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The W - Movies & TV - GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
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John Orquiola
Scrapple








Since: 28.2.02
From: Boston

Since last post: 93 days
Last activity: 93 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.75
And the big surprise is... it's really GOOD!

No, really. It's a balls-to-the-wall, shamelessly preposterous, totally fun summer action movie. What's more, it's top to bottom a GI Joe movie, steeped in the dual mythologies of the cartoon and Marvel Comic.

Seriously, it's shockingly good. If you love GI Joe, it's totally worth seeing. For general audiences, it's a super fun, crazy ass roller coaster ride. Who would have thought?

Full review here with SPOILERS:

http://www.backofthehead.com/entertainment/2009-08-07.gijoe.html

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El Nastio
Andouille








Since: 14.1.02
From: Ottawa Ontario, by way of Walkerton

Since last post: 9 days
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.06
Your movie reviews are usually quite good, and this one is no exception. Your brief review has prompted me to go from "no chance of seeing it" to "yeah, I'll consider it". Because really, who doesn't want to see a movie that's all about BLOWING STUFF UP?

Many thanks!



You know, I really don't know what to put here. Close your eyes and thank of something funny!
The King of Keith
Lap cheong








Since: 4.11.02
From: Winchester, VA

Since last post: 291 days
Last activity: 250 days
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.97
Yeah, from the previews the movie looked really, really bad but after reading that review I'm totally excited about it. You sound like you know your Joe, so I'm all in now.



Am I in Horseville? Because I'm hearing nothing but naysayers!
ges7184
Lap cheong








Since: 7.1.02
From: Birmingham, AL

Since last post: 21 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.92
Saw this today. I didn't think it was very good. Sure, lots of things blow up and all. But the story was thin in my opinion. Also, it bothers me that the movie's primary purpose seems to be to set up the next film.



The Bored are already here. Idle hands are the devil's workshop. And no... we won't kill dolphins. But koalas are fair game.
lotjx
Scrapple








Since: 5.9.08

Since last post: 6 hours
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.39
SPOILERS!!!

Welcome to the 2000s where everything is set-up for a sequel, trilogy or saga. I saw it as well and I thought it was ok. Here is the good, bad and ugly.

Good

-Storm Shadow/Snake-Eyes. Only a retard could of screwed it up, but it was awesome to see these two go out in live action glory. The backstory was the best of the flashbacks and it keeps it open ended on who really killed the master?

-Destro. He needed more screen time, but Dr.Who nailed this part pretty well.

Baroness vs. Scarlett. A fanboy's fantasy come true as they go hardcore on each other. The second best fight of the movie. They are also great characters as well through most of the film.

Action Sequences. Some CGI looks bad, but pretty kick ass through most of the film.

Cover Girl's death. Vicious and out of nowhere. Hopefully sets the precedent of more Joes death in the future.

Cobra's major plan working. Zartan becoming the President while everything else was just a distraction was Cobra's best plan to date. The Mummy made an awesome Zartan as well, needs Dreadnocks though.

Brendon Fraser cameo. Sgt. Stone? Maybe they mean Flint? Either way a Mummy cast reunion was nice.

Dennis Quaid kicked ass. Nuff said.

Bad

Duke-Duke is my favorite Joe and he is pussy whipped through out the film. Channing is not the greatest actor in the world especially in a role where he has to be part bad-ass, part-conflicted lover. He took conflicted lover or the script did to the point where you want him to just want to at least throw a punch at her.

Duke/Baroness. It really never worked and seem to bring the film down. Baroness being brainwashed didn't help as well.

Scarlett/Ripcord. While it felt more real then Duke/Baroness, it failed due to Scarlett being on Snake-Eyes one minute and flirting with Ripcord the next.

Ripcord. No fault of Marlan Waynes, cause he does try hard, its just a role that really makes no sense other then they wanted a sidekick to Duke. A Flint character would have been better hitting on Lady Jane. He is also not a funny character which is good and bad.

Ugly

Cobra Commander. The giant disappointment for me and probably other Joe fans is how stupid this character was. Thought out the film he was referred to as Doctor which I thought was Mindbender even had the monocle. Yet, Baroness' kid brother is Cobra Commander which makes it lame. Plus the final outfit is a clear Darth Vader helmet with the breathing device. A giant disappointment to an iconic character.

Heavy Duty. Call him Roadblock and call it a day.

