First of all, if this was repeated in some other thread (I dunno how new it is) please feel free to shut this one down. I'm not good at googling stuff on the site, and with this one, I honestly don't know what I'd even search for. Anyway, this is an actual paper turned in by an actual University student.
Originally posted by emmaI'm unsure which I find most disturbing: a) The teacher graded it ??? b) It got a 61% for a D- ???
At some places, an F can get replaced on a transcript if a class is retaken at a later date, while a D or a D- cannot be replaced. Thus, the student still doesn't pass and can't bail themselves out at a later date.
He does however include his citations, among them, tubgirl.com, which as we all know is quite the vital academic resource.
I was most impressed by Page 3, which says "This is Page 3." with no other text. A brilliant treatise on the deconstructionist nature of post-modern intellect, positing that all knowledge is subjective, therefore no text can be accepted as factual.
Just remember "The Bible tells you to smoke lots of pot, and Oedpius used to blaze with the makers of Aqua Fresh tooth paste."
To be fair, I'm sure he worked harder than any other student in the class. I mean, this is damn near artful absurdist shit. If it was an English class, I wouldn't fail him either. I mean, it's a folk tale, not a goddamn Oxy Clean Commercial.
Yeah, we've all been there before. Probably some freshman kid, first semester in, failing the course. So this was his 'fuck you' to the system.
I've seen this type of psychology before, when I was on the verge of failing 9th grade health and family, I had to do an essay on Nuclear Families and present it to class. So I dug up a bunch of old ninja turtles (who were humans warped from nuclear fallout) and presented an action figure sex show in class. I got grounded, but man, them were the days.
Hierarchy of Deities: Sarah Vowell > Roger Ebert > Albert Pujols > God
So, um, I don't want you to believe everything you hear at the parent-teacher conference, okay, 'cause...they lie. And they exaggerate. That's why they're teachers, right? Those who can't, right, Mom? Those who can't.
I think I read somewhere that the guy was 100% stoned when he was writing and while he turned in his paper. Apparently this was a class where participation and attendance was part of the grade, and I would guess as long as he turned *something* in, he couldn't be failed on it. 61 sounds like the lowest non-F grade they could give him. On the page where it says "This page is to [sic] long," supposedly the page is done on legal (8.5 x 14) paper.
I turned in a 15 page essay on the death penalty, 7 of which pages were different cover pages (with varying titles, from "Kill 'Em All", "Ride the Lightning", "Barbecue of Death", "Kill 'em All and let God Sort Them Out"), 4 of which was an excerpt from Stephen King's "The Green Mile", a fictional peice, and anything else I actually wrote in the paper was written in lyrical prose, ala Dr. Seuss. I got a 72% for my efforts.
And I did this a few years before I ever started smoking pot.
Hold nothing sacred and you'll never be dissapointed. Especially not this statement.
One time I was at a Weight Watchers meeting, and they were weighing a seriously big guy by having him stand on two scales until the numbers were the same on each and then they added them. You could try that.