Jeff Hardy is out first and immediately calls out "the asshole himself," Mr. Anderson. Anderson trots down and admits he's an asshole. And Jeff Hardy -- who's painted up like an Avatar character -- well, people probably look at him and think he's an asshole -- embrace it! Anderson points to various people in the crowd who are assholes. "Wouldn't you like to be an asshole, too?" he sings. Despite the "***"s in the episode title, they're not bleeping out any of this, folks. And there are CHILDREN in the audience!
AJ Styles comes out and calls Mr. Anderson a "butt munch." You know, after five solid minutes of assholes, "butt munch" seems a little...childish? Anyway, it turns out that Styles and Anderson have a match tonight, at Anderson's request.
The Band vs. Team 3D vs. Ink Inc.: This is non-title. Eric Young starts for the Band, and both Kevin Nash and Scott Hall are on the apron -- Taz and Mike Tenay seem to think that only one of them will actually compete, so I guess even "Band Rules" don't allow all three to tag in and out. Young and Shannon Moore do their thing for a while and then Jesse Neal tags in.
The real story here is between Brother Ray and Neal. Ray tags in and goes after Neal, just pounding the crap out of him. Brother Devon blind tags in, just to force Ray to stop, and Devon tosses Neal into Ink Inc's corner so that Neal can tag out. Devon and Ray stare daggers at each other. Once Neal tags back in, though, Ray returns the blind tag and goes after Neal again. Ray grabs a chair but Devon pulls it away -- Ray is distracted and gets speared by Neal for the (unconvincing) pin.
"Band Rules" didn't matter in the end -- NEITHER Nash nor Hall ever got in the ring and, in fact, left early. Wait, maybe that's "Band Rules."
Ray tells Neal that it's the two of them, one-on-one, at Slammiversary. As long as they don't split 3D up, I don't mind this angle -- Devon and Ray having a difference of opinion is realistic and defines them as separate individuals. I don't have high hopes for this match, though.
Kazarian is in back with Christy Hemme, and Ric Flair shows up to congratulate him. Kaz is all stoked. AJ Styles arrives and is dismayed at the possibility that he's no longer Flair's Golden Boy.
Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal: Lethal, again, is not doing a tribute act now -- he's straight-up Jay Lethal. Alright match. Jay owns the first part until Flair comes down, at which point Kaz gains a burst of confidence. Lethal takes over again with a moonsault press to a standing Kaz -- two only -- and an enziguri that flips Kaz over. Does Jay want the Figure Four? Lethal points at Flair, gloating and strutting a little, and there's the F4. Kaz manages to grab the rope at the manic urging of Flair. Flair and Lethal engage in a spirited debate and Kaz rolls up Lethal for the pin.
After the match, Flair comes in for the beatdown, but Lethal knocks him out of the ring. Kaz takes over -- here comes Styles, and him and Kaz fight over who gets to impress Daddy, as Tenay puts it. Lethal dropkicks them both out of the ring.
Shannon Moore is laid out in the back. The playing card on his prone form suggests the work of "Wild Card" Orlando Jordan, but this subtle clue remains unremarked upon by our announcers.
Orlando Jordan vs. Abyss: Jordan has pasties on. Oh, it's Abyss' face. Abyss has a reluctant Chelsea with him. This is delightful.
Jordan focuses on Abyss' injured arm, much as he did with Rob Terry's injured knee. This is canny on TNA's part -- it gives Jordan an in-ring personality (vicious, opportunistic) and gives his matches some form and focus. Jordan holds his own by keeping the pressure on Abyss' arm. Jordan tries a float-over off the turnbuckle but Abyss wheelbarrows him into a face-first slam, then clotheslines Jordan out of the ring.
Abyss follows to ringside and Jordan shoves him -- surprise, into Chelsea! Abyss is stricken and, after shoving Jordan into the ringpost, goes to check on her. Desmond Wolfe is out with Scott Steiner's steel pipe and attacks Abyss -- that's a DQ.
Wolfe implores Jordan to help him -- "get up, bubblegum!" -- possibly referring to Jordan's Hubba Bubba-colored ring gear -- this delights the front row, who burst into a "BUBBLEGUM" chant. Jordan and Wolfe beat down Abyss, and I dunno if it's just their complementary ring gear or what, but Jordan and Wolfe look good together -- TNA could do a lot worse for Jordan than teaming him up with Wolfe. ("A Wolfe 'n' Chic Clothing"? No?)
