From: Pittsburgh PA
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|#1 Posted on 20.1.05 0212.15 | Instant Rating: 6.31|
|First of all, if this was repeated in some other thread (I dunno how new it is) please feel free to shut this one down. I'm not good at googling stuff on the site, and with this one, I honestly don't know what I'd even search for. Anyway, this is an actual paper turned in by an actual University student. |
Click Here (albinoblacksheep.com)
Had some unnecessary stuff in there, so I EDITED.
(edited by HitTheSnoozeButton on 20.1.05 0312)
ONE FOR THE THUMB 2005
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|#2 Posted on 20.1.05 0230.23 | Instant Rating: 5.90|
|WOW. Just...wow. |
"Illusions, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...or candy!" - G.O.B. Bluth, Arrested Development
Cherries > Peaches
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|#3 Posted on 20.1.05 0307.59 | Instant Rating: 8.47|
|I'm unsure which I find most disturbing:|
a) The teacher graded it ???
b) It got a 61% for a D- ???
c) The teacher's handwriting. That is, assuming that she's over 12.
I wonder if Mr. Freeman went to all the trouble to turn that in on his own, or if he had some "help" from a friend or two.
From: Getting Rowdy
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|AIM: || ||#4 Posted on 20.1.05 0311.57 | Instant Rating: 9.00|
|I'm going out on a limb here, and I mean way out, and I'm gonna guess that's not real. What teacher would use that many misspellings in their own corrections, for one?|
The master wouldn't approve.
From: Bay City, OR
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|AIM: || ||#5 Posted on 20.1.05 0403.56 | Instant Rating: 8.81|
|Some of the ones that post here? |
Willful ignorance of science is not commendable. Refusing to learn the difference between a credible source and a shill is criminally stupid.
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|#6 Posted on 20.1.05 0702.42 | Instant Rating: 5.30|
Originally posted by emma
I'm unsure which I find most disturbing:
a) The teacher graded it ???
b) It got a 61% for a D- ???
At some places, an F can get replaced on a transcript if a class is retaken at a later date, while a D or a D- cannot be replaced. Thus, the student still doesn't pass and can't bail themselves out at a later date.
From: Cleveland, Ohio
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|#7 Posted on 20.1.05 0706.07 | Instant Rating: 3.34|
Originally posted by PalpatineW
I'm going out on a limb here, and I mean way out, and I'm gonna guess that's not real. What teacher would use that many misspellings in their own corrections, for one?
I'm with you. No self-respecting educational professional would even come close to dignifying that crap with a grade.
"Lita holds a Stone Cold Steve Austin home pregnancy test. What will the Bottom Line say? “Hell Yeah” or “Eh-EH”?" - Raw Satire, 6/15/04
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - George W. Bush
From: The Las Vegas of Canada
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|AIM: || ||#8 Posted on 20.1.05 1022.20 | Instant Rating: 5.53|
|He does however include his citations, among them, tubgirl.com, which as we all know is quite the vital academic resource.|
I was most impressed by Page 3, which says "This is Page 3." with no other text. A brilliant treatise on the deconstructionist nature of post-modern intellect, positing that all knowledge is subjective, therefore no text can be accepted as factual.
Just remember "The Bible tells you to smoke lots of pot, and Oedpius used to blaze with the makers of Aqua Fresh tooth paste."
From: Pittsburgh, PA
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|AIM: || ||#9 Posted on 20.1.05 1144.49 | Instant Rating: 5.69|
|To be fair, I'm sure he worked harder than any other student in the class. I mean, this is damn near artful absurdist shit. If it was an English class, I wouldn't fail him either. I mean, it's a folk tale, not a goddamn Oxy Clean Commercial.|
(edited by OlFuzzyBastard on 20.1.05 1246)
The results are IN for the 2004 FUZZIES!
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|#10 Posted on 20.1.05 1231.19 | Instant Rating: 2.34|
|That deserves, at the very least, a C+ for creativity.|
Cerebus: RIP 1977-2004.
"What do you think it's like being created by a manic-depressive, paranoid schizophrenic, hypochondriac, misogynist with delusions of grandeur and a messiah complex?"
From: Bedford, Michigan
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|AIM: || ||#11 Posted on 20.1.05 1420.58 | Instant Rating: 3.21|
|I'm not sure I've ever read a more brilliant ANALytical piece.|
That would be... just fine.
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|Y!: ||#12 Posted on 20.1.05 1604.58 | Instant Rating: 3.66|
|Yeah, we've all been there before. Probably some freshman kid, first semester in, failing the course. So this was his 'fuck you' to the system. |
I've seen this type of psychology before, when I was on the verge of failing 9th grade health and family, I had to do an essay on Nuclear Families and present it to class. So I dug up a bunch of old ninja turtles (who were humans warped from nuclear fallout) and presented an action figure sex show in class. I got grounded, but man, them were the days.
From: Baltimore, MD
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|#13 Posted on 20.1.05 1757.48 | Instant Rating: 1.96|
|I'm pretty sure that was more fun to read than someone's paper that actually adressed the topic in a serious manner.|
I always though that Dr. Dre was influenced by the great Greek tragedies.
"This is my thesis." Brilliant.
From: Chicagoland with Hoosiers, or "The Region"
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|#14 Posted on 20.1.05 2222.24 | Instant Rating: 6.81|
|I call complete bullshit on the authenticity (no prof would ever bother to grade such a monstrosity past page one,) but it's still the funniest damn thing I've read in quite some time.|
exit 670 dot com
Hierarchy of Deities: Sarah Vowell > Roger Ebert > Albert Pujols > God
So, um, I don't want you to believe everything you hear at the parent-teacher conference, okay, 'cause...they lie. And they exaggerate. That's why they're teachers, right? Those who can't, right, Mom? Those who can't.
From: Louisville KY
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|#15 Posted on 20.1.05 2223.23 | Instant Rating: 3.51|
|I think I read somewhere that the guy was 100% stoned when he was writing and while he turned in his paper. Apparently this was a class where participation and attendance was part of the grade, and I would guess as long as he turned *something* in, he couldn't be failed on it. 61 sounds like the lowest non-F grade they could give him. On the page where it says "This page is to [sic] long," supposedly the page is done on legal (8.5 x 14) paper.|
From: Stafford, VA
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|AIM: || ||#16 Posted on 21.1.05 0206.17 | Instant Rating: 3.11|
|I turned in a 15 page essay on the death penalty, 7 of which pages were different cover pages (with varying titles, from "Kill 'Em All", "Ride the Lightning", "Barbecue of Death", "Kill 'em All and let God Sort Them Out"), 4 of which was an excerpt from Stephen King's "The Green Mile", a fictional peice, and anything else I actually wrote in the paper was written in lyrical prose, ala Dr. Seuss. I got a 72% for my efforts.|
And I did this a few years before I ever started smoking pot.
Hold nothing sacred and you'll never be dissapointed. Especially not this statement.
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|#17 Posted on 23.1.05 1913.40 | Instant Rating: 5.28|
|I call shenanigans:|
No wonder the 'student' got a D; the teacher wrote "to large" instead of "too large;" if I were a teacher, this moron would have been failed instantly for missing a citation.
If it's real, then I don't know who more to feel sorry for; the student, the teacher or the university.
From: Oshkosh, WI
Since last post: 132 days
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|#18 Posted on 23.1.05 2235.18 | Instant Rating: 3.03|
|Whilst searching for verification of the authenticity of this paper, I came across this
NOTE: The above post makes no sense. We apologize for the inconvenience.