|Hogan's My Dad
Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 6 days
|#1 Posted on 29.11.02 0606.09 |
|Thursday November 28th, 2002. On this day in history, Smackdown was aired by the WWE. Many fans watched it. I was one of them. This is my recap.|
Hogan’s My Dad
First off, a couple Wiener notes. I have to voice an opinion on a couple matters, but I will do it quickly since this recap always ends up bigger than God’s cock anyway. First off to those outraged by Trips’ interference in RAW’s main, I label you retarded. It’s one thing to be surprised when something bad happens. It’s another to have it happen repeatedly and still be surprised. Come on, peeps. You can’t possibly have thought that HBK was jobbing to RVD clean. Or at all. I mean, I believe in the power of God, but not even God can make Shawn Michaels good for professional wrestling. He’s still Shawn. He’s a biblus-thumpus right now, but he’s a natural jerk and he ain’t jobbing to anyone but his buddy. For all his God-talk, for all his on-the-third-day mumbo jumbo, he’s still hasn’t jobbed or done anything unselfish in the ring. And that’s not a smark-ass comment on religion, on Christ or his followers. It’s reality. But God’s truth is not true if it comes out of Shawn Michaels. He hasn’t changed anything that benefits us. All his changes have made his life better. They’ve made him more respected. They make his life more fulfilling. And I can honestly say that I don’t care if his life is fulfilling or not. He’s not my friend, he’s a face on the TV. I wish good things for him, as for anyone, but if bad things happen instead, no tears will be shed from me. And for all of it, Shawn has not been out for anyone but himself. We all know this. It’s not new. So let’s not be surprised if the Armageddon main ends up being Triple H V.S. Shawn Michaels in a career match. All so Trips can get to end another prominent career. Foley’s was first, now Shawn’s. And let’s not act like children when Trips does beat Shawn, and then pointlessly give him the new hated net-name Jean-Paul-Le-WRECKtheCompany. Haha. Came up with that one alls byze my hizzelf.
Next topic fore’s we gits to the Smacktion Action, is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I want to state for the record that I do not want this scumbag back in wrestling. The fact that he is “friends” with the company again sickens me. Fuck ‘im. I am so tired of people talking about Austin’s “falling on hard times”, or about Austin having “personal issues”. The fact is the guy did two very bad things. He abandoned people who he worked with and left them in the lurch and went home like a little bitch. And much more importantly, he beat a woman. Now, I usually butt out of personal matters, or try to. But I still say fuck Stone Cold because of this. The ratings didn’t fall to this level the day Austin left. He was prominently featured during the falling of the ratings. He won’t save shit if he returns. More importantly, I strongly believe that despite what your personal problems are, an adult has to have the self control not to hit a woman, and then beat her again while she’s down (the back bruises). This is what I will remember Austin for. If it was Hogan doing this, or God almightly, Triple H, I hate to think what the net reaction would be. But it wouldn’t be “yay, the return of Stone Cold”. Even if he was the kind of guy who put people over, I could see the rationale, but he hasn’t jobbed clean since 1996. So fuck him. For more of my thoughts on Cold Stones, go here. I’m the last post on the page. If it doesn’t work, which it may not with my being an HTML virgin, just go to the I got a Question for You thread started by Ringmistress.
On to Smackdown - Now with line breaks- The show opens with a montage – that shows us what happened last Thursday- which won’t be gotten into here. – After that we see the beautiful people and then pan the crowd- and we are live in Columbia, South Carolina at the brand new Carolina Center - and what a well-disguised crowd we have tonight. I can’t believe they actually showed up on Thanksgiving Day. - Now tonight, ready yourself, because the temporarily moving graphic says Scott Steiner will be here tonight - and we’ll be seeing Los Guerreros defend against the team of Chris Angle and Kurt Benoit - or some combination of the two.
Big pop as Stephie-baybeh makes her way out to the rizzing - while she power walks we get to see that Tazz is home with a family emergency - so he’s been replaced by Ernest “the Cat” Miller. Even as someone who avoids spoilers like grim death - I still caught wind of this one but since I watch SD on tape and recap as I see it (with lots of pausing and rewinding) rest assured - I mostly don’t what’s coming. But if I were to guess, I’d say Ernest + Steiner = incoherency squared.
Steph: “I have a responsibility to each and every one of you to bring you - the best Smackdown possible. And I have a responsibility for the well-being of all Smackdown stars - their families rely on me - just like all of you rely on me - which is why making this decision of whether or not to suspend Brock Lesnar has be so hard - Bringing Brock Lesnar to Smackdown exclusively when he was the WWE Champion was (Triple H’s) my greatest coup. And I’m privileged - to have Brock Lesnar as the cornerstone of Smackdown. But last week, Brock put me in a really awkward position - he defied my authority twice - and I need Brock and all the other Smackdown superstars to one thing - that I am the boss. I don’t speak just to hear myself talk - and what I say goes. Therefore Brock, you didn’t leave me with a whole lot of choices…”
(Brock’s music hits. Fans seem to care. I still don’t think his rib is broken. Injured yes, like Hogan’s at Mania, but not broken. He face-to-faces with Steph and I start wishing this were porn, oddly enough.)
