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The W - Pro Wrestling - IMPACT 8-31-06
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Karlos the Jackal
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 173 days
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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
LAX is hot enough to open the show, right? Well -- no! First we have to open with a clip featuring Jeff Jarrett talking! THAT'll suck the UFC crowd right in.

(Jarret's not just going to sign the contract tonight, he's going to have a PUBLIC EXECUTION...of the signing of the contract.)

LAX is here representing all the Latinos in the U.S. Konnan namedrops some famous Latino wrestlers, points out that he hates gringos, and is interrupted by Styles and Daniels. S&D admit that they erred in accepting a match on LAX's terms -- now they're enacting their rematch clause, and that rematch will be on THEIR terms -- at No Surrender, they'll have a TAG TEAM ULTIMATE X match. That should be AWESOME (although the last couple of Ult Xs have disappointed) and the concept of teamwork to get to the belts isn't something we've seen before. Early prediction: LAX retains when Hernandez HURLS Homicide up to the belts.

Petey Williams and Senshi vs. Jay Lethal and Chris Sabin: More and more, the X Division is formless, shapeless, directionless, like a blob of pudding chasing its own tail.

Sabin wins when he hits Williams with a DDT from a Dominator position kinda thing. Senshi stands in the ring and watches, hands on hips, refusing to help. Early prediction: Sabin's title shot against Sabin becomes a three-way with Williams thrown in.

Bobby Roode is still looking for a manager -- he's going to start looking "outside the box"! They show pics of guys I don't know -- I assume football or basketball coaches or something. This tells us nothing new from the promo two weeks ago, but I guess it's good to remember that Roode exists. Early prediction: We will not see Cyndi Lauper.

Eric Young vs. Shark Boy: I hope they know what they are going to do with Eric Young and move quickly toward that goal, because already this feels like meaningless filler and Eric's not going to be able to tread this water for very long. Shark Boy misses the Shark Bite, and Eric decides to go for it! Wow, that's the closest I've ever seen to karma actually biting someone on the ass. Young wins with a wheelbarrow suplex into a neckbreaker. Early prediction: They do not, in fact, know what they are going to do with Eric Young.

Earl Hebner runs out after the match and attacks Slick Johnson. This all ties in with Jarrett, somehow, and for a promotion with only 4-6 hours between PPVs they sure waste a lot of time on stuff that no one could possibly care about.

Christian Cage talks to Borash backstage and Killings interrupts. Cage tells him that he's not the first rapper wannabe whose ass he'll kick. They'll have a match next week! Early prediction: Cage wins! Wait, so is fatback greasy? 'Cause I'm not sure I know what that is.

Abyss vs. Runt in the FIRST EVER 10,000 THUMBTACKS MATCH: You win when you put your opponent into the tacks. There are two poles with bags of tacks on them. There are also two flat frame things with thumbtacks spread on them (they are the approximate length and width of a tabletop). Runt hits an Acid Drop IMMEDIATELY, grabs a sack of tacks, and starts using it like a blackjack. Raven is up by the ramp and is STARING. Runt dumps out the bag of tacks and spreads them around in the ring.

After a commercial break, we see that Abyss has layed Spike out and has set up a table on the floor by the entrance ramp. On this table is a frame-thing of tacks. There is also, on top of THAT, a SECOND table, on which Abyss and Mitchell are placing a SECOND frame-thing of tacks! I really like the "tunnel-vision" thing that they always mention with Abyss, as it gives him an excuse to go around building these elaborate constructions.

Runt escapes this horrible fate and they head back into the ring, where Runt tries for ANOTHER Acid Drop, but Abyss instead SLAMS Runt into the tacks. Runt's back is COATED in them. Abyss is thusly triumphant, but is isn't enough for him -- he drags Runt up the ramp, and tries to powerbomb Runt off the ramp and through the two tables (each, remember, covered in tacks) -- but RAVEN is here and finally makes clear which side he chosen, attacking Abyss -- Abyss grabs Raven by the throat but Raven hits Abyss with a KNEELIFT (!), sending Abyss off the ramp and THROUGH TWO TABLES COVERED IN TACKS!

