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The W - Pro Wrestling - iMPACT! 4-5-10 "Advantage: Team Flair"
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Karlos the Jackal
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 40 days
Last activity: 3 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
Oh, friends. I've been watching Impact since the very first show, and doing Impact recaps on and off since the pre-W days of [slash] Wrestling and...I just don't know. This company, lately, is finding new ways to disappoint me every single week.

Well. Onward. This will be short and not particularly sweet, since I want to play a little Saints Row 2 before bed.

We get introduced to Team Flair (Sting, Beer Money, and Desmond Wolfe) and Team Hogan (Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, and -- eventually -- Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy) in a segment that breaks down in a brawl and then leads to a singles match. I don't ever want to see Ric Flair in a ring again -- not out of deference to his "retirement," but just because it's sad -- but I'm enjoying the way they're using him right now.

Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm: RVD is in charge until Storm flings him into the guard rail, taking over the middle section. RVD rallies and puts Storm away with a split-leg moonsault.

After the match, Storm SMASHES a beer bottle into RVD's face. While people are distracted and Jeff Hardy comes in to check on his pal, Robert Roode sneaks in and spinebusts Hardy. This is obviously leading to a Beer Money / HarVD feud, of which I am in favor.

Rob Terry vs. Homicide: Terry wants to be a "fighting champion" and s taking on all comers. SQUAAAAAASH -- Terry no sells everything Homicide throws at him and pins him with a powerslam.

After the match, Homicide BLASTS Terry right in the head with a steel chair, busting him open hardway. Terry kills Cide again while Orlando Jordan, possibly eating strawberries and cream or maybe just smearing it on his chest, observes from the top of the ramp. Terry vs. Jordan? WOW SIGN ME UP

Unprotected chairshot to the head was totally unnecessary. TNA is doing permanent harm to people in order to "score points" against WWE.

Angelina Love, Tara, ODB, & Hamada vs. The Beautiful People & Daffney: Oh jeez. Okay: There are two teams, right? And if someone pins someone else, BOTH of them are eliminated. Later tonight, the winner of that pin gets to open a "Lockbox." Now, since there are eight people involved, there will be four winners, right? So there are FOUR LOCKBOXES. The random contents: A title shot, Poison the spider, THE ACTUAL KNOCKOUT TITLE, and a forced striptease. You know what? When you have to have graphics at the bottom of the screen DURING THE MATCH to explain the rules, you've gone TOO FAR.

ANYWAY. The winners, in order: Tara (Widow's Peak on Madison Rayne), Daffney (DaffKnees to Hamada -- during the commercial break!), Velvet Sky (DDT to ODB -- okay, that's an upset), and Angelina Love (Lights Out to Lacey Von Erich).

Lockboxes will be opened later tonight.

Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson: Ladder match, and the prize is a key (it's a key-heavy show tonight, folks) that opens the door at their escape-through-the-door-only match coming up at Lockdown.

It's been a long time since I literally feared for Angle's life during a match; he seems to be doing pretty well, actually. But tonight, only the fact that I was watching the pre-taped West Coast show assured me that he hadn't died right before my eyes. They did a spot where Anderson tipped over the ladder while Angle was on it, and Angle basically fell onto the back of his neck from the ladder TO THE FLOOR. He grabbed the ropes on his way down, and I don't know what the plan was exactly, but it was UGLY.

Somehow he got back up -- Jesus, Kurt -- and the match continued, but it was hard to enjoy (and I felt icky about it for the rest of the show). Angle missile dropkicked the ladder out from under Anderson, then put Anderson on top of the prone ladder and hit him with a moonsault. Painful to watch.

Angle went back up the ladder but Anderson choked him out with his "warrior medal" chain -- Angle had his hand on the key but couldn't keep from passing out, and Anderson cast him aside and got the key for the win. A novel ending and really clever, actually, but -- TNA, please don't kill Kurt, okay?

