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The W - Guest Columns - Inside The Ropes - EXCLUSIVE WrestleMania XXX Predictions!!!
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CANADIAN BULLDOG
Andouille








Since: 5.3.03
From: TORONTO

Since last post: 454 days
Last activity: 452 days
ICQ:  
#1 Posted on
Inside The Ropes
By Canadian Bulldog
Pulitzer Prize Winning Jornalist; Interim President, Scott Keith Fan Club

"Sometimes love… is like a slow dance.'' – Ware, Koko B., 1987.

First off, just wanted to give stupid mad props to the folks who put together the official Canadian Bulldog fan club. For details, click right here. Thanks for all the support!!!

If you couldn't already tell, this is Inside The Ropes and I'm Canadian Bulldog, one of the most read names on the Internet, and your host on this magical, mythical and mostly misleading journey into the world of pro wrestling.

Breaking news: the latest WWEE pay-per-view spectacular, Batman Vengeance, is just around the corner. Here's an EXCLUSIVE JAM-PACKED SNEAK PEAK at what to expect. The following preview is the EXCLUSIVE property of Bulldog Entertainment Inc., and may not be reproduced on other web site without crediting me AND winnerboard.com .

Main Event -- Kurt Angel vs Brock Lesnor vs Best Show, Charlie Horse and Sheldon Benjamin, The Best Goddamn Tag Team Today. Should be a classic!

Intergender Match –- Zak ``Don't Call Me Larry'' Gowan vs Mister MacMcMahon. It's like MacMahon said the other week: If Zack didn't survive cancer, there's no WAY in hell he'll be able to survive a wrestling match against The Boss. They're using this match to get Vince ready for his match against Brok at SummerofSam next month.

Special Challenge Match -- Stephanie MacMohon vs Sabel The Wild Cat. The real winners of this match will be the fans!!!

Tag Team WAR -- Team Angel vs Everbody Loves Ray Misterio and Billy The Kid-Sized Man. Look for the team of to come out on top in this barnburner!!!

`I Respect You, Bookerman' Match -- Cain the Undertaker vs John Ceno. This one is too close to call. If I had to pick a winner, I'd give it to the winner of The Decade of Destruction award, aka Sara Under Taker.

U.S. Title Tournament –- Not sure of the brackets at this point, but expect Chris Benwah, The Rookie Monster Rhino Richards, Eddie Guerrera, Big Ass Billy Gunn and Matt Hardee's Version 2.0 to be involved in some capacity.

Bar Room Rumble –- The rules for this one are simple: Two wrestlers enter the bar, and then they're joined by another wrestler every two minutes, until the opponent is either too drunk to continue or dead. I have a feeling that The Full-Bodied Italians will come out on top of this one; after all, it is their specialty match.

Interview time! We have another EXCLUSIVE, JAM-PACKED interview for you this week, with none other than The Highlight of The Night, 60-time World Champion, The Natural Boy, Ricky Flair. What follows is the EXCLUSIVE, JAM-PACKED, unedited transcript!!!

CB: Hi, this is Canadian Bulldog from Inside The Ropes. How are you today?
RF: Fine, thank you.
CB: Question number one: Why did you leave WCW?
RF: Beg your pardon?
CB: WHY DID YOU LEAVE WCW?
RF: Uh… wait… who are you looking for?
CB: Question number two: How did you develop your famous catch-phrase "Woo-hooooooooo!"
RF: Oh…. Wait…. You're looking for Ric Flair?
CB: Woo-hoooooooo! (laughs)
RF: Uh…. How do I put this? I'm not Ric. You've reached Ric Flair's Gold's Gym in Charlotte.
CB: That's great!
RF: So… the man you're looking for isn't here today.
CB: Woo-hoooooooo! (laughs again)
RF: And that means, uh… I'm not Ric. And I have customers here I have to…
CB: Question number three: Do you like being in Revolution?
RF: (sighs) Sir, I'm going to have to get my manager…
CB: Oh wow! Which one? Jay Jay Dillon, or Mr. Parfait?
RF: Goodbye (hangs up)
CB: Woo-hoooooooo! (laughs uncontrollably)

Heh hehe…. I said woo-hoooo to Rick Flare. That's something I thought I'd never get a chance to do.

