Yes, the most highly anticipated PPV since perhaps WCW Greed.
Sable vs. Torrie?: Who knows. Who cares. Torrie wins.
Billy Gunn vs. Suzuki: Speaking of who knows, who cares, its a Billy Gunn PPV match. After all the build up, it would be pretty stupid to put Billy Gunn over here. That of course, causes me to be concerned. Suzuki wins.
Bob Holly vs. Mordecai: Hopefully, Mordecai's entrance lasts longer than the match. They actually had Bob Holly in a World Title feud in a joint PPV less than 6 months ago. Well, at least that is over with. Hopefully, any Bob Holly appearances will be over with shortly as well. Mordecai wins.
Chavo vs. Rey (cruiser title): Should be a good match. Probably match of the night. Chavo brings the belt back to the family.
Cena vs. Booker vs. Dupree vs. RVD (U.S. Title): Could be the most shocking match of the night, as the Van Wanginator makes its PPV debut. The MIGHTY WANG shall knock out Booker, Cena and RVD, and then, shockingly, turn on Rene Dupree. After the knockout blow by the MIGHTY WANG on Dupree, Cena gets a cheap cover to retain. However, the breakout star of the night will be the MIGHTY WANG.
Taker vs. The Dudleys (Paul Bearer in a crypt with Fr. Mulcahy in the front seat of the cement truck singing Cement Mixer): Sadly, it wouldn't surprise me if this was booked as the main event. Taker wins after swerving Heyman, hopefully leading to Taker going back to his special appearance status rather than focal point status.
Eddie vs. Bradshaw (bullrope WWF/E Title Match): If it was possible, they have made people care less about this match than they did the first match-up. Never should have been a need to go with this match two months in a row. Hopefully, this will lead to Bradshaw's Velocity/unemployment line descent. Eddie retains.
Are we allowed to use the voices in our heads as sources?
There's one (1) match that SHOULD be good, and I've seen that match enough to not care that I'm seeing it again.
I liked the first Eddie/Bradshaw match so I figure this one has to be disappointing. It's going to be hard to blow off a rivalry that started dull, got good with a surprising match, then cooled off again.
And the rest of the show I have no interest in whatsoever. So of course I'm paying $35 to see it, what are you, crazy?
Sable v. Torrie Wilson They always pick the worst matches to fill time, don't they? I don't care. I'll go with Torrie Wilson, but who knows? WINNER: Torrie Wilson
Billy Gunn v. Kenzo Sazuki Never officially confirmed, but strongly hinted at. If they go ahead with the match, then: Oh dear GOD! It's like the very worst of America vs. the very worst of Japan. Sazuki's got to go over for obvious reasons. WINNER: Kenzo Sazuki
Hardcore Holly v. Mordecai Another match not confirmed, but hinted at on tonight's SmackDown. Not as bad as Gunn v. Sazuki, but not much better either. Since Holly & Gunn are tag partners, I wouldn't be suprised if they combined these two matches in a tag match. Wouldn't matter, as the outcome is still the same. Mordecai, for the same reasons as Sazuki. WINNER: Mordecai
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match Rey Mysterio v. Chavo Guerrero Oh thank god, a decent match. Should be the show stealer, if given enough time. Rey JUST got the belt, so I don't think they'll give it back to Chavo just yet. WINNER: Rey Mysterio
Fourway Elimination Match for the United States Title John Cena v. Rob Van Dam v. Rene Dupree v. Booker T Probably the hardest match to predict, as I could see any four of these men taking it. If I HAD to guess, I say RVD is out first to set up the two heels against Cena. Dupree is next. Then Cena retains over Booker. Really, though, I have no clue. WINNER: John Cena
Handicap Match for Paul Bearer's Life Undertaker v. Dudley Boyz All depends on what the "Right Thing" is. Considering that Paul is rumored to be out of the WWE after this show, I'm certain we'll see him get killed via cement. I guess Undertaker? WINNER: Undertaker
Texas Bullrope Match for the WWE Title Eddie Guerrero v. John 'Bradshaw' Layfield Doesn't look like the most exciting match in the world. But, WWE is pretty good at booking hot main-events, so maybe I'll be suprised. For whatever reason, I see Bradshaw coming out with the title in this match. I don't know why, but I have very little belief that Eddie will retain the title. WINNER: John 'Bradshaw' Layfield
The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it.
Mordecai vs. Holly- I would like some fries with my squash, please (i.e. Mordecai wins).
Suzuki vs. Gunn- This will last longer than the Holly match, but the tag team sensation will meet the same fate (i.e. Suzuki wins).
