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The W - Pro Wrestling - iMPACT! 12-3-09 "Sexy's Got a Secret?"
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Karlos the Jackal
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
This may be the worst episode title yet.

Desmond Wolfe is out to cut a promo in the Six Sides of Steel. Why are the cage walls up? Because Wolfe is going to take on Kurt Angle at Final Resolution in a "Three Degrees of Pain" match. It's 2 out of three falls: First fall is pinfall, second is submission, and the third -- "if I need it" -- is escape from the cage.

He invites Angle out, and Angle accepts, dressed to wrestle -- because Wolfe and his ambushes have taught Angle to be prepared. Wolfe's locked himself in the cage, so Angle climbs over and attacks. But Wolfe -- speaking of prepared -- has a pair of brass knucks, and slugs Angle right in the jaw. Wolfe hurls Angle into the cage walls a couple of times, and, gloating. leaves.

Angle goes to Mick Foley's office to demand a match with Wolfe TONIGHT. Foley says, sure -- just tell me what you know about Hulk Hogan coming in. Kurt evades the question, but more in a "get over it" way than a "I'm not telling" way.

Doug Williams vs. Alex Shelley: Brutus Magnus, Rob Terry, and Chris Sabin are all sent to the back by "Slick" Mark Johnson. Fun match with Williams exploiting his power and Shelley using speed and kicks. Williams tries to put Shelley away with the Chaos Theory, but Shelley interrupts it halfway through -- superkick, Sliced Bread, and Shelley picks up the win. Too short, but hopefully a preview of an imminent MCMG/British Invasion match.

Suicide is in the back, moping, and D'Angelo Dinero shows up -- with a present and a proposition. There's an 8-man Elimination Tag Match at Final Resolution -- Team 3D, Rhino, and Jesse Neal versus Matt Morgan, Hernandez, Diner, and a partner of their choosing. The Pope says that he wants Suicide on their team. Suicide is dubious, to say the least. Pope presents him with a piece of the table that Suicide broke jumping off from above the entrance tunnel, saying it's indicative of Suicide's willingness to do anything to win. (The table scrap has been autographed by Dinero -- heh -- complete with a smiley-faced caricature.)

D'Lo Brown (?!) is in Foley's office -- Foley says he's a mentor to some of the young guys, and Brown says he has a lot of work to do, but they never actually say what his job is. Foley wants to know what he knows about Hogan. Brown says that Dixie and Hogan are teaming up to do what's "best for TNA." He takes off as Foley mocks both the European Title and D'Lo's head-bobbing.

Homicide vs Suicide: Our announcers point out that Homicide knows who Suicide really is; I continue to be pleased that they're not just ignoring that. This is a really neat little match -- too short, of course -- with lots of counters and reversals. Homicide hits the Gringo Cutter -- two only -- and Suicide comes back with the Shotgun Dropkick for another two. He calls for the Suicide Solution -- countered into the Gringo Killa -- countered back and Suicide goes for a clothesline -- countered with another Gringo Cutter attempt -- and Suicide reverses that into a backslide for the win. Nice!

Homicide is peeved and goes after Suicide's mask, pulling it up to Suicide's mouth -- it's now canon that Suicide is a white guy -- and The Pope comes out for the save. Dinero offers his hand, but Suicide remains wary.

The Beautiful People are backstage, where they are waylaid by Daniels, who makes them an offer...can they go talk somewhere?

"Trash Talkin' With ODB" is out, and I again expect David McLane to introduce it after those cheesy opening graphics. Tara -- the #1 contender to ODB's Knockout Title -- is the guest and ODB doesn't think she deserves to just waltz into TNA and get a title shot. Tara talks about being "humiliated" and "a joke" at the end of her WWE run. She's doing an on-the-verge-of-tears thing here. ODB apologizes to her -- and then attacks! Security guys break it up. Huh, these security guys -- how many security teams does TNA need? -- are wearing leather jackets, and one of them seems to be wearing a -- a mullet wig? That's -- it's -- look, I like ODB, but lately she is consistently in the worst, by far, segments of any given show.

D'Angelo Dinero vs. Jesse Neal: Jesse Neal's chyron says he's 6'4" "with mohawk." Wow, he has actual ring gear! It makes a world of difference, although he's not showing me much in the ring. The only thing interesting that he does is a shoulderbreaker which I think was badly muffed -- that is, if it was meant to be a shoulderbreaker, which is what Taz called it. To me, it looked like it was supposed to be a Dominator into a facebuster across the knee -- that's what it should have been, because that would be an awesome finisher.

