OPENING THURSDAY NIGHT NFL RECAP ZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!! COLTS 27, JAGUARS 10
PREVIOUSLY ON IMPACT WRESTLING! A triple threat #1 contenders match was made for Turning Point, but the loser is boned for the next year. Austin Aries vowed to reclaim his top spot at Turning Point, so Jeff Hardy turned their match into a Ladder Match. And the latest member of the Aces & Eights has been unmasked and it's the former Luke Gallows. Impact Wrestling starts right now!
Backstage, Bane chews out Luke Gallows the Director of Chaos. Wait, what? THAT'S the name they're giving him? Is he a comic book villain or something? And isn't that name a bit of a paradox? How can chaos be directed, anyway? By its very nature, chaos can't be controlled at all, so who could possibly direct chaos? Maybe he's supposed to be the "Director of Kaos" and he's really supposed to be managing Kenny Kaos or something. Jesus, THAT'S a dated joke. That reference is about as dead as WCW. Hmm...somewhere along the way here, I've lost my train of thought. Ok, anyway, Bane calls him a mere prospect and derides him for losing his mask. Devon notes that Hogan made a tag match for tonight with Sting and Angle against two Aces. Umm...how? Why should any of them listen to Hogan if they're an outsider group? Anyway, Devon suggest he and "Doc" take the match, so he can atone for himself. Doc says he'll make things right tonight.
Opening pyro! This is the go-home show for Turning Point! Your hosts are Todd Keneley and Jeremy Borash for hour one! Tonight, Sting and Kurt Angle face Devon and the Director of Chaos. Plus, Christian York learns his Gut Check fate. And it's 6-man action with Magnus, Daniels, and Kaz facing Samoa Joe, Chavo Guerrero, and Hernandez.
We're suddenly joined by "COWBOY" JAMES STORM, who's here for commentary. We start the show with his two opponents!
"THE PHENOMENAL" AJ STYLES v. "THE IT FACTOR OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING" BOBBY ROODE They've FINALLY worked the "It Factor" name into Roode's intro. About time!
Wrestling sequence starts us off, won by Roode. Styles runs into a Roode elbow. Styles comes back with a dropkick to send Roode regrouping to the outside. AJ springboards to the apron and takes the fight to Roode on the outside, sending him into the steel steps. Split-legged kneedrop gets 2. Styles hits chops and a backdrop to send Roode begging off in the corner. Roode gets a cheap shot and hits measured rights. Styles misses the corner splash and Roode hits a clothesline from behind for 2 to take us to our first ad break of the night.
We come back with Styles chucking Roode into the corner. Roode hotshots Styles and nails him with a Buff Blockbuster for 2! Here's some choking and an elbow. Roode whips Styles into the corner with authority for 2! We hit the chinlock! AJ breaks it with the enziguiri and we have a double KO. Styles hits the corner splash and hammers on Roode in the corner. Roode hangs Styles on the top rope. He goes up top, but gets crotched. Styles hits a top-rope 'rana for 2! Styles Clash attempt is blocked and Roode hits the Double A Spinebuster! Roode's spear misses, but Styles still can't get the Styles Clash! Pele Kick misses! The Payoff gets 2 for Roode! Roode's out of ideas, so he grabs a chair. Storm heads off commentary and comes down the aisle. Meanwhile, Styles meets Roode with a springboard tope! Styles and Storm exchange words, as Styles rolls Roode back in. Styles continues yelling at Storm and tries the springboard, but Roode crotches him and quickly covers for the pin at about 15 minutes shown.
WINNER: Bobby Roode - Very good opening match and a strong clean win for Roode. They played all the notes just right here.
Backstage, Aries walks by Hulk Hogan, who berates Aries for parading around with the belt. Aries takes umbrage to the Ladder Match, so Hogan demands Aries give the belt back by tonight or he'll forfeit his shot.
Later tonight......our later tonight is interrupted by a Halo 4 promo. Um...that happened.
Backstage, Sting and Kurt Angle give pointers to Wes Brisco. Sting says it's Showtime and says "TIMING!" a lot.
