...Whew. To make a very, VERY long story relatively short, over the past few days I've had an existential breakthrough in my life. Originally probably caused by sleep deprivation, this time I took the opportunity to write down all the deep thoughts that I otherwise wouldn't have, and review them for later so I wouldn't forget them-- EVER.
Doing that has been so far, (and God I hope this part of it never wears off, anyway) like opening a key to my mind, using an entirely new dimension of my brain that I didn't even know existed. Heh, it was while in this mental state that I wrote my recent post in the Eddie Griffin thread stating flatly how much of a dumbass he was in life and how that sort of thing was bound to happen... which, if you read that post, you have to understand that's not the kind of thing (though it's certainly my true opinion) that I would normally put out there for public consumption.
So part of my state of enlightenment right now that I need to work on is my desire to tell everyone the whole truth, all the time. Obviously I need to find equilibrium between that and lying all the time, and I'm sure that'll work out.
Those are just examples. I can go into far greater detail but I don't want everyone to spend all their time reading the post and not enough time writing helpful replies. So, to sum up:
A new direction for my life
I know now what I want to be: someone who leads people down the true path of salvation through Jesus Christ. And by the "true" path, I mean we have to disregard all the stuff written in the Bible that's contrary to other, more loving things ("homosexuality is an abomination" is right out) while at the same time understanding God's (or perhaps man's) possible reason for doing so in the first place. (I need to be brief, so if you want more information let me know at another time.)
Vastly increased sensitivity to the needs and desires of others
Manifesting itself in far better Rewards sales pushes, greater success in that department and increased confidence to coach others to be more successful (I'm a new manager, by the way); apart from that, I'm better able to help customers find new movies and products in general; anticipate what can reasonably be expected of a person under normal circumstances and evaluating their current state of mind so that I can make adjustments to those expectations; and even trying (and not always succeeding) to do the same for my own family members, which unfortunately has been driving them up a tree more often than not but when I'm right I'm dead-fucking-on so far. Take responsibility for the safety and needs of others even if it inconveniences you big-time. (Walking a very, very new friend home from the bar for an hour and putting up with all the wackiness therein, doing so gladly because you know you're keeping him from doing one of seventy things that will all lead to disaster; detouring from work to make sure a fire you can't even see but you can sure as HELL smell and see the smoke has been dealt with by the Fire Department and there aren't people currently suffering and dying that you're not doing anything about; even if that means you might be late for work-- that sort of thing. That also goes along with the faith I've had for a long time, but I'm putting it into action in ways that I've never actually done before and it feels... wonderful!)
A new take-charge attitude
Don't wait for other people to fix things; if it's in your power fix it yourself.
Increased sensory perception, and misc.
My olfactory senses feel heightened; I'm seeing the "whole board" so to speak at work-- identifying very quickly who I'm helping (and what their needs are, as I've mentioned); who else is in the store; who's waiting on me; remembering to always triple-check behind me before moving my bike out into an intersection and even feeling traffic beginning to bear down, or not bear down, on me... God, there are too many examples to list. We'll go on.
Here's the problem, though:
I can't deal with all this at once! And nobody seems to understand that, while ultimately if this is permanent I'll be a much better person and a very focused person instead of just the wayward, I don't-know-what-I-want-out-of-life guy I was like a week ago, my brain is not equipped to handle all of this next-level thinking at once. Eventually I think I'll be okay, but this has manifested itself in that I'm far too talkative both online and in real life (because I have so much I want to share), I'm missing little details that I wouldn't otherwise; I've got tunnel vision about things because I know that I need that but my multi-tasking ability is shot right now...
You get the idea. I can't handle all of this at once. I have faith I'll be fine, eventually, but... my mother doesn't fully understand, my sister probably doesn't, my boss certainly doesn't (and quite frankly I've driven all three of them, especially my mother and my boss, up a tree the last few days by trying and failing to explain all this to them). One very open-minded customer did; I've had some online friends who sorta do but disagree too much with the religious part of it for me to feel truly secure in that; but...
I need someone, or a group of people, who understand precisely what I'm going through. Please.
"Forget belief systems. Forget about the parameters of rational thought as it so smugly is called. Feel, my friend-- feel!" --KARR, Knight Rider episode "KITT vs. KARR"
Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals
Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!
Doc, as ever, I am thankful for our fantastic country and my friends, both here and in real life, and my Family, without whom I would no doubt be no longer around. We head for the daughter's boy friend's family's house tomorrow.