Wow, the numbering got all kinds of wacky with the thread titles. This is what I get for not paying attention. All should be back to normal now.
OPENING THURSDAY NIGHT NFL RECAP Oh, dear God, the Chiefs are DREADFUL! That's a special kind of awful! And it isn't like the Chargers were playing well, because they were playing their own kind of awful football, with the Rivers end zone pick and the punt return fumble. This game was a trainwreck and neither of these teams should feel proud of themselves. Oh, yeah, Philip Rivers, you started off 13 for 13! YOU DID IT AGAINST THE CHIEFS, YOU BOTTOMFEEDER! CHARGERS 31, CHIEFS 13
IN MEMORY BRAD ARMSTRONG ROBERT BRADLEY JAMES 1961-2012
PREVIOUSLY ON IMPACT WRESTLING! The Aces & Eights selected their next target. Jeff Hardy defended his title, while Austin Aries faced off with Mr. Anderson. Bully Ray confronted Devon and Ray vowed to challenge Devon. Kurt Angle fell short against Jeff Hardy. Austin Aries attacked Jeff Hardy and stole the title belt, while Kurt got taken out by the Aces. Impact Wrestling starts right now!
Opening pyro! And we don't waste any time, because JOSEPH PARK is in the ring in his Big Johnny tracksuit.
Park says he has a challenge for Open Fight Night, even though he's always said he's not a wrestler. Park says it doesn't matter if he's an attorney or a wrestler, but he's a MAN! He says Hulk Hogan hasn't given him an answer to his request, but Open Fight Night serves as a loophole. Park challenges any one of the Aces right now!
The ACES & EIGHTS come out for rebuttal, led by Bane. There's four of them and Park says he only wanted one. Now he's surrounded and it looks like a beatdown is imminent. But here's KURT ANGLE for the save! The Aces start to work over Kurt, btu here's STING to make the next save!
Sting grabs the mic and reminds us that tonight's Open Fight Night. Sting says that somebody is going to get their mask removed tonight. Hit his music! Gee, did someone FINALLY figure out that they should be GOING FOR THE MASKS? It only took them...um...a few months to get that idea.
Your hosts are Jeremy Borash and Todd Keneley for hour one! Tonight, ODB plans to call out Big Brother Jesse! Plus, Bully Ray vows to challenge Devon! And Gut Check returns with Christian York, who hasn't been seen in TNA since the very first NWA-TNA show!
Backstage, Magnus says he's not concerned with the Aces & Eights, but vows to unmask another phony and he'll do it after the break!
Backstage, Tara and Jesse aren't happy about what's going on with ODB. Uh-huh. NEXT!
Here's MAGNUS for our next promo! He grabs the mic and calls out Samoa Joe and calls him out for the title! Here's a "JOE'S GONNA KILL YOU!" chant! Magnus says he's calling Joe out, because he takes issue with him being the TV champion, because Joe doesn't fit a TV champion's image.
Here's SAMOA JOE and it's on!
MAGNUS v. "THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE" SAMOA JOE: TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Joe goes right at Magnus with rights and chops. The avalanche/enziguiri (called a "head kick" by Keneley. Oy!) combo hits with GUSTO! Corner charge eats boot, but Magnus jumps right into an atomic drop and eats a clothesline and senton for 2! Magnus comes back with a running knee and stomps away. Magnus hits a clothesline, as announcers run a PSA to help the Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy victims. Magnus grabs a chinlock, but Joe quickly fights out of it. Both men exchange blows, as Joe grabs the Kokina Clutch! Magnus hits the jawbreaker, but the corner charge is caught with the uranage (called an "STO" by Keneley. Double Oy!)! Joe clotheslines Magnus out. Magnus reaches under the ring, but can't find anything, as Joe pursues him and drives him into the steel post. Now Magnus is reaching under the ring again and rolls back in. Joe rolls back in, but Magnus nails Joe with the International Object and even Earl Hebner can't miss that one!
WINNER BY DQ: Samoa Joe - Angle advancement. Drive-thru.
Magnus drives out Hebner, as we see it's a wrench in his hands. Magnus poses triumphantly and exits.
Backstage, Sting is with Hulk Hogan and Joseph Park and says he can't wait to rip off a mask tonight. Oh, they'd BETTER deliver on this, because I can't take any more teases with this insipid angle. Kurt Angle, along with Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff, busts into the room and demands Devon and the Aces tonight! Hulk says Bully has Devon dibs tonight, but he'll give Devon to Kurt at the PPV. Kurt says he wants a fight tonight and says Garrett and Wes will back him up. Sting likes this idea and says they should all go hunting for masks tonight.
Backstage, Samoa Joe angrily addresses Magnus and suggests they throw out the rules. Joe says he's going to kill Magnus!
We look back at what happened last week with Jeff Hardy and Austin Aries at the end of the show.
Backstage, Jeff Hardy applies his fruity makeup. We, once again, hear Jeff's internal monologue. Jeff's brain says Aries' overconfidence will kill him.
Our next segment starts with CHRISTOPHER DANIELS and KAZARIAN and their terrible new music. Kaz grabs the mic and says the biggest frauds are not the Aces & Eights, but Hernandez and Chavo Guerrero. Kaz says they told the truth last week and looked good doing it. Daniels says that tonight, they're calling out......the Spanish announce team? Daniels and Kaz try to goad them in Spanish, as the crowd chants "Hector". Let's go to our next...
We come back with the Spanish announce team approaching the ring. Kaz calls them Mexi-can'ts, which brings the Spanish guys in. Daniels shoves Willy Urbina, which leads to Hector knocking Daniels on his ass. Kaz comes in with a cheap shot! El beatdown is on! CHAVO GUERRERO and HERNANDEZ finally come out and make the save. Daniels and Kaz take their leave and taunt the champs from the ramp.
We take a look at Christian York before tonight's Gut Check.
Christian York is backstage. His Gut Check is next!
Backstage, ODB is on the phone with Eric Young. She tells him that she's planning to beat up Jesse tonight and needs him there. And she tells him to bring the fried chicken!
JEREMY BORASH brings out CHRISTIAN YORK for the next Gut Check. York looks...surprisingly good, making me wonder if he's been digging into Joey Mercury's stash? His opponent is...
CHRISTIAN YORK v. ZEMA ION From X Division champion to Gut Check duty for Ion. York tosses away Ion's can of Arrogance and hammers away on Ion. Here's a big chop! York counters a headscissors with a cartwheel and hits a back elbow. Ion's corner charge eats boot and York hits a rolling kick before hitting a half-nelson suplex! Running corner somersault senton hits! York goes up top, but Ion bails. York grabs him by the hair! NOT THE HAIR! Ion hangs York on the top rope and hits the Tornado DDT! Ion fixes his hair and stomps away. Ion hits a vertical suplex and hits a legdrop to set up the running second-rope moonsault, but it hits knees. Ion lowbridges a charging York. Ion comes off the ropes, btu runs into a clothesline! York hits a snap swinging neckbreaker called the Mood Swing! It gets 2! Ion bails and York gives chase. York hits a handstand headscissors! Ion crotches York coming in and grabs the jujigatame, now named the Submission Impossible, for the tap-out!
WINNER: Zema Ion - York looked pretty good here. I'd definitely give him at thumbs up!
Annoying Backstage Guy catches up to Austin Aries. Aries says he still considers himself the champion and the face of the company. He says he basks in the spotlight and says he has some Open Fight Night business to take care of. He walks through the door to find Robbies E and T. "Remember '5 points'? Alright, let's talk."
Later tonight, Bully Ray calls out Devon. And ODB calls out Jesse, next!
Backstage, Garrett Bischoff catches up to Bully Ray. Garrett points out that Devon stabbed him in the back, too, and assures Bully that he's on his team. Ray shakes his hand, but they're quickly alerted that the Aces are outside! Ray and Garrett find Sting, Kurt Angle, and Wes Brisco, as the Aces advance on them all! The fight is on! Devon suddenly appears in the distance and taunts Ray. Ray chases Devon! The other Aces take their leave, as Sting taunts them. Again, Sting says someone's losing a mask tonight. They'd better deliver on this.
