibly with the help of Mordecai. Thus, Taker wins after botched interference by Mordecai. Either that, or Taker wins after rebooking the match on his way to the ring. Not like he hasn't done that at an L.A. PPV before.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Bradshaw (WWE Title): Bradshaw is very much like Ted DiBiase's Million Dollar Man Persona. Except of course he doesn't have 1/1000th the charisma, mic skills or in-ring ability of DiBiase. He will also differ from DiBiase, as, may God have mercy on our souls, he'll be a WWE Champ. With only 1 month until the next PPV, Bradshaw defeats Eddie, thus continuing the push no one wants, and upstaging Ron Garvin as the most worthless champion in a major North American organization in the past 20 years.
These are desperate times. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Thus, its time to break out the Cubs/White Sox/Red Sox call to put the Kaiser back on the throne.
WWE Tag Team Championship Rico & Charlie Haas (c) v. Hardcore Holly & Billy Gunn
The problem with this match is ... I don't know, I don't really have one when comparing it to other crap on here. The little bit of Holly/Gunn I've seen on Velocity has been kind of fun and I sort of buy them as a tag team, whereas they're both impossible to be serious about in singles. I like Haas a lot and I think this tag team with Rico is a unique and interesting character change for the former Seton Hall standout. I'm JR, and that's my opinion. I figure the match will be fine and I can only hope Rico kisses Hardcore Holly and Hardcore Holly beats the shit out of him, and then Rico kisses Billy Gunn, and Billy Gunn doesn't necessarily object. Winners - Rico & Haas
Cruiserweight Championship Jacqueline (c) v. One-Armed Chavo Guerrero
This is a shenanigan. Winner - Chavo because I won't pick Jacqueline though I half-expect her to win
United States Championship John Cena (c) v. Rene Dupree
I don't like these dudes because I don't like their matches because I think they're bad. I'm hoping this will surprise me and not suck. I figure there'll be decent heat to save the match unless they put it on late and everyone is bored by then. I'm kinda thinking Dupree might steal the belt here and Cena will get it back at the Bash, but I don't know. I don't really care either, this belt means nothing. Winner - Rene Dupree
Torrie Wilson v. Dawn Marie-Wilson
All's you can really hope for here is a BONG and the lights go out and people are like, YAY UNDERTAKER, but instead IT IS AL WILSON COME BACK FROM THE DEAD! Winner - Torrie
Dudley Boyz v. Rey Mysterio & Rob Van Dam
I think if the Dudleys feel like it they could have a fun match like they used to have with Edge/Christian and/or the Hardys, but I wouldn't hold out the hope for it. I think the Dudleys win here because of their tag team chemistry. Winner - Dudleys
Undertaker v. Booker T
Normally they tend to split up Main Event-Level Matches, but I don't think there's any need to on this show. Leave people waiting for what they really came to see: Undertaker's entrance. I'd like to think that Booker T will win this match via hookery and crookery, and set up Eddie/Booker for the Bash, but I doubt it. I think we're more likely to get a wild and crazy four-way of Eddie/Bradshaw/Booker/Taker than str8-up Eddie/Booker. Winner - Undertaker
WWE Championship Eddie Guerrero (c) v. John Bradshaw Layfield
I dig that Bradshaw has played this character to its fullest excellence, because as bad as it sucks that he's in the main event, and was thrust there against the wills of oh so many people, he has done a good job with the character. The Nike tracksuit is my favorite part of it. He's also got the great cheesy smile. And his voice fits the promos perfectly. But he stinks. I don't like watching him wrestle. Eddie is no great carrier but even if he was I wouldn't expect this to be too good. I don't figure it's going to be quite the disaster it's being hyped to be, as far as the in-ring result of it all, but it's not going to be good. Anyone looking for a fabled mess of mythical proportions will probably be disappointed as I think they're more likely to just bore everybody while not really offending greatly. It's when you make a match out to be brutal in your head that it lets you down by just being bad. Winner - Eddie
I think if Bradshaw wins I'll be too busy laughing at the absurdity of it all to be bothered by how dumb it would be.
Originally posted by redsoxnationEither that, or Taker wins after rebooking the match on his way to the ring. Not like he hasn't done that at an L.A. PPV before.
Hmm, Refresh my memory on the reference here?
As for the card, it's funny because as soon as we all found out months ago that Eddie vs Bradshaw would be the main event, it was predicted to be the worst PPV of all-time. And not a single other match was even hinted. Since that announcement, WWE has made no effort to reverse that prediction with a changing of the main event, or at least, a strong undercard.
There is not a single match on here I care even a tiny bit about, or any match that is any way comparable to any match on the Raw roster. I cared more about Shelton/HHH last week and HBK/Benoit two weeks ago than any four matches on this card. And I'm looking forward to the Raw battle royal more than the ENTIRE Judgment Day card combined times 5. I'll MAYBE give Dupree/Cena the benefit of the doubt as a match I may turn on Smackdown for, but certainly not pay even a dime to see it otherwise.
I thought they said Mordecai would be "in action" at the PPV, so with that in mind:
Mordecai v.s Paul London- A guess at the opponent. Mordecai goes over. Probably has an elaborate entrance to boot.
Torrie v.s Dawn- Torrie doesn't lose. EVER.
Dudleyz v.s Mysterio & RVD- RVD turns heel and joins with the Dudz and Heyman. Why not, nothing else on this card makes sense. Dudz win.
Jacqueline v.s Chavo- Chavo gets the victory, making me question why the gave Jacqueline the title in the first place.
Rico & Haas v.s Gunn & Holly- It wouldn't make sense (there's that term again...) for Rico and Haas to lose....that pretty much ends the angle, because they won't be forced to be a tag team anymore. Champs retain.
'Taker v.s Booker T- Booker T wins, but not clean.
Cena v.s Dupree- I guess Dupree wins. But it won't end the feud.
JBL v.s Eddy- Part of me thinks JBL will win, because he wouldn't rant on the internet then lose, forcing everyone into a collective "told you so!". Logic wins out and Eddie gets vindication as he goes medieval on Bradshaw's ass.
Haas/Rico vs. Holly/Gunn (tag titles): Haas/Rico. Why the hell are Holly and Gunn even a team? Who cares why they're a team? Why should anyone care anything about either of them? Why would they possibly win the titles?
That said, they probably will
Torrie vs. Dawn Marie: Torrieberg never loses
John Cena vs. Rene Dupree (U.S. Title): Cena never really loses either
Dudleys vs. Rey/RVD: The Dudleys. Just seems like they've been getting their asses kicked ever since their "revamp"
Chavo vs. Jackie (Cruiser Title): Jackie, because God hates us all
Taker vs. Booker T: Undertaker. It would utterly crush the deadman character to job to Booker T here cleanly. I can see him losing if Mordecai shows up though
Eddie Guerrero vs. Bradshaw (WWE Title): I remain the only person on earth really liking Evil Governor Bradshaw. I even like the fact he now wrestles like a lazy escapee from a country club. Because dammit, that's what he's supposed to be, and it's working
He still won't win here, though
Thought I heard Cole mention Mordecai having a match as well tonight. Though I haven't the slightest clue who they'd put him against.....but when in doubt, squash Spike.....
Anyone who buys this show has WAY too much disposable income.
Dudz vs. Rey/RVD: Well, Heyman did say he wanted to recreate the Dudleyz as the badasses they were in ECW, and while the booking has wobbled back and forth, I think that's what they're aiming for. It's not like being thoroughly curbstomped will cost Rey or RVD much in the way of heat, either. Dudleyz "brutally" "slaughter" Rey and RVD.
Torrie vs. Dawn Marie: The suggestion of Mordecai coming out against Torrie makes a crummy kind of sense. And we know how over Right to Censor was, huh? So I think I'm going to go with Dawn Marie via Mordecaiference, and Dawn Marie is repackaged as a nun next week to serve as his valet.
Cena vs. Dupree: Cena jobs amidst French shenanigans to set up a title chase and eventual rematch.
Chavo vs. Jackie: Chavo manages to sneakily get his hand free and beat Jackie, providing him with "dirty cheater" heat that he doesn't really need.
Tag titles: Mere words cannot express how retarded it would be to put the belts on Holly and Gunn. This is so obvious that even the booking committee should be able to see it. So yes, Haas/Rico.
Taker vs. Booker: I'm suspecting some sort of voodoo-related DQ or no contest here. I don't expect Taker to job, and having the guy who's essentially the #2 heel on Smackdown destroyed by Taker would be retarded, etc. See above.
JBL vs. Eddie: Bradshaw, WWE champion? No. Eddie goes over.
(edited by Shem the Penman on 14.5.04 0121) S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse a persona che mai tornasse al mondo, questa fiamma staria senzu piu scosse. Ma per cio che giammai di questo fondo non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero, senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
Haas/Rico vs. Holly/Gunn (tag titles): Haas/Rico. Rico's getting crazy over, while Haas is doing well with his current gimmick, where he plays Lance Storm.
Torrie vs. Dawn Marie: When did it become 2003 again? The only redeeming point of this match will be Tazz, who always tries to explain what these girls are doing as if it had the psychology of Flair/Steamboat, even though it's just a bunch of stupid tittie spots.
John Cena vs. Rene Dupree (U.S. Title): Dupree. And hopefully they turn Cena heel after this and send him after Eddie.
Dudleys vs. Rey/RVD: Dudleys. The Fed seems to want to do something with them, while they also seem to have no clue what they're doing with Rey or RVD. And while I don't have a problem with not knowing what to do with RVD, it hurts to see Rey getting the shaft like this.
Chavo vs. Jackie (Cruiser Title): Chavo, but he'll have to break his "one-armed" stip during a ref bump. This is basically a dumber version of Noble/Nidia with a Title on the line.
Taker vs. Booker T: Booker T through a Mordecai run-in. It'll be as dirty a victory as one can get.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Bradshaw (WWE Title): Eddie. Because it's fucking BRADSHAW. Jesus, the guy was working dark matches a year ago and wore a cowbell around his neck. Now they honestly expect us to believe in him as a main eventer?
One Fall for the WWE Tag Team Championship: The Unlikely Duo of Rico & Charlie Haas [c] vs. The Hardcore Gunns I PREDICT: Rico & Haas win via zany hijinks. Crappy comedy matches are NOT where Charlie Haas should be used right now.
One Fall for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: I Can't Believe They Gave It to Jacqueline [c] vs. One-Armed Chavo Guerrero I PREDICT: Jacqueline, just because they hate us.
50th Annual Pissbreak Invitational: Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie I PREDICT: That nobody will care. Let's say...Torrie.
Return of the Awesome Undertaker Who is Awesome: Awesome Undertaker Who is Awesome vs. Evil Booker T I PREDICT: Undertaker, since he's awesome.
They Have Nothing Better To Do: The Evil Dudley Boyz vs. The Unlikely Duo of Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio I PREDICT: RVD & Rey Rey.
One Fall for the WWE United States Championship: John Cena [c] vs. Rene Dupree I PREDICT: Cena.
One Fall for the WWE Heavyweight Championship: Angry Eddie Guerrero [c] vs. Why Are We Supposed To Care About Bradshaw? I PREDICT: Eddie. For the love of God, Eddie.
Wow. This card looks worse than the card for most RAWs as of late. I fear for Smackdown.
THE NHL'S FINAL FOUR: Western Conference Final: Calgary Flames lead San Jose Sharks 2-0 [Game 3: Thursday] Eastern Conference Final: Tampa Bay Lightning & Philadelphia Flyers are tied 1-1 [Game 3: Thursday]
-Haas/Rico vs. BobHolly/Gunn (WWE Tag Title)-- MY PICK: CHARLIE HAAS & RICO-- I haven't watched Velocity in a long time so I haven't even seen the challengers wrestle as a team, yet they have a Tag title match(wow). I have to go with the champs with all of their 2 televised tag matches together.
-Jacqueline vs. Chavo (Cruiserweight Title)-- MY PICK: JACQUELINE-- Will WWE admit the stupidity of giving this title to Jacqueline, I don't think so!
-Torrie vs. Dawn-- MY PICK: TORRIE WILSON-- Torrie never loses in any case. Heck in a match vs. Dupree they made it no DQ so when Cena attack Dupree it'll be a no contest instead of a DQ on Torrie. Last time these 2 "wrestled" on SD, TorrieBerg took a face full of exposed turnbuckle to cue her offense, I predict she takes a light chair shot to cue her offense rally this time. Step 1 for Torrie road to cruiserweight gold.