Rob Terry hobbles out for the save and Freakbusts Jordan. Wolfe escapes -- note that concern for Chelsea did not seem to be on his docket.
Rob Van Dam calls out Sting, who's up in the rafters. They have a match at Slammiversary, you know.
Mr. Anderson is backstage, trying to convince Hulk Hogan that he's turned a new leaf. Hogan is dubious.
Christy Hemme informs Roxxi that she has a title match against Madison Rayne at Slammiversary. Roxxi is all OMIGOD so excited. I'm a fan of Roxxi, but her new bubbly blonde character is really bland -- the Voodoo Queen and the Hardcore Knockout were both so much more interesting. Ah, well, better her than Lacey von Erich, huh?
Taylor Wilde & Sarita vs. The Beautiful People: The BPs are von Erich and Velvet Sky tonight, although Madison Rayne is out too. (I just realized that both sets of Tag Champs are "Freebirders.") Joining us on commentary is Puppet the Psycho Dwarf, the owner of Spike's new midget wrestling show, Half Pint Brawlers. Long-timers may remember that Puppet has history with TNA -- "a midget beating off in a trash can!" THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.
Anyway, Taz and Puppet make TAWDRY JOKES and discus Half Pint Brawlers. VERY OCCASIONALLY, they notice that there is a match going on. Sarita and Wilde are a lot of fun, like a distaff MCMG, but Lacey comes in and awkwardly uses her CLAWSLAM to drop Wilde on the back of her head for the pin.
Puppet runs down to the ring and they share "medium fives." Puppet makes the mistake of spanking Velvet -- OH NO YOU DON'T. Slap from Sky -- DDT from Rayne! Von Erich goes to check on Puppet, and they end up smooching and rolling around in the ring. Yes.
Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy: Kurt Angle is out on commentary with his new goatee. He does not discuss Half Pint Brawlers. Pretty fun stuff here -- Wolfe and Hardy get their signatures in and they mesh well given their disparate styles. Angle puts over Wolfe's moves, saying his shoulder still hurts from Wolfe's arm wringer, and that he was once knocked out cold by Wolfe's hammerlock/shin kick DDT.
Hardy goes for the Whisper in the Wind but takes out ref Brian Hebner instead. He nails Wolfe with the Twist of Fate, but the pin is in vain, of course. Hardy goes to check on the ref while Wolfe digs a weapon -- a sock full of quarters, perhaps -- out of his trunks -- POW! Wolfe gets the (slow-count) pin.
Matt Morgan is out -- he's got a title match against The Band at Slammiversary (what happened to MCMG?) and needs a partner. He invites anyone in back. He finally calls down that "little bald guy" -- Angle, still at the announce table. Angle comes down and Morgan continues to mock him, then shoves him down. Security separates them. Here comes SAMOA JOE -- Morgan bails -- oh, he's not scared, he's "off the clock."
AJ Styles vs. Mr. Anderson: Solid but unspectacular. Lots of mat-based stuff. Sweet spot where Styles goes for a leapfrog but Anderson catches him and smoothly goes into the Finlay Roll. Anderson is wrestling clear face (fighting out of submissions -- "what heart!") while Styles is of course full-on heel with the eye pokes and all. Anderson goes for a cross body but Styles rolls through and uses the ropes for the pin.
Anderson is all "Aw, you got me!" but attacks Styles nonetheless. Beer Money's out for the save, but Jeff Hardy's out to chase off the heels. This time, Hardy offers his hand first, and Anderson accepts.
I don't know if Anderson's face turn is sincere or not -- being a heel is his #1 talent, so it seems like a weird choice.
Anyway, that's the show. Not bad this week, minus Puppet-related shenanigans.
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 28.5.10 0439) Last 5 movies seen: The Road ***1/2 - Mystery Team *** - The Messenger *** - The Rock-afire Explosion *** - Adventureland **1/2
Originally posted by K AJ Styles comes out and calls Mr. Anderson a "butt munch." You know, after five solid minutes of assholes, "butt munch" seems a little...childish? Anyway, it turns out that Styles and Anderson have a match tonight, at Anderson's request.
