You wanted the best, you got... Out of Context Quote of the Week.
"I think I just wanted to say "Ass Pirate"." (Guru Zim)
Hopefully, the title won't be too much of a giveaway. Manchester United done punched their ticket into the UEFA Champions League seimifinals with one hell of a second leg. They killed AS Roma dead, winning 7-1 (soccernet.espn.go.com). Michael Carrick and Cristiano Ronaldo racked up two goals each, Man U was up 4-0 at halftime, and led 6-0 before AS Roma got on the goal (Daniele De Rossi's 69th-minute strike). Amazingly, stat-wise, it wasn't that big of a blowout; the Mancs outshot Roma 23-21 (12-7 shots on goal), and Roma had a 54-46% edge in possession. Haven't watched it yet, but I'd imagine it was ridiculous.
(Liverpool, I fully expect you to do the same to PSV Eindhoven tomorrow.)
(Need an IndyCar icon here, I guess.) Danica Patrick won the Firestone IndyCar 300 at Japan. Her crew called her in for a late pit stop on the last caution flag and stretched her fuel mileage long enough to pass Helio Castroneves with two laps to go.