For those of you wondering, Big Sex Killer Kevin Nash is doing just fine. He hasn't been on Monday Night Raw for a while now, but he'll be back and rarin' to go before you know it.

According to his official Website , Kevin Nash had successful surgery on Tuesday afternoon in Birmingham, Ala., to repair his left quadriceps muscle, which was completely torn off the bone. Dr. James Andrews informed World Wrestling Entertainment officials that Nash’s recovery will be slow and extensive, and that the former WWE Champion will be out of action for at least six months. Andrews added that he was happy with how the surgery went. Nash is currently in recovery, resting at the hospital in Birmingham. He is expected to return home in a few days.

Why in the name of Stuart Stone did Kane, The Mighty Damn Big Red Machine have to give a pedigree to Lynda McMacMahon? I know he's hideously scarred and still upset over the whole Paul-Burier-is-really-my-father thing, but that is NO REASON to legitimately injure the boss' daughter!

According to noted sports surgeon Dr. Andrew James, he can't operate on Lynda because she's ``not a wrestler.'' So she may have to go the guy who operated on Curt Angelle, Dr. Jhae-Dong Riviera.

Following the lead of such top wrestling journalists as Dave Scaia, I've decided to sell some of my wrestling collectibles on E.Bay. I have a wide variety of objects for sale, ranging from A pair of Billy Gun's socks to A picture of a skeleton that kind of looks like Le Parka's costume, to The WCW Hummer Driver Action Figure. To buy my stuff, visit here.

Is Chris Jerichon hilarious, or what?

Scott Keeth fan club update: No one has joined via my hotmail address yet, although I think there was one person who was interested. So, respond25@serv96i.deliverix.net, if you're reading this –- no, I don't suffer from depression, and the link to your website accidentally linked to something about pharmaceuticals. Anyways, if you want to join `Dud: The official Scott Keith Fan Club' email me back at Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com. That goes for the rest of you out there, too!!!

For those of you who don't know his work (and apparently, a lot of people on this board don't), he's the best writer EVER at 911Mania.com and wrote a book called Today... Inside The Very Ring! A Real Fan's Look At The Buzz On Pro Wrestling. Be sure to check out his stuff, and until next time.. BORROW THE BOOK!!!

Has anyone seen my Pasta Maker?

Now it's time for Q&A. Be sure to send your questions to Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com, or if you having trouble reaching me there, try Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com

Q: Can you tell me the origins of my favorite move, the suplex?
A: The move was developed in the 1940's by George Suplex, a German grappler who accidentally put his opponent in a front facelock, picked him up over his head, and dropped him down back-first on the ground. The rest was history. A similar story came from Mexican wrestler Miguel Huracanrana, but that's another story for another day.
Q: Do you know who all the former WCW U.S. Champions were?
A: No.
Q: Will they ever do another version of Tough Enough?
A: Maybe.
Q: Don't you think WWE should bring in cruiserweights such as Lo-Ki and Amazing Red?
A: No.
Q: What is the best match you've ever seen?
A: Probably the classic Brent Hurt vs Oren Hurt match from WrestleMania X-10 that ended in a draw.
Q: I have a question about the Nielsen ratings. When shows like Raw score, say, a 4.0 with a 5.2 overrun on hours of 3.8 and 4.5, what's the final rating for the show? Is it an average of the two shows plus the overrun, or a combined score? Or what?
A: It's much simpler than that. A guy named Neilson watches the show and gives it a score ranging from 2.0 to 8.4. That's it.
Q: What does the term `getting heat' mean?
A: It's when your cable company carries the show 'Sunday Night Heat'. Thanks for the compliment.

That wraps it up for this week. Don't forget – if you want to join my fan club, or Scott's fan club, or anybody else's; or if you just have a comment to make about my column; or even if you just need to talk, drop me a line (not literally!) at Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com. And remember, if you heard it here, it's…. Inside The Ropes!




