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The W - Banished - Funny girl Qand A
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YAKUZAKICK91
Cotto








Since: 8.3.03
From: San Jose California

Since last post: 4221 days
Last activity: 4195 days
#1 Posted on
*These are not my personal opinions, they are just jokes.*

Q: What do you do if your wife strays 10 feet from the kitchen?
A: Show her the way back, she must be lost.

Q: What do you do if your wife strays 10 feet from the kitchen?
A: Shoot the bitch, she's getting away

Q: What do you do if your wife is 5 feet out of the kitchen?
A: Damn! I should've gotten a longer chain

Q: What does WIFE stand for?
A: Washing Ironing Fucking Etc

Q: What do a woman and a toilet bowl have in common?
A: Without the hole, they're useless

Q: Why are a woman's cootch hole and butt hole so close together?
A: So men can carry them like a sixpack

Q: What's the definition of a woman?
A: Life support for a vagina

Q: Why are woman smarter during sex?
A: They have a genius plugged into them

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't, there's a clock on the oven.

Q: How many men does it take to mop the floor?
A: None, it's a woman's job.

Q: What do ya do when your wife tells you to replace a lightbulb?
A: Screw the bitch, she can do the dishes in the dark.

Q: How are women like a postage stamps?
A: You lick 'em, stick 'em, and send them away.

Q: How are women like floor tiles?
A: You lay 'em once and walk all over them the rest of your life.

Q: What's the extra skin around the vagina called?
A: The woman.

Q: Why do women get periods?
A: They deserve them.

Q: How many men do you need to open a beer can?
A: None, the bitch who brings it should have opened it too.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: They don't have balls.

Q: Why do women have orgasms?
A: It gives them something to moan about.

Q: How are women like bowling balls?
A: You finger them, throw 'em down the gutter, and they come back for more...

Q: How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Let the bitch do it by herself.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny, OKAY!?!

Q: How do you know if a ship is being captained by a feminist?
A: If the ship starts to sink, she shouts out, "Women the lifeboats!!" and she orders all of the ship's toilet seats nailed down to stop any incoming water.

Q: What is the difference between a terrorist and a PMS woman?
A: You can negotiate with the terrorist.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who cares? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?!!

Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: Put a windshield in front of her face.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q: Why do women change their minds so often?
A: To keep them clean.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: Besides "I love you", what three words does a wife want to hear most?
A: "I'll fix it."

Q: What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice

Q: What is the difference between a brick and a woman?
A: A brick doesn't follow you around after you lay it

Q: What do woman and spaghetti have in common?
A: they both squirm when you eat them

Q: Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
A: So they will match the stove and fridge!

Q: Why do they call it PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow disease was already taken

Q: Why haven't women been to the moon
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: They think we care

Q: What's a surefire way to make a woman orgasm?
A: Who the F#@k cares

Q: Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
A: So they will match the stove and fridge!

Q: Did you here they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink

Q: What's the worst part of getting a sex change from male to female?
A: When they remove half the brain.

Q: Did you here that they discovered that there are female hormones in beer?
A: Yeah, apparently they had 100 guys each drink 10 pints of beer. They all started running their mouths and driving lousy.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the crap out of you.

Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: Why were shopping carts invented?
A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Q: Do you know what it means when you come home to a little affection, a little tenderness, and a little sympathy?
A: It means you're in the wrong house.

Q: How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
A: She cooks/I eat; she cleans/I dirty; she irons/I wrinkle.

Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind. 2.No business.

Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

Q: If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: What do you call a woman with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

Q: Why did the woman have two black eyes?
A: She had to be told twice.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

Q: How are women like paper cups?
A: Both are disposable.

Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.

Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: Put a winshield in front of her face.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost her mind?
A: A widow.

Q: What do you call a man who loses 150 lbs of useless fat?
A: A divorcee!!

Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told!

Q: Why does it take four women with PMS to screw in a lightbuld?
A: Because it does, alright!




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SamRulezTheWorld
Linguica








Since: 2.3.03

Since last post: 3658 days
Last activity: 2733 days
#2 Posted on
Those jokes are incredibly rude and innapropriate.

On that note, I'm laughing so hard, I think I'm going to pee myself. Thank you, good night.
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