1. Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley defeated Santana and Ortiz (LAX 2017 w/ Konnan) vs. in a non-title match
2. Generic monster Brian Cage defeated Jobber Hunter Law
Without anything better to do, Eddie Edwards proposes an alliance with Lashley against OVE. Looks as if Edwards’s random desire to feud with Lashley was overshadowed by his Wolfian instincts to fight strong tag teams.
3. Impact Grand Championship: Matt Sydal (c) defeated Petey Williams in Mississauga, Ontario
Afterwards Sydal cut another heel promo about his Guru. He read a scroll from his Guru. It appears as if Impact is truly turning him. Smart move. Sydal, having used his political powers to eliminate the purpose of the Grand Championship, is now pursuing the more relevant X-title.
Segment with Joseph Park’s Aunt Jenny. Kongo Kong and Jimmy Jacobs beat up Joseph Park in front of Aunt Jenny. Park still refuses to summon Abyss.
GWN Flashback match from Destination X 2016: The Summer of Lashley II. This was the Edwards v. Lashley match that was ruined by the debut of Moose. I miss “The Miracle” Mike Bennett. This segment was to remind us of the history between Edwards and Lashley, while also hyping us for the next match with Moose.
4. Alberto El Patron defeated Moose in a No-DQ match from Las Vegas, Nevada
Pluto TV Flashback moment of Brian Urlacher attacking former Survivor star JOHNNY FAIRPLAY!!!
Loved this segment. Fairplay was a huge figure in the early years of NWATNA. I think this was the first time he was mentioned since I started regularly watching Impact in late 2009. Very happy about them going this far back in the history books.
Also, on a recent show, the commentators mentioned All-Wheels Wrestling. I forget the context it arose in, but that reference was joyous enough on its own.
I continue to dream of them one day remembering the era of SEX as the Big Bads.
Delightful promo with McKenzie Mitchell (the Blonde) interviewing Ethan Carter III and Tyrus. Adorable bromance.
5. Eddie Edwards and Lashley defeated Jake and Dave Crist (Ohio Versus Everyone w/ Sami Callihan)
6. Johnny Impact defeated Ethan Carter III (w/Tyrus) to retain Johnny Impact’s Impact World Championship title shot when Tyrus and ECIII argued, and Tyrus attacked ECIII. Adieu to the bromance.
Afterwards Impact and Aries faced off. They will fight on 3/8 at the Crossroads episode of Impact.
1. Tyrus defeated Ethan Carter III
I guess ECIII really is leaving. Tyrus winning is pretty good. Tyrus has always been protected and built up as a near-mainevent type player. He’s the modern TNA version of a Matt Morgan or Kevin Nash. Tyrus could be a bright star in TNA’s future.
At some point I will likely remember to stop calling Impact “TNA”, but with all of the name changes in the past year, it will not be anytime soon. I am not even entirely sure what I should be calling it: Impact or GFN. I am inclined to continue calling it TNA to avoid confusion with the network as a whole, or with Johnny Impact.
El Hijo Del Fantasma is now the AAA Latin American Champion. I wonder if that is the title that Impact held. Braxton Sutter had no entrance, for plot reasons.
2. El Hijo Del Fantasma defeated DREAMBOAT Braxton Sutter
Afterwards Sutter complains about losing, and his lack of an entrance. Afterwards generic monster guy piledrives Sutter or something. These squashes are later redeemed.
Taiji Ishimori accepts Matt Sydal’s challenge, but requires Matt to put the now meaningless Grand title on the line as well.
3. Kongo Kong (w/Jimmy Jacobs) defeated Joseph Park
The Cult of Lee (sans Andrew Everett who doesn’t exist anymore) are having a party. The Mumbai Cats show up. The Cult apologizes for attacking them previously, as they didn’t know who they were under the masks. They expected them to be LAX 2017 instead. The Cult is then rather rude to the adorable kittens.
Old Man Konnan shows up. Then the Mumbai Cats unmask and this time they are LAX 2017 rather than generic jobbers from last time. LAX 2017 attacks The Cult of Lee, and throws them into Sharkboy’s pool from last year. LAX 2017 doesn’t bother getting their bandanas back, because they’re just happy to have a feud going.
The real Mumbai Cats are still in India as far as we know, and are safely unharmed and dry.
4. Rosemary defeats “generic Taya Valkyrie knockoff” Hania the Huntress to send her back to the dimension where our beloved HAVOK is presumably imprisoned
Impact is no longer in Canada, so Taya Valkyrie returns to feud with Rosemary. Rosemary had said she wanted her Knockouts title back, but I guess she needs to fight the dragon first.
GFN Flashback of the night was the time that Edwards beat Lashley for the title. I love how TNA has been starting to air these flashbacks that are from the past few years. They are recent enough to be majorly relevant in refreshing us on why certain feuds or friendships are in existence, and yet are old enough for us to need them to remind us. I like this approach to Flashbacks more than random clips of cool moonsaults and cage dives.
Laurel Van Ness video reminding us of how she got left at the altar by BRAXTON followed by Grado also canceling their wedding.
Laurel is having a commitment ceremony with her belt. Her friend Sienna doesn’t attend, but her friend’s cousin KM does. KM is going to officiate the marriage.
KM explains that he is an ordained official (and we would not call him a liar about that). KM says that he has married men to men, women to women, and now he will marry Laurel to an inanimate object, because he can do that in 2018.
Genre Savvy Laurel demands that KM skip ahead to the part of the ceremony where people say why the marriage shouldn’t occur.
BRAXTON comes out. He is in a neckbrace. After being hurt by the generic monster guy earlier in the night, he realized he missed Laurel, and proposes to her. Braxton wants them to marry and crush Allie, because he blames his losing streak on her.
Genre Savvy Laurel remembers that Braxton breaking her heart is why she is crazy in the first place, vehemently refuses, and practically beats Braxton up.
Tough night for our favorite dreamboat.
KM restarts the ceremony.
Genre Savvy Laurel demands they go back to the interruptions part.
No one objects to the marriage.
This pisses Laurel off. She is incredulous that no one in the Knockouts division is objecting.
It turns out that Laurel was correct that Allie was going to try to crash the ceremony, but Allie does it while Laurel’s back is turned.
Great marriage segment.
5. Eddie Edwards defeated green rookie Sami Callihan (w/the rest of OVE)
Afterwards Callihan attacks Edwards with weaponry. Lashley tries to make the save but is stopped by Dave and Jake.
Sami Callihan then misses his worked bat to chairshot, and almost blinds Eddie Edwards for real.
Get Callihan off of my TV.
Coming up on 3/8 is the Crossroads Impact show that they’ve been building to.
The card will be
Allie vs. Laurel Van Ness (c) for the Knockouts Title
Title vs. Title with Grand Champion Matt Sydal vs. X Champion Taiji Ishimori
LAX 2017 (c) vs. Cult of Lee for the Tag Titles
OVE vs. Lashley and Edwards
Johnny Impact v. Austin Aries (c) for the Impact World Championship
Then, on March 9th, an Impact houseshow will air on Twitch.com