Brock: “I just thought since you’re out here barkin’ orders about my career and all, that I should be out here so that you could tell me face-to-face exactly what you’re gonna do with it.”
Steph: “I will tell you to your face Brock. (Heel mode…Instantly.) My decision…(He moves to intercept her - twice) Y’know - I really don’t like the way you’re looking at me. (She leaves the ring and is booed. These morons want her to act tough in front of Brock? Why should she do that - she is half his size. Well not half - but she’s a little smaller than him.) I don’t like your attitude. I think you need to cool off, and put some distance between us. What I have to say is pretty groundbreaking - see Brock I’m also not stupid - I know you can snap at any minute - and these police officers are here for your protection. Because I want you all to realize that I didn’t screw Brock Lensar - Brock Lesnar screwed Brock Lesnar. You’re suspended, Brock! Indefinitely!”
Well Brock is angry. Michael Cole can’t believe it. And I can’t help but noticing that the Bret screwed Bret line - kind of takes on a new meaning when a chick says it. Anyway, it’s time for a commercial, which should give me enough time to beat off to completion.
We return to see a moments ago of just mere moments ago, and then we see forty-seven cops escorting Brockston Lesnar out of the building. When one touches him and says the po-po are just “doing their jobs” Brock responds with the line “If one of you touches me one more time, I’m gonna take that - nightstick and use it as - a thermometer.” Ho-ho! Brock. You silly Goose. You can’t threaten police officers like that. They’ll take you in! Arrest him, arrest him boys - and they let him drive away. Well - you’d think in this day and age they’d be a little more - serious about threats to Columbia’s finest. Brock could be an Islamic extremist you know.
Edge is out. You think you know him, but you don’t because he’s never gonna stop. He’s wearing an open trench coat and a toque - giving the impression that he’s cold - yet refuses to do up his jacket. Next, who-dat-jumpin’ out da sky? Why it’s Rey-Rey! You knows it! And he’s wearing a gaudy - disrespectful crucifix, apparently the same one Shawn Michaels used to repair a crack in a glass ceiling Monday - ho-ho-ho! Anyway, Matt Hardy Version 1 is out next, and he thinks Thanksgiving’s a boring Holiday by-the-by. His partner is John Cena with his Bull…Oops…B Squared.
Edge & Rey V.S. John Cena & Matt Hardy (w/ B Squared.)
Matt mocks Rey to start - then has to sell some boybitch punches - then a somersault clothesline like Konnan used to hit on NITRO and THUNDER and GOD WHY DIDN’T I LOVE THEM WHEN THEY WERE HERE? Er…Back elbow and leg drop by Matt - then a tag out to bring in ruthless aggression Jon Cena - irish whip by Cena, Rey dives b/n the legs and tags, then treats Cena, with the help of Edge - to a double dropkick! Edge hammers Cena, then kicks him - swinging neck breaker - cover and a near-fall - Cena high knees Edge - then hammers him a couple times - irish whip that is reversed and boom Cena gets flapjacked. Matt Hardy tries to intervene - Edge is ready, ends up sending Matt into the corner - shoulderblocks Matt - tries for the same in the other corner but Cena remembers he’s alive and moves - Edge eats middle buckle and then gets rolled up by Cena - who has a 3 count the ref’s not in town for - apparently because Brian Hebner is being distracted by a child trying to get into the ring - oh shit - my bad - that’s Mysterio. Anyway near fall for Cena. He stomps him. Into the ropes - very nice elbow catching Edge - and another cover. Tagging in Matt, and the two work over Edge in the corner as a good tag-team should. Irish whip now, and a run in from Hardy - Edge raises a boot and Matt eats leather - Edge tries to clothesline V. 1 but Hardy is ready, traps him, and hits a masterful side effect - a two count is registered but Rey is in to make sure no doom comes for his team. - Matt has Edge in a neck vice, Edge milks a chant and then elbows his way out - before ducking a clothesline and scoring a cross body - and a two-count - then a drop toe hold by Hardy boy - and the tag. Cena covers and then applies a chinlock. Edge battles out of it - less successfully this time - Cena hammers the back of the neck then makes use of an Irish whip - but he gets caught corner-chasing as Edge comes out of the buckle with an elbow - then deposits himself number 2 on the inside and puts serious leather to Cena with a missile dropkick. Both men down. Time for the double crawling-to-corner-in-desperate-agony-spot, which Cena wins - Hardy in and elbows a slow Edge on the back bringing him down - which was very good storytelling because Edge is the one who has taken the shellacking tonight - Hardy stomps, then whips him to the ropes, kick tries for the Twist of Fate - then Edge reverses - and hits that half-nelson face plant he likes so much - the name of which escapes me at this time.
