Abyss vs. Lance Hoyt starts before they even roll the opening credits -- Hoyt has Christie Hemme with him. Standard match -- these guys have worked together well in the past. This was fine. Hoyt has a pretty good moonsault for a guy who's over nine feet tall. He also goes for his across-the-ring-dropkick-into-a-chair move, but Abyss moves -- Hoyt hops down off the turnbuckle -- Abyss throws the chair at Hoyt and smacks him RIGHT in the FACE. That only gets 2, but a Black Hole Slam finishes it.
Abyss brings in a sack of broken glass, but Basham comes down to drag Hoyt away. (No sign of Damaja.) Hemme is left in the ring -- Abyss is going to slam her into the broken glass, because he's a good guy now! No -- AJ Styles and Tomko are here to beat him down. Boooo! Wait -- Sting is here! He chases of the heels! He's got a mic -- and he hands it to Abyss! Abyss: "Tomko -- Styles -- three days -- click -- DOOOMSDAY!"
Man, Abyss has had, like, YEARS to think of something to say, and he kipes his ex-manager's catchphrase.
NOW we get the opening credits.
Later tonight, Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle team up with Team 3D to take on Christian Cage, Styles, Tomko, and -- who? Cage announces it'll be Robert Roode. Styles (as part of TNA's bizarre quest to re-make a multiple triple-crown winner into the goofiest dork this side of Eric Young) is insecure that he's being replaced in Cage's affections.
Kaz vs. Havoc vs. Martyr: Okay, so there's going to be a 10-man Gauntlet Ultimate X match at Victory Road, okay? And the winner becomes the new X Division #1 contender! (The Ultimate X match is cool and all, but I don't think it needs to be wasted on a #1 contenders match that will probably involve Shark Boy.) And the winner of this match gets to be in that match.
Havoc and Martyr work together, but it's not enough to defeat Kaz, who legsweeps Martyr and rolls him up for the pin. After the match, Raven comes out, and all three of them beat the crap out of Kaz with kendo sticks.
(I'd like to mention that Serotonin's face paint is much improved this week, and actually pretty cool -- Martyr has a fancy white cross over one eye [he is his uncle's nephew], and Havoc has a red "H" with the crossbar across both eyes.)
Don West talks to James Storm about Rhino's alcoholism (FFWD).
There's an anti-smoking PSA with Ron Killings in a TNA shirt. I wonder what should or should not be read into that.
Video package with James Mitchell -- his "son" is coming -- we get quick shots of an eyeball with an all-white contact lens -- hands with spiked bracelets -- and a silhouetted shot of three people crucified on a hill (!!!). JUDAS MESIAS IS COMING.
Kevin Nash moderates a debate between old school (Jerry Lynn and Bob Backlund) and new school (Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley). Shelley calls Lynn "the lead singer of Nickelback" and Backlund an ugly "ginger kid" and things go downhill from there.
Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, & 3D vs. Christian Cage, Tomko, AJ Styles and Robert Roode: Angle does not want to be here. He looks bored and doesn't tag in. Joe, meanwhile, has a nice "clear the ring" bit, and then hits a big powerbomb on Styles, keeping hold of a leg and turning it into an STF! Oh, yeah, he's a submission machine!
The match is pretty fun, with a "everybody hits a signature move" section and brawl -- during this part, Angle hops down from the apron and watches but declines to get involved. 3D, Cage, and Roode are also on the outside. Joe kills Tomko with an Island Driver! Styles Peles Joe -- Joe shakes it off and clotheslines Styles, causing Styles to flip around, like, 18 times before hitting the mat. Cage is going up top, but Joe kicks him in the HEAD, then catapults Styles into him. Joe has Styles up for the Musclebuster -- NOW Angle hops up the the apron, blind tags himself in, and clips Joe's knee out from under him. Styles still pretty much takes the 'buster, and Angle hops on for the pin! He grabs his belts and scurries up the ramp, celebrating!
And that's it, 'til this Sunday.
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 13.7.07 0259) Last 5 movies seen: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End *** - The Astronaut Farmer *** - The Sting **** - Mulan *** - Best Foot Forward ***1/2
I caught bits and pieces of the show last night. Overall, not bad. Abyss v Hoyt had some pretty good action and I was impressed with Hoyt's moonsault. What happened to Hemme's face? It looks... odd.
Serotonin match was decent enough. I have to admit that this is the first time I have seen Raven in a long time, but what happened? He is starting to look like a blonde version of Blue Meanie. He could really use a salad.
Old School/New School debate was just dumb, although I did laugh at the "lead singer from Nickelback" line.
The last match was entertaining and I really liked the finish with Angle sneaking in and getting the pin.
I'm happy to see Angle finally being noticed by the commentators as the egotistical jerk that he's been since he got into TNA. It makes him infinitely more watchable than trying to have to buy him as a face.
Also, just because I know it'd drive the internet into a collective Aneurysm, I almost actually want to see Brother Ray win the X-Division title at Victory Road...
That main event was the best TV match since that Raw 8 man tag where everyone was trying to get noticed on 5/28.
Tomko VS Joe was awesome, Styles fearlessly charging Joe (heel or not) and nailing that pele kick, Kurt making Joe muscle buster himself as he fell out of control, and tons of other stuff made that match SUPERBAD.
Now imagine if LAX had been in there instead of the damn Dudleyz and it really would've popped.
EDIT~! I forgot to mention how pure awesome James Storm was in his segment as well as Styles doing the Marty Jannety clothesline sell.
Thanks for the hook-up, [un-named person with no name who sent it to me for $FREE.99]! Here's what I learned from reading JTG's book: WWE sounds like an incredibly awful place to work. Never work there.