TV PG LV entertainment Elimination Chamber (:35) open fireworks
Goldust (Hollywood, CA, 260 pounds - WWE Anthology) vs Johnny Stamboli (Brooklyn, NY, 248 pounds, hat) - Your announcers are Lita and Coach who are hyped about being LIVE - next week. Ah, Johnny's a heel this week. Apparently, sometime during the week, Johnny took issue with Coach calling him "not a playa" last week. Oddly, no cameras were around. Johnny flicks sweat off his chest. Goldust responds just like you might think he would - Johnny turns away from the breathing exercise so Goldust knocks the hat off. Johnny rips his entrances pants, because now he's mad! Circle. Lockup, Goldust with a headlock into a hammerlock, Johnny with a snap mare but Goldust holds on and gets the hammerlock back. Johnny gets to his feet, back elbows out. Slam. Corner whip, Goldust goes in chest first but comes out with a clothesline. Whip, hiptoss. Butt bump. Setting Johnny's legs up - no, the ref is in quick and Johnny gets an eye poke. Press into a shoulder slam - no cover, choke instead. Stomping. Corner whip, Johnny throws himself totally into it, and Goldust hits the corner hard. Legdrop to the back of the head - one two no. Lay out corner whip again, knocks Goldust down again one two NO. Chinlock surfboard. Goldust gets up, back elbowing out, off the ropes, hiptoss by Johnny is blocked, Goldust backslide one two no. Goldust walks (then slows down because Johnny is up yet) into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker one two no. In addition to all the stuff you already know, they'll be a special HBK interview on Super Tuesday. Modified surfboard -Johnny has both his feet in Goldust's back instead of knees. Goldust up and turning it - back suplex. Both men down - one two three four (wow this is slow) five six Johnny up, walks right into a inverted atomic drop. Clothesline and another by Goldust. Whip, almost a reversal but no, kick DDT one two NO. Curtain Call (Coach wants to call it the Shattered Dreams which is just as right - why did Goldust change and unchange that name anyway?) but Johnny lands behind on his feet. Off the ropes, into the Director's Cut Powerslam one two NO. Johnny with a facefirst jawbreaker. ForgetAboutIt - no, Goldust turns around - Curtain Call one two three. (5:00)
Still to come - Spike vs D'Lo.
But next - Raven's MASTERPIECE!
Okay, since these commercials will go forever, it goes like this - back in the day, the inverted facelock mat slam was the Curtain Call and the corner crotch kick was the Shattered Dreams, but when he came back at Rumble he changed it to the mat slam being the Shattered Dreams and the corner crotch kick to the Golden Globes. The announcers, being the announcers, stuck to the old names for a long time and are only somewhat consistent about calling them anything at all. And then there was that week where someone decided that a powerslam was a finisher worthy move in 2002 - well, anyway, my point is that Goldust's names can be confusing and kinda right.
Jericho/Saliva Desire video is NOT a masterpiece. I have more time to kill here but nothing particularly to say - well, that Audioslave video is very Jericho-esque. I wonder what Jerry Lynn thinks of this video - that deep growl made me think of him. (2:42) This is an ad for Anthology, oh.
king Raven is in his great coat. Coach and Lita are treating this like it's Dawn and Al. "If you people would cease your mindless babbling, we can begin. [Coach: "Is he talking to us?" YES HE IS - I should've waited till sanity returned to me before praising this team last week] For weeks now, in my personal playground, there's been inquisitive chattering regarding my masterpiece, because we as humans are naturally curious, and you see, curiosity leads to temptation, and temptation leads to sin, and sin - that's what my masterpiece is all about! Now for years, you people have looked at me like I'm a freak! You've called me immoral, and you've called me depraved! But as I look out at you people, I see a festering mass of hypocrisy! Who are you people to call me immoral? Why don't you take a good long look at yourselves? Oh, that's right, you can't! Because you're too busy living lives of quiet desperation, without the courage to stand up to your own filthy convictions. And that is why - that is why I must complete your masterpiece; to bring salvation to your souls, and open eyes that are so blind to the truth! Quote the Raven, nevermore." Coach and Lita are too busy making fun of Raven's ability to us big words to notice he didn't reveal his masterpiece this week. I bet he doesn't next week either!
Next, Tough Enough highlights
Scott Steiner video (:17) Lita must've had a bet that she couldn't yell "I CAN HEAR HIM!" in a loud drunk and annoying sounding way - and she won.
Speaking off - Tough Enough Highlights. I still don't want to think what it says about the WWE lifestyle when a person who gets so drunk they need their stomach pumped is not immediately cut. (If I did think about it, I'd probably say "they'd probably just laughingly refer to it in skits for the next 3 months.") (2:46)
Still to come - D'Lo/Spike.
Wow, that was a short segment. Long highlight package to come.
