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PYRO! We're LIVE from Some Arena somewhere in America live for WWE RAW! The King of the Ring is one measly week away, but does anybody care? JR and The King bitch about each other [the King about JR's age and senility, JR about the King chasing really young girls and generally being a horndog...]...when we're interrupted by...
*Glass shattering* Stone Cold Steve Austin walks out to ringside, chair in hand, and sets up the chair in the ring. He wants a microphone, but ring flowerpot Lillian Garcia doesn't know whether or not to give it to him. She looks to JR & King for confirmation, but she's given a Stone Cold Stunner by Austin instead. Austin grabs the microphone. He bitches about how the company is going to hell in a handbasket, generally due to the McMahon Family, the writers, and the sheer stupidity of all the bullshit politics. JR agrees.
Austin's interrupted by the familiar music of the nWo. Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, X-Pac and the Big Show lumber out to ringside and climb inside. Kevin Nash pulls out a microphone and announces that he's got news that's gonna SHOCK THE WORLD...AGAIN! He's brought back the nWo b-team! The nWo music plays again as Stevie Ray, Disco Inferno, Scott Norton, nWo Sting, Curt Hennig, Bryan Adams, Vincent and Horace Hogan strut out. Just as the nWo members circle the ring...Ric Flair's music plays, and Flair struts out wearing an nWo shirt and a diaper. He runs around the ring, muttering incoherently, before collapsing and shouting incoherently some more. Austin starts ranting again about how the nWo is the most pathetic bunch of mealy-mouthed bastards in the world today, and starts handing out Stunners like they were cotton candy at the state fair. Suddenly, Goldberg appears and spears Austin! Then, suddenly, Scott Hall appears and shocks Goldberg with a cattle prod...again! The nWo beat down the bunch of them, and leave. JR is crying at this point.
The first match is Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly in a Thong Match, but it's interrupted by Jeff Jarrett, who says that women's wrestling is stupid, and hits both women with guitars. This draws out the Hardy Boyz, who both get punked down, too. And THIS draws out Lita, who's promptly put through a table by Jarrett. This draws out Bubba Ray Dudley, who takes offense. Jarrett points out that Dudley used to put women through tables, and Bubba concedes and puts Trish through a table...again! Dudley & Jarrett leave.
Next, Brock Lesnar walks out for a match with Booker T, but he's promptly attacked and beaten repeatedly by Scott Steiner, who says that he's the real genetic freak! Booker T comes out, and Steiner and him form The Suckas. At this point, Spike Dudley shows up and is thrown across the ring for no reason at all.
Austin's backstage, still smarting from his beatdown. Debra walks up to him, and he simply starts laughing. He hugs her, then goes to the ring...but it turns out that The Undertaker and Kane are both out there already, fighting. Y'see, they hate each other...again. Kane lights Undertaker on fire...and it's ironic, see, because Undertaker lit Kane on fire, which is the reason he can't talk and has to wear a mask and can't talk...but he doesn't need to wear a mask and he CAN talk. So...it's pointless. This brawl is interrupted by Tommy Dreamer milking a cow on the WWETron. And get this...Dreamer..DRINKS THE MILK. SCARY!
For no reason at all, D'Lo Brown comes out and lays down on the mat. Lillian Garcia pins D'Lo for the Hardcore Title that D'Lo won from a bottle of Heinz Ketchup during Velocity. Lillian's reign lasts for a total of eighteen seconds before Goldberg spears her and pins her. This draws out Scott Hall again, stumbling around drunkenly. He makes it halfway to the ring, and then falls off the ramp. This draws out JR & the King's "sombre voices"...which last all of twelve seconds as the rest of the nWo comes out and hit Hall's ambulance with a missile. The ambulance is completely gone...but there's obviously "some damage to the ambulance". The nWo gloat in the ring...and this draws out Stone Cold again, with a chair. He starts hitting nWoites with the chair, until Kurt Angle, The Rock, Hulk Hogan and the rest of the Smackdown stars rush the ring. A giant brawl begins as the talent from the minors rush the ring and start brawling. Austin breaks away from the fight and rushes backstage to his locker room. He grabs a chair and hits himself with it...causing everything to black out.
When Austin awakens, he's in a bedroom. It's the morning. Austin's knee is in a heavy post-surgical brace. He yawns and gets up from the bed. He notices the TV set is still on...and WCW Nitro is on. It's a tape. Stone Cold walks into his bathroom. The shower is on. A woman's in the shower: Debra. She turns around. "Good morning." She says. "You should stay in bed, Steve, you just got out of surgery. I know what you're gonna say, you miss the road. But I'm sure they'll be fine without you for 2000. I taped RAW for you, go watch it. Just fast forward through Nitro like everyone else does." Austin chuckles and goes back to bed. THE END.
Count how many ways this would be better than current RAW. Constant run-ins and not even one match. THIS. IS. WWE. ENTERTAINMENT! Sometimes I wish we could just go back to 1999 and start all over again.
Bart: Hey, immigrants! Beat it! Country's full! Sailor: OK people, you heard the lady. Back into the hold. We'll try Canada. [the immigrants moan] -- "The City of New York Vs. Homer Simpson"
January 4th 1999 - The day WCW injected itself with 10 gallons of Liquid Anthrax...AKA...The day Hogan "Defeated" Nash to win the WCW title in front of 40,000.
Originally posted by ExtremeLuchadorAbout Scott Hall falling off the ramp..it reminds me of something..
I remember during a summer 2000 RAW the Undertaker nearly drove his motorcycle over the side of the ramp because he wasn't paying attention..
Maybe we can finally get an update on Hawk's condition too.
January 4th 1999 - The day WCW injected itself with 10 gallons of Liquid Anthrax...AKA...The day Hogan "Defeated" Nash to win the WCW title in front of 40,000.
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