Raven picks up Runt, holding him across his shoulders whilst striking the Raven Pose -- man, the whites of Raven's eyes are BRIGHT YELLOW -- are we SURE he's medically cleared to perform?! Early Prediction: Raven vs. Abyss is going to be a REALLY UGLY match, in at least one way and possibly as many as three.

And we IMMEDIATELY cut to THREE Subcomandante Marcoses WITH ASSAULT RIFLES coming down the ramp -- yes yes the FIRST EVER 10,000 THUMBTACKS MATCH was nice and all but we're REALLY here to see JEFF JARRETT SIGN A CONTRACT.

And he does.

(Oh -- as JJ was getting in the ring, he gets NAILED in the FACE with a water bottle thrown from the crowd -- he immediately has security throw the assailant out. I have no idea if he was a plant or what. But why have security do it? He's got THREE BUDDIES WITH ASSAULT RIFLES IN THE RING! Just SHOOT the dude!)

WOW the RED COMMISSIONER CORNETTE PHONE RINGS and Jim Cornette informs Jarrett that JJ WILL have to take a lie detector test -- NEXT WEEK! Why, that's almost MORE exciting than a contract signing! If JJ passes the test, he doesn't have to step into a ring until Bound for Glory -- but if he DOESN'T pass, the fans will get a chance to GET EVEN!

I've heard a rumor of a fans-are-the-lumberjacks match, so it looks like that may be the (wildly ill-advised though it may seem) direction they're heading in! Early prediction: That one fan who's always in the front row, slightly left of the center, and has a quiffy crewcut and is always dancing and stuff -- that guy takes a guitar shot RIGHT TO THE SKULL. Oh wait -- that's not a prediction, that's just MY FONDEST WISH.

Welcome to September.

--K




(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 1.9.06 0134)

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Packman V2
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Since: 16.3.04
From: Albuquerque, NM

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.71
Aside from the LAX promo, and the Cage promo (I got a big crack out of the "you're not the first poseur rapper who's ass I've kicked" line), the show was very FF worthy. Not a fan of Abyss, or Spike, or Sabin and Lethal. Young and Shark Boy was filler, and Jarrett's "execution" at the end just feels like he's trying so hard to be cutting edge, and just comes across as very lame.

And note to TNA, it's fine to tape 2 shows at once, but if the first show ends in a bloody match, you can go ahead and change the canvas, to not give across the appearance that it is just continued. They made very sure to have the main people from last week change, and I think they dropped the ball there.



flairforthegold13
Kishke








Since: 1.5.03
From: Gainesville, FL.

Since last post: 2425 days
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
A waste of a show. They're totally tanking the September PPV to promote BFG. Don't know how wise THAT is, especially since I think they're VASTLY overstating the drawing power of Sting and Jarrett (so, am I to take it that Sting won't be on appearing until BFG?)

LAX is the best thing in all of wrestling right now. But what I HATE is that Tenay and West will always say "Moody Jack and Konnan are over there on commentary getting their agenda across. I wonder what they're talking about? Jim Cornette is investigating their agenda, it's affecting the bottom line."

I mean, I think we get the agenda. It's kill the gringos and take over. I don't know why Tenay and West talk around it. Konnan says very clearly every week that he and his people are going to stage a revolution, kill whitey and take over.

TNA commentating annoys me.

I'll also reiterate that during Young's matches they treat him with bemusement like he's a slow child. I officially hate the Eric Young gimmick.

The Batphone is unbelievably hokey. Also, wrestling promotions should avoid bringing out guys wearing black stockings holding GUNS.

Yeah, not much was right with this show. Y'know, if BFG tanks and the ratings continue to freefall...well...needless to say, that wouldn't be good.
JohnHayduke
Polska kielbasa








Since: 17.10.02
From: Moab, Utah

Since last post: 2678 days
Last activity: 555 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.26
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
    Cage tells him that he's not the first rapper wannabe whose ass he'll kick.


I'm drawing a blank here. Who was the first rapper wannabe? Did Christian and K-Kwick fued in WWE? My memory is horrible sometimes.

Eric Young rules! We're seeing eye-to-eye. Eric needs more friends to play off of though.

Is Nash gone for good now?