JOSEPH PARK is already in the ring. Park says the human body is not meant for tables, but loved the feeling of taking the mask off an Aces guy. His partners have tried to talk him out of his match request, but Park says this is about being a MAN and he demands his match with the Aces! Park says the only one who can make this happen is Hulk Hogan, so he's begging Hulk for a match.
So let's cue the "Not the nWo" porno music and bring out HULK HOGAN! Hulk says they're all proud of Park for his actions, but says it's better to be lucky than good. Hulk says Park is not a wrestler and he can't put him at risk.
Second interruption comes from BULLY RAY! Ray wants to cut off Hogan's "No" before he could say it. Ray says he's here to stick up for Joseph Park and says he has heart and guts. Ray reminds us that Park fought Ray earlier this year and that Park has something to prove against the Aces. Ray says he believes in Park and so do the people, Hogan's fans and Hulkamaniacs. "Hulk, why say no, when it feels so damn good to just...say...yes." And naturally, this gets a giant "YES!" chant going. HA! Hulk agrees, but just this once. Let's celebrate by hitting the porno music!
Backstage, Tara and Jesse...yeah...whatever. ODB enters the picture and challenges them both to a handicap match! BAM!
Styles yells at Annoying Backstage Guy about Storm's meddling. Storm enters the picture and yells at AJ, telling him the face of Impact Wrestling is about to get kicked in.
ODB v. TARA & JESSE Well, time for some "komedy!" ODB takes it to both Tara and Jesse. Here's a motorboat for Jesse. Tara and Jesse take control and pose. Here's some methodical offense, but it doesn't last long, as ODB quickly makes the babyface comeback. Bodyslams for everyone! Corner splash on Jesse hits and drop toehold lands Tara's head on his crotch. Here's a double Bronco Buster! Spear finishes in a two-minute special.
WINNER: ODB - What exactly was the point of this?
Post-match, Jesse tries to attack from behind, but ODB catches him. Tara hits her from behind with the flask and hits the Widow's Peak. Jesse pours out the flask over ODB's corpse. Hit Tara's music!
ODB yells at Eric Young's voicemail. She tells him to be there on Sunday, so they can take it to Tara and Jesse!
Here's a recap of last week's Gut Check challenge, where Christian York looked like a million bucks, but lost to Zema Ion, because...yeah. We look at the Gut Check judges discussing York's performance. Taz wonders why York hasn't had more success, to which Snow answers that he's always been a part of a team. Pritchard wonders if York can break out of the tag team formula and become a successful singles star. Snow points out Beer Money as an example of tag team specialists becoming singles stars. Pritchard reiterates that they have to evaluate why York hasn't made more of himself in his career.
KURT ANGLE and STING make their entrances for our next match! They face the Aces, next!
"THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST" KURT ANGLE & "THE ICON" STING v. DOC & DEVON We start out with a Pier 4 on the outside. Back inside, Sting takes it to Doc until Devon gets a cheap shot. Doc takes Sting down and goes to the mounted punches. Devon tags in and hits the headbutt. Fistdrop gets 2. Double shoulderblock hits and Doc shifts to the standard Luke Gallows offense, including the chinlock. Devon knocks Kurt off the apron, as the Aces continue working over Sting. Devon's spinning elbow gets 2. The hot tag is finally made and Kurt's a house of fire. Germans for everyone! Angle Slam on Devon gets 2 when Doc breaks the cover. Sting hits Doc with the Scorpion Death Drop and locks in the Scorpion Deathlock, but Devon grabs the baseball bat for the DQ.
WINNERS BY DQ: Sting and Kurt Angle - Blech.
Post-match, BULLY RAY wipes out Devon and grabs a table! Devon escapes and Ray chases him through the crowd. Sting hits Doc in the nuts, but here are two more Aces, one of whom is pretty clearly Wes Brisco with his long blond hair flowing in the wind! That disguise is about as effective as Superman wearing glasses. The other Aces guy hits Sting with a ball-PEEN hammer! Doc chokeslams Sting through the table! Doc takes the ball-PEEN hammer and just goes to town on Sting with it! Damn! This can only be fixed by ringing the bell a million times! Finally, SAMOA JOE, CHAVO GUERRERO, and HERNANDEZ make the save! Chavo calls for a medic. Here are some replays of the ball-PEEN hammer attack. Medics carry out Sting.
