Can you believe it's been ELEVEN days without any new "Jersey Shore?" MAN! Well, that all ends now. Let's do it.
DISCLAIMER: I did watch the Packers instead of the premiere of this episode.
CABLE GUIDE SPOILERZ:HD, "Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick", (2011), Pauly and Vinny put on a "guido-theme" comedy show; Snooki becomes so distraught over her relationship woes that the girls decide to intervene; Ron and Sam try to patch things up once again. (Reality). I'm already regretting this and I haven't even STARTED.
PREVIOUSLY ON JERSEY SHORE: TV-14-DLV, CC en español, Mike lost to the concrete wall via technical knockout; Ron bought flowers, gave flowers, threw flowers away; Mike insists he hooked up with Snooki, pissing off Snooki, while Snooki's boyfriend Jionni is just pissed off - and now
Opening. THIS is "Jersey Shore" season 4, episode 6, premiering 9/8/11 (happy birthday, Dad!) on MTV and aired in crystal clear (yet non-HD) "windowboxing." Get crazy get wild / Let's party get loud / If you wanna have fun and do something crazy (just flash yo titties)
(click on non title card pics to embiggen!)
What a charming montage of external shots! What a...slightly LESS charming montage of sleeping people in black-n-white-night-scope-o-vision! And here's Sitch, all alone, still neckbraced, on the couch in the courtyard, groaning and revealing that... his head hurts. Mike runs down his prognosis and reveals that the brace stays on for ten (10) days. "At least I know not to bang my head into a wall anymore!" Yes, some lessons hurt to learn. "The walls in Italy and pure brick and mortar." More groaning. He vainly reaches for his can of...blurred out. SCORE! "I feel helpless - can't eat, can't GTL." Groan. "It's a pretty serious Situation right now." One more groan.
Let's see some other people wake up! Looks like Jwoww and Ron. (No, separately.) Also Pauly. Ah, cripes, Ron goes in to tell Sammi he loves her "no matter what" and hopes they can talk later. AGAIN with this. Ron tells us he may have let his pride get the best of him and...you know what? He's sorry. To Sammi: "If you want to talk let me know." "We can talk later." "Go back to sleep." I should note that Ron is not wearing a shirt.
Mike makes lots of noises, so Pauly walks over to see what's what. To us, Pauly tells us that Mike's wasting his trip to Italy and should probably stop milking that shit. Snooki: "You look like you're in pain." Eyes roll. Now, to break up the monotony, here's Pauly in the confessional wearing Mike's neck brace - ewwww, doesn't he know where that's BEEN? Vinny bops around behind him while Pauly fails to turn fast enough to see him. Pauly is doing a poor imitation of Mike - "you know I can't move - doc says 7 to 10 days!" Back to Mike, who has control of the phone. Moan. Back to Pauly and Vinny. Vinny: "Dude you're LUCKY Security was there!" This cracks Pauly up. ON THE PHONE: MIKE'S SISTER MELISSA. I guess Melissa will provide the sympathy his housemates aren't giving him? Back to Vinny & Pauly - don't be so dramatic! Vinny: "DRAMA" Pauly: "FREE" Mike wants to leave (! - what's with these kids not wanting to ride out their $100,000/episode ITALIAN VACATION) but Melissa tells him to just wait a couple days, he'll be back to his old self. With any luck, Mike will moan again. "This is the worst." One more interlude from Vinny & Pauly and we're moving on.
The girls are dropping off laundry! Nobody does their own laundry EVER on this show (because the show provides NO facilities)! And now it's time for a fine meal at ASTOR (astorcafe.com) (Promotional fee paid by ASTOR). Did I say meal? I meant "drinks, and possibly a sandwich." Sammi says things were a little freaky, but she wants no more fighting. Discussion turns to how injured Mike is - or is not, according to Jwoww. I guess Jwoww can diagnose concussions from across the room but the conclusion is that, yes, he's milking it. To us, Jwoww: "How can you get sympathy on a self-inflicted injury?" Well, she probably has a point there. Snooki: "Well, at least WE'RE not fighting." Sammi: "Don't jinx it!" I feel like this may be FORESHADOWING something! Laughs all around! I never saw ANY food!