Konnan talks too much.

I'm a fan of Runt. Yes, I said it. I don't think Raven will be good for his push in TNA. Raven is not looking so good anymore too.

I actually want to see Hebner's confession only because I want to see what happens to Jarrett. I just wish there was more time for other things on the show.

I may have missed it but I think it's worth noting, TNA did not hint about Angle or a wrestler showing up and SHOCKING the wrestling world.
XPacArmy
Frankfurter








Since: 13.5.03
From: Woodbridge, VA

Since last post: 262 days
Last activity: 258 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.34
    Originally posted by JohnHayduke
      Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
      Cage tells him that he's not the first rapper wannabe whose ass he'll kick.


    I'm drawing a blank here. Who was the first rapper wannabe? Did Christian and K-Kwick feud in WWE? My memory is horrible sometimes.


Christian was talking about his feud with Cena.

    Originally posted by JohnHayduke
    I may have missed it but I think it's worth noting, TNA did not hint about Angle or a wrestler showing up and SHOCKING the wrestling world.

Why would they? I don't think their is a storyline going on that even brought this up.

(edited by XPacArmy on 1.9.06 1448)

JohnHayduke
Polska kielbasa








Since: 17.10.02
From: Moab, Utah

Since last post: 2678 days
Last activity: 555 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.26
    Originally posted by XPacArmy
      Originally posted by JohnHayduke
        Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
        Cage tells him that he's not the first rapper wannabe whose ass he'll kick.


      I'm drawing a blank here. Who was the first rapper wannabe? Did Christian and K-Kwick feud in WWE? My memory is horrible sometimes.


    Christian was talking about his feud with Cena.




Oh man... I forgot about that.

    Originally posted by XPacArmy

      Originally posted by JohnHayduke
      I may have missed it but I think it's worth noting, TNA did not hint about Angle or a wrestler showing up and SHOCKING the wrestling world.

Why would they? I don't think their is a storyline going on that even brought this up.

(edited by XPacArmy on 1.9.06 1448)


To draw attention to their product and get people talking. I know there is no story line and I suspect Angle would not go to TNA this soon (or at all) but still it would get people talking about TNA.
cammytuff
Pinkelwurst








Since: 15.10.04

Since last post: 2590 days
Last activity: 2561 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.01
Quickly, What makes Shark Boy the "cult-favorite" of the Impact Zone?

And the phone thing was PURE wrestlecrap.
Peter The Hegemon
Lap cheong








Since: 11.2.03
From: Hackettstown, NJ

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 3 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.28
For the record, the two coaches shown during the Roode thing were Pat Riley (of basketball's Miami Heat, although he had his biggest success with the Lakers) and Joe Torre (of baseball's New York Yankees).

Oh, and John: Ron Killings IS K-Kwik.

With that out of the way...

I'm a TNA mark, but that was not a good show. There were a bunch of things that were pretty stupid, and if I want wrestling with stupid I'll turn on a McMahon show. [ZING!] To wit:

--Why did Konnan cut a face promo about dedicating his win to Mil Mascaras, Pedro Morales, Eddy Guerrero, etc? Does this promotion not have enough trouble establishing heels other than Jarrett? He did try to get some heel schtick in there, but he shouldn't have been doing the face stuff at all.

--Speaking of heel/face divisions, it seems they've just gotten around to deciding that Senshi is a heel, and he's been the champ for weeks. Seriously, when they showed that he was teaming with Williams, I was like...Does that make him a heel? Wait a minute, IS he a heel? I don't know!

--This is a small point, because I DO like the idea of the tag team Ultimate X title match, but why did Daniels (or Styles) say that they were proposing it to guarantee that Konnan wouldn't interfere? Isn't an Ultimate X match by definition no-DQ? Couldn't Konnan pretty much park himself in the middle of the ring with a slapjack--or one of Jarrett's henchman's guns, for that matter--through the whole match with impunity?

--But, hey, at least something is happening at the September PPV, No Significance. I thought they were going to make Christian/Killings for that PPV, but they didn't. Of course, that probably just means the Impact match will end in a schmozz, and then they'll do the rematch at NS.