Matt Morgan is with Christy Hemme and explains that "we are the Tag Team Champions." I dunno how I feel about Morgan defending the belts solo, but I'm amused by his use of the "royal we," at least.

Team 3D vs. Motor City Machine Guns: Winner gets a title shot next week, due to MCMG putting up their shots against 3D in a dark match last week that ended in a no contest. This one does the same -- MCMG and 3D actually work quite well together, with 3D willing to sell MCMG's array of kicks nicely. The Band runs in and attacks both teams, and that's a DQ.

Bubba the Love Sponge arrives and I FFWD even faster than usual.

Douglas Williams vs. Generation Me: Gauntlet style, so one at a time. Yes, Doug is "Douglas" now, 'cause he's sophisticated. Jeremy Buck is up first; he does some flippy-flippy, but falls to the Chaos Theory. Max is next and fares no better, tapping out to a front choke with a leg scissor.

Shannon Moore is out and attacks Williams; Williams bails. They're going to have a title match at Lockdown.

Team 3D is in back and they challenge The Band to a match next week (thereby ceding their title shot, I assume?). Well, it's a step up from the Nasty Boys, if only a tiny, delicate step.

Desmond Wolfe vs. D'Angelo Dinero: I'd like to see a full-length match between these two sometime. Nice stuff, all too brief, Dinero looks like he's going for the DDE but hits the Codebreaker (Popebreaker?) instead.

AJ Styles and Abyss both arrive shortly thereafter for an in ring kerfuffle, with Styles and Wolfe coming out on top.

Our MAIN EVENT is, curiously, the opening of the Knockout Lockboxes. Velvet goes first and gets a title shot. Tara is next and gets Poison back.

Love and Daff open the final two boxes simultaneously. Daff has to do a striptease and Love wins the Knockout Title. YES. Love is our NEW KNOCKOUT CHAMPION because she PULLED THE TITLE OUT OF A RANDOM BOX. WHAT THE WHAT.

Daff RELUCTANTLY goes to the ring for the striptease. She takes off her tiny hat and then VERY SLOWLY reveals one shoulder, then the other -- and LACEY VON ERICH runs in, beating her former semi-partner down with the Ugly Stick before showing off her lingerie. Von Erich may also want to take striptease lessons in the near future, to go along with her wrestling lessons.

Tara realizes she's lost the Knockout belt in possibly the most moronic way possible, and she and Love brawl. Sky tells new champion Love that she's using her title shot NEXT WEEK...in a LEATHER AND LACE MATCH. The mind boggles.

Love seems totally baffled by this. As are we all, Angelina -- as are we all.

--K

(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 6.4.10 0226)

Last 5 movies seen: Dead Man n/a - An Education **** - The Men Who Stare at Goats **1/2 - 40 Pounds of Trouble ***1/2 - Alice in Wonderland (1933) **1/2
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Amos Cochran
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Since: 28.8.09

Since last post: 3 hours
Last activity: 1 hour
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41
I can't believe their big hook to keep viewers was the Knockouts opening some boxes. In the main event.

I also can't believe that they think promoting not-really T&A for next week is the way to go. Because it worked so well for Extreme Strip Poker.
emma
Cherries > Peaches








Since: 1.8.02
From: Phoenix-ish

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.43
Well, that was the biggest pile of shit I've seen in the guise of a wrestling show ... ever. There was not a single match I wanted to watch. (I would have been OK with Dudley's vs MCMG, but that got ruined. And there is no reason on earth for Kurt Angle to be trying quite so hard to die in a ladder match.) There is certainly no angle I'm interested. The list of workers I'd like to see dwindles by the day, & the likelihood that any of them will be working together is effectively nil.

Everybody who doesn't desperately need the money, get out of TNA now. If you *have* to stay to pay the rent for the next few months, just try to stay safe. All my deepest sympathies to all those who thought this could be a fun, different alternative. It really was fun for a while there!
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 22 days
Last activity: 18 hours
AIM:  
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.16
I think we can say that last night pretty much ended any claim of the TNA KO's division being something different or more meaningful than the WWE Divas.