AJ got in a nice line addressing Anderson here - referring to him as someone who "doesn't deserve to be in the same ring as me, someone who should buy a ticket just to be in the same building as me!" The crowd got referred to as 'Creatures of the Night' and 'Assholes.' I would understand if Undertaker called his fans 'Creatures of the Night,' but what exactly is Jeff Hardy's connection to night/darkness? Btw, Anderson called Hardy "Jeffro" among other things when he came out. That made the segment for me.
The three way tag was a miss for me. Too story-centric, and not the best workers in the ring. I'm not particularly excited about the Slammiversary match from an in-ring point-of-view either.
Originally posted by K Kazarian is in back with Christy Hemme, and Ric Flair shows up to congratulate him. Kaz is all stoked. AJ Styles arrives and is dismayed at the possibility that he's no longer Flair's Golden Boy.
AJ said he was looking for Flair "all day long," when in fact he had joined him ringside not 15 minutes prior to this.
"Get up, bubblegum!" - Best line of the show. Des Wolfe for the win!
Originally posted by K Rob Van Dam calls out Sting, who's up in the rafters. They have a match at Slammiversary, you know.
It's apt you summed this up in one line. This should've been one of the major points of this show, instead it wound up being woefully short, and basically an afterthought. Sting still hasn't done anything to make me buy him as a heel, and this is not the kind of build to your PPV main event World Title match.
Originally posted by K Puppet runs down to the ring and they share "medium fives." Puppet makes the mistake of spanking Velvet -- OH NO YOU DON'T. Slap from Sky -- DDT from Rayne! Von Erich goes to check on Puppet, and they end up smooching and rolling around in the ring. Yes.
This is exactly the kind of shit that makes me want to stop watching wrestling in general. WWE does this once in a while as well, with their guest hosts and C-list celebrities. This just has no place in a wrestling ring.
I liked the Wolfe match, but it was far too short to mean anything. Now I have a sinking feeling that the upcoming edition of the Angle Gauntlet will go down the same path.
Matt Morgan's promo work was the strongest I've seen from him. The continual use of plurals when referring to himself is excellent.
Styles v Anderson was good too, but [rant] for fuck's sake, can I have a main event that goes on for more than six minutes? And can I have a heel who wins cleanly? I'm not asking for multiple 20-minute mat classics every week, but when you advertise a double main event, and the two matches last for a combined 12 minutes, you're doing something horribly wrong. You have a boatload of talent, and instead of having them mucking around in stupid and/or awkward storylines, forcing them into acting (something they're not particularly good at) instead of wrestling, you're not doing anyone any favors. I'm usually lenient on TNA, and I try hard to get to like them, but then they go out and do so many stupid frustrating things, that's it's just too damn hard to feel for them. [end rant]
I actually wrote up a recap for this in the morning. The Wrestling Counter was 27 minutes and the Score for 5 for 10. When I tried to preview my post, the board threw up an error and my post went into the proverbial abyss. Oh well.
Forfeit the game, before somebody else takes you outta the game, and puts your name to shame Cover up your face, you can't run the race The pace is too fast, you just won't last - "Points Of Authority" - Linkin Park
Why can’t all Band matches include the Band not actually participating?
I thought Morgan, Joe, Wolfe, and Lethal were all used effectively last night. Most of them had been lost in the shuffle at various times over the last few months, so maybe that is a step in the right directions.? I know Lethal lost, but perhaps this is leading to a future matchup/feud with AJ, and that’s pretty cool.
While I would enjoy more wrestling time as much as the next guy, Impact, like Raw and Smackdown, are not necessarily wrestling shows, as much as they are TV shows. Specifically, shows designed to promote other shows (PPVs). But it seems to me like Impact has either longer breaks, or shorter segments, because we seem to get a lot of 4-5 minute segments. Hard to fit a decent match with intros in that time frame. Plus, with a bloated roster, it’s hard to give a match more than one segment because so many guys/gals are fighting to get on TV. The roster fat REALLY needs to be trimmed. The bad part is, the guys I consider to be the fat (Band, Terry, OJ) are not who would probably be shown the door.
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Originally posted by Karlos the Jackalbut Jordan and Wolfe look good together -- TNA could do a lot worse for Jordan than teaming him up with Wolfe. ("A Wolfe 'n' Chic Clothing"? No?)
Okay, you win.
Originally posted by JimBob SkeeterDoes Jay Lethal still come out to his pseudo-Macho music?
Nope, new theme, which, like most TNA entrance themes, left no impression on me at all.