Back at the house, Ron checks Mike - again, a desire to go home is uttered. Ron, having previously faced his OWN bout of premature packing a few episodes ago, won't have any of it. So now it's up to RON to be the guy for Mike to talk to. The pendulum swings quickly in this house!
They adjourn to the courtyard, where Ron lovingly caresses his shoulder. He's been there, bro. "Even though we fought, I'm not a bad hearted guy." He doesn't like seeing ANYBODY in that condition and he's gonna help him or by God, he's gonna put on a shirt. "Let it out, bro, it's all right. It's all right." "I'm hurt." Mike's gonna cry! He can't do anything for himself! Ron invites him to the gym - not to do anything he's not supposed to, but just to get out of the house, 'cause sitting in the house ain't gonna fuckin' do it. Damn, Ron IS a nice guy. With a nice cross tattoo on his back. He also tells Mike that any bridges he thinks he's burned in the house, just fix 'em. It's as easy as that! Even Mike has to laugh at the ludicrousness of this advice. Again, they joke about running into a wall. Mike DOES start smiling a little more. To us, he tells us that it's not how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get back up. That shit is DEEP, yo. He's gonna man up and stick around. Mike has some mad respect for Ron, because he's the only one in the house who didn't worry only about themselves (aka, "didn't drop everything to worry about Mike.") This is probably the same time Pauly and Vinny were doing their shtick earlier....actually, no, unless there are two neck braces floating around the house - and, you know, it's not like I wouldn't be surprised if MTV had an extra neck brace to hand to Pauly to goof off with. HUG! Shoulder squeeze from Ron! Mike's gonna man up! Mike's - NO! - REMOVING THE NECK BRACE! ** : The Diamond Light - Thunderhorse (The W at Amazon) (free!) ** "I got heart. I'm gonna stand up. The Situation's back." Ron lets Mike know that a particular wall is NOT sheet rock. Ha! Ron has a shirt on!
COMING UP: Jionni tells Snooki she's stupid! Mike has advice!
LATER: Vinny and Pauly guido up!
"Jersey Shore" is brought to you by HP! WHY?!
Hey, did I mention it's New York Fashion Week? Well...I just wanted to let you know that I knew that.
Walking through a square, Snooki tells us that the place smells like "pig butt." Later, which dragging a carry-on - which is really the best way to transport your laundry through the streets of Florence - Snooki takes offense when someone asks her to please cover herself when walking in front of a church. She responds with "Shut up!" and, under her breath, "A*******." To us, she feels that the "priest...basically just called me a whore." Silly, priests - whores get PAID for sex! (Hey, wait...$100,000 an episode...) The other girls express amazement as the story is relayed to them. To us: "In my church, they'd be like...'hey, nice outfit.'" After all, God likes her tits - he made them! Jwoww: "God didn't make mine."
** NOW PLAYING: Ginger Sling - Tell Me ** The girls are HOME! Things are put away and newly purchased items are shown off! Snooki heads to the phone to call up SNOOKI'S BOYFRIEND JIONNI. Through the magic of editing, he IMMEDIATELY wants to know what she did all day! She tells him she was out with the girls, walking around, that's about it. He's such a great guy! He makes her happy, he makes her laugh, and she...wants to suck his butt? Did I hear that right? Am I really going to go back and find out? NAY. "You're so stupid. You really are." Snooki's mood quickly changes. She says "sorry" a few times and says that she's just being herself, although she *is* trying to change. To us, she says that opposites attract and Jionni spends a lot of time worrying about what other folks think of him, whereas she...can't get embarrassed even after peeing her pants in public. (Has she done that a lot?) The conversation CONTINUES: She feels scared to be herself talking to him when he reacts like this - she's scared he'll get mad. "You should be. I am. I don't even know what's going to happen when I get there. Unlike everybody else, I'll f****** walk out of there." Now THIS is a stand I can get behind, but at the same time God knows HE'S not gonna be giving up on a hundred grand by doing it. She tells him to not even bother coming and she'll see him when she gets home. "I'm gonna get off the phone; I'm getting annoyed. Thank you." "Why are you annoyed? You started it." Hang up. "Lame." Oh, and Ron eavesdropped on all this.