He makes the tag to Rey - who pulls himself atop the top strand, stands and a soars onto Hardy with an ass-to-chest tackle. He goes over to the corner - knocks him off - back to Matt now - irish whip – reversal for a hiptoss by Hardy - Mysterio reverses it, manages to get him legs wrapped around the upper torso - but below the shoulder -almost in a victory roll type move - Matt tries to drive the face down - Rey up and bulldog! Rey walks around aimlessly instead of covering - Cena in now - misses a clothesline - dropkicked into the buckle, Rey then runs back in and does it again to a seated Cena in the corner. Then Cena drop-toe-holds Matt Hardy into Cena, with Matt’s head landing on Cena’s crotch. Matt stumbles up, as if he would hurt by that, gets scooped up in a side-suplex by Edge - Rey drops a leg across him and gets the near fall. Edge is asked to leave, but politely declines - Rey dropkicks Matt into the ropes and he lies awkward in perfect position for one of Rey’s signature moves. The 619 is next - and was about to work but B squared trips up Rey. Edge dives through with a baseball slide and cranks B for his efforts - and it’s just Rey and Matt in the ring now. Matt doesn’t see Rey - because Rey is so short - and then punches Edge out on the floor, which is returned and leaves him vulnerable - for a successful 619 this time. Rey waits for the stumbling set-up for the West Coast Pop - but Cena boots him to another existence. Good anticipation of each other’s moves - it implies studying and research went on as these teams prepared to face each other. Edge now, spears Cena off the apron. Then he climbs the top and throws himself onto B and Cena - which leaves Rey to finally hit the WCP - but he misses it - and then tries to sit himself on Matt’s shoulders for the victory roll - Matt switches him in the air - powerbombs him violently - and then grabs the ropes for the duke. (6:47)
Backstage, Steph is pacing angrily, talking to herself. She walks by Kurt without noticing him, apparently this being the first time this long-standing management habit has been captured on video. Kurt reaches forward and attempts to grab a tit, since she’s so distracted she might not notice (a patented move of mine) but instead all he gets is shoulder (Sigh. A common result of my patented move.)
Kurt: Steph, are you okay?
Steph: No Kurt, I’m not okay. Did you hear how these people completely disrespected me? What’s wrong with Columbia South Carolina anyway? I’m even bringing them Scott Steiner, and yet they boo me? What do they want?
Kurt: Steph, I know exactly what you mean. These are the same people who chant ‘you suck’ to me. Maybe they will cheer for me when me and Benoit team up together, and beat the Guerreros for the tag-team titles. If they don’t cheer for me…then they’re the ones that suck.
They hype later matches which I’m transcribing anyway…Commercial
We return for another Anthology Cut, this one of Kurt. He describes how his music makes him feel, and how he doesn’t like the part where the fans get to chant “u suck”. At least the short-lived You suck…what? lyrics didn’t catch on with the fans. He goes on to say that he wanted a bad-ass theme like Rock’s, Taker’s, or Triple H’s. I laugh quietly. Nothing badass about Yo Gunnah Pay, Yo Guhhan Pay! Those kind of themes weren’t him. He’s more of an icon. Now, it’s his favourite song. Mine too, Kurt. Mine too.
Then we see a cartoon of a Turkey having Rey’s entrance. I’m speechless. Then we go to Cole and Cat, who tell us that Brock has returned to the parking lot area. Mark Loyd is there, but all he finds is Scott Steiner. Scott Steiner has a comment. He flexes his arm, causing closet-homosexual lust to fill Loyd’s eyes, then leaves. Apparently his comment is, “say yes to drugs, and one day you, yes you, will be anatomically incapable of straightening your arm.”
Next out is Tajiri to meet Chuck, who is already in-ring. Good choice on that, we don’t need to hear the utter silence Chuck probably came out to. Man, he was doing the media stuff a month or two ago, and now…jeez. Ah well.