Originally posted by kentish The roster fat REALLY needs to be trimmed. The bad part is, the guys I consider to be the fat (Band, Terry, OJ) are not who would probably be shown the door.
I tend to agree with this, although there's a difference between guys like Terry and Jordan -- who have an upside, I think, although it may not be obvious yet or ever but I'm willing to put up with them for a while still -- and guys like Hall, who's continued presence astounds me.
Not to mention that there's half-a-dozen guys that we have barely seen in months still on the roster -- Shark Boy, Stevie, Raven, Rhino, Kiyoshi, et al -- but I assume that these guys are on a pay-per-appearance deal, so being on the roster but not showing up on TV doesn't actually cost TNA anything. (Note: I have no actual idea if this is true or not.)
Originally posted by ekedolphinThis is still taking place at a theme park, right?
Yes, although not on the actual rides.
Last 5 movies seen: The Road ***1/2 - Mystery Team *** - The Messenger *** - The Rock-afire Explosion *** - Adventureland **1/2
Originally posted by used2bcoolThis is exactly the kind of shit that makes me want to stop watching wrestling in general. WWE does this once in a while as well, with their guest hosts and C-list celebrities. This just has no place in a wrestling ring.
I remember when Dixie had the "press conference" back when they announced the move to Monday nights, she mentioned about wanting to build a wrestling company that "made you want to be proud to be a wrestling fan again" but things like this just seem contrary to that goal. I get that Spike wanted them to promote the show and all but that segment was just plain stupid. After everything that has been done to brand the Knockout Division, they have to come along put out stuff like this.
I hate that Sarita and Taylor Wilde took a backseat to that stuff (almost as much as I hate the fact that Sarita and Wilde are being fodder to get Tara and the Beautiful People over in the first place).
Other then that, I thought it was a surprisingly good show (and, even more surprisingly, it featured very little Hogan and *no* Eric Bischoff).
Orlando Jordan, dare I say it, is actually growing on me. For all his faults, I do like his ring psychology a lot and I find the character much more tolerable now that he's toned down the stereotypical portrayal of the character that he did during the Monday night stint.
I see that Matt Morgan has a tag team titles match at Slammiversary - well, so much for the #1 Contendership Match that the Motor City Machineguns won back at Lockdown. /sigh
I did like the promo from Morgan, though. His interaction with Angle was really good (it was amusing to see the difference in height between the two, though). I'm still reserving judgment on the whole Samoa Joe thing, though. I like him and all but I don't see where it's leading - it's like they're making it up as they go along without any real long term goal for him (which wouldn't surprise me, given who is in charge) but I'm cautiously optimistic.
I love that Lethal has ditched his Macho Man gimmick but the whole Kaz/Styles/Lethal feud over Flair has me worried. It just seems way too campy like brothers fighting for fatherly affection - I hope it doesn't turn in to the Quest for the Ring, version 2.
I dug the opening segment with Anderson and Hardy a lot but, and I'm not a prude, but I feel that (much like the blood) they're overdoing the cussing just so they can say "hey, look at us - we're different then the WWE!" and it will lose all effectiveness down the road.
I just caught Impact on You Tube and I gotta say it was a pretty strong show imo. Kaz-Lethal, Wolfe-Hardy and Anderson-Styles were all very good matches albeit shortish. I thought Wolfe Vs Hardy was the best of the three. It was good to see Wolfe get a win over a top star. Abyss Vs Jordan was pretty okay too. Gotta say I really don't care about the Neal-Team 3-D stuff. I don't care for the build of Rvd-Sting or the match really. I wish they would have RVD defending the title in a KOTM match. They could have had the best of the KOTM match with some of the talent they could throw out there. I didn't like how they threw the announcement of the X Division title out there and Williams hasn't been on tv in weeks. It makes the title seem unimportant. Morgan's mic work is really strong and is a really good heel. That segment made we wanna see Angle Vs Joe, Morgan Vs Angle and Morgan Vs Joe not Morgan in a tag title match. Hopefully TNA is building toward Lacey leaving the Bp and Angie rejoining them. Hopefully they contain Hogan to the little airtime that he got this week.
C.M. Punk vs. John Cena, WWE Championship Match: It's time for a glut of PPV's. I'm expecting Punk to make it to Rock, so Cena wins here and holds it for 5 whole weeks until Punk gets the title back at Hell in a Cell. Sheamus vs.