Valentine's Day meant I missed out on last week's episode, though I caught it a few days later. Things are getting interesting on the job front, so I'm going to breeze through this recap tonight. Let's dive in!
PREVIOUSLY ON IMPACT WRESTLING! The Aces interjected themselves into the world title picture, despite not having a single person in their stable that's world title caliber. Hulk Hogan held a tournament last week and the #1 contender was NOT named, thanks to the Aces. They're the gift that keeps on giving, aren't they? Impact Wrestling from London starts NOW!
No opening pyro. We are taped from Wembley Arena in London, England. Tonight, Rob Van Dam defends the X Division championship and Tara defends the Knockouts title in a four corners match.
But of course, it wouldn't be TNA if we didn't start with the "Not the nWo" porno music to bring out HULK HOGAN, the center of the universe. Hulk shills to the crowd for cheap pops. Hulk was rudely interrupted by the Aces last week, but now he's ready to name the #1 contender to the world title. That man is...BULLY RAY. Yes, the same Bully Ray that didn't compete in last week's tournament at all, thus making last week's ENTIRE SHOW...you guessed it...COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
Ray is speechless and almost in tears, because THAT'S the guy that got over as a huge babyface! Oh wait, it TOTALLY ISN'T! Ray admits that a bunch of guys that wrestled last week deserve the shot more than he does, but he's not going to give it to them, of course. Instead, he's going to gush about Brooke Hogan some more. Yup. Ray wants to take care of the Aces tonight, so he suggests a 6-man tag with the Aces facing Bully Ray, Sting, and...Hulk Hogan! Oh, DEAR GOD! Hogan accepts! God help us all! Hit the porno music!
I really should have skipped another week.
Backstage, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode talk about Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez interjecting themselves last week. Christopher Daniels and Kazarian enter the picture and they congratulate the champs. They all have an 8-man tag for tonight and they want the champs to follow their lead tonight. They exit, as Roode and Aries argues over who gets to take the lead.
It's 8-man action, next!
KAZARIAN, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS, AUSTIN ARIES & BOBBY ROODE v. HERNANDEZ, CHAVO GUERRERO, JOSEPH PARK & "COWBOY" JAMES STORM Taz's commentary continues to grow more obnoxious by the week. Also, nice to see that James Storm is still floating around aimlessly.
Storm and Daniels start off. Daniels shoves Storm, so Storm smacks him. That leads to a wrestling sequence, which Daniels wins. Storm hits a backdrop and clotheslines Daniels out, but here's Roode to dispose of Storm. We quickly devolve into a Pier 6. Park looks completely lost...which is part of his character, of course. The faces stand tall, as the heels regroup to take us to our next ad break.
We come back with Chavo hitting a swinging headscissors. Park tags in to a pop and works over Kaz in the corner. Kaz pokes the eye, but can't whip Park. Crossbody gets Kaz nowhere. Daniels takes Park down from behind, allowing Kaz to work him over in the heel corner. The champs make simultaneous tags and argue over who gets to pound Park. Ha! They try to settle for a double-team suplex, but it's blocked and they argue some more! They get in a shoving match, so Daniels tags himself in and goes back to work, as Taz rambles on about some inane bullshit that's NOT the match. "It's going to be a long two hours, isn't it, Mike?" asks Keneley. I love shoot comments and all that. Bad Influence trade off tags and notably keep the champs out of the match. Daniels slowly works over the face, as the champs continue to reach for the tag. Park gets a shoulder thrust, allowing Aries to tag himself in. Aries comes in, so ROODE tags himself in! And when he comes in, Kaz tags himself in hard and Roode sells it! HA! Now the heels are all arguing amongst themselves, but Park still can't make the hot tag. Park clotheslines Bad Influence and we have a triple KO. Bad Influence reach for the tag...and the champs take a walk! Storm gets the hot tag and he cleans house on Bad Influence. Kaz eats a Backcracker and Daniels gets Closing Time. Hernandez tags in and hits Daniels with the NFL tackle. Chavo tries to finish with the Frog Splash, but Kaz breaks up the pin, so Chavo nails im with the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Last Call on Kaz hits and Park gets the honor of finishing with the second-rope splash for the pin.
