"**Hello Warriors. Those of you who have continued to follow my career going-ons know Ultimate Warrior has long been waiting for the perfect (and principled) time to unleash a ring return. Amidst the never-ending rumors and mistruths spread by others, the time to return has come and is now and it is with Acclaim! An entertainment promotion with class, pride and integrity. After many years of absence, I am thrilled to be working again with Acclaim’s talented, creative and professional staff on the new, next-level of their Legends of Wrestling: SHOWDOWN video game! Acclaim has assured me that Ultimate Warrior rises and soars and rules, shakes ropes, shatters hopes and awakens the Gods of Parts Unknown again in this incredible opportunity to settle ALL SCORES, unfinished business and even new beefs!, in the ULTIMATE place to do battle -- THE SHOWDOWN RING! The intensity of Ultimate Warrior lives again. AWESOME! F-F-F-e-e-l t-h-e P-o-w-e-r!! For more lowdown on Showdown go here: http://www.LegendsShowdown.com**"
So it's only a return to the video game world, well that sucks!
I'd love to be a fly on the wall in those production meetings.
Acclaim Marketing Guy: So...uh...Mr. The Warrior.... Warrior: Please, just Warrior. AMG: Right. Warrior. We were wondering if you'd like to be in the new Legends of Wrestling video game. UW: Can you assure me that the Warrior rises and soars and rules, shakes ropes, shatters hopes and awakens the Gods of Parts Unknown? AMG: I...guess.... UW: Stupendiforous, Bill. The one Warrior Nation will be most pleased to learn of this momentifying moment. AMG: Uh-huh. UW: Bill, would you like to listen to a gratifying, electrifying filibustrafication on gun control from one who is Ultimate? AMG: Maybe some other time, I've got to...uh...go make a sales pitch for a Jem and the Holograms game. UW: She is truly outrageous, but is she ULTIMATE? AMG: Uh...bye.
(edited by Excalibur05 on 28.10.03 1026) Wisconsin Badgers: 6-3 (Uh...yeah. That pretty much sucked.)
Minnesota Vikings: 6-1 (That sucked as well. It's been a bad weekend.)
I hope there's an extension of the game's cutscene engine where Warrior rants on about destrucity for a good ten minutes. You remember that old PC shareware program called Babble which could generate fake Shakespear or filter text documents with jive speak? Just buy the code from that, pipe some Warrior Wisdom into its grammar analysis engine and you're off and running.