The biggest IWS show of the year is coming in a week,
And with Un FUCKING Sanctioned coming soon that must mean:
Itís TIME, Itís TIME, Itís TIME to...
BREAK DOWN THE WALLS!!!
As we approach the biggest IWS show of the year, the Green Phantom, former IWS champion and present IWS tag team champion, finds himself committed to defending his tag team title in the annual IWS Fans Bring the Weapons Match against the newly reformed Hardcore Ninjaz, now completely EVIL~ and managed by Iron Mike Patterson. To further stack the deck against the Green Phantom, IWS President Seska announced that the Green Phantomís partner EXcesS69 could not wrestle Kevin Steen earlier in the night during UN FUCKING Sanctioned and and also wrestle in the main event. The Green Phantom can choose a new temporary partner for the match, but has yet to do so.
My roommate, Llakor, set up a one-on-one interview with the Green Phantom to discuss this and other pressing topics. Now, knowing that Llakor would just fawn over his hardcore hero, I made some judicious editing to his directions and sent Llakor to Gramercy Park, New York, while I met the Green Phantom at Girouard Park just off Ste-Catherineís.
OZ: Green Phantom, we are mere days away from the Fans Bring the Weapons match where you will put your hard won IWS tag team gold on the line in the most fiendish brutal match ever devised by man, and you still have not announced your temporary partner. Have you even asked anyone to be your partner yet, Phantom?
The Green Phantom: No. I donít like many people and everyone is scared of this match.
OZ: You're leaving things a little late aren't you?
The Green Phantom: I have taken on the Ninjaz at the Medley by myself before and won. It almost killed me, but I survived and thrived. So I have confidence in myself.
OZ: Wasn't that in the Hardcore Ninjaz very FIRST IWS match at Praise the Violence?
The Green Phantom: Hardcore Ninja Number One had already made an appearance. It was Hardcore Ninja Number Twoís first match.
OZ: You don't think that the Ninjaz have learned and matured since then? Haven't they become the most dangerous tag team unit in wrestling since that match?
The Green Phantom: Yes, they have matured, but so have I. I am still hoping to have a partner. I have to give somebody a reason to want to be my partner that night. I haven't figured out yet what reason that could be.
OZ: In fact, aren't you responsible for educating the Ninjaz in brutality and violence making them even more lethal in the process?
The Green Phantom: Yes I have put them through lessons in Hardcore Justice and they have survived. So there is something to them.
OZ: You could draw a comparison between your efforts to teach the Ninjaz Hardcore Justice by inflicting pain on them with your attempts to toughen up your tag team partner EXcesS69. How is that project going?
The Green Phantom: He is still a fruity oiled up little bastard but I have seen him take a beating. Doesn't mean I need him though. Only the future can tell if EXcesS69 can Get With The GREEN, Brother. Truly, Get With The GREEN.
OZ: Doesnít it bother your boss, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris, when he sees you attack your own partner, his young contract superstar, EXcesS69, in the middle of a tag team title defence?
The Green Phantom: The Commish keeps wanting me to be nicer to him. ďProtect his investment,Ē he says. But he should have thought of that before he put him into my matches because hell always breaks loose in a Green Phantom match.
OZ: Phantom, you find yourself without a partner for Fans Bring the Weapons because President Seska wouldn't let EXcesS69 wrestle in two matches during Un FUCKING Sanctioned. Who do you blame more, EXcesS69 or Seska?
The Green Phantom: They are both bitches. EXcesS69 more I guess, because he forgot about the belts for a second. But in the end I don't know if I can blame him for sticking up for himself. What do you think I would have done?
OZ: Put Kevin Steen in the hospital at Born to Bleed, so that you wouldn't have to face him at Un FUCKING Sanctioned?
The Green Phantom: Good idea.
OZ: Your boss, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris, has been quoted as being relieved that EXcesS69 would not be putting his good looks on the line during Un FUCKING Sanctioned. Phantom, aren't you worried about being horribly disfigured during the main event?
The Green Phantom: My opponents are the ones who get horribly disfigured. EXcesS69 and the Commish worry about their looks. Fruity.
OZ: Or do you wear the mask because you are ALREADY horribly disfigured?
The Green Phantom: You want to know why I wear this mask?
OZ: As long as it doesn't involve me getting killed or maimed, yeah.
The Green Phantom: It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BROTHER!
OZ: Two Words: Breath Mints.
The Green Phantom: Some people don't like the smell of the GREEN.
OZ: Clorets are green?
The Green Phantom: Yeah... and you're ugly. What is your point?