Cobra Commander and Destro captured at the end. Let them escape like every other time, plus the laser cages were really lame.

Brainwashed Baroness. Her being brainwashed was a disaster. It would have been better to stay with her brother instead of joining Duke at the end. They hinted she may turn, but we will see.

Storm Shadow's death. A bit of a letdown and really leaves it open for him to return or at least I hope so.

The good tends to weigh out the bad, but its a rental or a matinee showing movie. I don't feel bad spending the $7.00 for the matinee and maybe a Christmas stocking gift if there are some deleted scenes.



(edited by lotjx on 8.8.09 2005)

(edited by lotjx on 8.8.09 2008)
dwaters
Lap cheong








Since: 16.10.02
From: Connecticut

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 9 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.11
This was WAY better than I expected.
You couldn't really ask for more action out of an action movie.

Plus, the casting....
Here's what I posted at imdb.com
(Stunningly Beautiful actresses worth the ticket price)

______
I spent the whole film in a mental ping-pong debate as to who was hotter- Scarlett or The Baroness. The Baroness came out on top in a close decision.
This was like casting Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johannsen in the same movie. (or pick two other hot stars)
I haven't been this mesmerized at a summer movie since Amy Adams' backside appeared on a 30 foot screen in "Night at the Museum 2" and took over the film.

The rest of the movie was big, dumb fun as well. The Paris chase scene was a real highlight and there were characters you actually could care about.
___________
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.30


    Originally posted by dwaters

    ______
    I spent the whole film in a mental ping-pong debate as to who was hotter- Scarlett or The Baroness. The Baroness came out on top in a close decision.



As a Mainer, you should have selected Scarlett as she is from Augusta (which is the next town over from me).




Zack Greinke - toiling away in the Midwest.
BoromirMark
Potato korv








Since: 8.5.02
From: Milan-Ann Arbor, MI

Since last post: 249 days
Last activity: 249 days
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#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.35
This:
    Originally posted by lotjx
    -Destro. He needed more screen time, but Dr.Who nailed this part pretty well.


This:

    Duke-Duke is my favorite Joe and he is pussy whipped through out the film. Channing is not the greatest actor in the world especially in a role where he has to be part bad-ass, part-conflicted lover. He took conflicted lover or the script did to the point where you want him to just want to at least throw a punch at her.


This:

    Cobra Commander. The giant disappointment for me and probably other Joe fans is how stupid this character was. Thought out the film he was referred to as Doctor which I thought was Mindbender even had the monocle. Yet, Baroness' kid brother is Cobra Commander which makes it lame. Plus the final outfit is a clear Darth Vader helmet with the breathing device. A giant disappointment to an iconic character.


And this:

    Brainwashed Baroness. Her being brainwashed was a disaster. It would have been better to stay with her brother instead of joining Duke at the end. They hinted she may turn, but we will see.


All detracted from the movie for me, and that disappointment was exactly what I was expecting. In between this utter failure (not to mention Duke/Baroness completely taking away the awesomeness that should've been DESTRO/Baroness), all there was was Transformer 2-style "blow crap up, it's mindless entertainment" entertainment. Not good at all.

As for the Scarlett/Baroness thing, Sienna Miller just plain isn't Baroness. She doesn't have the build even though her face had the look. Scarlett wins, flawless victory.




Michigan against the SEC: 20-5-1 (7-3 in bowl games)

odessasteps
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: MD, USA

Since last post: 105 days
Last activity: 71 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.76
    Originally posted by pieman
      Originally posted by dwaters

      ______
      I spent the whole film in a mental ping-pong debate as to who was hotter- Scarlett or The Baroness. The Baroness came out on top in a close decision.



    As a Mainer, you should have selected Scarlett as she is from Augusta (which is the next town over from me).


I first read that as "a ping-pong battle between Scarlett and the Baroness.

Which could be interesting.





Mark Coale
Odessa Steps Magazine
The Affirmation, Baby Blog
Teapot
Kishke








Since: 1.8.02
From: Louisville KY

Since last post: 141 days
Last activity: 1 day
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.88
    Originally posted by odessasteps

    I first read that as "a ping-pong battle between Scarlett and the Baroness.

    Which could be interesting.


The toy playset for the Pit comes with a 3.75"-scale ping-pong table, so you can do that yourself.