--I don't need to add to what others have said about the Hebner storyline.

--Last, but far from least, that awful "execution/phone call" bit. The promo itself was just the usual heel schtick, basically, but the phone call thing was terrible. Cornette has so far been shown as so ineffectual that he might as well not exist. "Jeff, you won the belt by cheating, so to punish you--I'm going to make you defend it! Two months from now!" "Jeff, you cheated to win the rematch, too. So, to punish you--I'm going to make you take a lie detector test! And if you pass it, you get two months to rest up before you have to defend your belt. But if you don't, I'm going to--um, put you in a match of some sort, maybe!" Maybe if Jarrett gets his "firing squad" to shoot Sting in the next match, Cornette can "punish" him by signing him to face Shark Boy for his next title defense. In April.

I mean, if you want Jarrett to get off unscathed for his shenanigans so he can build heel heat, that's fine. (I'd rather they put the heat on some younger guy who needs it, but whatever.) Just don't have Cornette out there acting like he's doing something about it, but not really doing so. Unless they're setting up a heel turn where Cornette was on Jarrett's side all along....Hmmmm.
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 13 hours
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.26
    Originally posted by Peter The Hegemon
    --Why did Konnan cut a face promo about dedicating his win to Mil Mascaras, Pedro Morales, Eddy Guerrero, etc? Does this promotion not have enough trouble establishing heels other than Jarrett? He did try to get some heel schtick in there, but he shouldn't have been doing the face stuff at all.


As I said after the last PPV, they have ruined the hard heel push and turned LAX into tweener thugs. Not that this diminishes my interest in them one bit. They are cohesive, focused, and competent. If not for Konan's Senor Socko and his La Raza speeches, this would be a full-on face team.





"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker

My blog will amuse. (heygregory.blogspot.com)
Deputy Marshall
Liverwurst








Since: 28.6.04
From: Troy, NY

Since last post: 351 days
Last activity: 192 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.17
    Originally posted by Peter The Hegemon
    Why did Konnan cut a face promo about dedicating his win to Mil Mascaras, Pedro Morales, Eddy Guerrero, etc? Does this promotion not have enough trouble establishing heels other than Jarrett? He did try to get some heel schtick in there, but he shouldn't have been doing the face stuff at all.

I think Konnan suffers from Kevin Nash syndrome (being unable and/or unwilling to cut a full-on heel promo).

First time I've caught Impact in a couple weeks, and I wasn't all that impressed. Runt/Abyss bored me (and man, does Raven look terrible). The Public Execution promo was pointless and dull, especially when the phone rang over the loudspeakers. Although I did like that Don West apparently has the same red phone for Jim Cornette that Commissioner Gordon had for Batman.

There was nothing terribly offensive, but the show as a whole was quite skippable (or "FF worthy" to quote Packman V2).

    Originally posted by John Hayduke
    Is Nash gone for good now?

I thought I read in WON that the general consensus was that Nash pulled the wool over everyone's eyes and made them look like fools when he pulled out of the match with Sabin, so they weren't ever going to contact him for work again. Don't know if that's still the case.

Speaking of done with TNA, I'm guessing that Killings's match with Christian next week is going to be his swansong(?).

(edited by Deputy Marshall on 4.9.06 0034)


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Karlos the Jackal
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 173 days
Last activity: 11 hours
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
    Originally posted by Deputy Marshall
    Speaking of done with TNA, I'm guessing that Killings's match with Christian next week is going to be his swansong(?).
I've heard that Killings asked for his release -- I haven't heard anything about it being granted, or about how long Killings has left on his contract (except for a vaguely-worded bit from Meltzer that Killings has more time left on his contract than Monty Brown does).

Maybe they're using him to put over all the upper carders before he leaves, but maybe they're trying to get him back into the uppercard mix to make him happy. I dunno.

--K



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Sorry guys, I was writing up a recap and then accidentally closed the tab I was writing in, and lost the work. That's disheartening! If I have the time and inclination I'll come back later for a detailed recap, but for now here's the Quick 'N Dirty.
Related threads: IMPACT 8-24-06 - IMPACT 8-17-06 - TNA IMPACT workrate report EPISODE #44 - More...
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