-Undertaker vs. Booker-- MY PICK: BOOKER T-- Really, really cheap win by Booker with Mordecai and even possibly the return of Papa Shango, no I'm not kidding!
-Dudleyz vs. RVD/Mysterio-- MY PICK: DUDLEY BOYZ-- Rey involvement last week in this exact same match didn't make any sense, he doesn't fit in now. Go with Dudleyz because they have a NEW ATTITUDE or something like that.
-Cena vs. Dupree (U.S Title)-- MY PICK: RENE DUPREE-- The feud won't end here, heel french champion holding on to the U.S title with Cena chasing is certainly a more interesting situation, so I'm guessing Dupree will win.
-Eddie vs. Layfield (WWE Title)-- MY PICK: EDDIE GUERRERO-- I mean they wouldn't dare give the title to freakin Bradshaw. The question would be who's the worse champion Bradshaw or Jaqueline.
3 of the matches (Jackie/Chavo, Torrie/Dawn and Dudz/RVD& Rey) are direct rematches from last weeks SD, which was one of the crappiest wrestling TV show of the year. They want us to watch these matches again and pay for them?... The thing that gets me is that they had 2 whole months since WM to build this, and more then half the card seems like a quick Velocity put together type of matches
smark/net attack wienerville advisory stays at BLUE alert - Guarded (With Benoit & Eddie being World & WWE champions you'd expect all's be right but couldn't do it due to Trish/Y2J character switches & whats the deal with JBL PPV main event)- 5/6
My prediction? I spend Sunday playing D&D and joking about how shitty this show will be. Then when I get home, I get online and read about how shitty it was. Then I get 40 dollars in singles, spread it over the bed, and roll around naked in it while my tape of IYH: Canadian Stampede plays in the background.
Originally posted by meatcurtainsMy prediction? I spend Sunday playing D&D and joking about how shitty this show will be. Then when I get home, I get online and read about how shitty it was. Then I get 40 dollars in singles, spread it over the bed, and roll around naked in it while my tape of IYH: Canadian Stampede plays in the background.
And I'd ALMOST rather see that than the JD pay per view. You would have to wear at least a singlet though.
Torrie v. Dawn Marie- Dawn Marie wins after interference from Sable
Cena v. Dupree- Cena wins to move on to feud with Booker T.
Taker v. Booker- Taker wins leaving Booker to feud with John Cena.
Rico/Haas v. Gunn/Holly- Rico/Haas win when Jackie distracts three of the four guys and Rico then rolls up Billy Bitchcakes.
RVD/Rey v. Dudleys- Dudleys win because RVD hasn't signed his contract extension yet.
Jackie v. Chavo- Chavo wins after Sr. Guererro interference.
Eddie v. Bradshaw- Eddie wins to send Bradshaw down to feud with Taker.
"Yes, yes I did it. I killed Evette. I hated her, SO much...it...it...the flames...flames...FLAMES...on the side of my face...breathing...breathless...heaving breathes...heaving..."
Miss White- Clue (trust me, it's all in the delivery)
Originally posted by Net Hack Slasher 3 of the matches (Jackie/Chavo, Torrie/Dawn and Dudz/RVD& Rey) are direct rematches from last weeks SD, which was one of the crappiest wrestling TV show of the year. They want us to watch these matches again and pay for them?... The thing that gets me is that they had 2 whole months since WM to build this, and more then half the card seems like a quick Velocity put together type of matches
To be fair, considering last week's SD was up against Friends, they probably seem like new matches to most people. Regarding the question earlier about Taker rebooking/L.A., it was a take off on the rumor that Taker rebooked Lesnar/Taker I at the last minute in L.A. so he wouldn't job, thus causing the fans to get pissed at a bullshit non-finish.
These are desperate times. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Thus, its time to break out the Cubs/White Sox/Red Sox call to put the Kaiser back on the throne.
I love Eddie and all, but I am going to see Troy that night and spend my money usefully. This one of the worst PPV cards ever.
Rico/Haas vs. Hardcore/Billy Gunn- The losers, the fans. It probably be Haas and Rico via distraction or Rico doing something gay.
Dawn vs. Torrie- Torries since I didn't even know Dawn was still around.
Jackie vs. Chavo- They did everything to build that title up in the last few months, now it means shit. I say Chavo just so, they have Rey chase it again.
