If it was up to me I think I would have put another comma in that title.
Booker T is in the ring with the championship belt and a leopard-skin trench coat. Crowd: "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" Booker: "Thank You. Thank you all." Ha ha!
He declares himself champion, and Jim Cornette is out to refute that -- Samoa Joe's still champion, he says, and if Booker wants it, he'll have to try again at Hard Justice. Now Samoa Joe himself is out, and he tells Booker to go ahead and hang on to the belt. Joe's never taken a handout from a punk, he says -- and Booker better shine it up real nice for Joe.
Beer Money is in back, and they are going to go out into the park to beat up tourists.
Kaz says that he let down everyone who ever competed in the X Division (including Jerry Lynn, Senshi, and Amazing Red) down by losing the Ultimate X match last Sunday.
Kaz vs. Petey Williams: This is for the X Division championship. My least favorite part of Petey's gimmick is the "Little Petey Pump" nickname that the announcers have given him. Kaz is able to reverse a couple of Canadian Destroyer attempts but finally falls victim to a rollup (the official finisher of the X Division). He is sad -- obviously they're going somewhere with this, but I've never seen a "losing streak" storyline that made the subject look good.
Eric Young tells Jeremy Borash that there's a SECRET MEETING of the PRINCE JUSTICE BROTHERHOOD!!! Oh boy! Note that "Prince Justice" is one of Abyss' old gimmicks -- is that a clue, or just an inside joke?
Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash chat. Joe, for some reason, is all "waaahhhh, maybe I'm not good enough, Big Kev!" So much for the "Return of Killer Joe." WTF TNA.
Also, Joe's suit makes him look like he should be starring in a stage production of F.I.S.T.
Super Eric, Curry Man, and Shark Boy are all hanging out and making "super" "jokes."
Matt Morgan vs. Jimmy Rave: SQUASH by Morgan.
Christy Hemme runs and gets Lance Hoyt. Lance Hoyt comes out and (no joke) changes his name to "Lance Rock."
Matt Morgan vs. Lance Rock: SQUAAAASH .(you'll notice that this squash is slightly longer.)
Jim Cornette is with the Knockouts who are all fussing. He sets up a 10-woman gauntlet match for later tonight; winner gets a title shot next week.
Karen Angle promo, which I skip past, but it appears that she is GETTING A TALK SHOW SEGMENT starting next week called "Karen's Angle." Holy shit, somebody actually looked at this show and said "what this needs is MORE TALKING BY KAREN ANGLE."
Kurt Angle and Team 3D are here, all dressed as Sting, in masks and black trench coats, because they think that Sting is now "in their corner." AJ Styles, Christian Cage, and Rhino come out to refute this. They end up setting up a 6-man, 5-table elimination match for next week -- that should be fun.
10 Woman Gauntlet match: Winner gets a title shot against Taylor Wilde next week. This is the first time I've seen Rhaka Khan do any actual wrestling moves -- she hits a nice standing axe kick to Roxxi's back. Roxxi, by the way, is wearing tight knee-length pants with bondage buckles -- much better than the short skirt, which emphasized her gangliness too much.
Salinas is first eliminated, as it should be. Crowd really anticipates ODB's entrance, and goes nuts when she comes in. The chaff -- Khan, Traci Brooks, and Hemme -- get eliminated during a commercial, and ODB, Roxxi, and Jackie right afterward. This leaves us with Gail Kim and The Beautiful People -- Kim manages to toss Angelina Love, but then Velvet Sky manages to sneak in a rollup for the win. I suspect Taylor Wilde will keep the strap for another week.
In the back, Booker is looking through a book with pictures of TNA stars -- he gets to pick his own opponent for tonight, along with the type of match (if they explained why this is the case, I missed it). He picks Consequences Creed, because his name reminds him of Rocky, where the champion gives an unknown a shot. He grabs his cel phone -- "911? This is Booker!" Ha! He requests an ambulance, because he's going to have a stretcher match!
Jay Lethal and SoCal Val are in back -- Val thinks Lethal is being too hard on Sonjay Dutt.
Sonjay Dutt vs. Johnny Devine vs. Eric Young: Three minutes of guys running in circles, and then Dutt pins Young by...clipping Young's knee? What, were all the rollups used up already? This sucked.
Afterward, Lethal came out and attacked Dutt. Val came out, too, but Lethal sent her away. Dutt hit a ringpost with a chair, tossed it to Jay, and then fell down and started screaming. Val turned around and drew the obvious conclusion.
Beer Money are back at ringside and they strap a fan, some refs, Simon Diamond and Scott D'Amore (with his own belt -- this necessitates the blurring of D'Amore's upper ass), and, finally and most of all, Hector Guerrero. This (after a while) brings out LAX.
Consequences Creed is FIRED UP and it's great. Lauren seems excited as well!
Booker T vs Consequences Creed: Creed gets in some offense but not enough; Booker beats him glassy-eyed and rolls him off in the stretcher.
Oh Wait! Joe ambushes Booker and throws him in the ambulance, which drives off! Wait, Joe, that's not really actually punishing Booker -- I mean, they're not going to operate on him now or anything. Anyway, Sharmell comes after Joe with a black baseball bat -- Joe takes it away and yells, "did Sting give you this?"
And that's it. This week kinda sucked. Kaz vs. Petey and the Knockout Gauntlet were okay, but everything else was either a squash, a glorified squash, or stupid.
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 18.7.08 0224) Last 5 movies seen: The Bank Job *** - The Monolith Monsters ** - WALL-E **** - Vantage Point **1/2 - A Fool There Was ***
* Living Under Marshall Law Podcast Latest episode uploaded 6/27/08 (Tim Russert, George Carlin, Hulkamania running wild via a raging inferno in your kitchen, and Mixed Martial Malarkey (c) Justin Shapiro)
Smackdown needs no opening recap this week! We hit the arena immediately, where MICHAEL COLE welcomes us in JBL's absence, and here comes SHEAMUS to open things out. And it's a match! SHEAMUS and RANDY ORTON vs. THE RHODES SCHOLARS: