Jeff Jarrett comes to the ring and then leaves, looking for Sting -- he wants the answer to the question "Why, Sting, why?" He finds Sting in the rafters; they fight down to the ring. Lights go out and Sting's bat magically appears. Jeff Hardy comes out and Sting bails.
Team Flair is backstage and they all cut little promos.
Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs. The Band: This was supposed to be a tag match, but 3D (with Hulk Hogan's approval) have changed it to a six-man "New York City Streetfight." Scott Hall is in street clothes as he "did not expect to wrestle." He looks awful and sells by spinning around in a goofy little circle.
Apart from the last few seconds, this is a total slaughter. Sean Waltman gets in two moves against Jesse Neal, but other than that, the Band gets literally NO offense at all. At the end, Brother Ray is set to powerbomb Waltman of the middle rope and through a table, but then Bubba the Love Sponge "runs" out, distracting Ray and allowing Waltman to reverse the bomb, hitting the X-Factor through the table and subsequently getting the pin.
The Band is in for the beatdown until Eric Young, wielding a hockey stick, runs them off. This leads to TWO matches at Lockdown -- Young vs. Kevin Nash and Hall & Waltman vs. Team 3D. Congratulations, TNA! You hired Hall and Waltman, and now we have TWO guaranteed lousy matches at Lockdown! KUDOS TO YOU.
Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian: Okay, you know, Moore is just not impressing me. He just seems -- maybe not quite sloppy, but...unwieldy? Comparing him to the preternaturally graceful Christopher Daniels is perhaps unfair, but I can't help but do so, as Moore seems to have basically taken his place, and the fact that they've decided to make him one of the cornerstones of the X Division is troubling. This match is just okay, and goes to the ten-minute time limit draw.
Douglas Williams, on commentary, was the highlight of the match, bemoaning their lack of wrestling skill and sighing heavily whenever they went up the ropes. After the match, he grabs a mic and mocks them, and they chase him off. All three are in a three-way match at Lockdown for the X belt.
Velvet Sky is backstage with Jeremy Borash. She says her match tonight is NOT for the title, because that's on the line in a TAG MATCH at Lockdown -- apparently, if Tara and Angelina Love win, they get the Knockout tag belts, but if Sky and Madison Rayne win, whoever gets the pin becomes KO champion.
(Why this means that Sky has chosen not to go for the title tonight, in a match where she gets to make all the stips by dint of picking the right case last week, is up for debate.)
Angelina Love and Tara are backstage, not getting along.
Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky: One of Sky's stips is that Love is handcuffed behind her back. It's a Leather and Lace match, which means that the first person to be stripped down to her underwear loses. WAIT NO Sky suddenly changes it to an "I QUIT" match. She pulls off Love's shirt anyway, to...try and make her quit? Here comes Rayne and Lacey von Erich. Here comes Tara for the save. Beautiful People exit stage left and the rescued Love extends the hand of friendship -- but Tara just walks away.
What a MESS that was. I mean. Man.
(I assume that Tara and Love are cannily PRETENDING not to get along, because they know that in TNA that's the best way to win Tag belts.)
Abyss was, off-camera, hit by a car in the parking lot.
Matt Morgan tells us that even though "'we' don't need a partner," TNA is forcing him to find one, so he's chosen...The Amazing Red! (I thought for sure it was going to be a "hilarious" little person, and, uh, when Red walked into frame I though for a second it was.)
The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Matt Morgan and Amazing Red: This is MCMG's title shot that they won at Destination X. They lose, of course. It's actually Red that gets the pin, catching Chris Sabin with the Code Red while Matt is prepping Alex Shelley for the Hellevator -- Morgan is unpleasantly surprised by this.
Morgan kills Red after the match anyway -- who knows if he did this because Red stole the spotlight, or is this was his plan all along. He props Red against the ring post on the outside -- and this actually works really well: since we've seen the clip of Morgan and Hernandez every week, we immediately know exactly what Morgan's going for here -- but MCMG pull Red away.
The amount of surprise that I will feel upon hearing of MCMG's release is perceptibly dropping.
They show security cam footage from the parking lot, with Abyss getting hit by a car. They "enhance the footage" and we see a blurry blob driving. Christy Hemme and Mike Tenay seem to assume that we can obviously tell who it is. If I had to guess, I'd say Desmond Wolfe but I am in no way certain.
Jeff Hardy vs. Robert Roode: Blah. Dull. Hardy wins with the Swanton after failed interference from James Storm.
After the match, James Storm takes a swig of beer -- and BLOWS A FIREBALL in Jeff Hardy's face! Well, we don't actually get to SEE it -- it's CENSORED. But you can see it here! It's actually pretty awesome!
They also announce that the opening match at Lockdown will be James Storm vs. RVD to determine the numbers advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match. Really? With a roster of over seven hundred wrestlers, you have to double up on PPV?
Jay Lethal offers to be D'Angelo Dinero's -- er, Reverend Slick's -- tag partner for the night. (Dinero's partner was meant to be Abyss.) The Pope seems nonplussed but amenable.
