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The W - Guest Columns - Heat [#227, 12/01/02]
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thecubsfan
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Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

Since last post: 18 hours
Last activity: 18 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00

TV PG L entertainment open fireworks yelling

Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 234 pounds) vs Justin Credible (Ozone Park, NY, 225 pounds) - Lita points out Dreamer's got new music - that might be a new video too but I can't say I've been paying a lot of attention to Tommy Dreamer's video lately. Dreamer's gotta wear a mouthpiece because of the assorted injuries over the last few weeks - this would be a good time for a video flashback to show these incidents, but this is Heat so we only get Coach and Lita reminding us. There's absolutely no way that Justin is still weighing 225 pounds. Lita does go on to talk about their being ECW history between these two, but no specific incidents. I think Coach almost remembers that Lita was in ECW here! Oh, your announcers are Lita and Coach and they said the question of Monday was "Would Triple H show up?" in the "he's a tough tough man - but how tough is he?" vibe, which is kinda face-ish. You know, I used to think that the announcers always were vague in these 'live' shots just not to give away what happens to the people sitting nearby, but I'm thinking more now that it's just because they haven't totally decided what they're doing by the time they're filming these. Oh yes, the match. Circle - hand reach, no, lockup. Tommy is backed in the corner - right. Dreamer's hurt more because it's a punch to that hurt mouth and he has to roll out, but Justin isn't gonna leave him there. Right to the jaw. Lita gets in a short version of the catchphrase. Stomping. "I'm Just Incredible!" Pulling powerbomb one two NO. Justin to the second rope - and in irony, it's he who take the boot to the jaw. Dreamer pounding the mat as he gets up - Justin's right is blocked, Dreamer hits a right, right, swinging neckbreaker. Back up - whip, head down too soon, Justin with a forearm to the back of the neck (Goldust' sliding uppercut would have fit so well there), Justin off the ropes and jumps his way into a powerslam. One two NO. Justin did most of the work himself there. Short ECW chant. Dreamer to the second rope - now inching his way over to the middle of the ropes, elbow drop but Justin moves. Justin calls him up - kick, front facelock, "That's IT!", Dreamer escapes into his own front facelock, Coach: "Evenflow" one two three. (1:49) Wait - EVENFLOW? I think I'm confused. Dreamer grabs his mouth but he's victorious and quick.

Coming up later: the Rematch - D'Lo vs Johnny! Next - 3 Minute Warning! Hey, why does Velocity (and this show most weeks) only hype the next segment if it's a video package - if by chance a favorite wrestler of yours was typically on the show, wouldn't you be more likely to stick around if you knew he was coming up next or later?

WWE Anthology Cuts: "I'm Back" (1:00)

XBox Broken Fingers of Last Sunday - XBox is gonna want a refund when they find out they're sponsoring RAVEN highlights.

Earlier Today, Fink had nothing better to do than bug Raven about breaking those fingers. Why? "Howard, I broke his fingers, because there must be consequences for ones choices! I'm trying to bring salivation to him, to you Howard, to everyone else out there. Breaking my fingers hurt me a hella lot more than it did him! You see, society is made up of people who have one way in public, and another way in private. They do not have the courage to stand up to their own convictions - therefore, I will be brave for them. Howard, that is why I am creating a masterpiece - so people can stand back in ten, twenty, a THOUSAND years and see what a brilliant, courageous savior that I am! I will be granted immorality! And since I have nothing but time on my hands, Howard, that is why I've held off starting my Masterpiece. I thought I'd give you people a chance to change, but obviously, you either can't or you won't. Therefore, I will do a demonstration. Each week, my masterpiece will consist of demonstrations of one of the Seven Deadly Sins, whether it be Wrath, or Sloth, or Greed, or Pride, and one poor unfortunate individual who will be sacrificed, Howard, because the needs of the many far outweigh the needs of the few. And these taken together as a whole, they will be my video masterpiece - because they will show the world what society is, and show my courage to bring it to them. Quote the Raven, nevermore." Raven walks off while Fink ponders Messiah complexes.

