I actually have final exams next week (final, in more ways than one. I'm graduating with a B.A. this quarter), so I'm keeping this recap pretty brief. Back to a full schedule next week!
OPENING THURSDAY NIGHT NFL RECAP Man, these Thursday games are pretty snakebit. When do you ever see Drew Brees throw five picks in a game? That's just bonkers! And as you might expect, the Saints wound up losing. I mean, what team could possibly win when their QB throws up five picks?
(**cough**) FALCONS 23, SAINTS 13
PREVIOUSLY ON IMPACT WRESTLING! Wes Brisco wins his Gut Check challenge, but what'll the judges think? The Aces & Eights sent Eric Young off to Future Endeavored Land. And Austin Aries, Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan, and Bully Ray rip off the worst angle in wrestling today. Impact Wrestling starts right now!
Opening pyro! We are LIVE from the Impact Zone! And we waste ZERO time before hitting the "Not the nWo" porno music to bring out HULK HOGAN for our opening promo.
Hogan wants to know the truth about what's happening, so he calls out Bully Ray. BULLY RAY comes out for rebuttal. Hogan demands answers. Ray reminds us that Hogan doesn't trust him. Hogan wants to know what's going on with Ray and Brooke. Ray dances around the issue. This is so fucking stupid. So let's double down on the stupidity and bring out BROOKE HOGAN! Hulk and Ray mouth off to each other before Brooke separates them. Hulk demands answers. Brooke says she's not a teen anymore. And OH MY GOD, I DON'T...FUCKING...CARE!!! NO! If I'm not dignifying the AJ/Cena/Vickie/Ziggler angle with any of my attention, why should I treat this angle any better? IT'S THE SAME THING!
Here's what happens. Hulk doesn't want Brooke with wrestlers, especially Ray. Austin Aries gets on the ImpactTron and notes that Hulk should be in the back with the X wrestlers waiting for him. Is that Kenny King??? Where has HE been the last four months? Aries lays on Hogan's desk and makes innuendos. Hulk rushes to the back. Well, at least they kept this short, but you know this isn't going to be the last we hear of this tonight.
Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, and Taz. It's Championship Thursday and Rob Van Dam will defend the X Division title against either Austin Aries (huh...that's a bit of a demotion), Zema Ion, Kenny King, or Kid Kash. Plus, Daniels and Kazarian face AJ Styles and James Storm. But backstage, we seeing Mickie James and Gail Kim warming up. They face off, next!
GAIL KIM v. MICKIE JAMES We look back at the Knockouts Battle Royale from two weeks ago, where Mickie eliminated Gail to become #1 contender.
Six minutes in, Mickie looks to finish with the Mickie-DT before Gail shoves her into the corner. Mickie's able to nail the Tornado DDT for the pin.
WINNER: Mickie James - One of the best KO matches I've seen in a while. Good stuff.
Backstage, James Storm says he lives with every decision he's ever made. AJ Styles enters the picture and accuses Storm of whining when HE has the reason to whine. Storm tells Styles to focus. Styles brushes him off and exits.
Hulk Hogan busts into his office and immediately gets in Aries' face. Hulk turns to Kenny King and wonders what he was laughing at and why he should show him any respect. King says he's been making an impact. WHEN? He hasn't been on TV in over FOUR MONTHS! Hulk turns to Ion, who tells Hulk that he's the prettiest X Division champion. Kash says he started the X Division. Hulk eliminates King before shooing everyone else out of his office.
BOBBY ROODE joins us for our next promo. Roode talks about what happened last week. He then talks about Jeff Hardy getting called out by a Gut Check rookie that he simply polished off with one move. Roode says Jeff's a paper champion and he'll prove it at the PPV. Roode says that the guy to call out would have been him.
CHRISTIAN YORK comes out for rebuttal and Roode tells him that this is his time. York slaps Roode to send him out. York grabs the mic and calls out Roode. Roode looks like he's game, so we have a match? We'll find out after the...
"THE IT FACTOR OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING" BOBBY ROODE v. CHRISTIAN YORK Looks like we DO have a match!
York gets a surprising amount of offense in this five minutes match and gets a lot of plucky comeback spots, but makes the mistake of yelling out "MOOD SWING!" to call for the Mood Swing. Roode sees it coming and tries to reverse to the Payoff, but gets cradled for 2! York can't get the roll-up and gets caught up with the ref, allowing Roode to waffle York from behind and finish with the crossface!
WINNER: Bobby Roode - Again, York looks strong in a losing effort. I'm going to be very interested in seeing what they do with York now.
Post-match, Roode grabs a chair. JEFF HARDY makes the save. Hit Jeff's music!
Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, and Taz. They recap the Aces & Eights rampage. We'll hear from ODB later tonight about the attack on Eric Young.
