The Recap for Impact Wrestling 5.19.2011, taped from the Impact Zone in Orlando, FL.
The video, color scheme, and set have been changed accordingly. The theme appears to be blue flames.
We open the show with Immortal sans Hogan and Flair. Bischoff asks if we like what he's "done with the joint." He takes credit for the new direction, saying that if Foley was in charge, it would be "Thumbtacks matter" and not wrestling matters. As Foley and Hogan are stuck in meetings, Bischoff and Flair are in charge today. Well, that's so new! Brian Kendrick and the X-Division guys interrupt, railing on Bischoff. Kendrick talks too fast so I can't understand much of what he says. He apparently wants to wrestle, but Eric promises to wipe out the X-Division tonight, garnering some heel heat for that statement. He notes that X-Division is not about weight limits, so he makes Abyss v Kaz for the title, Amazing Red v Samoa Joe, and Gen Me v Matt Hardy and Bischoff. FML. Kendrick says what about him, so Bischoff slaps him upside the head and the beatdown in on! Fortune makes the save (sans AJ) and Flair is about to blow a gasket. They brawl around ringside while Flair calls out Roode for a talk tonight. 0 for 1. Because nothing says new show like going back to the same recycled power struggle that has been ongoing in some form in TNA for about two years.
Someone purported to be Sting gets out of a limo, but we only see his feet.
Match 1: Miss Tessmacher, Tara, and Mickie James v Sarita, Rosita, and Madison Rayne: The story is that Madison wants no part of Tara. The rest are just filler. They do some sloppy stuff while I get distracted by the split screen as Anarquia and Hernandez are on commentary. Actually only Anarquia is, Hernandez just stands there and does nothing. Tessmacher gets a moderately hot tag to dish out a few clotheslines but gets caught in the heel corner and triple teamed. Tara gets the real hot tag, so Madison throws Rosita to the wolves to escape. Tara nails a sitout powerbomb for the win in about 4 minutes. 0 for 2. Sloppy. Tessmacher does not belong in the ring. Mexican America on commentary were useless and so was the split screen.
Apparently the Sting that got out of the limo is wearing old Sting gear, a fact to which Tenay is totally oblivious.
Match 2: X-Division Title: Kazarian(c) v Abyss: It goes standard power v speed early with Kaz moving and sticking until he gets caught in the corner with a splash. Kaz is just too fast here and Abyss has trouble catching him, eventually getting hit with a springboard elbow for a quick 2-count. Kaz escapes a chokeslam but runs into the Shock Treatment. Abyss wants a Vader Bomb but misses and fakes a knee injury. Kaz goes after the knee but gets killed with the Black Hole Slam in 6 minutes. 1 for 3. Smartly worked match, that was given enough time to tell a story.
Backstage, Gunner talks about how Eric Young stole his belt, and how funny it will be once he tracks Young down.
Match 3: Amazing Red v Samoa Joe: Red is back to being Red this week. He charges but Joe is all like, "bitch, please," and swats him away. Muscle Buster ends it in less than a minute. Joe beats on Red postmatch, so Crimson makes the save with a nice Exploder on Joe. 1 for 4. Squashariffic.
AJ Styles (with neck brace) hits the ring to call out Tommy Dreamer. AJ says he's a wrestler, so he doesn't mind the injuries. He says he knows Tommy did what he did because he was forced, and he doesn't hold Tommy responsible. They work in their Wrestling Matters tagline into their respective promos. Dreamer somehow takes this to mean that AJ's claiming Tommy couldn't beat him if he wasn't injured, and takes objection to it. He says he hurt AJ because he had no choice, but now he's doing it because he wants to. And there's your heel turn. Dreamer jumps AJ as the crowd gets on his case about selling out. AJ makes a brief comeback, but Dreamer goes back to the neck to gain control. Daniels makes the save and pushes Dreamer off, but Dreamer tries to cheapshot Daniels, only to get dominated. Ray hits the ring with a chain, and that goes badly for the faces. AJ eats the piledriver again to end the segment. 2 for 5. Nicely done, and it could lead to a tag which has potential.