Danny Denucci & Pat Qsik (461 pounds) vs 3 Minute Warning (w/o Rico) - Someone explained Raven's speech for Coach - how nice of them. DENUCCI AND QSIK JUMPED FROM SMACKDOWN TO RAW, THIS SHALL CHANGE THE BALANCE OF THE BRAND EXTENSION IN ONE FELL SWOOP.  Jamal has words for Coach and Lita but we don't hear them. They do seem to have a contest to see how slow they can walk to the ring. Pretty darn slow! Coach on broadcasting with Lita: "I let you do your think and I get in my two cents, whatever." So so familiar. Then Coach says "It's a good little marriage" and everyone takes a step back. Jamal and Pat - Jamal with a right to start, that's good enough. Forearm to the back. Qsik back with rights but Jamal stops him with a right. Kick, kick. Right. Stomp. Coach, completely out of context: "Well, everyone knows that I'm hard." Whip, head down too soon, Qsik kicks it, Jamal yells, gets up, and clothesline him. Talking trash. Walking over him to go to the second rope - splash one two NO he's pulled up. Right. Chop. Right. Is he going tag Jamal? I guess not - He just distracts so Jamal can get in his shot from the outside. Double chop. Tag to Jamal he run Qsik back first into his own corner and yells at him to get up. He he's having problems in that area. Tag  to Danny - so Jamal punches him on the apron. Hiptoss in. Double chop to the throat. Danny trying to fight his way up, Jamal's pretty much letting him - off the ropes, side slam no Rosie flips him over so it's some weird faceslam. Headbutt. Three minutes are up. Tag to Jamal - double whip, double back elbow, double elbow drop one two PULLED UP. Right. Kick. Clubbing right. Choke to the back of the neck. Danny with rights, off the ropes, sunset flip, I don't think so sit down one two let go. I don't think 3MW has sold anything yet - Danny gets slammed, and Jamal is going to the second rope - second rope moonsault overshoots Danny but we pretend it hit anyway - eh. One two NO Let go. Coach thinks he kicked out but I don't think that happened. Jamal holds and tag to Rosie so he can get in his blows. Rosie tries to pull Danny to a corner but Danny slips free - Rosie turns and socks him. Slam. Off the ropes, spinning legdrop. Rosie just playing with Danny - reaching out shi hand for a tag and hurting his arm. Open hand slap. Chop. Announcers wonder about 3MW's role, as Chief of Staff Morley would seem to replace them as Eric's Enforcer. Headbutts. Tag to Jamal. Rosie whipped into Danny in the corner - Danny bounces out into the press Samoan Drop one two three (5:55) Rosie got in a shot on Qsik to prevent him form coming in - then he bring him back in so he can throw Qsik back out. Danny thrown out the other way. 3MW celebrates. Rico was not mentioned this whole match.

Next - Victoria, she's a little nuts.  

Lugz Victoria and Steven unite of thirteen days ago

From one lick to another. (4:03)

Still to come - D'Lo vs Johnny. But next - Sean O'Haire is back on Heat.

Tough Enough 3: Jonah's rib. (2:46)

Sean O'Haire (no hometown given, 275 pounds) vs Chuck Coates (250 pounds) - Oh WOW ALL THREE JOBBERS FROM VELOCITY - well, anyway, one of those good parts of watching both B-shows is that I got his last name from Velocity and his first from here, because they don't feel like chyron here - they have to have times for ads. Lockup - no, Sean pushes him off. hard kick to the back of the leg. Sean tells him to come on - Chuck goes for the legs, fireman's carry but Sean reverses it to a pin one two no. Headlock, shot - no, he's holding on. Shot into the ropes, Sean's shoulderblock knocks down Chuck. He tells him to get back up - and back to the headlock. Trying for the back suplex, but Sean reverses it with a headlock takedown down. Lita says Chuck's been wrestling for 15 years. Back to the side headlock, Sean shot in the ropes, Chuck with a powerslam but it takes great effort - grounded abdominal stretch cradle one two NO. Sean up quick - knee, knee, knee, snap mare, elbow to the back of the neck, soccer kick to the back of the neck. Neck vice? Is Sean not ready to be back yet? Coates breaks free with elbows and a stomp toe the foot. Off the ropes, backdrop by Sean. Sean waits for him to get up - back elbow. Back to the neck vice. Lots of stalling rest holds here, and either he's got absolutely no stamina today or something's up. Big soccer kick to the back involves little moving. Off the ropes, kick to the head is ducked and Coats with an inside cradle one two NO. Sean tries to slam him but Coates with a small package one two no. Sean misses with a clothesline, Coates with a cross body one two no. Sean hits a big kick to the midsection to knock down Coates. Yell. Coates breaks the lift - his right is blocked, his left is blocked, his right misses and Sean takes him down with a clothesline. Pocked up into a slam - up into a fireman's carry and that's a reverse DVD one two three. (3:27) I don't think that's Neurotica music anymore.