Chavo vs. Mysterio- Rey Rey wins.
Booker T. vs. Dupree vs. Cena vs. RVD- Cena wins.
Dudleyz vs. Undertaker- Dudleys win.
JBL vs. Eddie- Against my better judgement, Eddie retains (I'm scared that JBL might just win).
Joe Wilson (looking at Interocitor manual)- Hey, here's something my wife could use in the house... Crow T. Robot- A man? Joe Wilson- An interocitor incorporating an electron sorter. Cal Meechum- Oh, she'd probably gain 20 pounds while it did all the work for her. Tom Servo- Cal, you bitch!
Damn, I forgot there was a PPV this sunday...whoops.
Sable v Torrie - I can't even pretend like I care. Flip a coin and say Torrie, I guess.
Mordecai v Holly - Better be a 3-minute, utter-slaughter Mordecai squash. I'm always up for a Holly slaughter and a shitkicking afterwards.
Kenzo v Billy Gunn - Kenzo will go over, and he's mildly interesting, but that doesn't change the fact that Billy Gunn will be on my TV. And THAT is not good.
Chavito v Rey Rey - Really the only hope for a *good-to-great* match on this card. I hope they give em a good 16-17 minutes like they did on No Way Out. I think Rey will keep the gold here, especially with no Chavo Classic (*sniffle*) to help out C2.
Dudleys v UT - If what I hear about Paul Bearer being done is true, then UT has to win. The storyline is kinda interesting in some bizarre, retarded way, actually.
US Title Four-Way - I hope that Booker wins, because you've got an insta-feud waiting with RVD, or possibly an upper-midcard feud with JBL. Meanwhile, Cena can move on to bigger and better things, i.e. a main event push with a Heyman/UT feud. And Dupree can keep doing the OUTRAGEOUS FRENCH DANCE. Order of Elimination: RVD, Cena, Dupree. Bookman wins.
JBL v Eddie - Eddie Guerrero had better win; I have no desire or patience for John Bradshaw-Leyfield, world champion. Even though I hate him, I think the JBL character can be one of those perpetual upper-midcard/main-event heels (think Kane) that SD needs badly.
(edited by El Nino on 25.6.04 0205)
(edited by El Nino on 25.6.04 0207) Your opinions are wrong and stupid.
For comparison's sake, the card for WCW Greed: -Jason Jett def. Kwee Wee -Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo def. Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio for the Cruiserweight Tag Titles -Shawn Stasiak def. Bam Bam Bigelow -Lance Storm & Mike Awesome def. Konnan & Hugh Morrus -Shane Helms def. Chavo Guerrero Jr. for the Cruiserweight Title -Palumbo & O'Haire def. Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell to retain the Tag Titles -The Cat def. Chris Kanyon -Booker T def. Rick Steiner for the US Title -Dusty & Dustin Rhodes def. Ric Flair & Jeff Jarrett -Scott Steiner def. Diamond Dallas Page to retain the WCW Title Not a bad card. Not as bad as...
THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH: Lowest Common Denomenator Match: Torrie Wilson over Sable via offbeat shenanigans. Tazz proclaims "the fans" as winners, but is wrong. The Hard Sell, Volume I: Kenzo Suzuki over Billy Gunn via pinfall. The Hard Sell, Volume II: Mordecai over Hardcore Holly via pinfall. WWE DeValued Title Match: Rey Mysterio [c] over Chavo Guerrero via pinfall WWE United States Title Elimination Match: John Cena [c] over Booker, Rene Dupree & RVD Overbooking 101: The ZombieTaker over the Dudley Boyz WWE Title Bullrope Match: Eddie Guerrero [c] over John Layfield by pinfall
CALGARY FLAMES: Your 2004 Western Conference Champions DVDs I Own
Torrie, Suzuki, Mordecai, Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Dupree win.
Also, the Dudley Boyz win. Taker does 'the right thing' and jobs. Dunno what happens after with the cement. However, this wasn't the real right thing Heyman referred to in his long tedious promo. Taker will interfere in other matches following Paul's command.
Average ppv, the 3 title matches have some potential, if played out right.
Sable v. Torrie - Can I vote for Dawn Marie vs Nidia instead? Holly v. Mordecai - I'll take Undertaker Lite Suzuki v. Gunn - This match would have meaning if BIlly was still one half of "ShowGunn" I'll take the guy who likes girls Mysterio v. Chavo - I'm sitting this one out in honor of Chavo Classic Cena v. Booker v. RVD v. Dupree - I'll be doing laundry...I hate 4 ways, cause I can't just flip a coin. Oh what the hell, let's go with Cena, no money is actually on the line. Undertaker v. Dudleys - No decision, Paul Bearer is killed, and HHH has sex with him the next night on Raw Eddie v. Bradshaw - A match so bad that just reading the results will make me feel like I've been kicked in the nads. JBL will snap and get DQ'd, leading to a SummerSlam title match with an even stupider gimmick, probably involving a briefcase on a pole.