Tajiri V.S. Chuck Palumbo
Tajiri with a go behind, a standing switch by Chuck on his much smaller opponent. Chuck turns it into a front face lock - Tajiri armbars himself out of it. He turns it into a wristlock - Chuck with a slow flip and a leg sweep to escape the predicament - Tajiri manages to squeeze the head between his feet - just under the ears - then Tajiri spins his upper torso only - somersaults forward pulling Chuck through with some kind of headscissors. Good move, and not commonplace. - We’ve seen enough ddt’s and clotheslines to last us a wrestling lifetime - Tajiri caught with an armdrag, and Chuck doing a good job of keeping up with a man whose gotta be 50 pounds lighter and is more naturally athletic - they stop the exchange at a stalemate and Tajiri applauds Chuck. Chuck takes the bait - apparently unwise to the underhanded tactics of the Japanese - and Tajiri cranks a kick home to the head - another one to the kidneys - elbow to the back of the head. Chuck fights his was and a stiff right hand - Tajiri hits another kick - Chuck gets angier with his next punch and is selling about fifty thousand times better than Teej here - another kick in response - and another punch - this one backs Teej up but the Japanese Buzzsaw with a dropkick to the knees that down Palumbo. - Teej with a stomp, then applies a rear chinlock of sorts while standing on the back of the knee. Chuck manages to elbow a few times to hasten his escape, then managed a snapmare that sends Tajiri over but he rolls through with the momentum and is waiting for Chuck to move in - Chuck does and has his clothesline ducked and his abdomen kicked. Tajiri pulls him now and attempts to send him into the ropes with the whip now, is reversed by the larger man - then cartwheel back elbow for Teej but too much space between he and Palumbo, and Palumbo decides to turn it into a powerslam. I don’t know if that was the planned spot but I will say this - a lesser wrestler would have gone into the elbow and tries to sell it - Palumbo saved a potential flub by not going for it and risking stupidity-selling. Now he plays to a crowd that would think he was ring crew if not for the smallness of his pants - fires a couple rights to Teej, the second being a discus - while Cat on headset mumbles the word power - irish whip by Chuck, Tajiri stops and tries to jump over him but Palumbo manages to catch him and goes for a powerslam - nope Tajiri gets off the shoulder and returns to the corner - Chuck follows him in again but Tajiri uses his footwork to make a Tarantula out of it! He locks it in with some effort - but first move back in the ring is a leg drag that looks sick, then applies his new submission, a move I actually thought I invented, and Cole informs us - the move is the “Padlock” - okay -for any folks who didn’t see it the move is an inverted Boston crab - same as the crab but with the applier facing the opposite direction.
Tajiri has gotten to the ropes in the meantime. He gets onto the apron, then catches Chuck with another stiff kick as Palumbo advances - now Teej launches himself off the top despite the referee’s completely unjustified complaints only to be caught - looks like a double underhook or belly-to-belly type move coming but Tajiri is able to mist it up and green-i-fy Chuck’s face, follows it up with the martial arts kick - and he wins this thing. Body over the face of Chuck so the ref can’t see it, and ladies and owners of everything - that is proof the little things count in making a good wrestler. Cole almost ruins the match by referring to the spitting process as Tajiri “releasing the mist”. (3:27)
Cat says something about doing anything you can in martial arts to win. I have heard something about that, but am yet to see spitting mist used in any legitimate martial arts competition. Guess I better keep watching pride.
Meanwhile Stephanie is readying herself for Scott Steiner. She looks like she’s readying herself to go down on him. I hope she’s willing to put in a significant search ‘cause Scott’s “training aids” shrink certain parts of the anatomy. And what’s this? Why it’s not Scott Steiner. It’s someone old enough to be Scott’s mother, and yet will likely outlive him.
Steph: Hey Moolah.
Moolah: How are you?
Steph: Shocked, actually. I thought you were Scott Steiner. (A mistake I make all the time, Steph, don’t feel bad.) We have a meeting tonight. I completely forgot. But before we get to business, Lil, I have a favour to ask you. You’re from here right? Columbia South Carolina?
Moolah: That’s right.
Steph: I thought the South was all about manners, and politeness…you know it’s anything but. I find Columbia to be full of the most disrespectful, rude, obnoxious people. My father was right (he sure was, Steph. The WBF was a good idea.) If the world ever need an enema…
Moolah: Wait a minute. Stephanie, don’t talk about my hometown like that. I love the people here, and I’ve lived here all my life. Don’t talk about my hometown. (Back when it was just land owned by the Cherokees.)
Steph: Oh Mayam. Do ah ohfeynd? (Moolah does not look pleased.) I’m sorry Lil. I’m just bein’ nasty. I’m havin’ a really hard night. You know, being the general manager is not so easy. I made an unpopular decision, but it was a decision I felt was fair and had to me made, I suspended Brock Lesnar. But enough about me - how about we make some Smackdown history tonight.
Moolah: That sounds good.
Steph: How about we have the WWE’s most legendary female superstar compete in a match tonight.
Moolah: Sounds good.
Steph: I’ll let you plug your book. And uh, we’ll name your opponent later. How do you feel about it?
Moolah: I’m always ready for a fight.
Steph: You are?
Steph: You sure?
Steph: We’ll work on the opponent later, but for now. Tonight, on this episode of Smackdown, the woman who held the women’s title for 25 years…That it? 25?
Moolah: That’s right.
Steph: The Fabulous Moolah will compete! Thank you so much Lil.
Moolah: Thank you so much Stephanie.
Steph: And once again, I’m so sorry for my behaviour. My father…
Moolah: Young people make mistakes…(Yeah, ‘cause Vince was young when he launched the Lex Express.)
Commercial BAH GAWD!
We return to find the outside of the arena, showing us just how small a building this looks to be. And, there’s Mark Loyd, immediately running after the first Black guy he can find and accusing him of a crime. He, of course, denies it. He becomes uncomfortable and runs away from the camera. The cameraman audibly says: “people can see this thing?”
