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The W - Random - Gigli Ridicule - I mean reviews...
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dunkndollaz
Banger








Since: 3.1.02
From: Northern NJ

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 4 days
#1 Posted on
From today's Star Ledger (Newark, NJ)

NO STARS

Rating note: The film contains gore, violence, obscenity and Lainie Kazan in a thong.

I cringe at that last thought......



5 Time 5 Time 5 Time 5 Time 5 Time Wiener of the Day Runner-up
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JayJayDean
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 13 days
Last activity: 6 hours
AIM:  
Y!:
#2 Posted on
We're happy Ben and J. Lo have found off-screen chemistry

Seattle Post-Intelligencer grade: D


(edited by JayJayDean on 1.8.03 0853)

Washington Huskies, 2003 Pac-10 football champs. Coming soon.
Ryan_A
Bauerwurst








Since: 30.1.03
From: Champaign, IL

Since last post: 2146 days
Last activity: 20 days
#3 Posted on
Rotten Tomatoes gives a similar feel, although Ebert gave it 2.5 stars.

Sometimes I wonder about that guy. Gigli better than North?
dunkndollaz
Banger








Since: 3.1.02
From: Northern NJ

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 4 days
#4 Posted on
and here is the final paragraph from the NY Times....

"In one scene Ricki takes on a group of ill-mannered ruffians who are making noise at a taco stand. Larry wants to beat them up, but she takes a more refined approach, sauntering over in her short denim skirt and lecturing them on their "people skills." She also threatens the apparent ringleader with a baroque martial-arts torture, which involves gouging out the eyes and also removing that part of the brain that stores visual information, so that the victim will not only be blind, but will also lose all memory of what he has seen. Having seen "Gigli," I must say that the idea has a certain appeal."



5 Time 5 Time 5 Time 5 Time 5 Time Wiener of the Day Runner-up
gargs
Goetta








Since: 27.8.02
From: The OC

Since last post: 3907 days
Last activity: 3540 days
#5 Posted on
All of the critics and most fans on Yahoo! Movies (movies.yahoo.com) trashed the movie as well. Yahoo's user reviews usually tend to rank a movie higher than critics' reviews, and right now, the users are even giving this one a C-. My cynical thinking always said that Lopez and Affleck's relationship was staged for publicity (and perhaps all for this movie). It's a shame that all the "Ben & Jen" stuff that was all over TV was wasted on a movie that looks to bomb heavily.



Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Finally....the ROCK (realrock104.com) has come back to Youngstown.
OlFuzzyBastard
Knackwurst








Since: 28.4.02
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 4 days
AIM:  
#6 Posted on
That's nothing compared to the sheer brilliance from this week's Onion.

Gigli Focus Groups Demand New Ending In Which Both Affleck And Lopez Die

Excerpt:
Although Brest said he is satisfied with the final cut of Gigli, he briefly considered incorporating some of the test audience's ideas into the film.

"The danger here is succumbing to what people in the business call 'option paralysis'—being caught with so many good ideas that you're not sure which one to use," Brest said. "Getting shot is fine, but what about an automobile fire in which Ben and Jennifer are shown perishing in a slow-motion montage, their newfound love discarded as they try desperately to claw their way past each other's melting bodies, while slowly roasting to death in their own fat? You'd be surprised at how many people came up with that one. Or having them crawl through a field of broken glass while a safely booted and gloved Christopher Walken casually advances on them with a spray bottle of acid and a pair of bolt-cutters? I must say, a part of me loves the idea of them chewing each other to death during a 14-minute dolly shot."

Added Brest: "Believe me, after the singular experience of working with these two for several months, it would be a joy to get back together just to make these changes."



(edited by OlFuzzyBastard on 1.8.03 1227)




"So, we've got Uday and Qusay. Now, how about the eapons-way of ass-may estruction-day?"
---The Onion, What Do You Think?, 7.30.03
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 48 days
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
#7 Posted on

    Originally posted by Ryan_A
    Rotten Tomatoes gives a similar feel, although Ebert gave it 2.5 stars.

    Sometimes I wonder about that guy. Gigli better than North?