ODB comes out for our next promo. ODB grabs the mic and calls out Jesse!
ODB v. JESSE (w/TARA) Jesse misses a blind swing and ODB hits chops, but sells the effects herself. Jesse bails and Tara rubs Jesse's pecs. Jesse misses more blind swings and ODB keeps nailing chops! An Irish whip attempt fails, so ODB kicks him and chops some more. Jesse shoves her out of the corner. Jesse poses. Jumping elbow misses and Jesse bails again. ODB gives chase and they both end up in the ring. ODB hits Jesse with an inverted wheelbarrow drop. ODB bangs Jesse's head on the turnbuckles. Second-rope dive misses. Jesse hits a bodyslam and poses. Jesse and Tara make out, but Jesse turns around and eats a bodyslam. Here's a spanking! Tara runs distraction and misses slaps wildly. Jesse comes up from behind and rolls up ODB for the pin.
WINNER: Jesse - Well, that was painful.
Your second hour hosts are Mike Tenay and Jeremy Borash. They send out their best wishes to Hurricane Sandy victims, including Taz, who's tending to his family back home.
ROBBIE E (w/ROBBIE T) come out for our next segment. E grabs the mic and reminds us that he beat Jeff Hardy during the BFG Series. E says lightning always strikes twice, so he challenges Jeff Hardy for Open Fight Night!
ROBBIE E (w/ROBBIE T) v. "THE CHARISMATIC ENIGMA" JEFF HARDY: NON-TITLE MATCH E tries to get a cheap shot to start, but fails. Jeff hits the wishbone legdrop and seated dropkick and beats on E. Second-rope splash gets 2 and E regroups on the outside. Jeff continues the onslaught outside, whipping E into the steel steps. Poetry In Motion along the guardrail hits! T chucks Jeff into the guardrail to take us to our next ad break.
We come back with E fistpumping, bro! Jeff quickly makes the babyface comeback and takes out T with a seated dropkick! Slingshot dropkick takes down E! Twist of Fate is countered with a swinging DDT for 2! Jeff comes back with the Twist of Fate! Swanton Bomb finishes at about 8 minutes shown.
WINNER: Jeff Hardy - E was never really in this one. Extended squash.
AUSTIN ARIES interrupts the celebration. He says the difference between them in three seconds and says he's still the best wrestler in the company. Aries says he's climbed the ladder, as the Impact Zone mutants chants "Overrated"! Aries says he'll beat Jeff at Turning Point to officially win the title. Jeff says that if they're going to do it, they need to do it right. So he pulls out a LADDER! Jeff climbs the ladder, as Aries points out that he meant the ladder as a metaphor. Jeff officially throws out the Ladder Match challenge for Turning Point. Aries takes umbrage to this. "I'm a professional wrestler, not a ladder climber!" Hit Jeff's music over Aries' protests!
Here's footage of Hogan's Pastamania Beach Shop opening. Matt Morgan interrupts the festivities. Morgan grabs a random Hogan robe and exits with it.
Backstage, James Storm talks to Hulk Hogan and reminds him that it was Hogan's idea for Storm to take time off and come back to take out the roster. Hogan asks if Storm's a betting man. Storm says yes, so Hogan says he has an idea for him.
BOBBY ROODE comes out for our next promo segment. Roode says he's not here to fight, but he's here to state that he's getting screwed again. Roode takes umbrage to not being one of the four World Title contenders from last week.
Interruption comes from "THE PHENOMENAL" AJ STYLES, of all people. Styles calls Roode a complainer and says that HE should be the World Heavyweight Champion. Styles says he was dealing with other issues for the last year. "Videos were being made, being made of AJ Styles getting into an elevator with someone of the opposite sex. Seems to be the new fad if your name is 'AJ'." OH, I SEE WHAT HE DID THERE! Styles notes that talk won't get them any closer to the title, but notes that Open Fight Night will. So Styles challenges Roode! Roode points out that he's not here to fight, so he declines that offer. Oh, but AJ makes the big mistake of turning his back, so here's a cheap shot! AJ quickly recovers and clotheslines Roode over the top, just in time for the "Not the nWo" porno music to hit.
