In a SHOCKING SWERVE, we start the show not with Jeff Jarrett and Jeremy Borash chatting, but with Tenay & West hyping the Hangman's Horror match! To win, you have to hang your opponent over the ropes -- using a dog collar attached to a chain -- until he passes out!
Kazarian & Maverick Matt [Bentley] vs. Christopher Daniels & AJ Styles: They show some clips for Kazarian and Bentley participating in Ultimate X matches -- good thinking! It hypes the UltX and lets viewers know that K&B have been around for a while.
The match is pretty good -- K&B are back to their green-and-black gear and they look the best that they have since coming back. Both teams have some nice double-team stuff. S&D hit a nice Total Elimination-type move (Tenay calls it the "Hi-Lo") on Bentley -- both of them are on the same side of Matt, with Christopher Daniels (the "Hi") hitting his clothesline while leaping over a sliding Styles (the "Lo").
This eliminates Bentley, allowing Daniels to hit the Best Moonsault Ever on Kazarian, followed by Styles nailing a SWEET D-Lo style frog splash for the pin.
Kazarian & Matt lost, but they didn't look like jobbers. The match was fast-moving, crisp, and tight, and I liked it.
And NOW, backstage, here's Jeff Jarret -- he's dressed in a stripey t-shirt and a backwards ball cap; he looks like he's auditioning for the Dennis the Menace stage show. Anyway, he has words for Eric Young due to the fiasco with the lie detector test. JJ sends Eric off to do something or another with Sting, and he also tells Larry Zbyszko that he better get him out of the upcoming "Fan's Revenge" match against Samoa Joe (at No Surrender!).
Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin: Plot Point #1: Johnny Devine is "conspicuous by his absence." Plot Point #2: Sabin and his friends sure have been enjoying watching footage from the upcoming Jackass Number Two, coming soon to a theater near you.
About that Jackass -- Tenay is wondering if Sabin has lost focus -- shouldn't he be watching tapes and scouting Senshi, being as he's got a match against him for the X Division title in a week and a half? West suggests that Sabin's a guy who just has to be "loose." Oh, West, you enabler.
There's someone at the top of the ramp watching this match -- geez, he looks vaguely familiar...I'm sure I've seen him SOMEWHERE before...perhaps in the distant past...oh, it's Senshi!
Standard X Division stuff -- Shelley has great little gestures and stuff, and Sabin is Sabin. There's a kinda scary bit where Sabin dives through the ropes onto Shelley on the outside and Shelley's head just KLONKS into the guard rail -- it actually makes a quite audible KLONK sound, I wouldn't lie. Shelley seems alright, though. Later, Sabin hits a GREAT looking running kick right to Shelley's FACE, followed up by a nice Hesitation Dropkick -- Shelley, hanging upside down, actually leans up into it so that he can recoil that much more!
After a couple of minutes, Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal appear on the ramp (the other ramp, not Senshi's), stuffing Devine into a shopping cart and rolling him down the ramp (they really WERE watching Jackass for ideas)! Keep in mind that due to TNA's 6-sided ring, there's a ringpost right there at the middle of the bottom of the ramp -- Devine FLIES out of the cart, SLAMS into the ringpost and CRASHES to the floor!!! Shelley is so shocked by these -- well, we'll call them "hijinks" -- that Sabin whips out a La Majistral and gets the pin!
After the match, Eric Young runs down and grabs Shelley and hauls him off, apparently to get his help with the Sting thing. Shelley appears to have no idea what's going on.
Abyss vs. Raven: This is the afore-mentioned Hangman's Horror match. By-the-books WWE style hardcore, with the exception of the four dog collars attached to long chains (they span about half the ring) which are in turn attached to the ring ropes. Raven is limping and looks bad. Abyss creams him with what appears to be a dry-erase board. Raven hits Abyss with a garbage can lid three or four times, bending it in half, and then clubs him with the bottom of the can.
Raven is distracted by Father James Mitchell, which leads to Abyss kicking a chair into Raven's face and hanging him over the rope -- there's the bell and THAT was kind of anticlimactic.