The movie was better than it had any right to be. I'm way more likely to watch it again than either of the Bay Transformers movies. And I think I put this movie a bit ahead of the cartoon movie, because that movie makes even less sense than this one does.

I think it helped to be familiar with the cartoon/comic storylines (they're a little bit different from each other, but basically the same) to make sense of the movie, because most of the characters are given next to no development. But if you *do* know the old story, you're likely to be scratching your head at how completely cattywampus the whole thing is.

I do have to say, though, that the movie did deal with one question I always had about the old story - if Destro supplies all the weapons and vehicles, how come he isn't running the show? It always seemed that the only person in the Cobra High Command that was really incompetent was Cobra Commander (at least, in the cartoon), so why is he the one running the show?



SchippeWreck
Banger








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 6 min.
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.74
    Originally posted by Teapot
    I do have to say, though, that the movie did deal with one question I always had about the old story - if Destro supplies all the weapons and vehicles, how come he isn't running the show? It always seemed that the only person in the Cobra High Command that was really incompetent was Cobra Commander (at least, in the cartoon), so why is he the one running the show?

That was the only major plot issue I had (well, aside from the forced Duke/Baroness relationship, but even that reminded me of the "Worlds Without End" two-parter from the cartoon). Destro has the resources to create the nanomites, but he needs the French scientist to weaponize it? I did like that they had him in there though, because it gave the Baroness a legitimate reason to be called the Baroness.

I did like the film a lot. It was indeed a series of explosions held together by a thin plot, but for some intangible reason, that just works better here than it did with the Transformers films.



"It's magic! We don't need to explain it!"
dwaters
Lap cheong








Since: 16.10.02
From: Connecticut

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 9 hours
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.11
    Originally posted by pieman
      Originally posted by dwaters

      ______
      I spent the whole film in a mental ping-pong debate as to who was hotter- Scarlett or The Baroness. The Baroness came out on top in a close decision.



    As a Mainer, you should have selected Scarlett as she is from Augusta (which is the next town over from me).


Yeah, I noticed that in her bio. I wasn't sure if she actually grew up and lived there, or was born there and left as a one-year-old when her family left town or something.

I'm not sure how Snake Eyes could have a high-ranking military career without speaking. It seems it would be extremely difficult to give orders, receive orders, debrief, communicate with walkie-talkies, etc.
StingArmy
Andouille








Since: 3.5.03
From: Georgia bred, you can tell by my Hawk jersey

Since last post: 51 days
Last activity: 20 hours
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.39
    Originally posted by lotjx
    Heavy Duty. Call him Roadblock and call it a day.

You do realize they are separate characters in the G.I. Joe universe, right? In fact, they are cousins. They didn't create Heavy Duty just for this movie.

Unless you are saying they should have just used Roadblock in the plot instead of Heavy Duty...

- StingArmy

(edited by StingArmy on 13.8.09 2054)
lotjx
Scrapple








Since: 5.9.08

Since last post: 6 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.32
I am saying they should have used Roadblock instead. He is a better character and all around bad ass. Heavy Duty sounds like a paper towel, so I can never take him seriously. Roadblock sounds like a linebacker which is much more cooler. Plus, the GI Joe comic book by Image pretty much nails it on the head that Heavy Duty is a carbon copy of Roadblock. He also a great body massage expert as well as a gourmet cook and doesn't feel the need to shout every second word like Heavy Duty has done in everything I have seen him in.
Mike Zeidler
Pepperoni








Since: 27.6.02

Since last post: 48 days
Last activity: 8 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.92
In the 2000s, Hasbro was unable to secure the trademark on the name "Roadblock" or to find a suitable alternative, and so his role on the team was filled by lesser-known member Heavy Duty.



"Tattoos are the mullets of the aughts." - Mike Naimark
Quezzy
Knackwurst








Since: 6.1.02
From: The Moon

Since last post: 1 hour
Last activity: 1 hour
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#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.53
Heavy Duty is Roadblock's cousin. That is why they look similar. Roadblock does not get bonus points for being a gourmet chef because Heavy Duty is too. Even though we've never seen it I'm sure he gives good body massages also.



Lance's Response:

THAT IS AWESOME!
Jobberman
Kishke








Since: 2.1.02
From: West Palm Beach, FL

Since last post: 59 days
Last activity: 20 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.00
Is Gung-Ho in the movie? :)
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