Out to the courtyard where Snooki meets up with Ron to tell him (and us!) how in love she is but how annoying it is when all she wants to do is tell him how badly she wants to jump on him and hump him, he gets all embarrassed and (low voice) "don't do that." I guess Ron is the psychiatrist of this episode. "Don't change yourself for someone else. Take it from me." He tells her to tell him he'd better get on his knees and start...sucking her toes with some nutella on it...that's it, I'm outta here. "Well, not my toes." AHHHHHHHH
We shift to ... haircuts in Florence! Unfortunately, nobody does hair in Florence, I guess, because Deena is going to do Pauly's hair (wash AND gel) while Ron touches up Mike with the clippers. Pauly says NOBODY touches his hair - but Deena is special. To us, he reveals that he's nervous about this. Montage of really, REALLY awful looks for Pauly - and horrified reactions from Sammi, followed by amused reactions from Jwoww, Ron and Vinny. Pauly ends up with a faux hawk, prompting him to exclaim: "I look like Roger!" I'm not sure Jwoww agrees. Deena LOVES it. "Pauly looks hot with his new hairstyle - I'd TOTALLY (fuckin') bang him." For the record, she was ready to bang him *before* so that doesn't help us accurately gague the hairdo. Pauly seems to be a good sport, at least. Sunglasses affixed! "Yo, I look like them guidos on TV that are trying too hard." Somehow Pauly metamorphs into...JOEY D. "Pauly D is a CLOWN! YEAH....BUDDY." This leads to an ITALIA track suit - and now Vinny wants in on the act. Can HE dress like a guido? Well, we just happen to have another track suit at the ready! To us: "We are dressing like ultimate guidos right now - and no one knows more about guido tool bags than us!" Headband for Vinny. Deena doesn't think a track suit is a costume - it's "normal clothes!" Joey D. and "Louie" discuss whether or not the optimal amount of ChapStick® (Never Let Your Lips Go Naked™) has been applied. Vinny starts doing a dance which is hilarious to...well, to the people in the house, it is. I don't know how the audience feels. Personally, I'm nonplussed. Back to us: "I'm gonna (fuckin') fist pump 'til my (fuckin') arm falls off!" And THAT was one of the pull quotes when they were hyping THIS ENTIRE SEASON. I feel worried that we still have 7¾ episodes remaining - but Snooki crashing the car will be good for one or two, right? Pauly does a routine about getting fist pumped in the eye, which puts Vinny on the floor. Again, I'm not feeling this so much. "FPC! Fist pump, pushups, ChapStick®!" Of course, they spell it "Chapstick" and don't acknowledge the registered trademark - we can only hope a lawsuit for PR effect is imminent. They say "fist pump, pushups, ChapStick" a couple dozen more times, then do a complicated series of high fives ending with a slap of the opposite heel of the....eh. Jwoww: "You are like every guy I ever dated!" So put THAT one in your fact bank.
