Christian Cage Conquers Canada IWS Delivers Show of the Year
NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage came back to Canada last night and conquered the filled to capacity Medley crowd... and with the help of “Canadian Dynamite” Maxime Boyer beat the psychopathic heavyweight duo of Pierre Carl Ouellet and “Paranoid” Jake Matthews.
IWS Un F'N Sanctioned 2007 Results Quick and Dirty Saturday, March 24th, 2007 Medley, Montreal, Quebec, CANADA Attendance 946
Battle of 2.0: Shane Matthews vs. Jagged Shane Matthews beat Jagged in 11:55 with a piledriver after Uncle Manny interferes.
IWS Canadian Open: Champion Dan Paysan vs. Twiggy and Pornstar Juan vs. Justin White vs. Kenny the Bastard vs. Vanessa Kraven
Vanessa Kraven eliminated Pornstar Juan at 10:36. Vanessa Kraven eliminated Twiggy at 11:32. Vanessa Kraven eliminated Kenny the Bastard at 13:31. Dan Paysan and Justin White combined for a double submission that forced Vanessa Kraven to tap at 15:09. Dan Paysan pinned Justin White to defend his IWS Canadian Title at 18:53.
Regles de Quebec: Fred la Merveille vs Shayne Hawke with Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze) as Special Guest Referee and Mark le Grizzly as Special Guest Enforcer Fred la Merveille beat Shayne Hawke in 10:53
IWS Title Match: Champion Viking vs. EXesS Viking beat EXesS with la Tueur de Policiers at 18:32.
Fatal Four Way Tag Team Ladder Match Player Uno gave Beef Wellington the Goomba Stomp off a fifteen foot ladder and Stupefied followed it up with a frog splash on Beef from the same ladder for the pin at 16:22.
Special Attraction: NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christian Cage and "Canadian Dynamite" Maxime Boyer vs. Pierre Carl Ouellet and "Paranoid" Jake Matthews Christian Cage pinned Jake Matthews with the Unprettier after 19:55.
Main Event Montreal Death Match for the IWS Tag Team Titles: Champions the Green Phantom and Sexxxy Eddy vs. the Hardcore Ninjaz
The Green Phantom dove out of a pile of light tubes just as the Evil Ninja was about to hit him with the Pearl Harbour. Eddy immediately hit the Evil Ninja with a Frog Splash for the win at 15:05.
Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 Detailed Results
Just on a personal note, yesterday was the worst day that I have ever spent in the International Wrestling Syndicate and the best night. IWS owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny woke me up at the crack of dawn to tell me that Necro Butcher had missed his flight. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying desperately to find a replacement. (And much thanks to those who patiently helped me look.) The day was a roller-coaster. I went from the high of Maxime Boyer telling me that Christian Cage’s plane had landed to the low of Azriel calling me to tell me that he and Rob Vega$ had been turned back at the border.
Ironically, losing both Azriel and Necro Butcher cancelled each other out. EXesS has been campaigning for months backstage for a title shot, pointing out that he has never gotten a rematch after losing the title to Viking at Breakout 2006. And the two men tore... but more about that later.
Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 began with the battle of 2.0. The crowd started split in their affections between Jagged and Shane Matthews. Jagged demonstrated that he is the more technically talented of the two, but Shane Matthews kept cheating to regain control of the match. The more that he cheated, the more that the crowd sided with Jagged. Shane won the match with the help of a chair brought to the ring by “Uncle Manny”, followed by a pile driver for the win at 11:55. With the fans now solidly behind Jagged and solidly against Shane Matthews, does this match spell the end of 2.0?
Justin White, the 2006 NWA Rookie of the year, made his IWS debut last night. The IWS crowd came to a quick decision: they liked what they saw, but they hated his guts. Justin did make a huge rookie mistake in the IWS Canadian Open that affected the entire match. Early in the match, Kenny the Bastard hit Vanessa Kraven with his flipping power bomb and looked certain to pin her. Justin saved her. I wrote in my notes, “What kind of an idiot saves the Female Vader in an elimination match?” Turns out that Dan Paysan is to blame. The cunning Dapper Don yelled at Justin to break up the pin and the rookie forgetting that it was an elimination match dove to do just that.
As Dan no doubt planned, Justin paid for his mistake. Vanessa repaid his save by chopping him to bits as the crowd chanted happily, “One More Time!” and “You Got Bitch Slapped!” With momentum behind her, Vanessa began a Kevin Nash like run, eliminating Pornstar Juan with a power bomb at 10:36, turning Twiggy’s brain to mush with multiple Skull Krushers at 11:32 and killing Kenny with a power bomb from the stage into the ring at 13:31. Justin White and Dan Paysan combined to tie up Vanessa Kraven in a double submission, Justin with an arm bar and Dan with a figure four, forcing her to tap at 15:09. The crowd immediately threw their support behind Dan Paysan urging him to “Kill the Hobbit” and when Justin White came agonizingly close to winning the match outright, the crowd mockingly chanted “Almost Frodo!” Justin White tried to win the match with a reverse wheelbarrow roll up, but to the crowd’s delight Dan reversed it into a pin ay 18:53 by holding the ropes for extra leverage.