Dudley Boyz vs. Rey/RVD- If this turns into an ECW match instead of a boring WWE mat match then it will be fun. I think RVD is turning here.
Booker T vs. Taker- Booker wins via Mordeci run-in and he throws dirt in Taker's eyes. Then if there is a God, Booker will be pushed to the world title.
Cena vs. Dupree- In a match were Cena's talents are waisted on Dupree. Dupree wins, so Cena can chase the title even though Rene has an OVW moveset, but he can dance, yea.
Eddie vs. Bradshaw- No, David Arguette was the worst champion ever however LBJ will be worse. I don't think they are stupid enough to get the title off of Eddie just for Bradshaw maybe for Booker T or a turned RVD. Bradshaw's win would probably cause me to do something else on Thursday nights. I say Eddie wins.
Originally posted by A FanCena vs. Dupree- In a match were Cena's talents are waisted on Dupree. Dupree wins, so Cena can chase the title even though Rene has an OVW moveset, but he can dance, yea.
Cena's talents? His moveset only consists of five manuevers (if you count pumping-up your shoes as a manuever). And in terms of charisma, all he does now is blatantly suck up to the crowd. And René's moveset is still more versatile than what Cena's been pulling off as of late.
Torrie v. Dawn Marie Prediction: Why? Who cares? Again? Dawn Marie wins because there was to be SOME reason why they put this on the card.
Cena v. Dupree Prediction: Cena wins. This feud drags Cena down a few notches. Dupree needs some wins before he should be contending for the US Title. He was Austin's bitch on RAW and now he's a title contender?
Taker v. Booker Prediction: Taker squashes Booker, Mordecai interferes, Booker gets some kind of cheap win.
Rico/Haas v. Gunn/Holly Prediction: Rico and Haas retain
RVD/Rey v. Dudleys Prediction: Dudleys win and move into a feud with Rico and Haas
Jackie v. Chavo Prediction: Chavo loses again because that would be sooooo funny. Hahahaha.
Eddie v. Bradshaw Prediction: Eddie SHOULD just destroy and squash Bradshaw. Just a long drawn out ass whipping for all his crap. Bradshaw WILL dominate, Eddie will cheat to win and look like a piece of crap because he had to cheat to beat Bradshaw. Luckily NO ONE WILL SEE IT.
Why would anyone buyt his show? I know I won't be. I'm not sure I'd even watch this show for free. I'd probably tape it and fast forward like I do with Smackdown now. There's no redeeming value on that show. It's not good on paper. There's no great feud I want to see. No great match to save the show. It's just crap.
I'll be watching NHL hockey and The Practice Finale. There's some redeeming value there.
"Each race determines for itself what indecencies are. Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them." - Mark Twain
"I'm not sure I'd even watch this show for free. I'd probably tape it and fast forward like I do with Smackdown now."
I have every PPV from July '98 on tape, thanks to Sky giving most of 'em to us for free. JD is one of those freebies. But Five Easy Pieces is on another Sky channel on Sunday night, and I'm seriously considering blowing JD off just to get that Jack performance on tape. This card is THAT bad.
-Torrie Vs. Dawn: Torrie, with help from Cena after Dupree gets involved.
-Chavo Vs. Jacqueline: Pray to God that Chavo goes over.
-The Dudleyz Vs. RVD/Rey Rey: Dudleyz win after some kind of shenanigan, possibly a van Dam heel-turn.
-Mordecai Vs. Whoever: Mordecai. Fly, Mordecai, fly away!
-Rico/Haas Vs. Gunn/Holly: This will be made worthwhile ONLY if they mention that Holly oce tagged with Gunn's "bro". Champs retain.
-Cena Vs. Dupree: Dupree steals the strap via Dawn Marie interference in revenge for earlier.
-Booker T Vs. The Undertaker: Taker goes over, but gets mugged my Mordecai post-match.
-Guerrero Vs. JBL: He's going over, folks. I can feel it in my bones. Why else wouldput his neck in a noose like that on the 'net, even if he was obviously trying to "work the smarts"? Bleargh.
Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-ought three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all 60 of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five point palm exploding heart technique.
I was reading in the Observer today that Triple H's opponent for 'Mania is booked to win the Royal Rumble. It got me to thinking of a question that I can't answer: Who the hell IS Triple H's 'Mania opponent?