2007 and 2008 W-League Fantasy Football champion!
hansen9j
Andouille








Since: 7.11.02
From: Riderville, SK

Since last post: 20 hours
Last activity: 20 hours
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.88
Based on their historical ratings pattern, I'll bet the main event was actually highly successful compared to the rest of the show.



It is the policy of the documentary crew to remain true observers and not interfere with its subjects.
"This topic is going to suck to read in three years." -Psycho Penguin
"Well. Shit." -hansen9j
lotjx
Scrapple








Since: 5.9.08

Since last post: 10 hours
Last activity: 23 min.
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.44
Well, the Knockouts did wrestle more then 2 minutes, so that puts them at least a month of wrestling ahead of the Divas. I am not a big fan of handing the title via box since I just thought it was a title shot and not the belt itself. It is an interesting way to go from face to face with it. I still prefer it better then HHH being handed the title and the MITB change over is almost like that as well. I thought the Ladder match was pretty epic for TV, probably the best Anderson has looked and Kurt really needs not to do someone of those spots. RVD/James was a nice little match as well. Pope/Wolfe needed to go longer.

I liked Douglas Williams promo about the X-Division and I can see him keeping it awhile since Shannon Bowie Moore is not a legit contender to this. Doesn't Kaz have a shot at the title? Of course, everyone has a title shot at something nowadays. Daniels in the opening was head scratching. The Band shit and it is shit is already boring the hell out of me. MCMG after last night is probably out the door with Daniels as well. I am glad they at least made an attempt to try to explain Sting's turn, but it shouldn't have taken almost a month to do it. Jay Lethal wit Hogan is a win everytime. Velvet is the MVP of the show. She does all the little things right. The end was a clusterfuck, but it was still better then Cena getting betrayed and laid out for the 50th time. I think the show is really suffering from ADD Big Time. The camera work was worse tonight then ever and there seems to be too many stories to tell for just two hours too. Having said all that, my channel was mostly on TNA instead of Raw due to how predictably boring Raw has gotten sans Orton.
dMr
Andouille








Since: 2.11.02
From: Edinburgh, Scotland

Since last post: 76 days
Last activity: 3 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.30
    Originally posted by Amos Cochran
    I also can't believe that they think promoting not-really T&A for next week is the way to go. Because it worked so well for Extreme Strip Poker.
Didn't promoting not really T&A do OK for the ratings when Raw did the Edge/Lita thing a while back?

I mean anyone tuning in for explicit boobliness next week is kinda dumb, obviously, but people in general are often stupid and TNA aren't exactly going after the intellectual elite with their programming.
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
    This company, lately, is finding new ways to disappoint me every single week.

Your continued recappery in these trying times is admirable sir. I was one of the naive few who wasn't without hope for the Hogan era, but dear golly there's been some truly dreadful stuff. I can handle a bit of mindless nonsense as much as the next man, but I couldn't sit through an episode these days without the trusty FFWD button. That Rob Terry continues to attract more TV time than Samoa Joe (and his fort!) is a mystery to me.

    Originally posted by lotjx
    Jay Lethal wit Hogan is a win everytime.
A thousand times no. The Macho Man impersonation got old about five minutes after it started, and it started waaaaaaay more than five minutes ago.

    Velvet is the MVP of the show.

Again, no. And even if if it was "yes", then probably not something for them to be proud of.



(edited by dMr on 6.4.10 1348)
Amos Cochran
Lap cheong








Since: 28.8.09

Since last post: 3 hours
Last activity: 1 hour
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41
    Originally posted by lotjx
    The end was a clusterfuck, but it was still better then Cena getting betrayed and laid out for the 50th time.


No, it wasn't. Like, I'm all for differing opinions, but if you could someow invent a scientific way for measuring the quality of a wrestling show, I'm fairly certain that an actual match followed by a logical setting up of a PPV main event would win out over four women opening random boxes and then attacking each other out of the blue every time.