I will seriously be pissed if Sable wins. Torrie has all the momentum coming into this match with her sensational interviews. Hell, the GAB is ABOUT Torrie, so I'm picking her for the win, although Jackie turning heel kickstarting a major programme with Wilson isn't out of the question either.
Holly vs. Mordecai
Meh, meh, MEH. Mordecai.
Gunn vs. Suzuki
Mysterio vs. Chavo
Meh...STERIO to get the win.
Cena vs. RVD. vs. Dupree vs. Booker T
I like the look of this. People say that Cena and Dupree's inexperience, RVD's inability to have a coherent match anymore along with Booker's affinity for just bouncing around will hinder this, but I can see it being a *** affair easily. Booker takes the gold and feuds with RVD leading into SummerSlam.
Dudleyz vs. Undertaker
Taker goes with his heart not his head, Bearer does the ever-so-legal WWE death angle and I don't see it cos quite frankly I couldn't care less about the GAB.
Bradshaw vs. Eddie
Eddie bores me now. There, I said it. He just doesn't fit in with the cartoon, gimmicky wrestler scene and would probably find the refuge of Raw a lot more comforting. So I'm taking JBL for the shock win here. Oh you think WWE won't have the balls to do it? You're going to BOYCOTT the show you say? Yeah I heard it all after Big Show won the belt as SurSer 2002 so either put your money where your mouth is this time or just resign yourself to the fate that you can't stop watching SmackDown. Bradshaw adds the WWE Title to his list of achievements and has a hell of a more attractive title programme with Cena than Eddie would with Mordecai. You know it's true.
although Jackie turning heel kickstarting a major programme with Wilson isn't out of the question either.
Don't even joke about that.
Torrie vs. Sable - Torrie never loses.
Holly vs. Mordecai - Mordecai, since they're apparently going to pushpushpush him, much to the fans' consternation.
Gunn vs. Suzuki - Suzuki
Rey vs. Chavo - tough call, but I'll go Chavo. Rey doesn't need the belt, and Chavo doesn't have much else to do without it.
Cena vs. Book vs. RVD vs. Dupree - Book wins, Cena moves on to the ME scene. Dupree winning wouldn't be a surprise, though.
Taker vs. Dudleyz - tough call. Rumors are tha Paul Bearer is done, which would mean Taker wins (beating the tag champs single-handedly - oy!). But there's also been rumors that Heyman takes over managing heel Taker, which means Bearer would be out of the picture, which means Taker wins. But how does he go heel by beating the Dudleyz? But if he loses, then...I dunno.
When in doubt, go with "Taker must look strong no matter what", so I guess I'll pick Taker.
Eddie vs. JBL - Eddie, because putting the title on JBL would be dumb. Eddie is arguably the biggest draw on the show, so to take the belt off him and keeping him out of the title scene would hurt SD (assuming WWE management even cares about the show).
Torrie/Sable, Suzuki/Gunn, Mordecai/Holly, Taker/Dudleys: I honestly donít care about any of these. Meh. Torrie, Gunn, Mordy, Dudleys (but Bearer gets killed off anyway).
Mysterio/Chavo: Iíll go with Rey and pray it leads to them finding a new focus for the division. Could be a good match, but these guys have had too many one-on-one matches and this would have been much better with a stipulation just to freshen it up. As it is, it just feels like a rehash of a match weíve seen too many times before in the last six months.
The four way: Booker T regains the belt that he brought into the WWE in the first place.
SABLE/TORRIE WILSON: Go with the women's equivalent of Goldberg, and that includes ability in the ring as well as won/loss record. WINNER: Torrie Wilson.
BILLY GUNN/KENZO SUZUKI: Next. WINNER: Kenzo Suzuki.
HARDCORE HOLLY/MORDECAI: Next. WINNER: Mordecai.
REY MYSTERIO/CHAVO GUERRERO: These are the cruiserweights we're talking about, El Nino - if you really think this is going over ten minutes, you're crazy. And yes, Omega, Rey did just get the belt, but that's only because Chavo Classic was an idiot. If he hadn't, this would've been Chavo Classic/Chavo Jr. - but that doesn't mean the end result would've been any different. WINNER: Chavo Guerrero.