We knew going in that Shayne Hawke had recruited Above Standards (Carl Choquette and Eric Lauze) to be the Special Guest Referees. Fred surprised us by recruiting his old SLI stable mate Mark le Grizzly to be his Special Guest Enforcer. Mark read the rules for the match, “Aucun moves du top rope. Aucun marteau-pilon. (Pile Drivers) Aucun Ass Punch.” Mark and Fred went on to say that if Above Standards did not enforce these rules that they would be taken to court. Finally, they announced that since March 24th was the “Journee International du Roux” that the rules only applied to red-heads. Despite being handcuffed by these rules (except perhaps for the one about Ass Punches left over from Fred’s match against Beef Wellington at Know Your Enemies 2004) Shayne Hawke had a chance to win, but ran out of time as the first five minute period expired before Above Standards could count three. (I am not sure if Shayne knew that there was a five minute first period.) Fred in turn was able to pin Shayne hitting the 101 pedigree with about seven seconds left in the second period at 10:53 of the match. No word on whether there would have been a third period and overtime or even a shoot-out if necessary.
After the match Above Standards and Shayne Hawke attacked. Kenny the Bastard ran in to help. Finding themselves outnumbered three to three, Shayne Hawke and Above Standards grabbed chairs, but before they could use them Viking’s music hit. Ditching the chairs, Hawke, Choquette and Lauze begged for mercy, to no avail. The four men celebrated together as the crowd chanted “SLI”. Only time will tell if this SLI 07 is a one time special reunion or a more permanent stable.
Last year, EXesS vs. Viking was voted the Quebec feud of the year. Their rematch at Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 tore the house down. Like many of Viking’s brawls it can only look even better on DVD as the two men fought from one end of the Medley to another, climaxing in a moonsault by Viking off the Medley bar onto XS on the floor. This stunned EXesS long enough for Viking to climb to the balcony so that he could drop an elbow onto EXesS from the second floor of the Medley while the fans crowd-surfed EXesS’ limp body.
First, I do not know of any other wrestling promotion with the fans to pull off that spot successfully. It takes incredible trust and connection by Viking of the fans and by the fans of Viking to believe in each other and to pull it off successfully. Kudos to all involved.
Second, balcony dives are a tradition at the Medley. The Evil Ninja did the first at Praise the Violence 2001 landing on the Green Phantom and a table. Eddy upped the stakes by leaping from the balcony with a frog splash onto Manny and a table at Born to Bleed 2001. The Arsenal upped the stakes again, giving El Generico a Death Valley Driver off the balcony through five tables at Un F’N Sanctioned 2003. The Arsenal and the Evil Ninja did the first stereo balcony dive at Un F’N Sanctioned 2005 and the Green Phantom was the largest man to dive, or rather in his case to be thrown (by PCO) from the balcony and through a table at Un F’N Sanctioned 2006. How do you top a balcony dive through five tables at the Medley? If you are Viking and you are insane, you do a balcony dive with no tables to break your fall.
When Viking dragged EXesS back to the ring, EXesS avoided a pin by desperately pulling a knife on Viking and stabbing him in the forehead and on the tongue. This saved EXesS from an immediate pin, but it could not save him from the inevitable pin. Viking finished off EXesS with La Tueur des Policiers at 18:32. As Viking sang his official theme song “L’Age de la Biere” by Serge Mon’Oncle and Anonymus, the crowd chanted “Thank You Viking!”
A match featuring a death defying balcony dive and a shocking incident with the so-called shooter EXesS pulling a knife. People will be speaking about this match for years. None of which would have happened if Necro Butcher had set his alarm clock properly. Wrestling is a funny business.
How do you top the match of the night? You don’t, but the four teams in the ladder match did everything humanly possible to equal it. In a match where every team brought a ladder to the ring, the rules of the match required a pin fall or submission, turning the ladders from tools to weapons. Despite Lionel Knight riding a ladder on to the Super Smash Brothers, Player Uno and Stupefied rallied and used their intimate knowledge of multi-level games to gain the advantage. Uno hit Beef Wellington with the Goomba Stomp off the top of a fifteen foot ladder and Stupefied followed that up immediately with a frog splash off the same ladder on to Beef for the win at 16:22. The fans gave the match a “That Was Awesome!” chant and a “Thank You” chant.