Time passes via a montage of fast motion and external shots! Time for Sam and Ron to talk - Sam confesses that when Ron brought a girl's number into the house AND USED IT, she had a hard time dealing with it! Ron tries to explain how he didn't know what they were, and he didn't trust her. Sammi's just grossed out by everything. "I don't care if you were single - you did me (bleep) dirty." While we try to figure THAT one out, she continues. He knew she had feelings for him, yet he brought in girls' numbers disguised as guy's numbers (whaaa?) - he's a fucking pig, why would he fucking do that? We take a look inside, where Deena, Pauly (wearing a cap to cover up his hairdo?) and Vinny are exchanging looks like they MAY have heard this before. Pauly: "If I have to listen to Ronnie and Sam fighting one more time, I will smash my head against the wall." And now, that means something! "Yo, it's like listening to the same annoying record over and over and over." Ron says he realises he made a mistake, and he's sorry. Sam says no, he's not, becuase he keeps doing it. She wants to know how long he's been talking to her, and he says he's not talking to her (oh no) - he just called her one night when he was drunk. "Obviously you call her enough to bring her number in here, so don't say that you're not." Ron is smoking (and shirtless!) - OHHHHHHH he brought up ARVIN. That's a trump card! We go to silence. Back to Vinny and Pauly, who now think Mike was a genius for smashing his head into the wall to avoid this drama. "I'm thinking of doing the same thing." "He had the right idea, actually." Back to Sam. She doesn't do that-- "You've done it!" Ron says he's just being honest (questionable) and he loves her (woof), he wakes up in the morning and thinks of her (is she gonna buy this crap), he goes to bed at night and thinks of her (she's saying "just shut up" a lot) She doesn't care, he's said it before. Back to Vinny, Pauly and Deena, who can clearly hear all of this - not that they haven't heard it before. Even *I* am repeating myself by this point. Ron says if she doesn't want him pursuing her, that's fine (he's lying). And...we leave it at that. The name "Hannah" goes unmentioned. (For now.)
COMING UP: Vinny attempts to squash this!
LATER: Deena calls somebody a bitch at the club because a drink is thrown on her - and the catfight is on..."Team Meatball, attack!"
Vinny's had enough. "As much as you try to just kinda zone it out, you (bleep) can't, you know?" He joins Sammi and Ron in the hopes of...hmm, he wants them to keep it away from HIM when they fight. But...he's he one who...well, let's hear him out. He's speaking not only for himself but for other people in the house - now, he's not preaching, mind you. When (I think he didn't say "if" on purpose) they start fighting, and everyone else is having fun, they should take it far away from them having fun because they hear it and things get all NEGATIVE. And they would prefer having fun. Well, that's totally rational and I'm sure Vinny won't get his ass kicked by the large shirtless man. Ron said hey, they weren't yelling or fighting this time. I like how Ron says "normal conversation" like this is a normal conversation. Yeah, perhaps the volume is toned down, but this really ain't normal. Vinny says there's nothing they can do, they just wanna have fun in Italy. "Good, yay, I love therapy sessions!" Sam thinks it's cool Vinny did that! I think she may even be sincere there! Vinny's gone. Ron says this problem won't resolve itself. Sammi thinks she can change. I'm not sure HOW or WHAT that'll accomplish, but if she feels good about it, I'm also ready to move on. "I think I'll be OK. I think I can do this." FORESHADOWING! "I just need some help. I'm trying to, like, actually let myself have a good time here. We gotta figure something out." "Either way I'll be fine - with or without you. I would like it to be with you, but if it's not, then I know I'll be fine." "Let's go back in there." To us: "I think me and Ron are back together. Granted, it's just tonight, who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow, but..." ...there are no words. See, tonight Ron spoke differently to her than he ever had before! She wants to give it another try and see what happens! And by golly, SO DOES AMERICA.
I believe it's a new day! Ron and Jenni take their carryon laundry out, and then stop at Amor di Vino (amordivinoflorence.com) (Promotional consideration paid for by Amor di Vino). That's a big beer! Ron pretty much recaps the conversation Snooki and Gionni had, as we see clips of what we saw, what, 10 minutes ago? Because obviously we'd already forgotten. Jenni doesn't like that Jionni knew what he was signing up for and now he doesn't like the fact that Snooki is Snooki. Ron agrees! Thankfully we are spared any further talk of Ron and Sammi. The problem here is that Snooki really loves Jionni, and he's ... well, he sounds like kind of a douche, really, but I'm sure that's just the magic of editing. What kind of man is Jionni? "We'll find out soon enough..."
COMING UP: Bitchy girls spill drink!