The REAL Trish Stratus interview? A Scott Keith fan club? Plus the latest in hair care products in the newest Inside The Ropes!
Promote this thread!
Peter The Hegemon
Lap cheong








Since: 11.2.03
From: Hackettstown, NJ

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 1 day
#2 Posted on
My word, that was funny. "George Suplex", the bar room rumble rules, the double-mistake Weinerboard link; great stuff.

And thanks for the compliment.
dMr
Andouille








Since: 2.11.02
From: Edinburgh, Scotland

Since last post: 14 days
Last activity: 1 day
#3 Posted on

    Originally posted by CANADIAN BULLDOG
    "Sometimes love… is like a slow dance.'' – Ware, Koko B.


I dont know why that cracked me up but it did. No wonder someone set up a website in your honour ;)



SchippeWreck
Banger








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 20 hours
Last activity: 3 min.
#4 Posted on
Heh. Zack didn't survive cancer.

The links are hilarious. More links I say!

Great work CB!



CANADIAN BULLDOG
Andouille








Since: 5.3.03
From: TORONTO

Since last post: 454 days
Last activity: 452 days
ICQ:  
#5 Posted on
what the....?

No.

No...


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

This... can't be happening. All my hard work. My planning. (sniff) My dreams....



Batman Vengeance predictions? A Ricky Flare interview? Plus who the hell is Miguel Huracanrana? All these answers and more in the latest Inside The Ropes!
The King of Keith
Lap cheong








Since: 4.11.02
From: Winchester, VA

Since last post: 222 days
Last activity: 181 days
AIM:  
#6 Posted on
You know, I'm not usually a big fan, but my God, was that conversation at Ric Flair's Gold's Gym hilarious!!! I think I'm going to have to start reading this all the time!

You should call there and actually do that!



Yes, I like HHH! What's so wrong with that?
Tom Superior Fan #1
Medisterpoelse








Since: 26.7.03
From: Toronto

Since last post: 3984 days
Last activity: 3981 days
#7 Posted on
I can't believe how ignorant you are!!!!!

George Suplex?!?

You obviously haven't done your homework. The first suplex was done by the Japanese Overlord back in '73. He attempted to do a Super-plex, but realized that there were no ropes because he was in a boiler room brawl. His great improv skills on that cold night in '83, gave birth to the move now know as the SUPLEX.

Also, I don't agree with that line about Col. Mustafa having the best mic skills in the WCW.

COME ON! Get serious!



"To be the man, you've got to be the man! Whew!" - Ric Steamboat
CANADIAN BULLDOG
Andouille








Since: 5.3.03
From: TORONTO

Since last post: 454 days
Last activity: 452 days
ICQ:  
#8 Posted on

    Originally posted by Tom Superior Fan #1
    George Suplex?!?

    You obviously haven't done your homework. The first suplex was done by the Japanese Overlord back in '73. He attempted to do a Super-plex, but realized that there were no ropes because he was in a boiler room brawl. His great improv skills on that cold night in '83, gave birth to the move now know as the SUPLEX.



Uh.... yeah.

Boy, do I end up looking silly now.

Thanks for the compliment,

B-Dawg



Batman Vengeance predictions? A Ricky Flare interview? Plus who the hell is Miguel Huracanrana? All these answers and more in the latest Inside The Ropes!
Whitebacon
Boudin blanc








Since: 12.1.02
From: Fresno, CA

Since last post: 67 days
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
ICQ:  
#9 Posted on
OMG B-Dawgy...u shud totally inner-view Max Pain for teh next ITR



Baseball's Sad Lexicon

These are the saddest of possible words:
"Tinker to Evers to Chance."
Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,
Tinker and Evers and Chance.
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,
Making a Giant hit into a double-
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
"Tinker to Evers to Chance."

Franklin Pierce Adams ©

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TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open fireworks Rikishi (no hometown given, 320 pounds) vs Redd Dawg (no hometown given, 256 pounds, already in the ring) - Is that a new green outfit for Rikishi? Your announcers are everyone hates Marc Loyd and Cole.
- thecubsfan, Velocity [#28, 11/30/02] (2002)
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