It's like, you have to bring up something from fucking eight years ago in order to defend Love getting handed the Knockouts belt. If you can't defend TNA without talking about stupid shit WWE has done in the distant past, I'm really not sure what your point is. And you didn't even bother with some of the worst aspects of the show, like the Orlando Jordan LCD icky gay nonsense or the unprotected chairshots or the massively complicated clusterf*ck that was the KOs match.

You're Eric Bischoff, aren't you.
GameCrazy
Chipolata








Since: 13.1.10
From: Wyomissing, PA

Since last post: 1511 days
Last activity: 284 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.60
What a terrible show... Most of it made no sense whatsoever, which is an unfortunate given these days. Somebody has a key fetish, and all those lockbox references kept reminding me of the SNL Al Gore "lockbox" sketches a couple years back. That was just about my only source of entertainment from this show.

So Jarrett is with Team Hogan now, which I think everybody assumed. My problem with this whole Lockdown match is that they've drawn the lines too finely. Everybody is directly aligned with someone, which to me feels too convenient. I actually prefer it when wrestlers with different agendas team up to take down common enemies. It makes the angle more interesting, and opens up more booking possibilities for the actual match itself. Now it's getting to the point where it's like nWo Black & White vs. nWo Wolfpac, but completely uninspired. I'm just so bored by Hogan and his team of misfits. I think it's watering down all of his allies and making them into generic "good guys."

So... Velvet Sky is so adamant that she's not going to give the fans what they want and strip down for them, following it by issuing a T&A challenge for next week? And I got the feeling that Lacey was wayyy late coming out at the end. Daffney kept tugging on the same strap for what felt like an eternity, and you KNOW she wasn't gonna go any further because she clearly had no bra on underneath. The run-in was telegraphed from a mile away, but took forever to happen.

If they really wanna shake things up in TNA, they need to find a way to give RVD the belt soon. It's the only way I can see them staying competitive, because he would personify the difference in product from what the WWE does. He's exciting, he's still fresh because he's been gone for a while, and the fans love him. Pull the trigger now, TNA, or someone's gonna be pulling the trigger on you. AJ is great, but he's being booked as a second fiddle to Flair. The Pope isn't big enough to bring in an outside audience. Hardy is unreliable. Abyss is stale. Jarrett is tired. Angle's been done a million times. Anderson's not ready. Wolfe: see The Pope. Sting's still in an experimental phase. Right now, they need to do what will bring fans in from watching Raw, and if anybody would do it, RVD's their man.

And let me reiterate this week: Chelsea. Wow.
Tenken347
Boudin blanc








Since: 27.2.03
From: Parts Unknown

Since last post: 1 hour
Last activity: 45 min.
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.03
That Knockouts match was so utterly convoluted that even when they put the rules for the match up on the screen, I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on until the first pinfall was made. Of course, the rest of the booking for the women was completely in character for Ed Ferrara. I knew that this was how it was going to be going as soon as I heard they were bringing him on to the booking committee.

And while I'm complaining about things, how in the world does this company keep missing the boat on Alex Shelley? Out of all their home-grown guys, he is without a doubt the single best talker. Pretty damn good in the ring, too. Yet he's just been jobbed out since forever. This is a guy who should be in or near the main event, at the very least involved with one of their titles, and you'd be well within your rights to forget he even works there.

On a positive note, hey, at least Doug Williams looks like he's been watching some old William Regal tapes, eh?
Hokienautic
Toulouse








Since: 2.1.02
From: Blacksburg VA

Since last post: 14 hours
Last activity: 31 sec.
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.72
So I haven't watched much of TNA the last month or so, but something occurred to me as I read this recap. What are the odds that Sting isn't really with Team Flair, and this will end with him saying something of "Twenty YEARS of double-crosses, Flair, and now it's finally my turn to get YOU"?
CxMorgado
Boudin rouge








Since: 21.1.02
From: Boston MA is the rippen'ist town...