OZ: The other thing that you have to worry about during this main event is the special referee, PCP Crazy Fucking Manny.
The Green Phantom: I just might have to end his life now that his career is over if he does anything stupid.
OZ: The last time we saw Manny, you and Steve Royds were power bombing him into a mattress made of fifty light tubes. Do you think that Manny can be impartial in a match featuring the man who put him on the shelf for six months?
The Green Phantom: Last time he was a PARTIAL referee. He got some Hardcore Justice. Hopefully he has learned.
OZ: Manny and you were once the legendary team of Green Drugs, perhaps the best team never to win the IWS tag team title. What happened to your partnership?
The Green Phantom: He couldn't stick with the GREEN. No discipline. Junkie freak.
OZ: What happened to your friendship?
The Green Phantom: Can a junkie really be your friend? PCPIG.
OZ: In fact, it was during last year's historic Un FUCKING Sanctioned when you spit on that friendship as you and Steve Royds and Lobo teamed to beat the ever-lasting piss out of Manny.
The Green Phantom: Steve Royds just showed me what a loser Manny was. Lobo was HIS friend. I beat the piss out of everybody. And the match before that Royds had PCPig beaten. I just came to vent some frustration on his head. Why do you think Green Drugs never won the belts? Not because of the GREEN, but because of the drugs.
OZ: Looking back, do you regret turning on the only man in the IWS that ever dared to be your friend?
The Green Phantom: It hurt when my hometown, Two Mountains, said I sold out. The only time I have ever really been hurt. An ancient hurt.
OZ: It was around this time when you first started hearing boos as all the fans, not just those of Two Mountains, reacted angrily to your actions. Did you turn your back on the fans or did your fans turn their backs on you?
The Green Phantom: They turned on me. I never changed. They just didn't understand. Everything is temporary, though.
OZ: The current IWS champion, the Arsenal, is a man that you have gone to war with. It's said that only your worst enemies ever really understand you. Do you think that's true? And if so, what is it that makes the Arsenal tick?
The Green Phantom: Hey! Is this a Green Phantom interview or what, brother? Go ask the Arsenal.
OZ: What kind of IWS champion do you think that the Arsenal will make?
The Green Phantom: He is just holding my belt for when I decide I want it back.
OZ: I ask because the last time that the IWS held a show at the Medley, the Arsenal outsmarted you by pretending to be sick and sending out some guy he found in a butcher's shop to take his place.
The Green Phantom: And I still beat both their asses. So move on. I saw the butcher the other day. He loves me. He gave me a great deal.
OZ: At the time, Iron Mike Patterson was in your corner wearing a Green Phantom mask. Now, he is on the opposite side of the ring, helping the Ninjaz.
The Green Phantom: Actors. The roles they play. I'll break his neck if he gets too close.
OZ: Don't you think the man who was once your greatest fan knows you well enough to give the Hardcore Ninjaz a huge advantage?
The Green Phantom: In the end no one ever really has the advantage on me. They just might have a better situation to work with. Because I still have the ultimate advantage.
OZ: The ultimate advantage?
The Green Phantom: Me.
The Green Phantom: Being me and what encompasses and contributes to me being me. The Green Phantom.
OZ: Good thing youíre wearing that mask to keep your head from swelling out of control.
The Green Phantom: I'll make your head swell real fast if you don't mind your level of respect, Geekboy.
OZ: Eek. Moving on... Hasn't Iron Mike Patterson already managed the Arsenal to a title victory? What makes you think he can't duplicate that success with the Hardcore Ninjaz?
The Green Phantom: I thought you just said moving on. I said it doesn't matter one way or the other. Hurricane Hardcore Justice is in the forecast for the Medley. All opponents fall to the GREEN, brother, you can't stop the stomping GREEN train. And besides, they don't know who MY partner is.
OZ: OK. Who is your partner?
The Green Phantom: Shut up.
OZ: Let's talk briefly about Dru Onyx. He has been very vocal in his complaints about not getting an immediate rematch at the IWS title he lost to the Arsenal at Born to Bleed. What do you think of that?
The Green Phantom: Same thing here, brother. I didn't get a rematch either. So tell Onyx if he wants sympathy he can cry on my foot as it is kicking his teeth out.
OZ: I had noticed that Dru Onyx didn't give you a rematch for the IWS title.
The Green Phantom: IWS Policy.
OZ: IWS Policy?
The Green Phantom: No rematch. You want a rematch, you have to earn it.
