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The W - Guest Columns - Inside The Ropes (Special Third of July Edition)
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Since: 5.3.03

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#1 Posted on
Inside The Ropes
July 3, 2003
By Canadian Bulldog

No time to do one of my patented cute openings this week, as we have a lot to get to! Hi, there, my name is Canadian Bulldog and this is Inside The Ropes. Needless to say, we have another JAM-PACKED edition here for you.

Trivia Question: Answer to follow

Who is the best worker ever?
(a) Benoit
(b) Kurt Angle
(c) Diamand Dallas Page
(d) Tatsumi Fujinami
(e) Charlie Horse and Sheldon Benjamin
(f) Tito The Dragon Santana
(g) Chris Benoit

This just in!!!! Hulk ``Hollywood'' Hogan has been released by World Wrestling Entertainment Corp.!!! According to a statement on their Website, Hogan was making comments on the HBO show Sex In The City about the company that weren't true, such as him being their biggest star. The WWE said that Hogan ``needs to get help for the sake of him and his family.'' !!!

This is sad news from where I sit (in my living room, at my computer desk). While Hulk wasn't the youngest superstar on the roster, he was definitely the most talented. For those of you new to the business, here is a brief retrospective on the career of ``The Great One'':

Hogan was an icon in The Old WCW and after the invasion angle did so well, he was invited in to try his luck against WWF's best. He had a classic encounter with Rocky Maivia at WrestleMania X-X-7 last year and then he challenged Undisputed World Champion Triple HHH for the belt and won it, to the delight of fans everywhere.

Hogan left for a while last year because the WWF changed its name to WWE. He then came back to fight former commentator Vince McMacMahon at Wrestle Mania in another power-packed bout.

Then, for some reason, he was suspended, and got tired of waiting out his contract. Rumor has it he's headed back to Hollywood, where he made great films as No Holds Barred: The Match, The Movie, Superstar Commando, Mr. American Nanny and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Visit Mega Mountain and he also made cameo appearances on shows such as Alf and The Hogan Family.

While it hasn't been confirmed yet, the gossip web site Isn't It Cool? News says he's in talks to film a sequel to the movie The Incredible Hulk which will be called Hulk vs Hulk: Return of Hulk. Can't wait for that one!!!

Also, Rowdy Scot Roddy Piper and The Houdini of Hardcore Crash Hardy were fired this week.

I continue to be impressed by the work of The Big Damn Machine Kane! Now that he's all unmasked and furious, can anyone stop him? Don't tell anyone you heard it here, but a little bird told me that he's going to be spending the summer – FEUDING!!!- with one RDV!!!

Calling Drill Sergeant Slaughter: Please come back to television. The World (Wrestling Entertainment Federation) needs you!!!

Current plans are underway for Olympic Champion Kurt Angel to test his mettle (pun not intended) against Former Olympic Champion Brock Lesnor at the next pay-per-view extravaganza, Vengeance Is Mine. I never thought I'd see the day when these two gladiators would lock horns, but it should be a somewhat decent match.

And hopefully, once they're done with that little feud, maybe its time to put some New Stars into the title picture. What about Mr. America, for pete's sake? The guy's earned his shot! Or what about Zak "Don't Call Me Larry" Gowan? And what about Raven????

Where the heck is Prisoner Nathan Jones these days? The guy practically carried Smack! Down all by himself…

Is Lance Storm as boring as everyone says he is these days? Yes!!!

Fans everywhere rejoice:Badd Mr. Ass Billy Gun is headed back to the WWE!!! All the so-called "experts" said that Gunn was "finished" because of his torn neck "injury". Well, those same "experts" were "wrong" because they didn't "factor" in one "thing". Mr. Ass has lots of Mr. Heart!!! Hmm, maybe that should be his new catchphrase.

The undefeated streak is over!!! It seems as though this weekend's edition of Eric Bischoff's Monday Night Raw sees the end of Rodney Max's streak, after the one and only Bill Goldenberg gave him the dreaded spear! You have to believe that Max's manager T.D. Long is hopping mad and may have to open up a can of Gatorade on Goldenberg's behind!!!

If anyone can make it as a singles star, its Rosie, formerly of Three Man Warning. Perhaps you, too, could be managed by T.D. Long, creating a superstable with Max, Christopher Lewinsky, and Jasz

Where has Velocity been all my life? What a great little show, packing in everything you may have missed on shows such as Smack! Down and Heat. Keep this stuff up, folks!

Folks, I've just gotten word that next week… right here in this very column!!!! I'll be interviewing none other than The New People's Champ, The Rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If any of you little Rockamaniacs out there have a question for "The Greatest One" email it to me at So far, these are the questions I have:

(1) How tall are you in real life?
(2) Where do you get off telling Steve Austin he can 'Go The F Home' ?
(3) What movies have you made so far?

And now, in honor of the Late, Great Hulk Hogan, here's a Hulk-like promo to introduce Q&A:

"Well, lemme tell you somethin', brothers and sisters! What are you going to do, when the largest arms in the world, read the mailbag for Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! Boom-shaka-laka!!"

Q: Is Lance Storm really that boring?
A: Not really. It depends.
Q: Aren't you sick of these angles where Vince drags us along for weeks and weeks at a time, and they never deliver a payoff?
A: No.
Q: Hi, Bulldog. I'm a Canadian wrestling fan, and I love your column. One question: Did you see the HBO special last week where they talked about drug use in professional wrestling?
A: How small a world is that? I'm from Canada too!
Q: Do you know who's on the upcoming house show in my area?
A: DETROIT, July 1 /PRNewswire/ -- This August 19, pick up that favorite reclining chair and toss it aside! It's time to witness WWE the way it's intended to be seen -- live -- and at Joe Louis Arena. The feuding, chair-throwing, body-slamming, name-calling phenomena called WWE SmackDown will rock
Detroit's Joe Louis Arena 7:30 p.m. August 19. Tickets go on sale at 10 a.m. on Saturday, July 19.
The superstars* of WWE will bring the drama of SmackDown, the top-rated UPN show, center stage at Joe Louis Arena where local fans will have the rare opportunity to be part of the live television audience. If you haven't witnessed the action of WWE live -- you don't know what you're missing!
Tickets ($15, $20, $30 and $45) for WWE SmackDown go on sale at 10 a.m. Saturday, July 19 at the Joe Louis Arena and Fox Theatre box offices, and Hockeytown Authentics in Troy (without service charges) and all Ticketmaster locations, including Marshall Field's. Charge by phone to Visa, MasterCard,
American Express and Discover at 248-645-6666 or purchase online at or . For information, call the Olympia Entertainment event hotline at 313-471-6606 or visit the Olympia Entertainment Web site at .
Q: What's D-Lo Brown up to these days?
A: D-Lo Brown, real name Don Brown, is currently parting ways with World Wrestling Entertainment. He can be seen wrestling elsewhere; not sure where. Thanks for the compliment.

That's all for this week folks, but if you have any news, rumors, complaints or feedback (no complaints, please), email me at Or for those without internet access, go to a library and email me at

(edited by CANADIAN BULLDOG on 3.7.03 1957)
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Didn't Foley say the stuff Russo had written for the future was so awful they just threw it out? It would seem weird that one of the few things they kept was "Old Woman Gives Birth to Sex Toy".
- A-MOL, The Execution (2002)
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