Since last post: 335 days
Last activity: 9 hours
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.61
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal


    Tara realizes she's lost the Knockout belt in possibly the most moronic way possible, and she and Love brawl. Sky tells new champion Love that she's using her title shot NEXT WEEK...in a LEATHER AND LACE MATCH. The mind boggles.

    Love seems totally baffled by this. As are we all, Angelina -- as are we all.

    --K

    (edited by Karlos the Jackal on 6.4.10 0226)


Oh is THAT what happened? The way it came off on tv, Velvet was using her contract to get a match with LACEY for coming out and stripping, what with her talking about one member of the Beautiful People not upstaging another, and the camera showing Lacey instead of Angelina the whole time. I suppose I should have known better, since it made zero sense, but then again...



http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/author/christophermorgado/
Above Average 1
Salami








Since: 27.4.03
From: Nova Scotia Canada

Since last post: 230 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.69
Since Raw was preempted in Canada I actually watched all of Impact for the first time in a long time. The show was horrible I'm sorry I love the Beautiful People and Lacey is hot, but that kind of stuff is meant to be shorter and in the mid-card. I know its been said already but TNA needs to stop trying to compete with Raw and develop themselves. Rob Terry's unprotected to the head chair shot was done for no other reason then to say ha,ha Raw look what we can do. Putting the ladder match at the top of the second hour was done for no other reason then to try and beat Raw. A dumb move, that should have been in the main event and the women's lockbox elimination sorta tag team title/spider/title shot/stripping key on a poll match should have been in the mid-card (or not done at all) and been a hell of a lot shorter.

TNA Impact has a lot of potential, and I want them to succeed but they have to move away from the idea that success only comes from beating the WWE. If they stop worrying about this rating's war and start focusing on improving their own product they will have all the keys they need to succeed. (Yes I did all this for a joke about keys)
John Orquiola
Scrapple








Since: 28.2.02
From: Boston

Since last post: 148 days
Last activity: 148 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.51
Hey, shouldn't RVD be more pissed off at Sting for that baseball bat beatdown a while back? Nah, probably because as Taz explained on commentary, he's "really laid back" and "tough to anger". I'll say. James Storm should be in the clear for the beer bottle shot. RVD sure has gotten hit with a lot of plunder since he came back.

The Rob Terry segment was awesome. Chairshot, blood, and Terry's freakshow physique: Three WWE Wellness Violations in one.

Putting aside any nostalgia I had for 2002-2004 Victoria, Tara is pretty fucking awful these days. Her character sucks, her music is as horrendous an Evanescence knockoff as has ever been recorded ("Broken! Broken! Broken!"), and her promos are embarrassing. She can barely get a coherent sentence out. The segment of her fretting in the back could have been the worst on Monday night.

I actually jerked my head backwards in the opening segment when Sweaty Abyss spit all over the camera lens. Every time I see that goof I'm reminded of Hogan on BTLS a couple of months ago saying Abyss is "the next John Cena." Clearly. He's the hero to all the sweaty fat kids who love TNA.

Hogan's not nearly as ubiquitous in the wrestling media lately. He's not talking nearly as much ridiculous shit as he was at the beginning of the year.

"If you don't strip, you'll be fired."

Retitle the episode: "Advantage: Team McMahon".

(edited by John Orquiola on 6.4.10 1025)

@BackoftheHead
www.backofthehead.com
CajunMan
Boudin blanc
No longer registered








Since: 2.1.02
From: Give me a Title shot!