JOHN CENA/BOOKER T/ROB VAN DAM/RENEE DUPREE: This is the right set of circumstances to get the title off of Cena and move him up the ladder, but it isn't the right time - Cena hasn't had the US title long enough to have done anything meaningful with it. If they'd done the *right* thing and put the title on Cena at the Iraq Christmas show, then now would be a good time, but they didn't, so it ain't. Besides, if it's going to be UT/Eddie for the WWE title at Summerslam, that leaves Angle/Cena for the US title as a logical conclusion. Cena's feud is with Angle, not the guys in the match, anyway. WINNER: John Cena. ORDER OF ELIMINATION: Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Renee Dupree.
THE UNDERTAKER/THE DUDLEY BOYZ: Just remember this rule of thumb, kids: Undertaker never ends up on the losing end of a "Bad Guys Steal the Urn" feud. Paul Bearer's death sentence will be written regardless of the outcome of the match (what, you think heels actually adhere to their stipulations?), so I go with the logical end result. Now, if they would TURN MORDECAI FACE and start teaming the two of them together, I'd be happy because I certainly DON'T want to see the UT/Eddie match I mentioned previously. This will still be a downer though since Heyman will get what he wants in the end. WINNER: The Undertaker.
EDDIE GUERRERO/JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD: I will grant Bradshaw one thing: He's doing a good job getting heel heat. Only it's the wrong kind of heel heat - this guy's arrogance and idiocy has actually forced me to drop him below SHAWN MICHAELS in my books. That's right, the only person I loathe more than Dicque, AKA Triple H. As Spiff pointed out, jobbing Eddie at this point pretty much would neuter whatever heat Smackdown has left, and the Nazi thing pretty much killed Bradshaw's national marketability, so the result here is both obvious and complete. And the balance is thus restored. WINNER: Eddie Guerrero.
If the WWF decided to use a Super Mario Brothers gimmick...
"Mah gawd, King! Garrison Cade just bounced a fireball toward Rene Dupree!" "And look, Mark Jindrak just jumped on top of Conway's head! I think he's out cold, JR!" "What're they up to now..where did that huge pipe come from?!" "They're going down in the pipe! They're..they're gone!" --Mike Sweetser
"Oh my god, JR. Cade just shrunk after he was hit by that chair!" "Here comes RVD, King. What's that he has in that bag?" "Are those Mushrooms, JR?" "Cade's eating the Mushrooms. BAH GAWD, KING! Cade just grew twice his size!" --Mr. Tuesday
Gunn v.s Suzuki: Kenzo. Goddamn, I don't even hate Suzuki like every other person on the internet. But at least give him a storyline.....what the hell is with the storyless WWF Superstars jobber squash match on a pay per view?
Holly v.s Mordecai: Mordecai. See above
Rey v.s Chavo: Chavo, though I have no idea what they'll do with him afterwards. Not like there are actually any other cruiserweights BESIDES Mysterio who they haven't crushed already
Cena v.s Van Dam v.s Dupree v.s Booker: Cena continues his push of doom
Taker v.s Dudleys: No match. As was said, Taker will probably just kill Paul Bearer on live TV
......and they wonder why Bret Hart will never return
Eddy v.s JBL: JBL. He's been taking up way too much television time lately for them not to be giving him the belt
Gunn v.s Suzuki: Suzuki - but expect interference to set up a new feud with the reflection of perfection...
Holly v.s Mordecai: Yawn. Mordecai.
Rey v.s Chavo: Chavo, since one of the Guerreros has to win. Probably will be the best match on the card, if the crowd is hot, even if we've seen these guys before...
Cena v.s Van Dam v.s Dupree v.s Booker: I'll go for the unpredictable and say Van Dam since nobody expects it, and perhaps it'll shake up the midcard. I'll agree Luther/Angle get involved in this one, messing up the flow of the match... We end up with DuPree vs. Rob, and Booker/Cena will get their own program in the ME, fighting for #1 contender against Eddie later.
Taker v.s Dudleys: Who cares about the match, if it even happens. Taker wins and buries both Pauls (Heyman and Bearer). Big Show climbs out of cement truck's cab to save Heyman... Big show cuts a promo on SD saying Heyman was the best part of Show's career - helping him beleive in himself, blah blah..
Eddie v.s JBL: JBL. Eddie needs a weekend off, and he's better chasing the title.. In 2 1/2 weeks we get a title rematch on free Smackdown! to pop a rating where Eddie regains.
So, I emerge from my swamphole after the elections, and discover that ten (count 'em, TEN!) WWE Superstars have been released. A shame, really. I'm gonna miss you, A-Train. It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report! Tough Enough: