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The W - Guest Columns - Internet Syndicate Wrestling results: Hardcore Heat
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA

Since last post: 1870 days
Last activity: 1861 days
#1 Posted on
An IWS Press Release

Internet Wrestling Syndicate
Chomedey, Laval, Québec, CANADA

Sunday, July 13th, 2003


The Green Phantom Shatters Hi-5 to Grab Tag Gold

While his tag partner EXcesS69 lay bleeding in a pool of glass fragments, the Green Phantom pinned both Kid Kamikaze and Beef Wellington to claim the IWS Tag Team Titles. This brought to an end Hi-5’s amazing nine month title reign.

In the opening bout of Hardcore Heat, Ontario clashed with Quebec as IWS rookie Shane Simmons fought Fred le Merveille. In his pursuit of provincial pride, Shane pulled out all the stops, including a death-defying suicide dive that left Shane bloody but unbowed. Despite the valiant effort by the Ottawa native, Fred pinned Shane after 8:42 with the help of Le Syndicat de Lutte Internet who held down Shane’s legs.

The bout with Jeff Johnson and Darren Knife was declared a no-contest after 6:13, when Tomassino hit the ring to destroy both men. Tomassino’s boss, infamous Montreal business figure Francesco, declared that he was sick of the IWS operating in his territory without showing him the proper respect. He vowed to continue making examples of IWS wrestlers until he received his due.

During Hardcore Heat, President Seska booked a number one contender’s match for the IWS tag team title between her two favourite tag teams: Extreme Revolution and the Flying Hurricanes. She guaranteed the winner of the match a tag title shot at the IWS next show, Born to Bleed, August 16th. The Flying Hurricanes, Takao and Kenny the Bastard, emerged victorious after 12:11 of furious action, pinning Nightmare Manson and Crazy Crusher after a run-in by Hi-5.

Hi-5 stuck around after their run-in to gloat about the new wardrobe that they purchased for their main event appearance. While they were showing off their sartorial splendour, Career Killer Kurt Lauderdale showed up with Elsa Bangz draped over his shoulder. Pointing out that he had suffered his first loss after an altercation between Elsa and Hi-5 at ringside that had distracted the referee, Kurt declared that he was about to make an example of Elsa. Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze jokingly intervened, inadvertently rescuing Elsa from Kurt’s clutches.

Japan beat Mexico, as Hardcore Ninja Number Two aka the Evil Ninja avenged his loss to El Generico at Season’s Beatings beating the Latin luchador in 15:26.

In a match that has been brewing for months, Los Latinos were finally able to confront their tormentors, le Syndicat de Lutte Internet. After being beaten and deported, not to mention being continuously hassled at customs on the orders of le SLI, the Peruvian puroresus were looking forward to getting a dose of revenge in the ring, but their hopes were foiled when Fred le Merveille interfered to give Damian Duplessis and Viking Vachon the win after 9:36. To add injury to insult, the combined SLI began administering an in-ring beat down after the bell, until Hercules Ayala Jr. saved Latino Kid and Latino Mysterio and chased off le SLI. Mr. Ayala, visiting Quebec from his native Puerto Rico, was attending the show as a guest of IWS ring announcer, Brian the Guppie, host of Team 990’s Between the Ropes.

Dru Onyx pinned Quebec wrestling legend Sunny War Cloud in 6:52 to retain his IWS heavyweight title after a wild brawl that surged in and out of the ring. Sunny War Cloud had an opportunity to win the IWS title, but arrogantly neglected to hook Onyx’s leg for the pin. After losing the match, Sunny War Cloud made the mistake of attacking Onyx from behind with a chair. Onyx retaliated by grabbing the chair and beating Sunny to the back with it.

In the main event, after nine months of successful defences, Hi-5 lost their IWS tag team titles to the team of the Green Phantom and EXcesS69, but not before shredding the rule book and the criminal code as they did anything and everything short of homicide to retain their precious belts. In his obsessive pursuit of victory, Kid Kamikaze went so far as to throw EXcesS69 out of le Skratch’s second floor DJ booth. But Hi-5 was just warming up. When Career Killer Kurt Lauderdale ran in to take out the Green Phantom, Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze double teamed EXcesS69 to power bomb him through a pane of glass. Before Hi-5 could get the inevitable pin, however, Career Killer Kurt Lauderdale turned on his fellow Westmount residents, levelling both men with a double choke slam.

With both members of Hi-5 down, the Green Phantom took advantage to set up another pane of glass suspended between two chairs over the stunned Beef Wellington. The Green Phantom then carried Kid Kamikaze to the top rope for his patented Phantasm reversed crucifix power bomb through the pane of glass. The ensuing pinof both members of Hi-5 can only be described as academic. The Green Phantom celebrated his victory with both tag title belts slung over his shoulder while his tag partner and his opponents lay unconscious in a widening pool of blood and fragments of glass.

The next IWS show is Born To Bleed, scheduled for August 16th, at Le Skratch, 965 Cure Labelle, Chomedey, Laval, Québec. Tickets are twelve dollars at the door. For information about the show e-mail or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at their web-site: For information about IWS merchandise & DVDs e-mail or order from

There are pics from Hardcore Heat on the IWS site.
The best stuff:

1. I'm not entirely certain how El Generico gets in these positions and honestly I'm not sure he knows either:

2. El Generico does not equal vertical base.

3. I don't know what this is called, but it looks painful.

4. Since when did Dusty Rhodes start dressing as an Indian?

5. The IWS president Seska (an amateur porn star) is in the process of forcing Beef Wellington to put on some clothes.

6. Why having the Green Phantom as your partner is maybe not the best thing for your health#1

7. The Green Phantom demonstrates the principles of gravity.

8. Kid Kamikaze has just thrown EXcesS69 out of the IWS DJ Booth.

9. Hi-5 try to murder EXcesS69

10. Green Phantom tries to murder Hi-5

"Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
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Guru Zim
SQL Dejection

Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 14 hours
#2 Posted on
I'm not sure if the Indian needs more of a mask, or more outfit.

I'm kinda leaning towards both.

Willful ignorance of science is not commendable. Refusing to learn the difference between a credible source and a shill is criminally stupid.

Since: 2.1.02
From: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA

Since last post: 1870 days
Last activity: 1861 days
#3 Posted on
Sadly there's no picture of him in full costume with plastic tomahawk and full headress. Truly a sight to behold.

Since he doesn't really get enough praise, the IWS cameraman Technical Difficulties is good isn't he? Some of these pictures, I have no idea how he gets them. His sense of timing is uncanny.

"Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
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