That takes us to the Aces & Eights Happy Fun Time Clubhouse. Bane tells us that Doc's getting an early Christmas present, as he'll face Kurt Angle next week. Oh goodie. Devon says he wants his TV title back, so he demands a shot at Samoa Joe next week, lest anyone get hurt tonight.
Coming up next, the Gut Check results.
The Gut Check judges discuss Wes Brisco.
Backstage, Kurt Angle pleads with Bruce Pritchard to pass Wes Brisco. Pritchard calls D-Lo Brown over, who says he can't get a hold of Al Snow.
KAZARIAN and CHRISTOPHER DANIELS make their entrance for our next match. Daniels is wearing a swanky new leather jacket, filled with emblems and medals. Because he's a ring general, you see! Kaz grabs the mic and notes that AJ Styles is ten days away from hearing Daniels' named announced in victory.
KAZARIAN & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS v. "THE COWBOY" JAMES STORM & "THE PHENOMENAL" AJ STYLES Storm and Styles have separate entrances, of course. You know, for a guy that got jipped out of his title shot, it's nice to see James Storm simply shrug and move on. Unbelievable.
Seven minutes in, Styles gets whipped into the ropes, where Storm makes the blind tag. Styles whiffs on the Pele Kick and Daniels looks to finish with Angel's Wings, but Storm nails him with the Last Call for the pin.
WINNERS: James Storm & AJ Styles - Good tag match, but felt a little short.
Post-match, Styles immediately slumps away and walks out. Storm celebrates with a beer, because who cares about world title shots, anyway?
Here's a promo for Lockdown on March 10 in the Alamodome. Um...a little early for this one, isn't it, guys?
Backstage, the X guys come back into Hulk Hogan's office. Hogan wants someone to make an impact tonight. Ion kisses ass and Hogan tells him to sit down. Kid Kash makes a speech about wrestling RVD all over the world and beating him, which would have a little more impact if we hadn't seen Van Dam squash him in two minutes a few weeks ago. Hulk wants to hear from Aries, who offers up some more innuendos. You know...you'd THINK that after mocking his family that Hogan would wring Aries' neck, but here we are, still playing this office charade. This feels very unrealistic, moreso than usual. Hogan decides to "punish" Aries by eliminating Ion and Kash. Aries feigns fear, but really knows that he just talked his way into a title shot. Hogan's not very bright, is he?
Backstage, Samoa Joe tells Devon that he's heard his challenge. Joe tells Devon that he couldn't hack it as champion. Joe challenges Devon to come get the belt next week.
DOUGLAS WILLIAMS v. "THE BLUEPRINT" MATT MORGAN (w/JOEY RYAN) When did Doug Williams turn into enhancement talent? Ryan has a hilariously cheesy disco-ized ImpactTron video and comes out to do Matt Morgan's intro. Morgan comes out wearing Hogan's robe that he stole a few weeks ago.
And this is a squash. Carbon footprint, goodbye, in a two-minute special.
WINNER: Matt Morgan - SQUASH!
Backstage, D-Lo Brown tells Bruce Pritchard that he hasn't been able to find Al Snow. D-Lo says that he can stand in for Snow if he doesn't show up. Pritchard likes that idea. Jeezum crow, is EVERYBODY in this company a moron? I mean, everybody and their mother knows exactly what's happening here, so are they intentionally portraying everyone as dopes?
Next week, Samoa Joe defends the Television Championship against Devon and Doc faces Kurt Angle in a double-dose of Aces & Eights awfulness! Plus, Bobby Roode teams with Christopher Daniels and Kazarian to face Jeff Hardy, James Storm, and AJ Styles!
It's time for Gut Check, so Jeremy Borash brings out WES BRISCO to face judges Bruce Pritchard, Taz, and Bane. I mean, D-Lo Brown! Did I say "Bane"? That would just be wacky! Bruce Pritchard reminds us that Al Snow is not hear, just to REALLY hammer home how stupid this is. It's WCW's old Sledgehammer of Plot, folks. Ok, let's move this forward. Pritchard says yes, Taz says no, and D-Lo says no. Naw, I'm just kidding. D-Lo says yes, of course. This was such a charade. KURT ANGLE and GARRETT BISCHOFF celebrate with Brisco.
Question: What was the point of this? Assuming we know Brisco's one of the Aces, so what? The Aces are an outsider group anyway! Why take this unnecessary step to put him on the roster?
Annoying Backstage Guy asks Hulk Hogan why he made a double elimination. Hogan brushes him off and runs into Bully Ray. Ray wants to know why Hogan didn't ask him to take care of Aries. Ray says Hulk's confusing business and personal for the first time in his career. Hulk says Ray's the one confusing business and personal. I'm completely stupefied by all of this and I'm dying to go into it for the Final Thought.