Now we have Big Show and Heyman, and once again Show is dressed like Andre. I really don’t like this. Oh Show, the belt looks so small and I’m fairly certain he can’t get it around his waist. Paul is barking incoherently at people and I refuse to write down everything he says. He just never shuts the fuck up. Matt Hardy approaches then.
Matt: Paul, Show? I am here to tell you two that Justice has been served. (If that means Sid is returning this is my last recap.) Last week, Brock Lesnar threw Matt Hardy V. one through a wall? And he thought he was gonna get away with it, Scot free, off the hook? Well tonight, because of me, Stephanie McMahon has officially suspended Brock Lesnar.
Paul: Matthew. We know all about it. (Holds up cell phone. I like this gimmick of wrestler not being totally clueless to everything going on with their jobs when the arrive at the arena.) I feel kind of responsible, I think I owe you an apology. For how Brock Lesnar jumped you from behind last week and threw you through the wall. Because if Brock Lesnar were still with me, and I’m glad he’s not, but if he were I would never have allowed him to jump you from behind.
Matt: I know that you wouldn’t Paul. And Brock Lesnar would never do that if he was face to face with me because he never wanna feel the fury of Mattitude. Oh by the way, did you guys see my dominating win over Rey Mysterio tonight?
Paul: As a matter of fact, I was just gonna show the Big Show a videotape of that. Matt, we’ve gotta go, you’re the best. We love you, in a platonic sorta way, but we love you.
Show: Later, Kid.
Now we see the lovely Torrie Wilson. She’s dressed like an Injun. You know, those feather wearing Casino people who do rain dances and chop Wildebeasts with tomahawks. Yeah, them! That’s who she’s mocking! Kidman comes out of nowhere.
Kidman: All I can say is wow. I hate to tell ya, though, but Halloween was last month.
Torrie: Being that it’s thanksgiving, I am in a Pilgrim fashion show tonight in the ring.
Kidman: Well, that’s different, but what exactly is a Pilgrim fashion show?
Torrie: I don’t know, I don’t care, because whatever it is it gets me this much closer to that little witch Dawn Marie. If this is what it takes for me to get my hands around her little turkey neck…(I heard sinewy globes but I’m pretty sure she said turkey neck)
Kidman: Take it easy Poch-a-Hot-Ness. (Hoha! He took the famed Native and changed it to be about his hot bitch! You’re hardcore Kidman! Now learn to cut a promo and do transitions and you can headline the mid-card someday.) It’s thanksgiving. It’s a day to give thanks.
Torrie: Okay. I am thankful for my health. I’m thankful that my friend Billy Kidman won the Cruiserweight title. And I am thankful that tonight I get to get my hands on Dawn Marie. (I am thankful, on the other hand, for internet porn.)
Commercial. Maybe even a MATCH after these ones.
We return and Jesus on high, we’re doing the smut now. Cat is dancing in the ring, then says something about a - Funky Good Time in Columbia. He then - mispronounces Pocahontas twice to introduce Torrie. Then he introduces the Pilgrim. That’s Dawn. He calls this a “Turkey Day Party.” Then he - introduces an actual Turkey. I have - to admit, this is the greatest music I have - ever heard in my life. I am laughing - so hard right now. You have to hear this music. Al - Wilson is the turkey. I’m - not down with that, but it - was funny fucking music. And a great turkey suit. After - Cat mocks Al’s old-man-double-chin as if it’s anyone’s fault - but gravity’s. Al takes the - microphone and begins to - mumble. Michael Cole screams for help. Al - says thanksgiving is a blessing the - draws the family together, it’s brought - together “my little angel, my beautiful - daughter Torrie Wilson, and - my wife to be, Dawn - Marie. My Pookins.” Cat takes the - mic and cuts him - off and gets the porn started. Torrie - goes first, and appears to have silver - dollar sized nipples under there. She is so - almost naked right now. Cole says something about high school girls which I don’t catch. - I have no desire to - And her dad’s right there. While this has no place in wrestling, that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna beat off to it later. Dawn goes next, and is not having one of - her better days, looking pretty ugly, even - by her standards. Torrie loses it, (not that, - I’m sure she lost that when she was eleven) stripping Dawn and wasting a table full of good food - while somewhere in this city - people starve. Shudder. I’m glad this is over, but I reiterate. That doesn’t I’m not gonna beat off to it later.
Anyway, when we come back…The tag-match to save this prison rape of a show.
Kurt’s out along with Mista Benoit. And then Guerreros are out. This one’s for the belt.
Los Guerreros (c) V.S. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit
I’d just like to point out we start here we’re closing in on 31 minutes since a match. And this Smackdown has sucked. Think about that, it ain’t a complicated equation. If the acting sucks, let’s have less of it. These aren’t actors, folks. Chavo has a beard going on and it makes him look older and cooler. Kurt spanks Benoit’s ass.