HULK HOGAN and "COWBOY" JAMES STORM are now out. Hogan agrees that both Roode and Styles deserve a title shot, but says it's all in their hands. Hogan makes a three-way between AJ Styles, Bobby Roode, and James Storm. Winner gets a title shot, but whoever gets pinned gets NO title shots until Bound For Glory 2013! Yikes! Hit the porno music!
Backstage, Joey Ryan, Matt Morgan, and Hulk Hogan's robe are on their way to the ring.
Announcers run down the Turning Point card so far.
Here's JOEY RYAN (w/MATT MORGAN) coming out to a DIFFERENT set of porno music! Morgan is wearing Hogan's robe, as Borash notes that it's the robe Hogan wore to Shea Stadium when he faced Andre the Giant. Morgan says he's constantly been disrespected by TNA management, so instead of running with the ball, he stole the ball. Morgan rips the mic from Ryan's hand and continues addressing Hogan, saying he'll make MORE history with Hogan's robe than he did. Morgan vows to eat through the TNA roster one-by-one, all the way to the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Ryan grabs the mic and says he likes to avoid VD's, but wants to call out our VD. I mean, RVD!
JOEY RYAN (w/MATT MORGAN) v. ROB VAN DAM: NON-TITLE MATCH Van Dam walks right through Ryan and gets in Morgan's face. Ryan gets a cheap shot in and takes control. Van Dam takes control with a shoulder thrust and spin kick. More shoulder thrusts in the corner and another spin kick. More shoulder thrusts, backflip, and another spin kick. Rolling Thunder htis! ROB! VAN! DAM! 5-Star Frog Splash misses when Morgan pulls out Ryan. Ryan comes through with the tights-assisted roll-up for the quick pin.
WINNER: Joey Ryan - Blech.
Everyone kinda stands around confused. Someone finally hits Ryan's music, until Van Dam wipes out Ryan. And here's Morgan with the Carbon Footprint! Hit Morgan's music!
The Aces & Eights are with Devon outside. Bully Ray calls him out next!
BULLY RAY joins us for our closing segment. We have about 9 minutes of show left, so I'm guessing we're not going to get much of a match here. Ray gives a shoutout to the fans in the northeast. Ray calls out Devon.
BULLY RAY v. DEVON We have six minutes of show left, so I'm guessing we're ending this one rather quick.
Ray charges at Devon, who quickly bails. Time for a fresh round of stalling. Ray goes under the ring and pulls out a table. Ray calls out for Devon, who stalls some more. Ray lunges at Devon, who drops down from the apron for more stalling.
Here are the ACES & EIGHTS, who all rush the ring! There are nine guys, so Ray pulls out his chain and swings it around! Ray holds them at bay, until STING, KURT ANGLE, "COWBOY" JAMES STORM, "THE PHENOMENAL" AJ STYLES, CHAVO GUERRERO, and HERNANDEZ all come out to even the odds. Here's yet another schmozz! The ring clears out and Ray's alone with Devon! Ray knocks Devon on his ass and sets up the table. Ray wants a powerbomb, but a random Aces guy tosses Ray! But here's JOSEPH PARK sneaking up on that Aces guy! The Aces guy takes Park down with no trouble. The beatdown looks to be on, but Park takes the mask off! And we have LUKE GALLOWS!!! Gallows (or "I KNOW THAT GUY", if you're Mike Tenay) chokesslams Park through the table! Kurt chases out Gallows, who is never named by the announcers. The TNA roster stand over Park's corpse, as the Aces make their exit. Closing credits are up and we're out!
WINNER: No Contest
NOW we move to the...
They really do need to start hitting FFWD on the Aces angle ASAP, so if that means we're getting more unmaskings, then good. They need to wrap this one up quickly, because it's long since outstayed its welcome.
Open Fight Night was a bit of a dud this week, but I like where things are going for the PPV. Jeff Hardy/Austin Aries in a Ladder Match should be great and there's high stakes attached to the three-way that was signed tonight. Good stuff on the PPV, but not so much for the show.
