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22.7.19 1514
The W - Movies & TV - Exodus: God and Kings
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AWArulz
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Since: 28.1.02
From: Louisville, KY

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 5 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.62
Went to see "Exodus: God and Kings. Here is my little review

Spoiler alert: don't scroll down if you don't want to read more

So, you know the story, no doubt. We meet Moses and Ramses as young princely rivals. Batman is dark and brooding as Moses. He goes to see a thing the Hebrews are building - which is strangely NOT in Goshen. He sees the bad stuff happening to the Hebrews, meets Nun, hears he is a Hebrew and kills a couple guards. Moses is more Terminator than Kindergarten Cop.

He gets back Home, the old Pharaoh kicks the bucket and Ramses exiles Moses into the desert where he meets a hot babe and has a kid, who he tries to convince should believe in himself instead of God. Then God makes him chase a couple sheep up Sinai and an avalanch buries him and he sees the burning bush. But God speaks to him as a 12 year old British boy. He hears him and decides to go back to Egypt, raise and army and overthrow Ramses.

Which he tries, but the Kid doesn't dig it and tells Moses to slow his roll while He takes the next try at it. and the Plagues come. Interestingly, lots of explanations from the Egyptians about how natural it was. All the while Ramses is killing Hebrews looking for Moses but nobody rats him out. Finally, the Kid tells Moses the death angel is coming, they do the whole passover thing and Ramses kicks 'em out of the country. And they all head for the Red Sea. Too deep, they are defeated. Getting ready to fight, when the thing starts to drain.

They all head across and when they are almost there, and here come the egyptians (they have chariots and mounted horsemen that have stirrups that were not invented until 1600 or so years later in China, but who cares?). Moses and Joshua (played by Jesse of Breaking bad) go back to fight 'em but here comes a huge Laird Hamilton worthy wave and everyone makes it to shore except Moses and Ramses, who is also turns out are the only two guys who know hos to swim.

Moses finally believes and he takes the Hebrews to the Mountain and he and the Kid have a tea party while he chips out the Torah. We finish with Old Moses riding in a cart seemingly heading to Canaan and the Kid peeks in and gives a "later gater" look at him.

I didn't hate it for what it was.



We'll be back right after order has been restored here in the Omni Center.

That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy - Swift

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Cerebus
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Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 749 days
Last activity: 471 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.55
Your review makes me now want to go see this. Thank you.

You know, I've been on the fence about watching Noah. Could you do something like this for that movie too, it might sway me into going ahead and watching it as well.



Forget it Josh... it's Cerebustown.
AWArulz
Scrapple








Since: 28.1.02
From: Louisville, KY

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 5 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.80
Noah. Well, I saw it on a plane so I am not sure I even saw all of it, you know. And it was back a couple months.

But, pretty standard Story,

The movie starts off with a thug named Tubal-cain killing Noah's Dad and setting up the story of a lifetime.

Later, Noah's kind of a dude just hanging out with the Fam, working the system, thinking about putting bars on the windows because the neighborhood is going a bit bad. The neighbors include a local motorcycle gang (without motorcycles) headed by an older Tubal Cain.

Apparently, God speaks through flowers cause Noah sees a flower grow in like 5 seconds and is inspired to visit Hannibal - playing Methusalah. Along the way, he saves a little girl (Played by Hermione from Harry Potter) the bible didn't tell us about. Tubal Cain chases them and they hide among a bunch of Rock monsters. Turns out these are old angels and they help Noah build the Ark like so many cranes in a big city construction project.

The Rock monsters hold the bad guys off and animals start to arrive, sniff some sweet sweet smoke and go to sleep like a CM Punk opponent. The girl's gonna marry the good son, so Noah goes to get wives for the other two kids but town is super nasty. He doesn't dig it. He now intends to go in the Ark, save the animals and he and his family will die and no more humans - Yay! Ham doesn't dig THAT so he runs away and Hermione ollows. They are lost and it starts to rain.

Amazingly, everyone makes it back to the Ark,with the benevolent help of Hannibal Lector, including Hermione and Ham and a wife for Ham (Japeth is amazingly without the one the bible had for him) and the rock monsters hold off the motorcycle gang until everyone is washed away. The Rock Monsters become angels again and head upstairs while Tubal Cain sneaks on the Ark.

Hermione gets preggers and Maximus Noah is still crazy and vows to kill the child. she and Shem are going to try and build a raft but Noah stops them, has a big old fight with Tubal Cain, the ark runs aground and Noah is gonna kill the kids (It's TWINS!!) but he's a grandaddy and doesn't. They shoo the animals out and get ready to live a new life.

Then Maximus gets totally drunk and naked. Ham splits and they see the rainbow, all is good fade to black.









We'll be back right after order has been restored here in the Omni Center.

That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy - Swift

Cerebus
Scrapple








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 749 days
Last activity: 471 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.55
Wow, you make this movie sound amazing. I think I'll watch it tonight, thanks. You really should do more of these, you have a good knack for it.



Forget it Josh... it's Cerebustown.
Sec19Row53
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Oconomowoc, WI

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.06
RE Noah

It felt too much like a WELS sermon to me. It was all 'you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, but Jesus saves' in the last three minutes.

My wife (lifelong Lutheran she is) laughed when I gave her that synopsis. YMMV
AWArulz
Scrapple








Since: 28.1.02
From: Louisville, KY

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 5 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.80
    Originally posted by Cerebus
    Wow, you make this movie sound amazing. I think I'll watch it tonight, thanks. You really should do more of these, you have a good knack for it.


it's probably not going to live up to the hype.



We'll be back right after order has been restored here in the Omni Center.

That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy - Swift

Leroy
Boudin blanc








Since: 7.2.02

Since last post: 12 days
Last activity: 7 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.69
    Originally posted by AWArulz
    it's probably not going to live up to the hype.


I can't believe you, of all people, have given reviews of both 'Exodus: God and Kings' and 'Noah' and have yet to say, "But you should really first read the book."

(edited by Leroy on 18.12.14 2055)
AWArulz
Scrapple








Since: 28.1.02
From: Louisville, KY

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 5 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.80
Well, I tossed my " it wasn't in the bible" here and there.

Clearly, neither movie was exactly going for that "Jesus movie" vibe (The Jesus movie script was word for work from one of the Gospels). They both were quite a ways off from the Bible. Exodus was about a seemingly completely different moses and there's no indication Noah was a maniacal depressed guy planning on universal humanicide.

But yeah, I suggest the book. But this time of year, I recommend Luke Chapter 2 in that book.

Merry Christmas



We'll be back right after order has been restored here in the Omni Center.

That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy - Swift

Cerebus
Scrapple








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 749 days
Last activity: 471 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.55
Wait... what book?



Forget it Josh... it's Cerebustown.
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