OZ: One thing that Quebec wrestling fans may have noticed in the last few months is that the Green Phantom has been getting involved in a lot of smaller feds in Quebec. You seem to have become an unofficial ambassador of hardcore justice.
The Green Phantom: Always have been. So many people who need lessons in Hardcore Justice. So little time.
OZ: Do you have any plans for gold outside of the IWS?
The Green Phantom: If given the chance. If I am not busy. Most champions are too scared to put the gold on the line against the GREEN.
OZ: Seriously, is any title in Quebec safe if you decide that you want it?
The Green Phantom: GREEN and gold go well together. I can take anyoneís gold in the ring. If I really want to. Not many people can say that.
OZ: Looking back on your career, to date, are there any of your opponents that you would like another chance to confront?
The Green Phantom: I have beaten everybody. My only regret is that some people believe I can't beat Onyx. Give me something like a steel cage, no outside fairy godmothers to save his fat ass, I would enjoy that. Hell, throw Carl XL Leduc in the cage as well. Iíll beat them both.
OZ: Who and when was your first opponent anyway?
The Green Phantom: Seasons Beatings 1999 I believe. Iím not sure. Me and Champy vs. the Mean Malakas. Wally's. HAHAHA.
OZ: So, more than four years of hardcore justice. Of all your opponents in all that time, who is your favourite opponent?
The Green Phantom: It is fun to beat on people like The Arsenal, El Generico, and EXcesS69 because they can take a lot of abuse, and I like to give it.
OZ: Who represented the greatest challenge?
The Green Phantom: Being challenged. I don't know. I guess I enjoyed bringing people to a new level, like Onyx or Anvil.
OZ: Looking to the future, what does the Green Phantom have left to prove?
The Green Phantom: To the people that truly know me, nothing.To the rest of the WORLD, every-frickin-GREEN-thing!
OZ: So, there is no one out there that you want to measure yourself against? No mountains left to climb?
The Green Phantom: Hulk Hogan.
The Green Phantom: RVD, maybe HHH, but I think he would run away. Kevin Nash. Double J, Jeff Jarrett. Kurt Angle.
OZ: Anyone a little more realistic?
The Green Phantom: Anybody who wants to step in my path, brother.
OZ: I've heard that Jimmy Rave from Nwa Wildside has said, "The Green Phantom is such a clown that the only thing that he's missing is a red nose, a squirting flower and tricycle to join the circus."
The Green Phantom: He wouldn't say that shit if he was in my face. I would snap his neck.
OZ: Or that might have been me. I forget.
The Green Phantom: Iíll snap your neck, see if that improves your memory.
OZ: Eep. One last question before I flee for my life, Any predictions for Un FUCKINGS anctioned?
The Green Phantom: EXcesS69 over Kevin Steen. And two Ninja pincushions will get an advanced course in Hardcore Justice. If they survive I just might give then a diploma. In fact, why donít you sign up for a beginner course, right now? I need to warm up for next week.
OZ: To coin a phrase. "Feets, don't fail me now."
As you can see, as the Green Phantom prepares for his match next week, he is a man who has managed to delude himself into believing that he really needs no help to hang on to his tag team title. Finding himself rejected by all those that he has approached to be his partner, the Green Phantom, rather like the fox in the Aesop fable has managed to convince himself that no one is good enough to tag with him anyway.
The fact of the matter is however, that the Green Phantom is about to enter Hell... alone and friendless, outnumbered and outgunned. The annual Fans Bring the Weapons match is not a match designed for heroism. It is not a place for individual achievement. It is a slice of pain that you count yourself lucky if you survive.
And the Green Phantom enters this contest meant to measure the capacity of manís ability to endure against the most cohesive and deadly tag team unit ever to battle in the IWS. The Hardcore Ninjaz have always been a pair who fought as one. In an environment custom-built for their unique brand of insanity, the newly reunited Hardcore Ninjaz have all the advantages. Add to their cohesion, the Ninjaz newly found streak of viciousness and EVIL~ and the odds are stacked even higher against the Green Phantom.
For more than four years, the Green Phantom has been the standard bearer of IWS Hardcore Justice. In the process, he has broken backs, shattered egos, destroyed careers. The one thing that he has never done is made friends. On September 20th, at the Medley, the Green Phantomís refusal to compromise, his inability to bend, may be his undoing. The question isnít: Can the Green Phantom successfully defend his IWS tag team title? What we really need to know is: How can the Green Phantom survive?
Very well put. Last night I was watching Andre the Giant's biography, which contained many scenes from the 80s wrestling boom. The fans were absolutely RABID for wrestling. It made me long for the simplicity and energy of those days.