Ad break with another replay of the ball-PEEN hammer attack.
We come back with Mike Tenay telling us that we just witnessed a vicious attack. We see replays of what just happened. Tenay says trainers are attending to Sting and we'll be updated on his condition later.
JEREMY BORASH brings out CHRISTIAN YORK for his Gut Check judgement. Borash introduces us to our judges. York delivers a hilariously bad promo to start. Borash goes to Taz for the first vote. Taz says York has the It Factor and gives him a yes. Bruce Pritchard says York hasn't been successful, because he hasn't had the opportunity, so Pritchard gives him a yes. York celebrates and says "Dreams can come troo!"
Backstage, Austin Aries saunters past Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray. Um...ok.
Coming up next, it's six-man action!
Here's a video package on Jeff Hardy/Austin Aries. That leads to the card rundown: -Jeff Hardy v. Austin Aries: TNA World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match -Joseph Park v. Doc -Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez v. Christopher Daniels & Kazarian: Tag Team Championship Match -Samoa Joe v. Magnus: Television Championship Match -Rob Van Dam v. Joey Ryan: X Division Championship Match -Tara & Jesse v. ODB & Eric Young -Devon v. Kurt Angle -Bobby Roode v. James Storm v. AJ Styles: #1 Contenders Match
Backstage, Hulk Hogan is on the phone and wants to know how long Sting is out for. Hulk walks into his office to find Joey Ryan. Ryan wants Hogan to congratulate him, but Hogan says no to that. Hogan walks past him to confront Matt Morgan and tells him that he's not going to be at ringside for Sunday's match. Morgan tells Hulk he doesn't know who he's messing with.
MAGNUS and CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & KAZARIAN make their entrance for our next match!
MAGNUS, KAZARIAN & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS v. "THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE" SAMOA JOE & HERNANDEZ, CHAVO GUERRERO We look back at what happened last week between Magnus and Joe, with Magnus nailing Joe with a wrench.
We immediately start with a Pier 6. Chavo takes it to Daniels to start. The champs double-team Kaz for a bit until Kaz gets a spinning heel kick and tags Magnus. Joe tags in and Magnus quickly bails. Daniels holds down Joe, giving Magnus an opening. Joe tries to come back, but Daniels grabs another cheap shot to allow Magnus an opening. More chaos breaks out and Joe pounds the crap out of Daniels. Avalanche/enziguiri combo hits! Chavo tags in and hits the slingshot senton. Hernandez tags in and grabs the bear hug belly-to-belly suplex! Chavo tags in and hits the seated dropkick for 2. Daniels pulls Chavo out from the outside and tosses him into the barricade, while Kaz gets some cheap shots in. The former champs double-team Chavo for a bit. Magnus tags in and works over Chavo in the corner. Corner whip with authority! Chavo gets isolated in the heel corner. Daniels hits a neckbreaker and goes GANGNAM STYLE! More double-teaming from the former champs. Hernandez gets the hot tag and Hernandez takes everyone out! Here's an NFL tackle for Daniels! Border Toss attempt is broken up! Double-team suplex is blocked and Hernandez suplexes the former champs! Joe and Magnus get tags and Joe nails Magnus, but the senton misses! Powerslam from Joe hits, but the avalanche misses! Magnus's corner splash is caught with the uranage for 2! More chaos breaks out! Hernandez hits Daniels with the NO-HANDS TOPE! Chavo hits Magnus with the bulldog, but the frog splash attempt is broken up! Meanwhile, Joe sets Magnus up in the corner, but the Muscle Buster attempt is broken up! Joe grabs the Kokina Clutch, but Daniels counters with the jawbreaker. Total Elimination variant from the former champs wipes out Joe and Magnus finishes with the Savage Elbow at about 10 minutes shown!
WINNERS: Magnus, Kazarian, and Christopher Daniels - Very good six-man match, even if things got a little bit hard to follow at the end.