They interact with some fans backstage. Sting pops up to say that he has a say in taking the power away from Hogan and Bischoff. Fake Sting is also walking around backstage. At this point it dawns on Tenay that it might not be the real Sting.
Kurt Angle hits the ring, looking rather chipper. "Ding dong, the bitch is dead!" Angle says Karen is gone thanks to Chyna, who apparently broke her ankle. He announces Jarrett v Angle for the #1 contendership at Sacrifice. Ugh. Jarrett heads to the ring to point out that he's beaten Angle in every singles match they've had. Jarrett doesn't want to fight him again unless Angle can up the stakes. Jarrett says he's better than Angle and points out that Kurt is not mentally competent to face him. Jarrett wants Angle to put the Gold Medals on the line, and Angle is ok with that. Karen (in wheelchair) interrupts to tell Angle that Jeff won't be alone at Slammiversary, but Velvet Sky pushes her (carefully) down the ramp - after calling her a "gremlin" - where Jeff braces himself in position for her fall. Aww. I guess that means Velvet will be in Angle's corner and Chyna was just a one-shot deal? 2 for 6. I actually liked JJ trying to get serious for a straight-up one-on-one match with Angle, but then they ruined it again with the introduction of the ladies. If the build takes a different direction than it has up to this point, I think they can turn it around for the next match. But whatever happens, I hope the feud ends at Slammiversary.
The Buck brothers decide to put aside their differences for the good of the X-Division.
Bischoff gets a call from Hogan and seems rather happy about whatever Hogan has managed to achieve. They bleep him out for saying what I can only assume was "Midget."
Match 4: Generation Me v Matt Hardy and Eric Bischoff: Matt Hardy controls when he's alone with a Buck, but the Bucks tag in and out and dominate him with tandem moves, including a sick kick series to the head. They work a smart story where Matt hits a big move on one of the Bucks, only for that guy to tag out, then the other Buck comes in and dominates with speed. Jeremy nails a splash for 2, but eats knees on a 450. Hardy wraps him up in the Scar, allowing Bischoff to come in with a kick and the pin in 6 minutes. 2 for 7. If you look at it as a handicap match between the Bucks and Hardy, this was decent enough. But the result was wrong, the finish was wrong, Bischoff wrestling and winning was wrong. The X-Division burial continues, though I doubt anyone cares about that.
Winter is in a room full of candles, and Angelina is still in a trance. Winter talks about how Velvet will never bother them again. She tells Angie to remember they were together in a different time and different place. Winter kisses her, but Angelina is zombied out, so she does nothing.
Match 5: Handicap Match: Velvet Sky v Winter and Angelina Love: Velvet's attention is focused mainly on Angelina, which allows Winter to hit her from behind and dominate. The heels tag in and out, until Velvet makes a comeback with a dropkick and a double clothesline for 2. She puts Angelina in a sleeper (which should have no effect on her), but Angie powers out and Winter comes in with a nifty backbreaker. She decides to tag Love back in, but she gets rolled up at around the 5-minute mark. 2 for 8. It was a nothing match that was just there to advance the story. Postmatch, ODB attacks Velvet Sky for no real reason. Velvet has ongoing feuds with Karen Jarrett, Winter, Love, and ODB right now. Impressive.
Eric Young is walking around with what I think is the old TNA title belt, directing a photoshoot with Ms. Tessmacher. He wants her to strip and demonstrates exactly what he wants her to do, only for Gunner to walk in, demanding the TV title. Young says he beat him for it when he eliminated him in the battle royale, so Gunner beats his ass. Young gets up, talking about how the two belts should be kept separate. Say what?
Ric Flair called out Robert Roode for injuring him at Lethal Lockdown. Flair says he's mad at himself for tapping out. Roode says it was just business. Flair taught him to take advantage and he did just that. He says Flair's time has come and gone, but Flair says people have been telling him that for 25 years. Maybe you should've listened to them, Ric? Flair promises to erase Roode from wrestling, but Roode doesn't want to fight him. Flair slaps him, and that gets him armbar-ed again. Immortal attack with chains and chairs, and apparently the rest of Fortune is out injured. They go medieval on his arm with the chairs.