WINNERS: James Storm, Joseph Park, Hernandez & Chavo Guerrero - Pretty decent TV match. I'll consider it an early birthday present if TNA gives me a Roode & Aries/Bad Influence feud.
Post-match, the faces celebrate with beer.
Let's go to earlier tonight where Hulk Hogan rendered last week's entire show completely pointless.
Later tonight...ugh...the "main event"
We take another look at British Boot Camp.
ROBBIE E (w/ROBBIE T) v. ROCKSTAR SPUD E uses his size advantage on Spud early. Spud comes back with a dropkick, but the corner charge eats boot. Fist pump and second-rope splash hit. E wastes a lot of time. Corner charge misses and Spud makes the babyface comeback. Tornado DDT hits. Bass Drum (guillotine legdrop) misses. E wants the clipboard, but T won't let go of it, and Spud gets the outside cradle for the pin in a two-minute special.
WINNER: Rockstar Spud - Blech. It's going to be interesting to see if Spud's act translates here in the U.S.
Post-match, E gets in T's face. E slaps T! T throws down the clipboard and takes the shirt off! E backs off! T stalks E down the ramp. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a face turn!
Later tonight, something they're calling a main event! But up next, it's a four corners elimination match for the KO championship!
VELVET SKY v. GAIL KIM v. MISS TESSMACHER v. TARA (w/JESSIE): FOUR CORNER ELIMINATION KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH We go back to three weeks ago, where Velvet Sky pinned Tara in a mixed tag match. We then go back to last Thursday, where Gail Kim won for her team. We then go back to two weeks ago where Tess beat Tara in a non-title match. BROOKE HOGAN comes out after everyone's introduced, because...hell if I know. Let's start with an ad break!
We come back with Taryn Terrell immediately ejecting Jessie, at Brooke Hogan's orders. Pier 4 starts off. We exchange roll-ups! Whoa, ladies! Let's not use up all those devastating moves all at once! The heels gang up on Sky. Tara htis the tilt-a-whirl sideslam, but Gail breaks up the pin. Why? It's an ELIMINATION match! Oh, it's because Gail wants the pin for herself! Gotcha! That...still doesn't make sense. Anyway, the heels get in each other's faces and the alliance falls apart. Announcers are so enthralled with these proceedings that they argue with Taz about the Aces. Yup. Tara misses in the corner, as Gail focuses on Tess on the outside. Tess hits a bulldog on the outside. The faces double-team Tara. Tara hangs Sky on the top rope, so Tess brings her in the hard way. Tara brings Tess down with a drop toehold. Tara slams Tess and hits the top-rope moonsault! Sky suddenly swoops in with her finisher, but Gail breaks up the pin again. She disposes of Sky and steals the pin for herself, eliminating Tara! And we are guaranteed a new champion tonight!
Tess makes the babyface comeback on Gail. Tess goes up, but gets crotched. Gail wants the superplex, but here's Velvet! TOWER OF DOOM~! Everyone's dead until Sky covers Gail for 2. Sky looks to finish Gail, but Tess rolls Sky up...and it gets reversed for the pin to end Tess's night!
Gail pounds away on Sky. Gail's corner charge eats boot and Sky makes the babyface comeback. Gail hits a seated dropkick and grabs the ropes, but Taryn Terrell catches it. Gail gets in her face, but continues the offense on Sky. Sky tries a sunset flip, but Gail holds on to the ropes to stave it off. Taryn Terrell gets in her face and throws Gail off the ropes. How is THAT legal? Gail wasn't trying for a Flair pin or anything! What was THAT? That opening allows Velvet to finish with the Carpet Muncher (I'm not calling it the "In Yo' FACE!", no matter how bad Keneley wants me to) for the pin and the title.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Velvet Sky - Very good four-way for the Knockouts. A lot of ways they can go with this and I like how interesting the division could get in the next few weeks, even if I'm not enthralled with the new champ.
Let's go to earlier tonight, where Bully Ray gets Hulk Hogan to wrestle again. God help us all.