Since last post: 1131 days
Last activity: 268 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.86
I watched it too and I was thankful that Vince McMahon gives us a much better product than that. Where did they find all the Hogan Fans anyway? That was worse than WCW.I mean from what I got out all these wrestlers is that they were fired by Vince McMahon, some more than once. I can't see Flair staying there much longer. Besides I thought Flair hated Eric/Russo/Jarret?
Quezzy
Knackwurst








Since: 6.1.02
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 30 min.
Last activity: 3 min.
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.45
    Originally posted by Tenken347
    And while I'm complaining about things, how in the world does this company keep missing the boat on Alex Shelley? Out of all their home-grown guys, he is without a doubt the single best talker. Pretty damn good in the ring, too. Yet he's just been jobbed out since forever. This is a guy who should be in or near the main event, at the very least involved with one of their titles, and you'd be well within your rights to forget he even works there.

    On a positive note, hey, at least Doug Williams looks like he's been watching some old William Regal tapes, eh?


It's funny you mention those two because I think Shelley would be a perfect fit for Williams' current angle. Shelley has been in the X Division forever and is known for that style of wrestling, but he can wrestle that European style as well. Shelley can cut a fun, exciting, hip promo and wrestle the X Division style as a perfect foil to Williams technical "boring" wrestling. Then when it comes to the blow off match Shelley can match Williams in some kind of technical match. Williams and Moore on the other hand isn't such a great fit I think. I'm sure Williams will do his best though. There's no reason to think Shelley couldn't hang with Styles, Pope, Wolfe and Joe too.



Lance's Response:

THAT IS AWESOME!
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 22 days
Last activity: 18 hours
AIM:  
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.16
    Originally posted by dMr
    Didn't promoting not really T&A do OK for the ratings when Raw did the Edge/Lita thing a while back?

That was an angle involving two of the hottest main event level characters in the company. This is more akin to advertising that Jillian Hall might be doing a striptease on the show.



2007 and 2008 W-League Fantasy Football champion!
graves9
Landjager








Since: 19.2.10
From: Brooklyn NY

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.87
I can't add too much to what has already been said. Only Vince Russo can book a show built around keys. I think The whole Lock Box match(or whatever they hell it's called), might be dumber than the reverse Battle ok maybe not. The Angle-Anderson Match was pretty good but scary sad they were having a match about a fricken key sad that Angle was putting his body on the line for a freaking key. I was hoping Wolfe Vs Pope would get time but it got two minutes and made Wolfe look like a jobber. I can't think of a dumber way to lose a title than Tara did yesterday. The end of the show was pretty low but not a new low for Russo as he's gone much lower.
graves9
Landjager








Since: 19.2.10
From: Brooklyn NY

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.87
    Originally posted by Amos Cochran
      Originally posted by lotjx
      The end was a clusterfuck, but it was still better then Cena getting betrayed and laid out for the 50th time.


    No, it wasn't. Like, I'm all for differing opinions, but if you could someow invent a scientific way for measuring the quality of a wrestling show, I'm fairly certain that an actual match followed by a logical setting up of a PPV main event would win out over four women opening random boxes and then attacking each other out of the blue every time.

    It's like, you have to bring up something from fucking eight years ago in order to defend Love getting handed the Knockouts belt. If you can't defend TNA without talking about stupid shit WWE has done in the distant past, I'm really not sure what your point is. And you didn't even bother with some of the worst aspects of the show, like the Orlando Jordan LCD icky gay nonsense or the unprotected chairshots or the massively complicated clusterf*ck that was the KOs match.

    You're Eric Bischoff, aren't you.
He's clearly Vince Russo.
graves9
Landjager








Since: 19.2.10
From: Brooklyn NY

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.87
    Originally posted by CajunMan
    I watched it too and I was thankful that Vince McMahon gives us a much better product than that. Where did they find all the Hogan Fans anyway? That was worse than WCW.I mean from what I got out all these wrestlers is that they were fired by Vince McMahon, some more than once. I can't see Flair staying there much longer. Besides I thought Flair hated Eric/Russo/Jarret?
Flair's hatred of Russo and Bisch is well known. I had never heard of him having heat with Jarrett. Steiner is likely no longer in TNA because of Flair.
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