Runt runs in and BLASTS Abyss with a chair, bouncing it FULL FORCE off Abyss's skull and sending it (the chair, not Abyss's skull!) flying into the air. Runt unhooks Raven from the dog collar -- well, that's nice of OH MY GOD ACID DROP and I'm going to guess that we're getting a three-way match at No Surrender. Monster's Ball? House of Fun?
Here's Bobby Roode, still looking for a manager! This week he talks to "The Colonel" -- apparently Colonel Robert Parker, and I have to say I'm not really familiar with him, although he namedrops Steve Austin. Wikipedia suggests he's an old buddy of Jeff Jarrett, and was always in whatever federation I wasn't watching at the time. Huh -- apparently he managed Daffney recently, and, a couple of months ago, helped her win a Junior Heavyweight title in some NWA fed! Anyway -- uneventful interview.
LAX is backstage and THEY GOT HOOCHIES! Man, I gotta point out that the LAXettes are pretty hot. Konnan cuts another good promo while Homicide makes bunny ears behind Borash's head. Homicide, you and your witty japes!
Aaaand here's our Main Event Meeting -- Jim Cornette is in the ring! They let the audience into the ringside area -- interesting. Some of them have leather straps. Cornette says that Jeff Jarrett's popularity level is somewhere between Osama Bin Laden and "crotch rot."
Cornette says that he will re-hire Earl Hebner (oh yay) due to his being exonerated by the polygraph. Hebner gets one more chance -- Cornette believes in second chances, but doesn't "dish out thirds."
Cornette bring out Samoa Joe, JJ's opponent in the "Fan's Revenge" match. Man, I hope Joe doesn't just settle into the "Kane" position -- always the Mystery Opponent or the Mystery Partner, but never rising above that. Joe cuts a quick promo about how he's going to punish JJ for "crimes against the fans."
Larry Zbyszko comes out and tries to convince Cornette to let JJ off the hook, while Joe stands behind him, licking a leather strap (Joe, you need to start eating before the show!).
Jim threatens to kick Larry out of the ring. Zbyszko: "You and what army?" Cornette: "The SAMOAN army!" and Joe whips Larry out of the ring! Larry tries to escape and the fans start whipping him, too! Jarrett -- still dressed like a twelve-year-old -- comes out to his rescue. The fans are halfway up the ramp and seem pretty riled up. There's a woman in the front, and JJ takes her down, grabs a strap and starts BEATING her! Holy cow!
Aaand scene. [/Dermody]
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 15.9.06 0223) Last 5 movies seen: Touch the Sound - Lucky Number Slevin - Behind Locked Doors - District B13 - Friends With Money
Originally posted by Karlos the JackalKazarian & Matt lost, but they didn't look like jobbers.
But having a name like "Maverick Matt" sure makes one seem like it.
Why isn't Traci with Matt anymore?
Maybe she got fed up with the notion that he needs to change up his name every couple of weeks? I would imagine you could only be with someone so long before you get tired of them having a new name just about the time you learn the new one.
Last I heard, Traci was in Iraq with DDP visiting the troops. Bentley's been going by Maverick Matt since earlier this year. And he hasn't been seen with Traci since he disappeared after Destination X. Bentley comes back to team with Kazarian again and Traci is nowhere to be seen.
What annoys me about these Impacts is that it feels like every week it ends with over 10 minutes of talking by Cornette, Jeff Jarrett, or both. Cornette's character in TNA sucks and has proven to be weak and ineffective at truly enforcing anything.
The is the worst I've ever seen the X division. I think this is pretty much proof that it's dead after they let Kevin Nash bury it. Last year, a match like Senshi vs. Sabin (who are facing each other for the first time one on one as far as I can recall) for the X division title would've been a big fucking deal. Now it's just crappy promotion for a sequel to a dumb, crappy movie, for a dumb, crappy show that was popular over 6 years ago.
-Kurt Angle beats WWE Champion John Cena by pinfall [Bischoff gets involved, Cena gets screwed somehow, but ends up getting a rematch on the 10/3 RAW because of either a contractual loophole or Vince demanding it.