Ebert has gone totally loco. This is nothing compared to the THREE FREAKING STARS he gave to Tomb Raider 2. I generally like Ebert, but he has just gotten totally untethered to reality since the cancer thing. I think Vincent Gallo drove him nuts with his comments ;)



She was worth 800 miles driving to see her play - Brenda Weiler

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vsp
Andouille








Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

Since last post: 2997 days
Last activity: 210 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Some of my favorites:

"A recent episode of South Park suggested that a fourth-grader's hand puppet could turn in a better performance than Ms. Lopez, and in the case of Gigli, it's hard to argue." -- Luke Thompson, Phoenix New Times

"Gigli is so horrible I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching Glitter." -- Danny Minton, KBTV-NBC (Beaumont, TX)

"Careerwise, this is the equivalent of a bungee jump with a cord that's a bit too long." -- Bill Muller, Arizona Republic

"This is the first time I've ever attended a screening where the audience was screaming the word 'edit!'" -- Jon Niccum, Lawrence Journal-World

"It's no surprise Gigli's writer-director (Meet Joe Black's Martin Brest) and producer (Joe Roth) brawled at a less-than-positive test screening earlier this year. This picture is so awful, even I fought the urge to punch someone once it finally ended (which was about 40 minutes after it should have ended)." -- Jon Popick, Planet Sick-Boy

"Gigli -- which had been tainted by bad buzz since Brest was forced to change his original, tragic ending after test screening audiences threw vegetables and large power tools at the screen -- was rumored to be in the same league as Showgirls and Battlefield Earth. But the movie isn't bad enough to merit worst-of-all-time status. Gigli's awfulness is of a rarer, more precious variety. It's the sort of bizarre, ill-conceived picture you can't believe exists, but are secretly glad it does." -- Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald





"I'm a little dyslexic......earlier, I freed my ass, and I'm hoping that my mind will follow." -- Moon Zappa
Enojado Viento
Potato korv








Since: 12.3.02
From: Your Grocer's Freezer, NC

Since last post: 684 days
Last activity: 11 days
#9 Posted on
Mr Cranky wasn't as tough on it as I expected. Then again, he really cursed everything about Tomb Raider 2, so maybe he's in denial that there can be two movies this shitty in existence.

Are these movies which try to take advantage of a "hot couple" EVER a good idea?




-LS

"ahhh...vague, mandatory knee-jerk cynicism. God Bless Internet Forums.."
DJ FrostyFreeze
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Hawthorne, CA

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 53 min.
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
It was bound to happen sooner or later

This is one of those movies where I really wanna go watch it just to see how awful it really is, but would never actually pay money to do it.

You guys cant tell me that all these crazybad reviews dont make you at least a little curious to see what all the fuss is about.




I'm getting nervous
vsp
Andouille








Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

Since last post: 2997 days
Last activity: 210 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00

    Originally posted by Ryan_A
    Rotten Tomatoes gives a similar feel, although Ebert gave it 2.5 stars.

    Sometimes I wonder about that guy. Gigli better than North?



North: Bruce Willis mugging for the camera in a bunny suit.
Gigli: Jennifer Lopez doing yoga in a skimpy outfit.

I'm not even remotely a J-Lo fan, but even I have to admit that that's an upgrade.






"I'm a little dyslexic......earlier, I freed my ass, and I'm hoping that my mind will follow." -- Moon Zappa
HomerJFong
Ten Millionth Hit








Since: 19.3.02
From: Ontario, Canada

Since last post: 2638 days
Last activity: 1464 days
AIM:  
#12 Posted on
Here's the closest thing I can find to a positive review of this:

http://jam.canoe.ca/JamMoviesReviewsG/gigli-sun.html

"On the upside, the film is dotted with hilarious dialogue, sexual tension and downright good acting."

"Within the genre of fun fluff, this flick is right up there."

For me, it isn't so much the "spend money to see schlock" factor, it is the "Will anybody who I know see me paying to watch this?" factor.



Professional Wrestling Stars vs. Nigerian 419 Scammers
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! At this WEBSITE! WEBSITE! WEBSITE!
dunkndollaz
Banger








Since: 3.1.02
From: Northern NJ

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 4 days
#13 Posted on

    Originally posted by DJ FrostyFreeze
    This is one of those movies where I really wanna go watch it just to see how awful it really is, but would never actually pay money to do it.

    You guys cant tell me that all these crazybad reviews dont make you at least a little curious to see what all the fuss is about.



I can wait to rent the DVD - it should be out in a week or two



5 Time 5 Time 5 Time 5 Time 5 Time Wiener of the Day Runner-up
Broncolanche
Sujuk








Since: 2.6.03
From: Littleton, CO

Since last post: 1127 days
Last activity: 379 days
#14 Posted on

    Originally posted by DJ FrostyFreeze
    This is one of those movies where I really wanna go watch it just to see how awful it really is, but would never actually pay money to do it.