Next - the Dream Match for the World Heavyweight Title. 

RAW Live:
Monday - Austin, TX
Friday - Richmond, VA
Saturday - Pensacola, FL
Sunday - Chattanooga, TN
Next Monday - Knoxville, TN
Next Friday - Old Dominion University, VA

Lita says this was RVD's chance to beat "his idol" - his WHAT? Wouldn't that have been something for RVD to discuss at some point? Maybe it was changed between the time Lita said that and the main event - see what I was saying before? (4:05

Coming up next, D'Lo vs Stamboli, again.

RAW Retro: DX invades Nitro, 04/27/98 - no, they don't go through any great measures to cut ex-employees out (:52)

Johnny Stamboli (Brooklyn, New York, 249 pounds) vs D'Lo Brown (Chicago, IL, 258 pounds, WWE Anthology) in a rematch - Either Johnny gained a pound this week or I screwed up last week - probably me. Anthology is 13th on the Billboard 200. D'Lo goes right after Johnny - Johnny punches, D'Lo punches back, whip, back elbow. Right. Whip, Johnny grabs the ropes to pull himself out. D'Lo's not letting up though, and he's right out. Chase is on, Johnny in, and Johnny hits the elbow drop as D'Lo comes in. Another elbow drop, stomps, elbow to the back. Choke through the ropes by D'Lo. Right knocks D'Lo the apron. Right. Whip, head down too soon and it gets kicked. Off the ropes, into a overhead belly to belly suplex one two NO. Snap mare. Chinlock surfboard. Crowd rallies behind D'Lo and D'Lo rallies with elbows, but Johnny throws him down and covers one two no. Lita: "Going back to ECW - RVD was a long time TV champ, but never the World champ." Between this and the "HBK as RVD's idol" bit they're working on, I wish whoever was prepping the Heat announcers were doing the same with the RAW ones - all this story continuity makes it so much funnier. D'Lo hung in the tree of woe, and kicking the midsection. Running shoulder to the midsection. Will HBK even be at RAW? Will he be able to compete? Both men charge - double clothesline and they're both down. Crowd chants for D'Lo. Johnny with a whip, D'Lo slides under, clothesline and another. Whip, jumping side kick I can type it before he can hit it. Slam, shaky shaky legdrop one two NO. Forearm. Whip, this will get reversed, Johnny with a press (Coach: "He's going for the ForgetAboutIt!" - so they have changed the moves around, okay) but D'Lo slips behind - Johnny misses the right - Sky Hi one two three (3:34) D'Lo celebrates RAW being big in Austin tomorrow - well maybe that's not totally right.

That's it.

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Net Hack Slasher
Banger








Since: 6.1.02
From: Outer reaches of your mind

Since last post: 3647 days
Last activity: 2067 days
#2 Posted on
Good recap CubsFan,

I think you and I are the only two people on the internet that actually noticed that Jamal completly missed his opponent on the second rope spring moonsault.

Thanks for re-writing what the hell Raven said. He went over my mortal brain with that diatrobe... Also really funny adding on the great interplay by The Coach and Lita. I really don't know who's worse but I am leaning towards Jonathan Coachman, he's awful.



Oh they have the internet on computers now!
tomvejada
Andouille








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 4131 days
Last activity: 4131 days
#3 Posted on
Very good recap, Cubs.



"I just got pinned by a friggin twelve-year-old."

Kurt Angle
Zaphod
Chorizo








Since: 24.2.02

Since last post: 4347 days
Last activity: 4339 days
#4 Posted on

    Originally posted by Net Hack Slasher
    Good recap CubsFan,

    I think you and I are the only two people on the internet that actually noticed that Jamal completly missed his opponent on the second rope spring moonsault.



I spotted it, too. The sad thing is, Coach or Lita could've covered it up a shade by calling it a headbutt, since it did look like his head caught Denucci in the side of the abs. No one would've bought that, either, but it wouldn't quite have killed the suspension of disbelief quite as easily.

Le sigh. I know that few announcers cover up botched spots like that anymore, but one can hope, right?
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AWESOME review!!! actually much better in quality than much of the PPV itself, which on paper should have ruled all kinds.Too bad the CW and Eddy/Chavo matches got cut waaay too short. Thank you.
- OndaGrande, WWE Royal Rumble 2004 (2004)
Related threads: Heat - Heat [#226, 11/17/02] - Raven's Masterpiece - More...
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