Backstage, Hulk Hogan and Sting have an elders discussion. Sting exits Hogan's locker room and visits Bully Ray, as they talk about how excited they are to tag with a senior citizen.
Alleged main event is later tonight.
It's been 2 months since we've seen AJ Styles, so cameras will visit him in Gainesville, GA next week.
We recap the angle that shows us how much of an idiot Kurt Angle is.
GARRETT BISCHOFF v. "THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE" SAMOA JOE There is absolutely ZERO reason this shouldn't be a one-sided ass-kicking in Joe's favor. NONE!
Bischoff stalls to start. And it's a whole lot of stalling. Stall-o-rama. Joe gives chase and Bischoff catches him coming in. Bischoff gets some token blows before Joe comes back. Bischoff rakes the eyes and takes Joe down by the legs. Bischoff hits the resthold at a whole 30 seconds into the match, because of course he does. Bischoff pounds away in the corner, but that doesn't last long. Bischoff takes Joe down again and chokes away. Joe is selling WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much in this match. Bischoff hits a flying shoulderblock for 2. Time to hit the chinlock. Naturally. Joe makes the babyface comeback. Joe chokes away in the corner and hits the running boot. Joe calls for the Muscle Buster and since he NEVER calls to the crowd for his finisher, I'm going to take a wild guess and say we're going to get interference. And just to REALLY that hammer home, Joe stalls in setting up the Muscle Buster. First, by giving Bischoff last rites...then by chopping him for a bit. Oh, there you are, WES BRISCO! Better late than never, I suppose. nWo run-in! Welcome to 1997!
WINNER BY DQ: Samoa Joe - Just Another Shitty Aces Match! The fact that this company is trying so hard to put Bischoff and Brisco at Angle and Joe's level is such a joke.
Post-match, Joe tries to kill Brisco dead, but the heel beatdown is on. Here's KURT ANGLE to make the save and the heels run off. Kurt grabs the mic and promises pain for Brisco. The kind of pain that the actual match will inflict on the viewer at home, I'm sure. And sure enough, Kurt says it's him and Brisco at Lockdown one-on-one in a steel cage. Hoooooooly cats, that is going to SUUUUUUUUCK!
Coming up next, Rob Van Dam defends against Kenny King!
KENNY KING v. ROB VAN DAM: X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Ok...this HAS to be the point where King finally goes over, right? He can only come up short so many times before we have a Prime Time Losers situation and he ends up unsalvageable.
King blindsides Van Dam with a dropkick to start and stomps away on the outside. King drives Van Dam into the steel post. First-rope springboard legdrop misses. Van Dam comes back and COMPLETELY whiffs on a kick to the head. Shoulder thrusts in the corner hit. King's corner charge eats elbow, but he's able to drag Van Dam down. King bends over Van Dam's face and does the "Points to Self" bit on his ass! HA! Standing side kick gets 2. Time to hit the chinlock. Vertical suplex and King floats over to the mounted punches. Back to the chinlock. King's corner charge hits the spinning heel kick. Dueling chants are up, which means a chunk of this crowd is turning on Van Dam! Yikes! Van Dam chucks King into the turnbuckles. Van Dam holds up King and points to himself...but less than half the crowd gives him "ROB! VAN! DAM!" Uh-oh! Van Dam kicks King in the face. Van Dam looks out to the crowd again. This time, we get a louder "ROB! VAN! DAM!" Monkey flip, but King lands on his feet and he meets Van Dam with a running seated dropkick! King wants to finish with the Royal Flush and Van Dam's too far from the ropes, so he has to kick out at 2! Oh no! King brings down his kneepads, but the corner charge misses! Rolling Thunder hits! Five-Star Frog Splash finishes for Van Dam!
WINNER: Rob Van Dam - Yeah, this isn't going to happen for King, is it? And it's sad, because Van Dam could BARELY keep up with him.
Backstage, Brooke Hogan tries to convince her father not to wrestle. Hulk says he has to do this for himself and his family. Brooke regales us with ACTING!
The "main event" is next.