Sting and NotSting are in the back.
Sting heads to the ring and puts over Impact Wrestling, and says he loves the place. He puts over RVD for taking him to the limit, saying he escaped by the skin of his teeth at Sacrifice. NotSting attacks with a bat and the Scorpion Death Drop before revealing himself as Anderson to no-one's surprise. 2 for 9. Wrestling matters, right? That's why we end the show with two interview segments? The Roode-Flair thing was ok, but this main-event segment sucked balls.
Wrestling Counter: 22 minutes.
The Score: 2 for 9: Same shit, different day. Different color, if you will. Five matches - one of which was a squash, one other was a throwaway 6-women tag, and one other featured Eric Bischoff getting the pin - amounted to 22 minutes, the show opened and closed with interview segments, we still have the power struggle going on between parties I cannot be bothered about, the Sting/NotSting thing rather pointless, and the neverending Jarrett/Angle feud continued. Who said this show was meant to be a new beginning? Wrestling matters, indeed.
Since Angle and Jarrett has been played out so long, why not just throw the old Tommy Rich/Buzz Sawyer Last Battle of Atlanta stipulation out there. Roofed cage fight, but, with the agreement that there will NEVER be another match between the two again. No title matches, no tag matches, no 4 way matches, this would be the last time they ever meet. Might actually pop a buyrate number. Unfortunately though, they'll forget the stipulation 3 weeks later, but, it is an idea that hasn't been recycled in almost 30 years.
Positioning them as Lucy in this analogy is giving them too much credit. Lucy knew what she was doing - these guys...just wow. Although Bischoff booking himself to win a tag match the very same week the company announces its new "wrestling matters" mantra is almost too dumb for it to be accidental. Meltzer is gonna have a field day over this show, given how much he's hammered the "they have to prove they're serious about this rebrand" thing all week.
Originally posted by redsoxnationSince Angle and Jarrett has been played out so long, why not just throw the old Tommy Rich/Buzz Sawyer Last Battle of Atlanta stipulation out there. Roofed cage fight, but, with the agreement that there will NEVER be another match between the two again. No title matches, no tag matches, no 4 way matches, this would be the last time they ever meet. Might actually pop a buyrate number. Unfortunately though, they'll forget the stipulation 3 weeks later, but, it is an idea that hasn't been recycled in almost 30 years.
I think Orton and Cena had that stipulation. It was softened to just that they couldn't ever wrestle again while Cena held the title, but they had their last match ever in at the end of October, and their next televised match was in mid-December, and they wrestled on house shows in between.
I love that it's nearly 15 years later and these people are STILL playing with Fake Stings! All we need it Tony Schiavone to go "Which one's the REAL Sting???", but I suppose Mike Tenay will work just as well. You THINK it might not be the real Sting, genius? THIS is WCWTNA iMPACT WRESTLING!
Let's celebrate this new devotion to wrestling by putting the X Division title on a non-X Division guy! Could be worse. Five years ago, it would have been Eric Bischoff. Today, Eric Bischoff is merely going over in throwaway tag matches.
So are Angle and Jarrett going to fight each other to the end of time like Popeye and Bluto? This isn't even a whole complaint, since their actual matches are fine, but come on, guys! Let's get something NEW!
Originally posted by John OrquiolaI think a more accurate analogy would be everyone who watches this show is Hans Moleman from The Simpsons in the movie Man Getting Hit By Football (in the groin).
Leave it to TNA to make me thankful that WWE doesn't use the word "wrestling" anymore. I only watched the first hour, but heard the word wrestling more in that hour than I can ever remember. Without even counting the word being in the title. Thank you TNA, for constantly reminding me I was watching a wrestling show with wrestlers, because I wouldn't have picked up on that otherwise. I feel somehow dumber now for having watched that hour, thankfully I had the season finales of The Office and Parks and Recreation to save myself.
I can't wait for Daniel Bryan to be savagely beaten into a coma by a returning Grenier, and for Derrick Bateman to make a tearful bedside confession about the time in community college that he did a Playgirl photoshoot under the pseudonym Mike Honcho.