Anyway, Dinero shakes that off and hits the DDE for the win. Neal retaliates with a GORE but Suicide is out for the save -- and now it's Suicide who offers his hand, and Dinero takes it. Their moment is interrupted by the arrival of Team 3D and Rhino, but before they can do anything, Matt Morgan and Hernandez show up to scare them off.

They keep showing clips of Dixie Carter and Mike Tenay taking a walk through a picturesque woodland. It's like a match.com commercial starring Richard Jenkins.

Beer Money, Inc. vs. Eric Young and Kevin Nash: Match of the Night, here, with Beer Money working well together and even Nash putting in some effort. There's a lot of illegal partners running in and stuff, but impressively, they manage to keep the thread of who's legal throughout. (Illegal partners getting pinned or doing the pinning is one of my pet peeves.)

Nash and Robert Roode end up on the floor on Beer Money's side, and Nash throws Roode into the ringpost. In the ring, James Storm is about to hit the superkick on Young, but Nash grabs Storm's leg -- the ref shoos Nash away, thereby missing Young's low blow on Storm. Young picks up Storm for a jumping (!) piledriver, and that's that.

Now that the World Elite has three separate tag teams, I wonder if we could see Beer Money get one more title shot in a match against the British Invasion, Bashir & Kiyoshi, and Nash & Young?

Mick Foley is out to ask Nash what he knows about Hogan. Nash says that Foley's going to be out of a job in a couple of weeks, but right now Nash has to go talk to his old bandmates -- they're thinking of "getting the band back together."

Bobby and Kristal Lashley -- Bobby immediately hands off the mic to his wife, who cuts a promo on Scott Steiner -- when she barks, her man bites! I can't tell if Bobby's playing "Strong and Silent" or "Totally Whipped."

Lauren is with Daniels -- he's got a match with Abyss next -- I think, given Daniels' offer the the Beautiful People earlier, and his mocking of Lauren and Abyss' relationship, we can see where this is going.

Daniels vs. Abyss: And there it does go. Video shows up on the big screen of the Beautiful People attacking Lauren; Abyss is stricken and Daniels rolls him up with a weird side roll, hooking Abyss' leg with his own. (There's probably a Japanese name for that move.)

AJ Styles, out to observe, is disgusted. Suddenly, in the midst of his disgust, the be-hoodied mystery man attacks again and lays Styles out.

Mike Tenay has a sit-down interview with Dixie Carter -- for the complete interview, Click Here (tnawrestling.com). On Sting: She doesn't know what his deal is. On Jeff Jarrett: He's been "put on leave" for personal reasons, and she has nothing else to say. On Hulk Hogan: Together, they're going to be looking at every little piece of TNA in order to make it better.

Desmond Wolfe drops into Foley's office -- Wolfe wants to know, can Angle really just stop by and demand a match? Can anyone do it? Can Wolfe just demand a spelling bee with Scott Steiner? Foley briefly seems intrigued by that, but moves on, informing Wolfe that, no, Angle's not actually going to get his requested match against Wolfe tonight.

Foley is reminded (by Wolfe's use of the word "stroke") of the existence of Jeff Jarrett, and calls him up to see what he knows about Hulk Hogan. Jarrett says "Screw you and screw TNA." He was done with TNA four months ago, he's still done now, and Foley can shove his comedy up his ass. (Later, Tenay informs us that Foley's going to visit JJ next week.)

Hamada vs. Sarita: Remember, Hamada defeated Sarita tag partner last week. This week, it goes similarly: Sarita puts up a good fight, but Hamada just keeps kicking her in the head. Spin kick to the head! Sarita out on her feet, so Hamada spin kicks her in the head again to put her down. Hamada Driver ends it. Impact Zone crowd is TOTALLY into both these Knockouts.

Kurt Angle vs. Dr. Stevie & Raven: Yeah, Angle came out, and then Foley came out, announcing that since Angle didn't tell him what he wanted to know about Hogan, he's changing this into a handicap match. Daffney's out, too, in a tiny white top hat with a tiny little veil attached.

Stevie and Raven have their way for a while until Angle collects himself and Germans them both. Stevie gets clotheslined to the outside, cracking his elbow on the concrete. Clutching his arm, he retreats up the ramp -- where Abyss is waiting with a Black Hole Slam.

In the ring, Raven gazes with rapt attention, allowing Angle to grab an anklelock; Raven taps immediately. Not much match there.

After the match, Desmond Wolfe slips into the ring and surprises Angle with a hammerlock from behind; he turns Angle around and uses the hammerlock to drive Angle face first into the mat. Taz calls it an "inside keylock," so maybe that's an "inside keylock DDT." Anyway, Wolfe continues to pretty much have his way with Angle on every single Impact since his arrival.