LATER: Deena shows off her hickey, she didn't know where she got it, the dude (is that Ellis?) says it was from his sister, and Deena tells us she's not in Kansas anymore.
Sammi/Deena 6 Hour Power Energy Shot x 2 HOOKUP ad
Snooki wants to talk to Mike, who was asleep out on the courtyard couch...and not wearing his neck brace, which kinda seems like a bad idea. Oh well. "You still hate me?" "Yes, I'm still mad at you." We rehash the "did they hook up" storyline and Nicole tells us that all she wants from Mike is an admission of stretching the truth and an apology and she'll be his friend again. If form holds, Mike will weasel out some meaningless words and Nicole will totally buy it. (I have to say, that title card kinda tips off what's gonna happen - at least, to a long time watch of pro wrestling, I kinda think I have this bit figured out already.) Let's get this verbatim and be sure about it: "I'm letting you know that, like, regardless of what happened with me and you, like, um, I, I would hope that, you know, that I can apologise one day to you." To us: "I feel bad because (obvious edit) I betrayed Nicole's trust and told people about what happened with us (possible edit) so I decided to man up and apologise." Except, when you parse what he's saying, he's not REALLY doing that. Snooki says yeah, you SAY you want to apologise but you never actually say "I'M SORRY." Ha, she sees right through it! I don't believe it! "Well, like I was planning on doing something, you know what I mean, like, not anything out of line, you know what I'm saying? Just something nice, you know what I'm saying, to you - just, like, as a friend. As like a - like, for the rest of our lives, you know what I'm saying? Like that kind of (shit), you know." "Just admit that you were wrong - just admit it, and be like 'I'm a (fuckin') idiot' and we'll move on from it. If you say it right now, we'll move on. I won't be mad at you any more." "Fine, fine. I'm a (retard) for freaking saying anything to Ron. You know what I mean? Like--" "And say you're sorry! Say 'I'm sorry, Nicole.'" "I shouldn't have (fuckin') anything to Ron. Maybe - maybe I shoulda said something to Pauly." Shock...followed by stunned silence. "Mike." "What? I-I-I-I needed some advice!" "You're a (fucking) idiot." And off she goes. To us: "BYE." Mike, to us: "Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. But I still care about the girl." I guess Mike is talking to the crew in the room at this point. "I tried to man up. Well, you win some, you lose some, you know?" He does NOT stop talking. Snooki keeps muttering. "Dude, it's like talking to a wall with Mike. What a f****** weirdo."
Oh, and they bleeped "retard (r-word.org)?" Oh, MTV, you're so classy.
"Gettin' ready to go out" montage! Is Ron shaving his chest or burning off hairs individually with ... whatever that thing is? Also, why do I care? Let's watch the girls fluff up their cleavage! Vinny models the headband one more time - but it's off by the time they leave. Mike is looking forward to going out because it's been (some number of) days - "it's gonna be a situation." Looks like they're at Club TwentyOne (no website, and I ain't linkin' to no Facebook page) tonight. ** NOW PLAYING: Star 69 Records [Actually, Celeda] - Believe in the Music (DJ Boris Remix) ** It's crazy packed - here's a crazy dance montage! Body parts are rubbed against other body parts! Ron loves Sam! Kiss! "don't hurt me." "Never again. Swear to God." Oh for. ** NOW PLAYING: Keven Maroda - Mistakes (Midnight Society Mix) (beatport.com) ** The kissing CONTINUES! Sammi says they're gonna do this for the last time, or something. I don't even care, it'll all be over by segment seven anyway. Here's Ron getting spastic. "Crazy legs comes out - " Ron dances - "...and I eat it so hard that I hurt my knee." Ahahaha, that's kinda funny. Oh, no, I mean I feel bad for enjoying seeing Ron take that tumble. But he can't stop dancing! Somewhere in here, he also appears to slash up his hand, as he has a bandaged up palm for the rest of the night. Sam begs him to not fall anymore. We flit from housemate to housemate and finally Snooki is telling somebody not to make that face at her, lest she get punched. Snooki tells us there a lot of bitchy girls at Club TwentyOne tonight! I guess she was entitled to the club, or something. Snooki says bitchy girls are trying to start something with each of the girls tonight. We get a shot of Jenni saying "Fall back! I swear to (fucking) God!" I guess it must have been a Jersey Shore fan who wanted to let her know how exciting and socially relevant she found the show. Snooki says the girls just want to have fun (I may have paraphrased Cyndi Lauper just now and not Snooki) but they want to do their own thing and not be bothered by other people. Deena: "You're not our friend! Go away!" Holy cow, they are not looking good here. Let's get to the thrown drink - ah, there we go. "Really, bitch?" And the chase is on! Deena had the switch flipped when the drink was thrown in her face, while Nicole offers: "Don't fuck with my bitch." There's a lot of jostling and what look like club security and there isn't much of anything captured on film/tape/digital/whatever. So....good thing they didn't try to build the entire hour around this, right? We'll be right back.
