CABLE GUIDE SEZ:HD, "Twinning", (2011), Deena pulls a "robbery" on both Mike and Vinny with a pair of female twins; Mike tells everyone he hooked up with Snooki. (Reality).
Man, the cable guide is such a spoiler.
(By the way, last week's broadcast must have been a tease, or an aberration - we're back to windowboxed fake-HD)
PREVIOUSLY ON JERSEY SHORE: Deena kissed Pauly D with her tongue! TV-14-DLS! Mike and Snooki felt very close - but didn't feel each other! Ronnie can't wait for Hannah to fly in! Mike stirs the pot! You can relive it all in my previous reports here and here!
Opening credits - this is Jersey Shore, Season 4, Episode 3, and it premiered 8/18/11 on MTV.
Another show, another day, and we start with Mike and Brittany - and endless apologies from me for misspelling her name last week - ** NOW PLAYING: Dandylion WarPaint - Deja Vu (myspace.com) **- are getting dressed. Brittany needs her shirt! Mike will leave her in what I'm guessing is the smush room to retrieve it but GOD FORBID she roam the house freely! Ah, it's so Mike can immediately call a cab and get her whisked out of the house as soon as is possible. He kisses her goodbye with a touching final word: "Just go." As Mike collapses on the sofa out in their "courtyard," Mike tells US that Brittany is one of the most DTF chicks he's ever met and he's exhausted. Not QUITE exhausted enough to sleep through the divebombing pigeons, however.
Ronnie and Snooki discuss eating and the gym, and arrive at a satisfactory order, deciding to go out, eat something, and then hit the gym. Ronnie tells US the he and Snooki are almost alike right now - and while you mull THAT over, we'll take a look at them getting ready to take off. Alas, no Abercrombie & Fitch spotted - Snooks opts for bebe while Ronnie cannily opts for a Jersey Laundry (jersey-laundry.com) T-shirt. (That's his own brand, for those of you who don't know this - and frankly I'm even sure how *I* know this.) Although neither of them can read a map, they bring it anyway. Snooki confesses to us that she's supposed to be wearing glasses but she doesn't want to be "ugly." Hey! I wear glasses! Although I suppose I'm not exactly a stunning counterargument. Here comes the montage of Ron and Snooki stumbling around not quite sure where they are. Snooki's gonna punch Ron - Ron's gonna punch himself! Ron decides they'll walk until they see anything resembling a restaurant - this actually works! Ron would like sparking water; Snooki opts for a pre-workout pino-greej. Snooki tells us that wine to her in Italy is like coffee for normal people. (Although she actually SAID "normal people," I have to give her a pass here because you can see an obvious edit between "for" and "normal" so I don't REALLY think she's saying that she's not normal people...the editors definitely are, however.) Snooki wants to know when Ron's gonna talk to Sammi - Ron knows she wants to talk, but he wants to put it off. Snooki tells us that they belong together and without them together and/or fighting, it just doesn't feel right. That's just wrong. Ron admits he misses Sammi. "Just, like, (fuck) already." Ron finds this hilarious. I find it uncomfortable foreshadowing, I'm sure. "I know you both want to! ... Do you trust her?" "I'm getting there." They're avoiding the conversation, but it'll happen - perhaps as early as their dinner tomorrow.
Let's check in on Deena and Sammi at some other cafe! Deena informs us that her new mission in life is to find an Italian man, and no time is wasted as she hits up the first guy to speak to her - who turns out to be a waiter. "He's cute." "Do you want me to be your wingwoman?" Deena proclaims him a Lean Cuisine - which I guess means he's skinny as a rail. SHE GETS THE DIGITS! His name is Ellis (I think). All Deena wants is a Lean Cuisine who speaks good English and understands her. Deena: NOBODY understands her. I don't even know if they actually ATE while they were here or just chatted up the dude, had a drink and that was it. "He actually speaks well English!" "Yeah."
Back to Ronnie and Snooki - somehow they found the gym, and Luigi found Snooki. Uncomfortable training ensues! "Ew I feel your wiener!" Snooki burps up wine, and informs us of such. "Ron, he almost touched my boobs." "He's nice but he's creepy." "Very creepy ... Now it's time to get drunk."