Jeff Hardy will guest star on Ink Master with Dave Navarro this Tuesday.
Backstage, ODB talks about the attack on Eric Young. She says Young's ankles have been shattered before exiting.
Announcers run down the Final Resolution card so far...which only has three matches on it.
Backstage, Austin Aries tells Hulk Hogan what we all know: That this was all a plan by Aries and that Hogan's a dope for falling for it. Although, wait...Aries' plan is to win the X Division title and cash it in for a title shot at Destination X...9 MONTHS FROM NOW? Jeeze, that's a TERRIBLE plan! Well, at least he's more proactive than AJ Styles. Anyway, I barely hear Hogan's rebuttal, thanks to the ghosts of the crack WCW production team overlaying random audio over it. Thanks for that, guys! Hogan points to self and wishes Aries luck.
AUSTIN ARIES v. ROB VAN DAM: X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Jeremy Borash gives us the championship intros.
We go 12 minutes (including ad break), as Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder and hits the split-legged moonsault for 2. Aries comes back with the discus left and stops to point to self! Van Dam launches Aries into a dropkick. ROB! VAN! DAM! Aries prevents the 5-Star Frog Splash by shoving Van Dam into the guardrail. Aries grabs the mic and stops to mock Van Dam. And because he can't help himself, he makes more innuendos, which brings out BULLY RAY for the DQ.
WINNER BY DQ: Austin Aries - Well, that was a waste of time.
Aries escapes and yells at Ray, but he doesn't realize he's backing up towards HULK HOGAN. Aries now finds himself surrounded, but Hulk's staring down Ray. Camera goes back and forth between Hogan and Ray. Um...yeah...guys...about Aries? Closing credits and we're out. Yeah, I guess no one really cares about Aries anyway.
I cannot begin to even fathom what the hell this company is thinking. I don't know who decided "Hey, let's take that really shitty angle that WWE's doing that everybody hates and make it OUR main event angle!" Oh no, Bully Ray might be sleeping with Brooke Hogan. First of all...ew. Second of all, WHO...THE HELL...CARES! I'm not watching this show for the Hogans to parade around family drama or for Brooke Hogan's acting ability!
But more than that, what the hell are they doing to Bully Ray? Hey, remember when he was the hottest babyface on the roster just a short month ago? Because he was settling in as the company's savior against the Aces & Eights, who were supposedly a threat to the promotion? Remember when Ray had a personal vendetta against his brother Devon and that he wanted answers and that this was supposedly leading to a Storm/Roode-level bloody blowoff? WHAT HAPPENED? Why has this been completely dumped? What's the POINT of this angle? And if Hogan and Ray don't care about the Aces anymore, then what's the point of even having the Aces around? Why bother with ANY of this? Why take the hottest babyface in the company and neuter him by saddling this angle on him? People were cheering for Ray because he was kicking asses and putting bad guys through tables! They don't want to see him get involved with a soap opera! They don't want to see Ray live out some sort of mancrush for Hulk Hogan! This is just...NONSENSE!
Goddamn you, TNA! What the HELL!
Until next time! Take us home...Brooke Hogan?
Note to everybody around me: I'm not slowing down. Ever. Jump on or get off.
Aries is the MVP of Impact. He has somehow woven the crappiness of Brooke/Bully into helping get the X-Divsion over, maybe. Either way, putting the belt on Hardy seems like the stupidest thing they could have done when Aries is just dominating everyone on the mic. I also concur on the Bully Ray bit. He has been great all year, but this has driven him right into a wall. It has to be the Hogan ego to think people would care more about Bully as part of the Hogan family than avenger of TNA. There is not other rational for this.
I also enjoyed the KO match. Not a lot of Aces and Eights stuff tonight which begs the question are they starting to realize this has it the apex? Kurt is the leader of Aces and Eights is where all of this is headed too. He was the true leader of the Main Event Mafia, so in a weird way it makes sense plus I can't remember the last time Kurt got a title shot.
TNA has taken the worst ideas WWE has had this year and made them even worse. WWE turned Punk for no reason and lead to Heyman coming back, but stuck in the blackhole of Cena and Ryback. TNA turned Aries and got stuck with a world champ that could implode at any second. While he could have been one of their few guys who could become a big star in their invasion storyline, but instead turned him into a sniveling coward. They took the much maligned AJ is a whore and shouldn't be in charge storyline which has lead to nothing of substance expect of course, AJ in killer outfits and the jobbing out of Dolph Ziggler. TNA turned that into Bully/Brooke with Hogan who has no business being in the ring as the star of the show again while trying to re-do his terrible real life show that shit canned. At least Bully or Aries hasn't been jobbed out to Hogan yet.