Here's another recap of what happened to Jeff Hardy. In an interview earlier today, Jeff says that the doctors say he should be good to go next week. Hey, just in time for TNA to come back to the United States! Ain't that a coincidence? We see Hulk Hogan name Bully Ray the #1 contender earlier tonight. Jeff says Bully's a hell of an opponent...wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop! If this interview took place earlier today (and we can see it, because it's DAYLIGHT behind Jeff!), how does Jeff know that Ray got named #1 contender if that only happened EARLIER IN THE SHOW? Look, guys, I get that this is taped, but COME ON! At least TRY and maintain some sort of illusion, would you? So yeah, next week, Jeff Hardy returns.
ACES & EIGHTS v. STING, BULLY RAY & HULK HOGAN The Aces are represented by Devon, Doc, and Anderson. The faces all come out separately, but when the "Not the nWo" porno music hits, no one comes out. The music hits again. Nothing. Oh goodie, a BAIT & SWITCH! The Aces attack and I guess the match is on.
The triple team is on and Hebner does nothing, because he's inept. Announcers note that the Aces love to exploit the numbers game. I'm sorry, but The Shield, they are not. Ray takes down Devon and Anderson and the faces clear out the Aces. Let's go to our final ad break of the night.
We come back with the Aces working over Ray. Doc goes to work and measures Ray for...a STOMP! Shockingly, this gets 2. Time for some choking. Now for some kicking. After that exhausting offensive flurry, Devon tags in and works over Ray with some punching. "Stone Cold" Ken Anderson tags in and works over Ray in the heel corner. Doc tags in with more punches. Now Devon hits the chinlock. BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!! Ray hits the back suplex, but can't make the hot tag, because we haven't seen enough of the Aces on offense. So here's Anderson with an elbow. That's followed with MORE PUNCHING! Now for some choking! Come on, guys, give me a fucking WRESTLING MOVE! Doc comes in for EVEN MORE PUNCHING, so Ray makes the comeback. But Doc's able to stop that flurry with another round of fresh PUNCHING! Devon tags in and gives us...wait for it...MORE PUNCHING! Devon comes off the ropes and eats a spear. Ray finally makes the hot tag and Sting cleans house on the Aces. Heel miscommunication takes down Devon and Sting hits Doc with the Scorpion Deathdrop, but Anderson breaks up the pin. Sting slams Anderson and they want the WAZZUP DROP, but here are WES BRISCO and MIKE KNOX holding BROOKE HOGAN hostage, because that cliche hasn't been played out yet. Two more Aces have HULK HOGAN beaten down right behind them. Ray chases them all off. Somehow, there's still a MATCH happening during all this, so Sting puts Anderson in the Scorpion Deathlock and Doc wipes him out with a big boot. Is Hebner even TRYING to referee this match anymore? I get the sense that he just wants to see this match end, just like I do, so he counts the pin.
WINNERS: Aces & Eights - Just Another Shitty Aces Match! And man, was this one a stinker. They get a sarcastic slow clap for remembering who the legal men were, but this match can bite my left one.
Post-match, the beatdown is on, as we, once again, timewarp back to 1997. Ray and Brooke check on Hulk and completely ignore Sting. The Aces all pose in the ring. Closing credits are up and we're out!
Do I even want to bother with that Lockdown main event? Could they make it anymore obvious that the Aces are going to get involved in some capacity and turn that into a screwjob finish? Why would I want to fork over money for that? And again, what was the point of that entire charade from last week if Hulk Hogan was just going to do his own thing and name Bully Ray the #1 contender anyway?
We've reached the point where the Aces angle is single-handedly dragging down the entire show. It's literally the same shit I used to watch 15 years ago, except with a far less interesting cast of characters. Who thinks this is a good idea? And who thinks it's a good idea to allow this angle to drag on for this long?
I need a drink. Until next time! Take us home, Joseph Park!