COMING UP: Jionni is annoying! Ron takes the phone!
LATER: Glass breaks and Deena cuts herself (unintentionally)!
Pauly D. is included in this ad for...9/11? What? www.911day.org is a site I plan on not visiting
Let's recap the end of the previous segment. Maybe there's more fighting to be seen? No, just more post-play-by-play from the girls. There's the "Team Meatball: Attack!" line, thank you. Somehow the best hairpulling come from Snooki...on Deena's hair. Oops. Thankfully, Vinny is there to be incredibly amused by the fact that the best fighting was coming with Deena and Snooki fighting each OTHER without realising it. Deena is still pretty steamed. "that was my favourite thing with you two buds fighting each other!" Everybody calms down and yuks are shared.
Back home we go. "Grazie!" spells our closed captioner. I DON'T think that's QUITE correct. Snooki reminds Jwoww that she would die for her. I'm sure this will come into play later. Ron's makin' pasta! (That is not a euphamism - he's really boiling water for pasta.) Deena is working on...I'll guess a mojito at the counter. Snooki again goes for the phone to ring up Jionni. We already know from the segment preview how this is going to turn out. Snooki dials the wrong number and then cusses out the automated recording from the Telecom Italia lady telling her so. Got him this time - well, it's ringing. "Watch your (fucking) mouth, everybody." Through the magic of editing, let's enjoy the quick devolving of this conversation: "Yo." "I really miss you so much." "How was your night?" "I just wanna (fucking) be with you, and I wanna like touch you, and that's it, like--" "Okay, besides that. Is something going on right now?" "No, nothing's going on." "All right, you're bombed right now." "If you're gonna say I'm bombed, I'm not gonna be happy." "Did you hook up with somebody?" "No, I didn't do anything. I danced." "Did you f****** hook up with somebody?" "What?" "I'm asking you a question." "What are you talking about? Stop." "Nicole, don't tell me to stop. You're freaking out." Ron tells us that he's distressed at how quickly Happy Snooki turned to Sad Snooki. "I didn't call you to fight. Whatever." "'Whatever?' That's what you say, 'Whatever?' Who are you talking to?" "Nothing, I'm talking to you." At this point, Ron (wearing shirt!) has asked for the phone's handset. "Can I talk to him, please?" This can't end well. Let's watch! "Dude. You want a confirmation? She loves you. She misses you. There's nothing but that. No, no problem." "She's nuts." "Bro, she does - bro, okay, just stop." Ron tries to ask him how many days it'll be until his visit but he says he's just about to step out, he wants to say goodbye to Nicole, he REALLY wants to get Nicole back on the phone. Finally, over Ron's shoulder, Nicole suggests Ron tell Jionni to stop fucking being a fucking psycho. "F*** you, put Nicole back on the phone." Surprisingly, this works on Ron, who hands the handset back to Snooki, whispering, "The kid don't know. He don't realise." To us, Ron proclaims Jionni a (fucking) jerkoff! Ron, Sammi and Jwoww all agree that Jionni doesn't appreciate what he has in Snooki. Jionni proclaims his embarrassment and tells her she's being a bitch to him. "I feel like you only care about yourself. Do you understand ME. What about me too?" "I got to go. I got to go." "This is annoying. Whatever." Click. ** NOW PLAYING: Suddyn - Letting Go (myspace.com) ** Ron tells Snooki not to change for anybody. "You are who you are. You're a (fucking) beautiful girl. You're a great time. You are who you are, right?" To us: "I wanna be fun, be happy - I feel like I'm being judged all the time. It's annoying." Snooki cries in bed. Jenni will be ready to talk to her whenever she wants.