Until next time! Take us home, geemoney!
I feel like if there was ever a time to give a Gut Check wrestler a win, it was here with Christian York against Zema Ion #Impact
Originally posted by It's FalseWow, the numbering got all kinds of wacky with the thread titles. This is what I get for not paying attention. All should be back to normal now.
Spike calls it 805 (8x5) - or would, if they were up to date. The last one they have online is "803." Somewhere along the line they got this crazy idea that seasons should start at the beginning of October, so they'd roll over from, say, 752 to 801.
Are you SURE it's 434, by the way? I know Wikipedia says 434, but other sources on The Internet seem to believe that episode 400 was January 12, which would make this one episode 442 (unless they've skipped eight weeks, but I don't think we've gone a week without an Impact thread) - not that I really believe THEM, either, but it's getting late and I don't want to try counting episodes tonight. If only someone would leak a TNA script so we could see what THEY think their episode number is!
Originally posted by CRZAre you SURE it's 434, by the way? I know Wikipedia says 434, but other sources on The Internet seem to believe that episode 400 was January 12, which would make this one episode 442 (unless they've skipped eight weeks, but I don't think we've gone a week without an Impact thread) - not that I really believe THEM, either, but it's getting late and I don't want to try counting episodes tonight. If only someone would leak a TNA script so we could see what THEY think their episode number is!
Well, they have it divided by seasons on their official page, so 7 seasons multiplied by 52 weeks, plus the three episodes from this season would put Impact at...367 episodes. Jeeze, that's not right, either.
Hmm...maybe I'll just stick to the current numbering from Wikipedia. Like you said, I'm pretty sure TNA doesn't even know, either.
Well, at least we know who Bane is, maybe. Now, does anyone else remember him, probably not. This week was all angle advancement which is fine, but some good wrestling wouldn't hurt either. I did like the loser of the triple threat not getting a title shot til BFG, that is a pretty damn good stipulation. I am hoping with the chokeslam of death we see the end of Joseph Parks and the return of Abyss. Even though, I have to give a thumbs up to Parks for playing Clark Kent so well it makes Tom Wellington and Brandon Routh look bad.
The Wee Baby Sheamus.Twitter: @realjoecarfley its a bit more toned down there. A bit.
I don't like the BfG title shot stipulation, simply because it handcuffs one of their three best guys for the next twelve months. But I can see their thinking behind it - I'd wager Storm takes the pin and the BfG series next year has been earmarked for his overcoming-the-odds comeback story.
I am hoping that A&8s are taking the opposite approach that the nWo did with their reveals. They start with Horace Hogan, Bossman, and Virgil, and hopefully we get Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage like reveals later. Hopefully.
Magnus/Joe and York/Ion were decent. Ryan/RVD didn't really click which surprised me a little as Ryan is real good. The rest of the wrestling (the little there was to begin with) was nothing to speak of. The overload of promo segments killed the show for me, only AA and Daniels/Kaz kept me any kind of interested.
Finally got around to watching the rest of the show. They needed the Luke Gallows reveal...well, any kind of reveal at least. Devon and Gallows shouldn't strike fear in the hearts of TNA wrestlers, though. Sad to see Luke is back off the wagon after his stint in the Straight Edge Society.
A.J.'s other A.J. comment was kinda funny, mostly since TNA has stayed away from WWE references lately.
That's all I've got.
(edited by geemoney on 2.11.12 2233) @gregmparks - live Tweeting of Raw and Impact, wrestling thoughts and other slices of life.
Originally posted by ScottyflamingoI don't think Luke Gallows was "Bane". That guy is shorter and thicker, built like Samoa Joe.
Hmm...too short to be Shad Gaspard, or that would have been my guess.
Rumors are that it'sd D'Lo Brown. I doubt it will be him when the mask comes off though. Btw I really enjoy the Borash-Kennely pairing a nice break from the dispassionate pairing of Tenay and Taz for an hour.
The attacking Lilian thing is a good idea but like you're saying it would be better if some monster heel did it, like Jazz. She should be coming back by the end of the summer so let's see how they reintroduce her.