Beer Money, unfortunately, beats up Lethal backstage. So, uh, never mind.
D'Angelo Dinero vs. AJ Styles & Desmond Wolfe: Hulk Hogan takes out Wolfe with a steel chair to the back during Wolfe's entrance, evening up the odds. Pope and Styles wrestle for a minute or so, and then Ric Flair hops up out of his wheelchair and hits Dinero with Styles' title belt -- that's a DQ.
Flair and Styles and Beer Money beat up Dinero for a little bit, until Hogan comes back out to stare them down.
And we're out. Lousy show setting up what looks to be a terrible Lockdown.
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 13.4.10 0214) Last 5 movies seen: XXY *** - The Emperor's New Groove ***1/2 - You Can Count on Me n/a - Dead Man n/a - An Education ****
The Jarrett/Sting beginging was just odd. I don't ever remember seeing Sting whupped on like that, and by Jarrett of all people. Then you have the whole thing flip when someone flips a light switch? WTF? Undertaker doesn't even pull shit like that. Let's just have Warrior stand in Hogan's mirror.
Brother Ray looked like the biggest moron of the night totally stopping what he was doing while he looked at Bubba the Love Sponge then stared at Pac while he got off the table and hit him in the nuts. They never seem to pull off anything smoothly in this company.
Why is it whenever there is a set of options on the table TNA always goes with the corniest? I was big on the new TNA, because at least it was fun and crappy. Latley it is just crappy.
Jeff Hardy looks ten times better with short black hair. The Lovely Mrs. Tracker suggested he cut it for his court appearances. Now if only Matt would cut his hair too.
Before the 8 pm show, Spike ran TNA Reaction, a recap show with extended backstage monologues. The section I saw was for Angle/Anderson, and it. was. awesome. The long amount of time they got to to package the feud and the slick video work made me much, much more interested in these guys. They should run this style of angle progression during the live show.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Uhh let's look at the brightside this last nights show wasn't as terrible as last weeks show I guess. Hey at least it might get Heyman to rant on the show like he did last week. Why not keep the stinkhole that is The Band contained to one match and just have Team 3D and Young take on The Band? I thought The X Division Match was pretty good. Douglas Williams is awesome and hopefully will hold the title on to the Summer at least. Amazing Red looked like a little kid standing near Morgan. Yup looks like The MCMG are either on the way out or just being jobbers that flip around.
I don't know what Heyman is bitching about since he was offered the job as booker and he turned it down. Throwing stones in a glass house as far as I am concerned with him. I thought it was an ok Impact. I am not a big fan of putting the Band in two matches for a PPV while keeping Joe, Daffney, MCMG as well as most of the X-Division off of it especially one of their bigger PPVs of the year. I like Doug Williams' role in the X-Division. Lethal continues to be one of the best parts of the show, his promo with Pope was great. I can't wait for the Mega-Powers to reunite next week, too bad So Cal isn't in the Elizabeth role anymore. Also glad, Love point how that Velvet doesn't want to wrestle for the title as much as humiliate her.
I think the real problem with the show is once again too many storylines and not enough time. It might be better to put Reaction after Impact to help give those feuds more time. I am hoping Lockdown will lead to some new feuds, but I don't see it happening.
Karlos, I love how you gave one simple line to Abyss getting hit by a car. It was very aprops for a company that made it out to be like the third most important thing on the show, when on any other wrestling show, it would've been talked about all night long as a serious situation.
Originally posted by Matt TrackerBefore the 8 pm show, Spike ran TNA Reaction, a recap show with extended backstage monologues. The section I saw was for Angle/Anderson, and it. was. awesome. The long amount of time they got to to package the feud and the slick video work made me much, much more interested in these guys. They should run this style of angle progression during the live show.
Really? Huh. Here I was all set to be all snarky about how they were bringing back another horrible WCW idea, namely Monday Notro, as I liked to call that first hour of Nitro during that time where they had little or no wrestling and would announce that Nitro was coming on at 9. But I guess this time, maybe they did it right. Good for them if so. So I only get to be snarky about calling it "Reaction" when it's a pregame show.
Originally posted by Karlos the JackalThey show security cam footage from the parking lot, with Abyss getting hit by a car. They "enhance the footage" and we see a blurry blob driving. Christy Hemme and Mike Tenay seem to assume that we can obviously tell who it is. If I had to guess, I'd say Desmond Wolfe but I am in no way certain.
I was thinking Bischoff, but I'm terrible at that sort of thing.
They censored a FIREBALL? I would think that Spike TV normally averages about 5 fireballs a day.
The whole Love/Sky thing seems really stupid. OK, Sky is more interested in humiliating/hurting Love than the title. But even then...if you handcuff her and put her in an "I Quit" match, *she can just quit*. Put her title on the line, and she has an incentive to try to stick it out. I'm also thinking that they should have mentioned that stip in advance, as I'm sure there's a certain type of, um, fan who'd tune in to see that. But TNA seems to make that mistake with stips a lot anyway.