Backstage, Austin Aries walks to the ring. Our closing promo is next!
Backstage, Bobby Roode vows to bring the title back around his waist and it starts at Turning Point.
Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz, who show what happened to Sting earlier.
AUSTIN ARIES makes his entrance for our closing promo. He's greeted with a "We want Hardy!" chant from the Impact Zone mutants. Aries says the title "Best in the World" is a bit overplayed, to which he says he's the best wrestler in the universe, this universe or any other universe. Aries says Jeff's using the Ladder Match as a crutch, because he can't beat him in a wrestling match. Aries guarantees this Sunday is the great fall of Jeff Hardy and he won't recover from this fall. Aries vows to beat Jeff at his own game and plans to have a party afterwards, where he'll melt down Jeff's belt into a belt buckle and wear it near his crotch. Aries makes fun of Jeff for having Hulk Hogan do his dirty work and tells Jeff to come get it himself.
Cue the interruption from JEFF HARDY...in a pink hoodie. Sweet Jesus. At least John Cena could claim he was wearing the pink baseball cap for breast cancer awareness. What's Jeff's excuse? Aries and Jeff go at it. Twist of Fate sends Aries on his way. Jeff takes off that REALLY stupid pink hoodie and poses with both belts. Jeff places both belts on the hooks and climbs the ladder. Hit Jeff's music! Oops, but Aries isn't done yet, as he pulls the ladder out and stomps away on Jeff! Announcers say Aries came out of nowhere. HE WAS OUTSIDE THE RING! YOU SAW HIM! He didn't vanish into thin air, you dopes! Aries puts the ladder over Jeff's corpse and poses with the belts! Now hit ARIES'S music! Closing credits are up and we're out!
It's going to be very interesting to see what the crowd reaction is this Sunday, because they've done a half-decent job of getting Aries over as a heel. But Jeff Hardy doesn't make it easy to cheer for him. He never does. The crowd reaction's going to be something to watch for, but regardless, this is going to be a great match!
The rest of the show did a decent job of building up the PPV, especially the solid opening and closing matches. The Aces angle just continues to be death and I don't think they could have made it more obvious that Wes Brisco is one of the Aces. This angle can't end fast enough and hopefully we get some more movement on Sunday.
See you all Sunday! Until next time! Take us home, Dave Lagana!
Well, like you said the opening match and 6 man match were both pretty good. Christian York can't cut a promo, that's why He hasn't had the *big time success* they talked about ( even though He was on the first TNA show and with them for the first several months of existence ) That being said, the man has always had wrestling talent, lets hope they actually use him well not forget he exists after tonight ( Alex Silva and Taeler Hendrix anyone? ) The Joseph Park and Aces & 8's angles both need to go away forever. I'm not against ODB & Tara feuding but throwing in this Jesse idiot is dragging things down to nearly unwatchable levels. Once again A Double keeps on being the real saving grace of Impact.
I thought this was a solid show with minimal nonsense(Jesse-Tara-ODB) and a pretty straightforward go home show. Roode Vs Styles was almost a PPV quality match and I thought Storm was really good as a guest commentator. Seems like Styles loses every match the same way as he's distracted and acts like a hot head and loses. It seems like he's headed for a heel turn and I could see him getting pinned on Sunday sending him over the edge. I don't expect the heel turn to lead to much. The six man tag was really good and it was nice to see Magnus finally get some heat on him. I really think he has potential to be a huge star. The Aces and Eights tag match was meh. Man Doc is a shitty name. I guess we're getting another write out for Sting. The postmatch beatdown was effective enough. Glad York got a roster spot, he'd be solid in the x division. Bully Ray is solid in his role, but seems out of character as a babyface. I know he's been a face plenty in the past, but still. Doc Vs Park and Angle vs Devon do nothing for me. Closing segment was good even if the crowd was really terrible with them whating it up. Aries vs Hardy should be awesome. All in all, very strong show, imo.
This is the best of the obituaries I've read so far, because it actually recognizes that wrestling was fake when Lou worked, as well. My only gripe is with the silly remark about the artificial hip buckling, as if that had anything to do with his loss.