    You guys cant tell me that all these crazybad reviews dont make you at least a little curious to see what all the fuss is about.



I bet watching it drunk would be fun.



YOUR 2006 NBA FINALS MVP

Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 5 hours
Last activity: 5 hours
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Louis B. Hobson, film critic for my hometown London Free Press, actually gave this (I hesitate to use the word 'film') three stars out of five. So if the Tomatometer isn't 100%, here's why.

Let's all hold out hope for Jersey Girl.



All right, I'm enjoying Rhyno's "man-beast" gimmick: He keeps his hair long, wears full-body wrestling tights with a big "R" on the back and uses the "Rhino Gore" as his finishing move. Can't you imagine him watching the Discovery Channel one day while tossing around possible gimmicks and having one of those "Hey, wait a second!" epiphanies during a rhino segment?

To spruce things up, the WWF should give Undertaker and Kane last names -- like Undertaker and Kane O'Brien, the O'Brien Brothers -- just for comedy's sake. Hopefully the door's still open.

RVD is approaching the always-exciting "The crowd loves him, but he's not getting a major push yet" phase which helps makes wrestling so much fun. It only happens once every few years -- Stone Cold in '96, The Rock in '98, Shawn Michaels in '93 and so on. -- ESPN's Bill Simmons back in 2001
Bongo P. Michinoku
Italian








Since: 31.8.02
From: VanCan

Since last post: 3778 days
Last activity: 3575 days
ICQ:  
#16 Posted on
Vancouver Sun: "A bigger mess than Exxon Valdez."



Visit my forums. All the cool kids are doing it.
Freeway
Scrapple








Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

Since last post: 268 days
Last activity: 8 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96
Forgive me, Wieners, for I have sinned.

I watched Gigli. Last night, Westhills Cinema, because I am a projectionist, I had to watch it.

THE GOOD:
-J.Lo's outfits. God love her, she had style.
-Affleck's car.
-Affleck's spiffy leather jacket

THE BAD:
-Long, rambling talking scenes that stalled the "plot"
-Wasting Al Pacino & Christopher Walken in said scenes
-Ending out of nowhere

THE UGLY:
-Lanie Kazan in a thong.
-It was 2 hours, 20 minutes long...and there was barely any plot.

Basically, take the plot from Kevin Smith's superb Chasing Amy, add in gangsters and remove any plausable explanation for J.Lo's conversion, and you have Gigli.



Your winner and 3-time Stanley Cup Champion...the New Jersey Devils! Their title defense begins in 4 months!
DJ FrostyFreeze
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: Hawthorne, CA

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 53 min.
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
It was bound to happen sooner or later

My westcoast "Gigli Bashing" offering from the L.A. Times:

"Nearly as unwatchable as unpronounceable, this film would stink even without its stars."


This review kinda takes the fun out of trashing the movie for me by implying that the movie's awfulness shouldnt be blamed on Ben & Jen. :(




I'm getting nervous
HairRaiser
Kishke








Since: 13.1.03
From: S. Attleboro, MA

Since last post: 2573 days
Last activity: 1909 days
#19 Posted on
I'm halfway tempted to see it (rental, not in the theater) just to see how the "It's turkey time, gobble, gobble" line plays out.

If the movie really is that bad, maybe the DVD will have a revolutionary feature to recut scenes called "You think you can do any better, smart guy?!?".
Net Hack Slasher
Banger








Since: 6.1.02
From: Outer reaches of your mind

Since last post: 3553 days
Last activity: 1973 days
#20 Posted on
THESE are the movies I like seeing real bad reviews and razzies go to. Not movies that were made and while making it everyone knew it's dumb (ie Tom Green or Dana Carvey latest films)... But some self-important garbage with two of the biggest twits in Hollywood is so much more fun to really trash.

My favourite review

In case the Razzie Award announcers have any difficulty with the pronunciation, Gigli rhymes with "really." As in ‘really bad,’ or ‘really offensive,’ or ‘really wish I’d remembered my gun so I could just shoot myself now and end the misery.’" — Laine Ewen, Premiere

"If you’re going to skip one film this year – make it “Gigli.”"




cause there's limits to our liberties.
'Least I hope and pray that there are,
cause those liberal freaks go too far.

I'll crush all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay
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