I love me some invasion angels, but Aces and Eights needs to shit or get off the pot. Just reveal Kurt is the leader or whoever its going to be and have them utterly destroy Hogan to the point, we never see him again. Then at Lockdown end this fucking thing, so we can move on to other things. What I don't know, but I doubt they could be worse than again..
The Wee Baby Sheamus.Twitter: @realjoecarfley its a bit more toned down there. A bit.
I thought this weeks show was a significant improvement on the last month of shows. The in ring work was really good imo and Aries made the as the Hogan things stuff somewhat tolerable. The Mickie-Gail match was pretty solid match. I would say it was one of the better women's matches we've seen on free TV in a while. It is hard to totally concentrate on knockouts match with the insanely hot Taryn Terrell in there. I thought the Roode-York match was pretty solid and York is a solid worker, but he needs to improve his mic work and change up his look a bit by cutting his hair. I dunno if he can improve on the mic as he's been in wrestling for 16 years and still terrible. I think he could be a nice asset in the X division if you know they do anything with it. Speaking of the X division, where the hell did Kenny King disappear to? He was in the middle of the Roode-Aries feud in the summer and then he went away and just resurfaced last week. I'm guessing with his lack of use he might be regretting leaving ROH. Daniels and Kaz Vs Styles and Storm was really good with Styles missing his signature moves and selling frustration and losing his mojo. I'm enjoying his story. Storm is lost right now and I was sorry to see Daniels eat the pin wouldn't it be better for Styles to job to sell his slump and send him to the edge? Really enjoy Daniels and Kaz and imo they should still be tag champs. Pretty obvious to everyone but the dopes in the Impactzone that Bischoff, Brisco, and D-lo are part of the Aces and Eights. Brisco has not impressed me with his awful facial expressions and look and his match vs Garrett last week stunk to high heaven. Aries Vs RVD was a fine match with Aries mocking RVD and going through RVD's stale moveset. The finish was expected. It was funny how Aries played Hogan the show and got exactly what he want. There is so much better use of a great character like Bully then probing up the Hogan's. All in all, while the show had some issues I thought it was fairly solid show.
Wrestling wise, Impact was a solid show. "Entertainment" wise, not so much. A Double delivers the zingers, with his cracks on Brooke Hogan winning all kinds. Gail and Mickie rocked the house. It's just like everyone else has said, the Hogan family drama and Aces & Eights are crap mired in tar. It's to bad that a mostly highly talented roster has to be dragged down by the ridiculously horrible creative direction of the product.
Originally posted by lotjxNot a lot of Aces and Eights stuff tonight which begs the question are they starting to realize this has it the apex? Kurt is the leader of Aces and Eights is where all of this is headed too. He was the true leader of the Main Event Mafia, so in a weird way it makes sense plus I can't remember the last time Kurt got a title shot.
That would actually make sense. Kurt hanging around with the Aces and Eights B Squad for so long would make Kurt seem really dense unless he was the stealth leader all along. The Aces and Eights mind games against James Storm this summer could be explained as Kurt wanting some more vengeance for Storm costing him the title last year.
Sure Kurt has taken one or two beatdowns from the bikers, but that could be handwaived as "just for show". Kurt doesn't seem like the biker type, but we've never seen the A&8s President on a bike anyway. (The biker theme could have been Garrett's idea, what with Garrett being the son of Eric the Biker.) Would there be any other strong reasons for Kurt not being the big bad?
Show was OK. I hate the Brooke Hogan/Bully Ray angle. WHY ARE WE DOING ANOTHER ONE OF THESE?!?!?
Got some good matches though. I really liked the set up for the main event. It was nice to see an X Title Match be set up as a TV Main Event. Hopefully we get to see more X Talents get showcased. Kenny King should definitely get back onto TV.
They kept the Aces & Eights to a minimal role on this show, which I liked. No need to have them kill people every week.
This horrible thought came to me in a dream. Yes, this is sad, that I would have a wrestling related dream, but none the less that is what happened.
Brooke Hogan is the leader of Aces & Eights.
I don't know how it can be explained. I don't know what the fuck made this come in my head. It was there and it woke my ass up. Now can someone explain WHY I would come up with this conclusion and how it could be explained, story wise?
According to pwinsider and other sites TNA will be cutting down from 12 PPV's to 10 in 2013. Not a bad idea putting months between their big ppvs but I think they should go to 4-6 PPVs and run 4-6 clash of champions style shows on Spike.
Is the writing staff under contracts like the wrestlers? In which case it would be inefficient economics to fire the whole batch? I agree with your post but I'm wondering if there is more to it than just firing them all. There usually is.