Benoit and Chavo to start - Benoit with a clothesline on Junior. Chavo behind with the arm, Benoit with an elbow - and Chavo goes for advisory with Eddy. He comes back - and he gets put into a headlock - he fires Chris off the ropes - gets downed with the standing shoulderblock. Benoit trying for a follow up - but Eddy hits him as he comes off the ropes.
He hits Eddy off the apron - but Eddy rolls in just as Junior is getting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker - Eddy runs - but Crippler is clairvoyant - turns - and gives the same move to Eddy. The Mexican are regrouping while Benoit does something with his body language to Angle that pertains to height - not what I’d be criticizing if I were Benoit - Angle tags himself in to show - one imagines - he too can dominate two small Mexicans. Junior tags in Eddy. They face off like they did last week - Eddy with a go-behind immediately - Angle trying to separate the hands around his waist - struggles but does it and goes behind Eddy with his own rear-waistlock - then goes for what looks like a German but he drops Eddy downwards face-first and applies a front-facelock - goes amateurish moves here, and Eddy uses some of his own to get the wristlock, which becomes a side headlock - Angle backs Eddy into the ropes as a means of escape - Eddy floors Kurt with a shoulderblock, which makes sense with his build and the lower center of gravity. He runs over Kurt - then gets caught with a powerslam - a move rarely seen out of Angle. Kurt now - with the same to Chavo who has run in - and both Mexicans have been easily deposed again. Kurt showing Benoit that he too, can dominate a lesser culture. Well that’s what I’m getting from the match logic - I’m not saying I believe it.
Eddy from behind - but he gets German-suplexed somehow - with a release on it – and I must say this match is suffering from a seeming lack of pin attempts. - With the belts on the line I think these guys should not even be thinking about outdoing one another - or if they are they should be trying to win at the same time. Junior attacks Angle when stops to gloat again, but as Kurt is knocked asunder Benoit is in - and he blasts Chavo with his own German and once again Chavo keeps taking the bump on the left shoulder - worries the crap out of me but I guess he knows what he’s doing. - Now Kurt and Chris are jawing about who is better, but still turn - catch a Mexican each - and unison German suplex them - and I mean they hit it at the precise same time - beautiful ring work - but it totally buries the champs. They attempt to run away, getting counted out intentionally - but Mike Chioda manages to change the rulebook saying that the match will not end in a count-out - since that out can only be executed by non-Mexicans - the racist officiating takes us into a commercial
And we’re back, with Eddy controlling Benoit - I love how the champs couldn’t get control of the match to save their lives before - and when they finally do - we don’t get to see how. Eddy has some kind of seated abdominal stretch going on, but Benoit up and hiptosses out of it - sick Benoit chop - whoo from the crowd - another and a corresponding whoo - but he misses a third and Eddy grabs the steadily thinning hair of Benoit and pulls him to the canvas by it. - Eddy works the arm very briefly - makes a tag - then a snapmare into a double dropkick - and timed to utter perfection. Finally a cover. - Junior now dropkicking Benoit as he is held in the corner by Eddy but Crippler moves - and Eddy is knocked off the apron - Chavo attacks but is reversed into a crossface - he is looking to tap but Eddy is back into save Junior - Kurt chases Eddy away - which gets the ref on him - which creates an opening for a tagless switch - the ref merely asks Chavo if a tag was made and he says it was. That may be the dumbest spot in wrestling - Eddy has a headlock on now - but Benoit finds his way out with a back suplex - now a dual rest but still in the Guerrero’s half of the ring. Crippler pulls himself up - but Junior takes him down with a lariat from the apron. Eddy covers and a huge We Want Angle chant breaks out - which is played off by the announcers as fans wanting anyone to beat these Guerreros - could be because they know Angle’s amazing in the ring. A tag from Eddy and a gorgeous double suplex - these guys move so succinctly you’d think they were the same person - Chavo covers and gets a two. He is hammering away on Benoit - but too close to the middle of the ring - so Chavo whips him to the buckle and keeps it in their part of town - but as he goes for the tag - chop and a shot to Eddy - and then another chop - and another shot to Eddy - and Chavo nails Benoit putting him back down - then a bodyslam - a tag was made somewhere but I missed it - now Eddy in with the sling senton he does so well - pulls him up instead of covering - is reversed on the whip attempt - then thrown high and dropped face-first by Mr. Chris Benoit - Chavo in but kicked and snap suplexed right onto Eddy - nice spot and the tag follows it.
People going bananas on this tag and Kurt is in for carnage - clothesline for Chavo - same for Eddy another for Chavo - a whip for Eddy and a big back bodydrop which no one takes better than Eddy Guerrero - now Chavo swings at Angle - Kurt ducks and German suplex for Junior now. - Eddy gets control back - fires Angle to the ropes - Kurt holds on - reverses - clasps the arms around Eddy - sends him over with a belly-to-belly and a cover but Chavo makes the timely save! Chavo is whipped - reverses Kurt now - Benoit with a blind tag and then Kurt is dropkicked to another realm - very good logic here because it shows Benoit know when to tag - the minute Kurt would have lost control of the match for them he made Kurt the illegal man - very well done.