LATER: Everybody hates Jionni! But Nicole is still sticking up for him!
Wow, that seems like A LOT of ads there. I think I must have been fast-forwarding with only three arrows instead of four!
While Snooki retires to the courtyard (to smoke!), Jwoww and Sammi discuss Jionni. He's trying to push her to be something she's not. To us, Jenni reveals that she's tired of the (bullshit)! He's ruining her vacation. Sammi: "He's ruining Nicole!" It is decided that they need to help her.
Where's Deena? She's on the phone with DEENA'S FRIEND ELIS. (Oh, crap, could I have been spelling it wrong all this time? Nah...must be some other stringbean Italian dude.) Where is he? Why hasn't he come over? "Okay, I come over now." Deena tells us that Ellis (hmmm, now I don't know HOW to spell it - I'm going to stick with the double-L and assume they typo'd the previous graphic - believe me, MTV has misspelled "DEENA" more than once, so it's totally possible to screw up the name of one of the ancillary characters on this show) is the cute waiter she met, and she likes him. With completely inappropriate music, we watch Deena scale the kitchen furniture to access a rather high up bottle of wine. I guess...she's blitzed? That MAY explain what appears to be a booty call. While she gets help from Ron opening it, the doorbell is still ringing. To himself, in Italian: "(They're probably sleeping right now.)" Ron and Jenni try to get Deena's attention - "the phone, the phone!" I guess...it's a phone? "Let the phone in." "Who is it?" "hey." "Yay." She buzzes him in. ** NOW PLAYING: Phive f/ J Timber & KO Kid - Always Be Around ** They meet halfway up the stairs. "How are you?" "You're so cute." Sammi is excited to see Ellis, because anybody who will come over at 4am to see Deena must be really into her! Deena wants a photo taken of them, but in the process, as Deena sits on the counter, something made of glass - a glass, perhaps? - falls to the floor and breaks. Then Deena's on the floor, and bleeding. And there is her polka dot underwear. Deena tells us she was falling drunk, so bombed, head spinning, so what she REALLY needed to do was...go out to the courtyard and smoke, I guess. Alone with Ellis, who says he came over because she sounded, how you say, sad. Fighting in Jersey, probably bad. I guess he's talking about her fight earlier? Why didn't he come home with her in the first place, anyway? Deena notices that Ellis has a hickey - oh, ELLIS had the hickey, gotcha - he says "it's like my sister" and now I'm REALLY confused. Ellis says it was a bite, but Deena tells US no fuckin' way. Ellis is insistent, though - he was playing around with his sister and she bit him. On his neck. "I don't know. I'm from America and that's weird." To us: "Ellis is definitely not getting the golden ticket." So she's not going to do sex to him? We see Ellis leave - and Deena sleep alone. Pauly: "Poor guy's struck out twice."
It's a new day! Jwoww is on the phone with JWOWW'S BOYFRIEND ROGER. "I really, really love you and miss you." "I miss you, baby." We learn that Roger is visiting in under a week! Jenni catches Roger (and anybody just tuning in) up on the Jionni saga. Roger can't understand why Nicole would stick with the kid if he was making her so unhappy, and REALLY can't understand why HE might be coming to Italy in under a week. Roger has the patience of a saint to listen to Jenni go on and on about people who are not her and him. (Again...the magic of editing at work, there.)