--K



Last 5 movies seen: Gigantic *** - The Heartbreak Kid (1972) **1/2 - Gomorrah ***1/2 - Wendy and Lucy ***1/2 - Muppet Treasure Island ***1/2
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Since: 2.1.02
From: MN

Since last post: 9 hours
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.63
I was wrapping gifts during the whole episode, so I didn't see much, but had it on in the background, but the only thing I really remember is Taz saying "Vinatage....VINTAGE Kevin Nash!" Wonder if he texted Cole after that to thank him for the tag line?
It's False
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Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 22 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.32
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
    He invites Angle out, and Angle accepts, dressed to wrestle -- because Wolfe and his ambushes have taught Angle to be prepared. Wolfe's locked himself in the cage, so Angle climbs over and attacks. But Wolfe -- speaking of prepared -- has a pair of brass knucks, and slugs Angle right in the jaw. Wolfe hurls Angle into the cage walls a couple of times, and, gloating. leaves.


This should be the best match on the PPV, easily. And it may even be the first TNA PPV that has me sold based on one match.


    D'Lo Brown (?!) is in Foley's office -- Foley says he's a mentor to some of the young guys, and Brown says he has a lot of work to do, but they never actually say what his job is. Foley wants to know what he knows about Hogan. Brown says that Dixie and Hogan are teaming up to do what's "best for TNA." He takes off as Foley mocks both the European Title and D'Lo's head-bobbing.


Yeah, wonder how many people completely forgot about his failed WWE return? The problem with D'Lo is that he's pretty much playing the same character he played in the Attitude era, minus the chest protector. When he tried to take that same character back to WWE, it failed miserably because he expected people to remember him and coast on his past, but it didn't work. It might still happen to Christian, if he ever gets off the WWE C-show.

Point is, D'Lo needs a character makeover if he ever wants to get anywhere again.


    "Trash Talkin' With ODB" is out, and I again expect David McLane to introduce it after those cheesy opening graphics. Tara -- the #1 contender to ODB's Knockout Title -- is the guest and ODB doesn't think she deserves to just waltz into TNA and get a title shot. Tara talks about being "humiliated" and "a joke" at the end of her WWE run. She's doing an on-the-verge-of-tears thing here. ODB apologizes to her -- and then attacks! Security guys break it up. Huh, these security guys -- how many security teams does TNA need? -- are wearing leather jackets, and one of them seems to be wearing a -- a mullet wig? That's -- it's -- look, I like ODB, but lately she is consistently in the worst, by far, segments of any given show.


We get the requisite jab at WWE. I certainly don't remember Victoria being any more of a joke at the end of her run than any of the WWE Divas are now. And I don't think popping up in an ODB skit is a much better way to be taken seriously. These ODB sketches need to die.


    Mick Foley is out to ask Nash what he knows about Hogan. Nash says that Foley's going to be out of a job in a couple of weeks, but right now Nash has to go talk to his old bandmates -- they're thinking of "getting the band back together."


Oh lord, no, no, NO! No nWo references, PLEASE! Hell, they don't even have the rights to the name! What good can possibly come of this? Especially after WWE effectively sucked away any possible heat the nWo name had left? (And that was back in 2002! This is SEVEN YEARS LATER!)


    Mike Tenay has a sit-down interview with Dixie Carter -- for the complete interview, Click Here (tnawrestling.com). On Sting: She doesn't know what his deal is. On Jeff Jarrett: He's been "put on leave" for personal reasons, and she has nothing else to say. On Hulk Hogan: Together, they're going to be looking at every little piece of TNA in order to make it better.


I want to reserve judgment until the day Hogan actually shows up, but I'm still very skeptical.


    Foley is reminded (by Wolfe's use of the word "stroke") of the existence of Jeff Jarrett, and calls him up to see what he knows about Hulk Hogan. Jarrett says "Screw you and screw TNA." He was done with TNA four months ago, he's still done now, and Foley can shove his comedy up his ass. (Later, Tenay informs us that Foley's going to visit JJ next week.)


I'm wondering if the end game here is to revive the Hogan/Jarrett match that never happened. You know, the one that was supposed to happen back in 2000. Do they think it's like Hogan/Warrior and it'll draw insane numbers ten years later?


    After the match, Desmond Wolfe slips into the ring and surprises Angle with a hammerlock from behind; he turns Angle around and uses the hammerlock to drive Angle face first into the mat. Taz calls it an "inside keylock," so maybe that's an "inside keylock DDT." Anyway, Wolfe continues to pretty much have his way with Angle on every single Impact since his arrival.