Benoit now looks ready to kill - he sends Chavo into the buckle with the sternum then catches him and cranks another German - holding it - but Eddy tries to lock on of his own on, and let’s remember that Eddy is legal here - a reversal and Benoit manages to hit another German of his own - releases this one - now goes for a flying headbutt - hits it - covers but Eddy kicks out - Benoit tries to finish this and is pulling up Eddy but Chavo hits a forearm - well done - Benoit rolls out - Kurt is in now - Chavo runs for him but he pulls down the ropes and Junior hits them head on - was supposed to go over but ran right into them in a harmless-looking but probably painful moment Now Kurt with another German suplex and he hits it - goes for another - but Eddy grabs the ref to change the weight - and low blows Angle while the ref is being distracted by the grab - wrestler of the year folks! Now a DDT. Kurt is planted and Eddy to crunch him with a frog-splash - but Kurt moves and Angle slam! Ka-boom! - Chavo rushes in to receive the exact same - Kurt undoes the straps - and in comes Benoit the legal man - and on goes the crossface on Eddy! Angle breaks it up, though, because he doesn’t want Benoit to get the win - which is retarded - Angle’s not legal - so this ankle lock he puts on is a waste of time - but Benoit stops it anyway. They are jawing at each other - then Crippler sidesteps a charging Chavo who nails Angle and knocks him down - but leaves him open for another German suplex. - He catches Eddy in the crossface - then Angle tries to put the ankle lock on - but the ref is actually enforcing the rules - maybe Sean Morley’s here too - and takes Angle away while Eddy taps - a visionary fall - and then Chavo manages to break Benoit’s hold - then hits a Chavo frogsplash but not too pretty - not an Eddy or RVD one and not even as nice as Jericho’s a few weeks back - but Eddy covers off it and gets a near fall that the fans even believed was the end. Eddy is screaming in outrage - wondering what’s in the water of Edmonton - and goes up top for his own frog splash - but Angle runs up and pitches him off with the belly-to-belly from the top! Still not legal - Kurt is forced to leave the ring during which time Chavo belts Benoit - leaves - and Eddy covers for the end. Great match here - despite some logical flaws - and the right team won - no need to switch these belts again. (17:27)
Backstage The Big Bad Juicing Daddy is backstage and slaps Nidia on the ass after some talk between her and Noble about the decision not to bring in Nunzio. Noble is outraged and says he’s going to do something about it before commercial.
Now Noble is ranting about how people only touch his girl if he wants them to. This brings out Steiner. Steiner takes off his shirt - and people scream - Noble does the same and is laughed at. Why? Because natural athletes are worthy of being mocked in the WWE. They bury Noble now - with a clothesline - an elbow drop - a press-slam and a belly-to-belly the most impressive of any of this being that he manages not to lose his sunglasses. Then again, the growth hormone probably made his head grow since he put them on. Steiner has the microphone.
Steiner: “The question everybody’s asking is which show am I gonna join? Raw or Smackdown? See last week on RAW, Chris Jericho found out…Tonight, that redneck found out…that I wasn’t just sitting home, drinking beer, eating potato chips and wasting away. They found out that I’m still the genetic freak, looking only as I can look. I’m still the man with largest arms in the world. They felt the power and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do to stop me. So until I make my decision on RAW or Smackdown, I’m only gonna be doin’ two things: flexing my peaks, and pleasing my freaks, and when they scream boom shaka laka, that’s when they call me the daddy, the big bad booty daddy. So this goes to all my freaks in South Carolina: Big Poppa Pump is your hookup…Holla if ya hear me!”
We return to Steph. She’s on the phone saying she wants Scott Steiner to die of a ‘roid- induced heart attack on her show. Enter Paul Heyman, who will likely talk a lot and say very little.
Paul: “Miss McMahon it’s a shame you had to suspend Brock Lesnar tonight because…
Steph: Let me stop you there. My suspending Brock had nothing to do with you threatening to sue me last week.”
Paul: “Of course, I understand that. Anyway, my client the Big Show was willing to waive the no-rematch clause and defend the WWE title against Brock tonight on your Thanksgiving Smackdown.”
Steph: “Well isn’t that special. Then, as not to disappoint the Big Show he will be having a match tonight. And he will be defending the title.”
More stuttering but no one really says anything…
Now Billy “Fuck Transitions” Kidman is out. Worst music and worst pants. His second title defence is against Crash Holly. Who Holly beat for this I do not know.
Billy Kidman (c) V.S. Crash Holly
Some shoves to start us off, then Crash charges and is arm-dragged. A fake charge from Crash, then a real one and he’s head-scissored over. - Kidman whips him, there’s a reverse of it - Kidman into the ropes - holds on to them - Crash charges - Kidman dumps him out - but no Crash lands on the apron - ducks a punch and hits the floor, pulling the feet, then spins Kidman and elbows the throat as soon as he does - nice looking spot there. Kidman falls out of the ring, and then Crash powerbombs Kidman’s spine on the barrier in an interesting spot - Kidman rolled in and Crash dives in himself but keeps the feet on the ropes for the extra leverage - nice little things by Crash here - seems like he wants to win this belt. A bodyslam and a cover - no win - then an irish whip by Crash - finally after some wild reversing dosie-do thing Kidman sends Crash into the buckle - catches him coming out - and hits that death valley driver neckbreaker that he likes. Kidman was going for the shooting star but was too early on it - Crash runs up there and bashes Kidman’s face into the turnbuckle while Kidman stands on it - then tries for a suplerplex but Kidman’s fighting it awful hard - wins the fisticuffs and then hits a cross body - but Crash rolls through and almost steals a win off it. Crash went for what looked like a back suplex - Kidman rolled out and landed behind and then hit some speedy moves, a back elbow and clothesline - tries to send Crash to the ropes now - Crash holds on to the arm comes back with the elbow to the mush - now an inverted atomic drop - a chase and a sick dropkick followed by a near-fall - Kidman lifts him for a slam but Crash loose and landing behind, then ducking a clothesline - then turns the spinning headscissors into a straight down face-plant - has to be seen to be properly described but a nice move and a near-fall on it. Crash with a whip - reversed so Crash into the buckle but raising the boot to Billy on the pursuit - now Crash headlocks him and runs up the ropes for springboard bulldog - and gets it. A near-fall again. Now some piledriver attempts, rather a powerbomb attempt that fails to come to fruition and Kidman hits his own short powerbomb - landing on knees that he is wrecking. Now time for the shooting star - and he hits it. A short match but it did what it was meant to do - it established Kidman’s second consecutive successful defence. (3:39)
Now, in the pre-match walking ritual we see Moolah on her way, as well as Big Show. Cole barely pieces together what has been all but blatant to anyone who watches this show and knows two people have matches with unnamed opponents and there’s nine minutes left in the show.
Moolah’s out to a very nice ovation. This woman deserves it, she’s worked damn hard. When Big Show’s song hits, she registers fear and disapproval. The ref puts himself between the two competitors. Heyman has the mic.
Heyman: “Moolah, Moolah. Please relax, you have nothing to be afraid of. Easy! Moolah, Moolah, it’s thanksgiving. The Big Show is not going to do anything to you. Moolah, he knows you’re 79 years old. Moolah I respect you, I have always been a fan of yours. Moolah you are a hometown legend here in Columbia South Carolina. (A Moolah chant starts. And again, this woman deserves it.) Moolah I know the fear going through your heart, this man is 7 feet tall, he is 500 pounds, but I assure you the Big Show respects you for all of your accomplishments here in WWE. He knows you’re a loving caring Grandmother and Big Show is out here tonight simply to tell you Happy Thanksgiving. Because the Big Show and I both know all of your accomplishments. Then again, Moolah. Maybe the Big Show doesn’t see you as the Fabulous Moolah, maybe he looks at you like you’re Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar! ”
And with that Brock hits the ring. Moolah is down so obviously Show did something to her, but it was cut out. He takes Show outside the ring, who fights back in vain before Brock F-5’s him through a table in an awesome power display. Then he gives the evil eye to Heyman, chases him before being intercepted by Steph and the police. To end we see some edited replays of the F-5 through the table, and finally a shot of Show lying there like he just tried to roll over to grab that last canister of the seventh cheez whiz but just couldn’t make it. And with that, we’re out.
My best quotes from the NOV. 21 Smackdown Recap:
-"a bath sponge is a King-Size bed to Rey Mysterio Jr"
-"He stands on the apron for the west-coast-pop, a cool move with a very, very homosexual name."
-"Through this felled wall we see Crash Holly lying on a table being orally pleasured by the trainer."
-"Here comes Benoit! Crisp Benoit! Why do I call him Crisp? Because everything he does is CRISPY CRISP!"
-"The shmuck in the Andre suit comes down. They hug. I find myself strangely aroused."
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|#2 Posted on 29.11.02 0746.57 |
"I just got pinned by a friggin twelve-year-old."
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)
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|Y!: ||#3 Posted on 29.11.02 1955.52 |
|Nice recap. I especially like how you turned it into one giant, economy-sized link.|
Why do I watch? Because every episode has the potential to be the best one ever, and I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna miss that one after sitting through this shit.
From: Sussex, WI
Since last post: 16 days
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|#4 Posted on 29.11.02 2005.35 |
Originally posted by Hogan's My Dad
He flexes his arm, causing closet-homosexual lust to fill Loyd’s eyes, then leaves. Apparently his comment is, “say yes to drugs, and one day you, yes you, will be anatomically incapable of straightening your arm.”
Nice work overall, but the above quote made me laugh out loud in an empty house which, by the way, frightened the cat terribly.
8-3 OK...road games just suck!! We'll see how next week goes...