Meal time for Ronnie, Sammi, Deena and Jwoww. Ronnie pretty much nails it by saying "Yeah, he's a f****** d***, I'm sorry." Again at ASTOR! The conversation revolves around Nicole and Jionni - Jwoww suggests holding an intervention for her. Deena is on board - she used to like Jionni but not now! It's decided: everybody in the house should participate.
Nicole wants to sleep but Sammi wants to talk about Jionni - let's stretch this out to the final segment!
So get THIS - Nicole BLACKED OUT last night and doesn't remember much of what happened! Jenni tries to explain what went down, how Jionni treated Ronnie, how Jionni is "burning bridges with every housemate," and how they want to stage an intervention. "That's rude." To us: "You don't have to do a (fucking) intervention. I'm not addicted to heroin. I'm just addicted to my boyfriend's penis." Boy, this would have been a good time to show her the tape from last night, wouldn't it? But...that's not how "reality" works! Ron joins the fray and tells her she shouldn't be with him. Snooki insists he's NOT really a (dick). Jwoww tries to get across that Jionni is changing, but Snooki only thinks he's freaking out because he's not with her. Amazingly, it looks like they're all changing into their .... WORK CLOTHES!!! AHAHAHAHA but no, really, it's the pizza place T-shirts and white caps, so I don't think this conversation is gonna go on much longer. To us: "Shut the (fuck) up; I'm fine." "Intervention? Like, that means, like, you're (fucked) up." "It's not like that, Nicole..." "I don't even know what an intervention is!" "We wanna find what will make you happy." Deena chips in when they're in the kitchen. Jenni says when she's crying and doesn't want to talk to anybody in the house, they don't know what else to think. Snooki says she's just crying because I'm finally letting it out that I (fucking) miss him and I'm miserable without him." Umm...well, she DID black out. "OK, whatever." "I think I'm cool now. Ugh." To us: "He is a (fucking) good boyfriend to me. You guys just don't see it? You guys think I'm gonna be with a (fucking) jerkoff? Peace out. I don't deal with that." "You guys want to give me an intervention? It boggles my mind." Jenni promises that she can't pretend everything is "cheese and daisies." Wait, what? Well...that's the perfect note to start to roll our closing credits. ** NOW PLAYING: Kopek - The Easy Way (DB Cooper) ** Jwoww says it's time to cut the bullshit and time to cut loose Jionni. Snooki insists one more time that all is well.
Notice the dichotomy between Snooki drunk off her ass and Deena drunk off her ass?
NEXT TIME: Road trip to Riccione! Deena dances her underwear off! Nicole and Deena kiss! Pauly and Vinny are NOT turned on! And maybe - just maybe - at the end of segment 7, Snooki WILL crash that car into those policemen. Don'cha DARE miss it!
Closing credits roll with yet another ad for "Ridiculousness" - you ain't kidding, buddy.
In retrospect, as much as they hyped up that "guido comedy show," that was a whole....what, 45 seconds of show time? Really stretching there, guys.
WTF. The episode ended without any more Ronnie/Sam drama? How disappointing.
While the guido-comedy act was not as impressive as we were lead to believe, I did like the imitation of Mike. Because it was really obvious by the segment(s) before that that he was really overdoing it for the attention/cameras. This season it's really obvious that Pauly D drifted away from Mike. He used to be nothing but his wingman. Now he's buddies with Vinny. What happyened? Who changed?
Anyways poor Pauly & Vinny. They have to act like fools to make it on the show. Don't they realize that you don't get airtime unless you get in a lot of drama? Just having fun won't cut it!
The next episode seems WAY too actionpacked to be true. They're gonna swerve us and put nothing of what was promised in there.
Still love the recaps btw. A lot of your comments are the thing that go through my mind as well while watching.
Shalit is worthless and I don't follow Maltin, but in no way does Ebert do this. He rates films compared to, y'know, how good/worthwhile he finds them. I've never seen him write anything like "BOURNE IDENTITY was good, but not as good as....