IWS Ring Announcer, Joey Soprano, was looking forward to announcing Christian Cage, but it was not to be. Legendary Quebec Wrestling Ring Announcer Marc Blondin replaced Joey Soprano giving the match an old school feel. Blondin announces the weekly French broadcasts of TNA Impact on Quebec’s RDS Sports station with his long time partner Pierre Carl Ouellet. Blondin revealed his prejudices, calling PCO his “good friend” and using PCO’s catchphrase, “Deux pieds de bras!” The crowd decidedly not in PCO’s corner responded by yelling, “Deux pieds de bras, deux pouces de penis!” PCo led a veritable army between his partner Jake Matthews, Jake’s valet Lollipop, IWS Owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny and Manny’s assistant D-Vyne. Maxime Boyer and Christian Cage came out alone to a monstrous pop.
Christian Cage responded to Blondin’s bias by grabbing the mike and chastising him for forgetting to call him “The Instant Classic” After saying, “I’m glad to be back in Canada, the greatest country in the world. Montreal has the hottest women in the world. Which brings me to my next point,” pointing to Lollipop and D-Vyne, he continued, “Are these ugly skanks from Nova Scotia? After we finish beating your asses, me and the Canadian Dynamite are going to hit one of the famous Montreal Strip clubs, because that’s...” and the crowd finished for him, “How I Roll!”
As it turned out, there were a few people from Nova Scotia in the audience including one very attractive woman who complained to me about the skank comment. Turned out that her oldest sister had gone to school with my youngest sister. The world is a small place.
To thunderous heat, we were given a very old school southern tag match. PCO and Matthews physically dominated both men. Boyer used speed and skill to even the odds. Christian used his brain and a variety of short-cuts. The climax of the match saw PCO stunning Christian and placing him on the table before going up top to do the old Quebecker cannon-ball with Jake Matthews help. Maxime Boyer saved the NWA World Heavyweight Champion from being splintered, dragging him from the table just before PCO hit it. With PCO hors-de-combat, Christian finished off Jake Matthews with the Unprettier for the win at 19:55.
After the match, Christian told Marc Blondin, “That rental tuxedo is pretty brutal by the way. Thank you for the amazing reception, for treating me like the hometown boy. Montreal has the best wrestling fans in the world and some of the biggest up and coming stars in the world!”
By tradition, Un F’N Sanctioned shows always end with a Death Match and this year was no different as the Green Phantom and his new reluctant partner, Sexxxy Eddy, defended the Green Phantom’s tag team titles against the Hardcore Ninjaz. Befitting their name, the Ninjaz ambushed the Phantom and Eddy during their music to gain an early advantage, and it was the Ninjaz who raised the stakes first by covering the ring in thumb-tacks. The Green Phantom increased the escalation by trying to set a chair on fire. The Ninjaz retaliated by putting the Green Phantom through a light tube bed on the Medley stage, leading to a competition to set on fire a collapsed table in the middle of the ring. The Phantom covered the table in lighter fluid. The Ninjaz covered the table (and Eddy) with more lighter fluid, but before they could set the table (and Eddy) on fire, the Green Phantom saved his partner, set the table on fire and then gave Hardcore Ninja Number One a Phantom Menace into the fire. The Green Phantom followed by crunching the Evil Ninja through the charred table set up in the corner, but the resilient Evil Ninja recovered to lay out the Green Phantom and cover him in light tubes including a giant Ninja Star, before going up top for his chair assisted Pearl Harbor dive. The Green Phantom rolled out of the way of the light tube massacre just in time and as the Evil Ninja writhed in pain, Sexxxy Eddy hit him with his “Peter North” splash from the top to earn his share of the IWS Tag Team Titles at 15:05.
This brought to an end the most successful IWS show ever. We had the biggest paid crowd that we have ever had, and in my opinion the hottest crowd that we have ever had. Matt Fortune of Fortune Video Editing informs me that he already has the first three matches edited and hopes to have the DVD ready for Friday. It should be available on Smart Mark Video by the following week and we will have it available for sale at our next show Know Your Enemies 2007.
Fans who were at Un F’N Sanctioned 2007. Hold on to your ticket stubs. We will be doing a promotion involving the ticket stubs for Know Your Enemies 2007. More details to come.
The IWS presents: Know Your Enemies 2007, Saturday, April 28th, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie Est (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:00pm, show starts at 8:00pm, tickets are $20 for VIP, $15 for Regular. 18+, card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
Skr8 from the mouth of Meltzer:
Kevin Nash will be out of the ring for several months after undergoing surgery earlier today for a torn bicep.
While the injury itself isn't very funny (because it's not SERIOUS and there is the chance he'll return)