The following post expresses the opinions of a raving Jerichoholic. He is biased, opinionated and bitter. You have been warned.
I just couldn't figure it out. I mean, I quit recapping Raw when it got too God-awful, then I didn't start again when it was less God-awful, and now I'm screwed because I'm sick of having this Contributor tag and only using it once a month. So, well before No Way Out, I'll make these promises.
1. If Jim Ross does not interfere in any matches at No Way Out in any way, then I will start recapping Raw again.
2. If Jerry Lawler does not interfere in any matches at No Way Out in any way, I'll start doing my opinion pieces in between PPV's again, starting in two weeks with my thoughts on the potential for the final split. If that still might happen. And if nothing Earth-shattering happens.
Now, then. There is a Pay-Per-View Sunday, and I'm not going to order it, but I will predict it. I'll even go find my shiny Delaware quarter to predict it with me. Well, I would go find my shiny Delaware quarter, but I apparently spent it. Or lost it. Or gave it to the Salvation Army. Pennsylvania borders Delaware, right?
WWE NO WAY OUT 2003 Montreal, Quebec, Canada
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Scott Steiner (Challenger)(Heads) vs. Triple H (Champion)(Tails)
Hopefully this will be the death knell of Steiner's main event push. If it isn't, it will hopefully be the death knell of Triple H's main event push, because he needs time off to go plan his wedding. Do you think that the same person will be in the drive-up booth?
I say: Triple H My shiny Pennsylvania quarter says: Scott Steiner
The Rock (Heads) vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan (Tails)
If Rocky's going back to Hollyowood (again) after WrestleMania, there's no reason to put him over Hogan here. Plus, it might have been almost a year, but Hulk still has to get his job back from the People's Heel.
I say: Hollywood Hulk Hogan Coin says: Hollywood Hulk Hogan
Stone Cold Steve Austin (Heads) vs. Eric Bischoff (Tails)
Kick. Wham. Stunner. Yawn.
I say: Stone Cold Steve Austin Coin says: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Edge, Brock Lesnar and Chris Benoit (Heads) vs. Team Angle (Tails)
Well, this is an intriguing way to solve the puzzle of "Who Jobs to Angle at No Way Out," isn't it? Edge's neck is broken and Benoit has been made to look like Angle's personal bitch in the past few weeks, but they have the unstoppable power of Brock Lesnar who can never lose. Ever. I'm afraid that he's going to turn into Goldberg after WM because they won't know what to do with him. There are only so many times you can screw a guy out of a championship he so richly deserves, right? ::looks at picture:: Never mind.
I say: Benoit, Edge, Lesnar Coin says: Team Angle
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
Rob Van Dam and Kane (Challengers)(Heads) vs. Lance Storm and William Regal (Champions)(Tails)
I have never really liked William Regal, and I have always marvelled at his attraction to gold. He always has some title belt or another. Just days after jobbing the IC strap to RVD at WM18, he beat DDP for the European Title. He is never without a belt, and this time he dragged Lance Storm into it, who I also feel is so heralded as underrated that he's actually becoming overrated. When Jim Ross, in a video game no less, calls you underrated, you are not underrated. Kane and RVD win simply to spite William Regal.
I say: Rob Van Dam and Kane Coin says: William Regal and Lance Storm (Apparently it works on silver or whatever they're putting in quarters these days)
The Big Show (Heads) vs. The Undertaker (Tails)
Deadman needs some momentum going into his WM win, so I'll take him here. Hopefully it will short, much like Big Show's other PPV matches of late. I"m talking shorter than Survivor Series short. If it goes 5 minutes, I want to see Big Show get Tombstoned.
I say: Undertaker Coin says:Undertaker
Jeff Hardy (Heads) vs. Chris Jericho (Tails)
Who's in my picture? Enough said. Hopefully Jericho will get some major face reaction and build off of it to a victory over HBK at WrestleMania and a face turn shortly thereafter.
I say: Chris Jericho Coin says: Jeff Hardy (I'm not going to say anything, I'm just going to move on)
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Matt Hardy (Challenger)(Heads) vs. Billy Kidman (Champion)(Tails)
The bit Thursday on SmackDown was priceless. What might make it even better is if they have Matt getting weighed again, and again stripping to his shorts, and making weight. Then as Matt goes to put his clothes on, the ref tells him that he has to compete at 220 pounds or fewer. So Matt comes out and beats the pants off of Kidman, while not wearing pants. Of course, you can't powerbomb Kidman (unless you're Jamie Noble, Road Warrior Animal, or IPowerbombedKidman), and nobody can beat him. He's like the Brockberg of cruiserweights.
I say: Matt Hardy Coin says: Matt Hardy
Now if I may say something, wwenowayout.com has a match list on their front page. At the bottom of this list is the 6-man tag match. This match has:
1. The reigning WWE Champion (Kurt Angle) 2. The reigning WWE Tag Team Champions (Team Angle) 3. The #1 contender to the WWE Championship (Brock Lesnar) 4. The participants in the main event at WrestleMania (Angle and Lesnar) in the ring at the same time for the first time ever 5. A combined 14 tag team championships (Edge:9 Benoit:2 Angle, Hass, Benjamin:1) 6. A combined 4 WWE Title reigns (Angle:3 Lesnar:1) 7. An obscene number of IC title reigns
and I could go on. The match at the top of this list, Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff, has:
1. No reigning champions 2. No #1 contenders 3. No potential main event matchups from the participants 4. Maybe 3 Tag Team Champinoships (Austin) 5. 5 or 6 WWE Title reigns (Austin) 6. The obligatory obscene number of IC title reigns (Austin)
I just don't get it. I'm out for now. Keep your fingers crossed, one way or the other. If you don't like me, pray that Ross brings his candy dish to the table or something.
The preceding post expressed the opinions of a raving Jerichoholic. He was biased, opinionated and bitter. You were warned.