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24.10.14 1906
The W - Guest Columns - Inside The Ropes - The All-Christmas Carol Edition!!!
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CANADIAN BULLDOG
Andouille








Since: 5.3.03
From: TORONTO

Since last post: 547 days
Last activity: 546 days
ICQ:  
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.98

"Ho ho ho!" -- The God Father, 1999.


Need some holiday cheer? Canadian Bulldog Records, along with the world-famous Inside The Ropes Choir (Johnny ITR is a mean falsetto), is proud to present to you a little something we call:

Christmas Carols, If They Were Written About Modern-Day Wrestlers And Sometimes Didn't Exactly Rhyme


(2004, all rights reserved).

Feel free to sing along:





Triple H Is Coming To Town

You'd better all job,
You'd better not whine,
And if you complain, your job's on the line,
Triple H is coming to town.

He's making a list,
Of wrestlers to fear,
So that he knows, whom he'll go over next year,
Triple H is coming to town.

He'll hold you under the glass ceiling,
Simply because he can,
He knows he won't get punished,
'Cuz he's married to a McMahon.

O! You'd better just lose,
'Cuz you know what he'll say,
"Don't like it? Go find work, in T-N-A!"
Triple H is coming to town

You'd better get much stronger
Become an oversized hoss,
And if you have a problem with that,
You can take it up with the boss.

O! You'd better work well,
Just do as you're taught,
Or else you can say, good-bye to your spot,
Triple H is coming to town!
Triple H is coming to town!




Wreck Your Match

Wreck your match with Hardcore Holly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bob is never, ever jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Piss him off, and you'll be sorry
Fa la la la la la la la la
Even if you're Dawn or Torrie,
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Bob hurts every-one he touches,
Fa la la la la la la la la
With his botched moves and stiff punches,
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bob can be ornery, vile and rude,
Fa la la la la la la la la
And that's just when he's in a good mood,
Fa la la la la la la la la.




Ring The Bell

Dashing through Montreal,
Bret called it a sin
All he had to do
Was give Michaels a win (ha ha ha)

But then Bret refused
Vince had to do some-thing
So when HBK trapped Bret
It was time for the bell to ring

Ring the bell,
Ring the bell,
Ring the fucking bell
Vince regrets that 'Bret Screwed Bret'
Still, he was damned to hell - oh!

Ring the bell,
Ring the bell,
Ring the fucking bell
He'll get screwed, by Turner's brood
When Ted decides to sell.




Koko The Bird Man

Koko The Bird Man,
Was some guy who always lost,
With his rainbow hair and suspenders-pair
He entertained at any cost.

Koko The Bird Man
Loved to sing and dance a lot,
Must have been surprised, when he realized
That his services were no longer sought.

There must have been some magic in
That old macaw he found
For when he put on its perch
It made an annoying sound

Koko The Bird Man
Promised us that he could fight
But it's not the same thing, when you're in a ring
For thirty bucks a night

Thumpetty thump thump
Thumpetty thump thung
Look at Koko lose
Thumpetty thump thump
Thumpetty thump thump
I'll bet he's turned to booze

Koko The Bird Man
Can't you get a real job?
I don't really care, about Frankie Ware
Even if that makes me a S.O.B.

Koko The Bird Man
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye, saying "Don't you cry.
I just got hired by TNA."




The Twelve Days of SmackDown

On the first SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
A win over Booker T.

On the second SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Two Basham Brothers,
And a win over Booker T.

On the third SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the fourth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the fifth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the sixth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the seventh SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Seven ditzy divas,
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the eighth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Eight jobbers jobbing,
Seven ditzy divas,
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the ninth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Nine of the Guerreros,
Eight jobbers jobbing,
Seven ditzy divas,
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the tenth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Ten Rey-Rey's leaping
Nine of the Guerreros,
Eight jobbers jobbing,
Seven ditzy divas,
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the eleventh SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Eleven Orlando matches,
Ten Rey-Rey's leaping,
Nine of the Guerreros,
Eight jobbers jobbing,
Seven ditzy divas,
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.

On the twelfth SmackDown taping,
My booker gave to me:
Twelve Tazz's-A-Tazzing (Hey, YOU try to come up with something better after eleven verses!!!)
Eleven Orlando matches,
Ten Rey-Rey's leaping,
Nine of the Guerreros,
Eight jobbers jobbing,
Seven ditzy divas,
Six Dead Men Walking,
Five minute vignettes,
Four general managers,
Three white stretch limos,
Two Basham Brothers
And a win over Booker T.




I Saw Mommy Kissing Charlie Haas

I saw mommy kissing Charlie Haas
In a hilarious sketch last night
She didn't see me creep
In the locker room to have a peep
She never saw I was there,
Like all the other backstage cameras; no one seems to care.

Then, I saw mommy groping Charlie Haas
Yet, this never seemed to prompt a fight
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Jackie had only seen
Mommy screwing Charlie Haas last night.




Randy The Smug-Faced Orton

Randy the smug-faced Orton,
Had a very large e-go,
And if you ever fought him,
You would get an RKO.

All of the other wrestlers,
Never viewed him as a peer,
They never let poor Randy
Into a match of the year.

Then one sunny summer eve,
Vince McMahon came to say
"Even though you're not-so-bright,
Won't you lead this brand tonight?"

Then all the fans, they loved him,
Well -- except for me and you,
But if the company keeps saying that,
Eventually it might come true!





and that's not all. If you act NOW, you can get renditions of the classic carols "Feliz Juventud", "Good King Lawler" and "Here Comes Snitsky Claus" ABSOLUTELY FREE. Send your feedback and, uh, I don't know, $250 or so, to bulldog@onlineonslaught.com. And remember, if you heard it here first, it's Inside The Ropes.




TONS of great last-minute wrestling-related gift ideas (YOU'RE F'NG WELCOME!!!) in the latest Inside The Ropes!!!
Check out the ITR Website, featuring the ridiculously expensive Canadian BullBLOG!!!
Promote this thread!
Gugs
Bierwurst








Since: 9.7.02
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)

Since last post: 519 days
Last activity: 5 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.06
Great stuff, Bulldog.



"He is the most overrated piece of crap in the league. He bitched and whined after he got his ass beaten in New England last year, so the NFL changed the rules. Then he got his ass beaten in New England again. Every year he's the top MVP candidate. Every year he's supposed to be the best. Every year he's going to carry the Colts to the Super Bowl. And every single year he goes to New England and gets his ass beaten. And his brother's a whiny little bitch." -A friend of mine, on Peyton Manning

1,000 (bushflash.com)
BigSteve
Pepperoni








Since: 23.7.04
From: Baltimore, MD

Since last post: 2843 days
Last activity: 2571 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.97
Triple H is coming to town?

I'm speechless. That was fantastic.
Net Hack Slasher
Banger








Since: 6.1.02
From: Outer reaches of your mind

Since last post: 3591 days
Last activity: 2011 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
That was amazing! Triple H Is Coming To Town was just classic... Wreck Your Match and Ring The Bell was fantastic as well.

But I do think I'd rather have a lump of coal than Eleven Orlando matches lol... She never saw I was there, Like all the other backstage cameras; no one seems to care. (Ha)

(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 23.12.04 2156)


The Thrill sayz "a snapshot taken in mid-air when Santa's magic sack finally bursts"... Ahh a mental image for the festive season.
Thread rated: 5.19
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I'm so completely hopeless - thanks once again. (Edit: Your links have an extra / that my IE is having trouble with, so I just went back and changed the original post to the right links. Yay.)
- thecubsfan, the recap thread (2003)
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