The buildup has been great, but it means nothing if Angle winds up winning every PPV match. Wolfe should go over at some point and they've built for it to happen at the PPV. But regardless of what happens, the feud's been great so far.




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Since: 26.2.09
From: Humpty Doo, Australia

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 2 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.21
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal

    Homicide vs Suicide

This match SO needed a run-in by Sabu to complete the trifecta. Or at least an appearance by someone named "Genocide".



Da' Wrestling Site
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Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 48 days
Last activity: 9 hours
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.87
I agree with It's False on D Lo, although it was even worse in the WWE return because he apparently wasn't allowed to bring back the aspects of his character that worked in 98. I'm talking mainly of the chest protector and the head wiggle. He made a point to not do the head wiggle, which is what the WWE Universe wanted. Without that, he's just a fatter version of a wrestler that didn't have much charisma to begin with.

Karlos, you do a great job with the Impact recaps. Just wanted to point this out again. Well done.



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Matt Tracker
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Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 9 hours
Last activity: 5 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.67
I noticed something a few weeks ago, and I forget to check back on it: Does TNA still have the cameramen zoom in and out to accentuate the impact of moves? That gave me a headache in the Styles/Joe match.



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Since: 19.8.05
From: My Old Kentucky Home

Since last post: 27 days
Last activity: 12 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.50
I think the 2 out of 3 falls match in the cage is a way for Wolfe to go over in the 3rd fall by escaping the cage. Let's say he pins Kurt in the 1st fall, Kurt them makes him tap (which is worse than getting pinned IMO), and then Wolfe escapes the cage to win, without Kurt taking 2 pins.

Glad to see D'lo back, as he was always one of my favorite mid carders in the Attitude era, and I also liked his run in TNA in 2003. True, he won't get over like he did either of those previous times, but the world needs JTTSs too.




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Karlos the Jackal
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
I read a couple of months ago that D'Lo had been hired as a road agent (to replace BG James), so I wouldn't count on seeing him back in the ring (although I liked his tag team with Styles, back in the day).

    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    I noticed something a few weeks ago, and I forget to check back on it: Does TNA still have the cameramen zoom in and out to accentuate the impact of moves? That gave me a headache in the Styles/Joe match.
Isn't that obnoxious? I didn't notice it this week, but once I start noticing it I can't stop. I think there's one cameraman who does it more than the others.

    Originally posted by It's False
    I certainly don't remember Victoria being any more of a joke at the end of her run than any of the WWE Divas are now. And I don't think popping up in an ODB skit is a much better way to be taken seriously. These ODB sketches need to die.
She specifically referenced the sumo suit, which sure wasn't a high point. But, yeah, Good Lord, neither was this.

--K



Last 5 movies seen: The Fountain ** - Gigantic *** - The Heartbreak Kid (1972) **1/2 - Gomorrah ***1/2 - Wendy and Lucy ***1/2
JustinShapiro
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Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

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#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.58
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
      Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      I noticed something a few weeks ago, and I forget to check back on it: Does TNA still have the cameramen zoom in and out to accentuate the impact of moves? That gave me a headache in the Styles/Joe match.
    Isn't that obnoxious? I didn't notice it this week, but once I start noticing it I can't stop. I think there's one cameraman who does it more than the others.


If you want to make yourself seasick, zone in on how WWE changes cameras on every bump and most punches.
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Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.85
But....D-Lo Brown had been on ROH TV for months!



Karlos the Jackal
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
    Originally posted by CRZ
    But....D-Lo Brown had been on ROH TV for months!
Apparently he announced on September 15 (on a radio show called "Between the Ropes") that he was considering retirement after finishing up with ROH. He posted this to Twitter on September 15 as well: "For those of you haven't heard, I'm considering retirement and contemplating the next stage of my career."

He got hired by TNA later that month, according to Wikipedia. There are some dirt sheets reporting that D'Lo will do some "limited wrestling" but I dunno if they're getting that from anyone credible or not.

How's he looking in ROH?

--K



Last 5 movies seen: The Fountain ** - Gigantic *** - The Heartbreak Kid (1972) **1/2 - Gomorrah ***1/2 - Wendy and Lucy ***1/2
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Seriously though...Knoble took that West Coast Pop from Misterio like a CHAMP. That just looked so crisp and so clean...
Related threads: iMPACT! 11-26-09 - iMPACT! 11-19-09 - iMPACT 11-12-09 "Three's a Crowd" - More...
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