Steven Richards (Philly, PA, 230 pounds) vs Erin Stevens (Boston, MA, 226 pounds, already in the ring) - Good, he's not wearing those shorts with the eyes. A Steven Richards SQUASH? See, I'd do this match, but Steven vs Stevens, why, that'll surely get confusing. Also - Steven Richards squash? Super Tuesday - 10 Man Tag, Triple Threat Match, Interpromotional Bikini Match, HBK interview - call me crazy, but I bet we get a Big Show interview as well. Is Richards playing the face? Nah. WWE week on Blind Date - Chris on Monday, Maven on Friday. Weren't Jackie and Linda RAW stars last time we saw them? Odd that Coach doesn't mention their shows. Coach and Lita talk about Maven and Ivory without saying "traded for Big Show" so who knows about that. Coach exposes that he doesn't actually watch Tough Enough by talking about how Ivory never shuts up on the show - she disappears for episodes at a time. Erin making the comeback but I bet he doesn't win. I bet this match ends with a superkick. Since I've got to kill here and I don't promote myself well enough, might I suggest my Velocity recap, my Tough Enough recap, Robert Ortega and me's (haha, what horrible grammar) late RAW recap AND last week's CMLL recap since I don't suppose I'll get that till Tuesday maybe (sorry Joe). You don't have to tell me about my mental state (I already know - no more RAW for me!), though now I just realize I'll probably end up doing Super Tuesday TOO, gosh. I'd plug SmackDown but I bet no matter where you read this, finding it is probably only a back button away. We still haven't seen the yelling suplex yet, which Lita notes. Maybe Lita's feeling about that from last week will be right. "Stevie T!" Well, double underhook DDT at any rate. That'll do it. (5:46) Coach deems that a "quality win."
Coming up - RAW's main event tag team match.
Lugz Water Bottle toss of Monday
Lita and Coach set up the Triple H video package - well, the tag team match, but it's all apparently about Triple H. (4:25) HBK will be at RAW Monday night - they wouldn't put him in a match on free TV, would they? Also - Triple H vs Booker T (which was a title match when they mentioned it on WWE.com but I guess not now - or maybe they'll make it one on Monday?) and Chris Jericho and Christian defend their titles against worthy challengers Kane and RVD. This all leads to THIS match at Survivor Series - we don't have too many RAW matches for that show next.
Next - D'Lo vs Spike.
JVC Batista debut of Monday
Spike Dudley (150 pounds) vs D'Lo Brown (Chicago, IL, 268 pounds - WWE Anthology) - remember when Spike lost his debut match? to Lita? I don't know why I brought that up but use it for good. Apparently Spike's ribs are still hurting him. Coach does a "funny" voice to act as Raven's translator. Lockup - no, Spike goes for a waistlock, standing switch, standing switch, standing switch, standing switch! No, Spike goes for a headlock. D'Lo picks him up and puts him on the top rope - pat on the head. Circle. Lockup, Spike with a headlock, D'Lo elbows, whip, shoulderblock. D'Lo with a little strut, off the ropes, into a hiptoss. Handshake. Fans boo, ha. Coach thinks this is the biggest non-WM week in the WWE this year. Armbar, into a headlock, into a hammerlock, Spike with an armdrag. Lita shouldn't talk with food in her mouth - either that or she's having a stroke of some kind. Maybe that's her Scott Steiner impersonation? Spike holds on to the armbar, D'Lo tries to slam him but Spike hangs on to the armbar. D'Lo with forearms, whip, big flapjack. Stomps. Punch to the bad ribs. Spike goes out to recover, so D'Lo drops him face first on the barricade. Thrown in. Slam. Shaky shaky legdrop! No cover? He's not done. Corner whip, D'Lo charges into a boot, Spike out with a spinning headscissors. Spike running stomps in the corner. Corner whip, Spike goes in hard chest first. Gutbuster! One two no. High bearhug - crowd is rallying for Spike - he's back in, Mongolian chop! Spike off the ropes, running headbutt but D'Lo connects dead on with the jumping side kick - that look painful. Whip, Spike hits the battering ram headbutt this time. Spike off the ropes with a spinning forearm. Off the ropes, D'Lo misses a clothesline, Spike with a cross body, D'Lo catches him - Sudden Impact! D'Lo doesn't cover again - thumb across the throat! Whip, "come here!", Sky High - no, Spike goes over in a sunset flip one two THREE. (5:40) That's an upset - then again, which guy is the one who occasionally wins on RAW and which one is security. D'Lo has an angry face - he pushes Nick Patrick away to get at Spike, picking him up by the hair - and a hug. Raise his hand.
RAW - HBK! Triple H vs Booker T! Jericho/Christian vs RVD/Kane for the World Tag Team Titles! Super Tuesday!
At first I heard "Eric Stevens", but after I noticed the "AS" logo on his pants, I decided it must be Aaron. So just for giggles I did a google search. For just $5, you too can have an autographed photo! (Actually, I didn't think the match was all that bad. I was liking Aaron lots better than Stevie, for whatever that's worth.)
ALWAYS add at least an extra minute either way for MTV shows - they are horrible about starting when they should (which is the biggest logistical problem I have with taping SmackDown! right now). The only time you know they'll get it straight is on pre-PPV Heat's, because they have to go start the PPV on time.
Yeah, I knew better at the time. I was trying the guide feature out on the Tivo style software that came with the video capture card, and I just spaced out and used the default times when it set up the recording. The problem is, I wanted it to go the The Simpsons at 8:00 so I didn't really have that minute to spare. Oh well, I guess I can just grab it at the replay time slot later on.
Your analogy is similar to:
"They already have cars that you can drive, why not blenders?" "I can already write with my hands, why not my pancreas?" "They already have beef that I can eat, why not granite?"
THE OBTUSE ANGLE The Double Rape of Raw August 24, 2003 by Jeb Tennyson Lund OnlineOnslaught.com/CitizenScholar.net I think this week's Raw might well rank as one of the worst ever — if not the worst to date.