I would love to get a Bad Influence feud with Aries and Roode after Lockdown and they seemed to hint at it during the eight man tag team match. I wish they would just pull the plug on Chavo andHernandez, they are awfull I loved the fans booing Chavo went he went for the frog splash and does the three amigos suplexes. Ugh Velvet is champ again she is TNA's Kelly Kelly at this stage back in the day she was interesting. The knockouts need new blood and I have zero interest in a Taryn-Gail Kim feud.. The Aces and Eights stuff is so bad and the Garrett-Joe match wasn't pretty. I find it funny how Garrett and Wes are the most bumbling members of the Job squad. How unbearable is Taz on commentary? He's worse than even heel Cole was. Taz has been so terrible in TNA and really mails it in so much that he really deserves to be fired he's that bad and such a blight on the broadcast team. Why is RVd still the X champ? Why is he still employed? He always mails it in. The Main event was predictably bad, but kudos should go out to the job squad for winning their first match in forever and not looking like total jobbers.mi prefer Ray as a heel and think turning him and making him the leader of he Aces is preferable to making Eric Bischoff or Jeff Jarrett the leader and IMO Bully is deserving of a title reign. Anyway I thought this show was a drop off from the previous three weeks of shows and I'm not super excited about where the promotion is headed.
Originally posted by Matt TrackerWhen was the last time Sting was pinned cleanly?
Bash 1992 against Vader? ;)
It's such an odd ending to the match. Bubba is the guy who has to eat the pin there. Shocked by the sight of the Hogans besmirched, he's hit from behind and loses. Aces and Eights can brag it beat up Hulk, terrorized Brooke, and beat the Hogan-in-Law.
Sting losing (to a running boot!) is ... well, it's just kinda there. And Sting getting pinned without being hit by a bat or a crowbar or a meteor is kinda a big deal, but it's lost in all the angle. Unless we're seeing the start of actual effectiveness against the big guns of TNA.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Originally posted by Matt TrackerBut they ... just had ... a match ...
And we'll be expected to forget this when Ray lifts his hoodie like Darth Maul, drops his New York accent, and monologues his evil intent in perfect Shakespearean tones.
I AM SIR BULLWORTH RAYMOND OF THE DOWNTON DUDLEYS! I SHAN'T ABIDE YOUR GOODNESS ANY LONGER! HAVE AT THEE!
It would make absolutely zero sense in the worst kind of way...but I'll forgive all of it if it means we can go back to having THAT Bully Ray again. The over-the-top, always-yelling, badass-with-a-sense-of-comedy-and-dramatics Bully Ray. Not the "I...AM IN LAHVE WITH BROOKE HOGAN" Bully Ray.
Originally posted by It's FalseSoooooo about King Mo...the guy that TNA has had on one of their PPV's, the guy they've been touting as one of the faces of Bellator MMA, and the guy whose TNA debut they've been hyping for a while?
This is one of those things that can only happen to TNA.
Pretty sure they knew there was a chance that he'd lose I doubt it will have any real effect on if he'll turn out to be a Wrestling star or not.
Originally posted by EcksI really hated that Hogan just decided Bully Ray was #1 contender, since the whole point of last week's episode was for someone to impress him and Hogan set up the matches. Argh.
I also don't like Bully Ray and his push, I know a lot of people here love him, I just can't buy him at the level he's getting pushed at.
The problem is Bully Ray was tearing it up as a heel. He was getting heat by just showing up that guys in TNA just don't normally get. People wanted to see him get clobbered, because he had it coming.
TNA got cute and made him one of Hogan's sidekicks which killed almost all of that I hope he gets clobbered heat. Even if he is the big reveal, he is going to have to start all over to get that momentum back.
Bully Ray should have been the first one revealed. His heat would have transferred to every other ham and egger that joined Aces and Eights, he instantly would have been the best worker of the group and the best on the mic. I'm not saying he could have saved this angle, but he could have kept it from becoming the drizzling shits that it is now.
I thought this show was great until they failed to deliver Hogan in action after hyping his match so much. Nominally, this was his 3rd ever TNA match (after the two part Hogan-Abyss/Flair-AJ match from Impact in 2010, and Hogan/Sting at BFG 2011). Also, I suppose its nice for Anderson to finally technically get a win over Hogan. I was surprised that the Anderson/Hogan feud in 2011 never got a match.
Yeah, what the fuck was that? For all intents and purposes, Heidenrendenreich was fucking him in the ass while muttering unsweet nuttings in his ear. A new low for Smackdown. (one of two on the show, the other being the RETURN of Gangrel and Viscera)