Thirty Millionth Hit
From: The Silver Spring in the Land of Mary.
Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 5 days
|#1 Posted on 11.1.03 1042.57 | Instant Rating: 4.05|
|Excerpt from a screenplay for |
THE LORD OF THE RINGS
by Dr. Seuss
(Scene: Bag End, after Bilbo痴 party)
That Samwise-Sam! That Samwise-Sam!
I do not like that Samwise-Sam!
Would you like some bread and jam?
I do not want your bread and jam.
I知 busy being mad at Sam.
He likes to sneak. He likes to spy.
I値l grind him up for hobbit pie!
Oh, do not grind him up for pie!
He is a pretty handy guy.
He mows my grass. He paints my gate.
He is my friend. We both are straight.
Well, then, I will not grind up Sam!
Bring me bread, and bring me jam!
We値l talk about another thing.
Tell me, do you have the ring?
I have the ring. I have it here.
But, mercy me! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
I fear the ring is very bad,
The golden ring that Bilbo had!
Tell me, will you take the ring?
I will not take that evil thing!
Would you, could you, by the fire?
Would you, could you, in the Shire?
I would not, could not, by the fire.
I would not, could not, in the Shire.
Would you, could you, in a tree?
Would you, on the road to Bree?
Would you, with an orc or troll?
Would you, in a hobbit-hole?
I would not, could not, in a tree.
I would not, on the road to Bree.
I would not, with an orc or troll.
I would not, in a hobbit-hole.
I will not take it here or there,
I will not take it anywhere!
For it is bad. It痴 as you say.
You値l have to take that ring away
And throw it in the Cracks of Doom!
I値l need a friend. But who, or whom?
(Gandalf produces Sam, who has been spying)
Oh, Master! Master! Sam is here!
He値l wash me down with beer, I fear!
I do not wish to be a pie!
I will not eat you, little spy!
But I will send you far away.
You both will go away today.
You値l go to Bree. A man is there.
The man looks foul. The man feels fair.
He値l lead you both, if all goes well,
To meet the elves in Rivendell.
Oh, Master! We will meet the elves!
We値l get to meet the elves ourselves
And hear them sing their elven songs!
We値l hear them bong their elven-gongs
And strum their elven loola-lutes!
They値l hoot their elven hooty-toots!
I hope you値l hear those loola-lutes
And hear the hoots of hooty-toots!
But go with care. To be a pie
Is better than to meet the Eye!
The Eye is mean. The Eye is red.
He rules nine Riders. They are dead.
They値l try to make you dead, as well.
But will they catch you? Time will tell!
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! This is a mess!
We値l have to fix this mess, I guess.
So we will go, just Sam and me.
And what will happen? We will see!
Wicca-Mon-Hum-Mal-Neu died in The Gnomish Mines on level 5 [max 11], killed by a sewer rat
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From: Plain Dealing, LA
Since last post: 480 days
Last activity: 1 day
|#2 Posted on 11.1.03 1423.57 |
|You really shouldn't mix cold medicine, Tolkien, and Seuss. The results can be ugly.|
"Verhoeven's _Starship Troopers_: Based on the back cover of the book by Robert Heinlein."
From: Appleton, WI
Since last post: 430 days
Last activity: 430 days
|#3 Posted on 12.1.03 1938.49 |
|No, call it "Green Eggs and Cram". I mean, that rhymes and all, and Cram is icky, whereas the Lembas is yummy!|
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
Thhhor tries to explain economics to SPP, but he doesn't use the phrases "freaks and peaks", "boomshakalaka", or "booty daddy" so SPP can't understand him.
Because ten billion years' time is so fragile, so ephemeral...
it arouses such a bittersweet, almost heartbreaking fondness.
From: Pittsburgh, PA
Since last post: 68 days
Last activity: 9 days
|AIM: || ||#4 Posted on 12.1.03 2113.47 |
|By God, you're as drunk as I am.|
It's so sad when old friends fight.
From: Hamden, CT
Since last post: 1407 days
Last activity: 759 days
|#5 Posted on 13.1.03 1125.25 |
|Ah, finally an opportunity to post these haikus on a non-Tolkien board:
Were I a Hobbit,
I would never name my son
Bilbo: that's just mean.
Once in Valinor,
You couldn't get me to leave:
West-side for life, bitch.
If Sauron had won,
Arwen would be on his jock.
Gold-digging elf whore.
-by Mike (so he knows I'm not trying to steal his stuff)
"Cram it with walnuts, ugly!"- Mr. Homer Simpson