I missed the very end of the show because there must've been something better on Raw (insert your own joke here), and turned back to see two crazy guys at a police station and assumed it was part of the Abyss hit-and-run angle. The most amusing part is, I must have watched about five minutes of it (turns out it was a new show called "Jail") before I finally concluded that it couldn't be TNA. Partially me being stupid, but seeing as how I watched two crazy guys and a cop I've never seen before for five minutes until coming to that realization, it shows how ridiculous the writing on Impact has become. I found it fully plausible and likely that they would include something like that. In a WRESTLING program.
This show just gets worse and worse. The knockouts have become a joke, when they used to be one of the few things that TNA got right. The Band is just embarrassing (apparently Kevin Nash is having a contest right now for fans to come up with a new name for the group; what do these writers get paid for?!) And the world title picture is a mess. They kind of booked themselves into a corner with the amount of contenders they built up, leading to a PPV where the champion is locked into a team-based match.
That said, I was really impressed with Reaction. If they could implement that kind of high-concept and high-quality stuff into their actual show, they'd have something. It would help set them apart from WWE, and would give them a product that doesn't look so much like WCW (visually, anyway.)
It's maddening to see what an absolute joke the Knockouts division has become. It's about ten times worse than the way the Divas fell off after Trish's retirement, because TNA was at a point where they could feasibly draw money from their women's division. People were actually citing the Knockouts division as a reason to watch every week. Now you have...this. It's just awful.
I'm beyond sick of Screaming Ric Flair and just want him to go away. And is the heels' motivation REALLY to kill Hulkamania? What is this, the 80's?
So going into tonight, the match was supposed to be Hall and Waltman facing Team 3D and instead we get a six-man that leads to...Hall and Waltman facing Team 3D. Talk about booking in circles.
For as little attention that the X Division got before the Hogan regime was ushered in, at the very least, the X guys weren't getting treated like cannon fodder for big guys. How times have changed. Wonder if Red had any idea he'd be portrayed as a midget when he came back.
Seeing a guy get hit by a car on an Eric Bischoff-hosted show brings back a lot of bad memories of Hummers and Tony Schiavone.
Hulk Hogan lurking to eavesdrop? (At least they should have gotten an ad tie-in with that remote listening earpiece thingy! Seems that Hogan needs the $$$.) The whole Hogan/Bischoff dynamic? (I use the term "dynamic" in the most static possible fashion.)
Shouldn't we have a Shannon Moore vs. Jessee Neal Showdown for the Mohawk? (Hair Gel on a Pole?)
Time limit draw -- that's always satisfying.
Babes Bondage Bullshit.
At least there were actually 3 matches that I had some degree of interest in looking at. (MCMG / Morgan; Kazarian; Roode / Hardy.) And Eric Young waving a hockey stick was fine. (I feel soooo sorry for the good workers.) But if I hadn't recently acquired an extra leftover Tivo, I wouldn't even be FFing this mess.
How long until Vince can sue for copyright infringement?
He's found it easier just to buy the company. Vince could fire Jeff Jarrett again! On Syfy! Imagine Greater!
I liked the Reaction show. Russo always wnated to do a show with no wrestling, and goddamn he's about there. However, it made sense of things that are impossible to catch on the show itself
Of course the show itself sent me back to head-scratching land, but there's no point in worrying. Lockdown will change the face of everything - and, of course the assholes take that show on the ROAD, which takes away my joy in crowing about being there when it happened! I'll wait until next time. The odds for changing everything - at the IMPACT ZONE - are in my favor
We always said "Why don't Vince let Flair cut a Flair promo?!". And then Flair said "bleed like a virgin" and was shut up. Then was great and dignified and sent off with honor
Now he's showing why he shouldn't be near a microphone. AJ shouldn't be stealing from the Rock. Storm the Redneck rules. Both Bubbas are jackoffs (Bubba Ray, 12 years ago, would have never sold that Love Sponge bullshit), Nash and Hall still rule, and I'd rather eat a spider than be anywhere near the person that says:
"Okay. We've handcuffed and stripped the girls, then set the fruit on fire. Now, let's handcuff the fruit and let the half-fruit drop in from the rafters and strip. Meanwhile, we'll set the GIRLS on fire!"
Demonstrations are a drag. Besides, we're much too high
"Learn to love yourself... for it is the greatest love of all" - Jeremy Borash 11:24 AM May 13th,2009
Originally posted by Karlos the JackalJEEZUM CROW I forgot to mention the awesome idea I had last night to put Moore and Neal in a TAG TEAM called the MOHICANS. Their catch phrase will be "Are you a MohiCAN...or a MohiCAN'T?"
Oh man, MONEY.
Of course, they'd break them up at the earliest opportunity by having one quit on the other, just so they could proclaim the other to be the Last of the Mohicans.
Gronda is the devil-like chap with the painted on muscles. The closest I can think to a AAA guy with a furless Gonzalez-esque bodysuit is Mamba. Just wait to you see Alebrije & Cujie. For the cross-dressers, that's Los Exoticos.