Time passes - back at the house, it's 11:19:47 - at :53, Pauly better meet Vinny at the tiniest foosball table in the world! As they play, Deena asks if they're walking or cabbing. They decline to answer: "We're not the leaders!" "You guys are jerks." Gettin' ready montage! Taxis son aqui! Mike says that not only will Brittany be there, but her twin sister will as well. Jwoww is disgusted! Jwoww appears on this episode!
We're at a club! It's club dancing montage time! ** NOW PLAYING: Kopek - Bring It On Home (The W at Amazon) ** For some reason, Snooki is of by herself and almost getting manhandled by random strangers on her way to find her friends. Snooki tells us that with a boyfriend, she's faithful to him, and committed, and she's still gonna have fun...but party a different way. Still looks like bad hats and dancing to me. Ronnie finds her first and does some choice pelvic thrusting her way - it's so effective that she rares back to slap whoever's doing it, only to stop when she discovers it's Ronnie. She tells us that Ronnie's super fun tonight and "the Ronnie I fell in love with." I think she means FIGURATIVELY. Ronnie brings Snooki back in with the rest of the crowd, and somehow we segue to Sammi ready yet again to unburden herself to Ronnie, who is having none of it. "Why do you always want to have this conversation when we're drunk? Tomorrow afternoon, I promise you."
Ellis has arrived! He's "cute out of his little waiter uniform!" They waste little time getting to making out - a fine example of Denna "Jersey turnpiking" him, and more kissing with tongues. Later, the girls toast to Firenze! Snooki: "Wait...is Firenze Florence?" "Yeah." "OK."
COMING UP: Shit storm 1 - Vinny's a dick while Deena's trying to get some action!
LATER: Shit storm 2 - Mike's recent past with Snooki becomes a matter of public record!
** NOW PLAYING: Phive f/ KO Kid - Politics & Fashion **And now it appears that Brittany and her twin Erica (who we will now refer to as The Twin Erica) have arrived on the scene. Pauly, coining a phrase I am sure he regretted soon after the show wrapped: "Twinning!" Erica: "We're twins!" Vinny: "Really?" Situation is already guaranteeing to Brittany that he's bringing both of them home tonight, so it's on. Then he walks away. He tells us that they're actually his backup (!) plan. In fact, ALL the guys avoid the twins from then on. I'm not sure what that's about, but I'm sure we'll learn more later. Back to the chicks - well, three chicks hooting at Deena as she CONTINUES to play tonsil hockey with Ellis. Just like that, we're ready to depart. Mike asks some other girl if she wants to come with and she affirms, but when we take the next shot at the taxi, Mike is alone - and confused! Oh well, he'll call Brittany when he gets home. In another cab, Deena asks Ellis how you say "easy girl." He proffers "Semplice," which our CG translator says is "(simple)." Deena quickly tells him, "I'm not that." She just wants to cuddle. "And kiss?" They kiss. "Kissing is allowed." Back to the house! Pauly tells Ellis "she wants to get it in!" Deena says something that's bleeped in response.
Snooki somehow got to the phone first, so we follow Mike as he hovers over her talking to her father. Finally, Snooki relents, telling her dad she'll have to call him back because Mike needs to make his booty call. This isn't enough for Mike, as he tries to get a hug AND a kiss out of Snooki before using the phone. She's not entirely amenable. "I love you." "All right, call her." "I love you." "All right, call her." Mike says he doesn't want to call her but he can't have Snooki, so....and that sound you hear is millions of eyeballs rolling simultaneously. To us, she says that she doesn't know what Mike's game is but she's not into it. AGAIN Mike says that but for her having a boyfriend, he wouldn't be calling all these other girls. "Mike, shut up." "If you didn't have a boyfriend, it'd be different." "Mike, you're crazy." Snooki says she's not gonna hook up with Mike, she thinks he knows it, but he still wants to try to start some drama. Mike ends up leaving a message for Brittany, who will surely call back and get a busy signal.
Deena and Ellis are kissing! Yes they are! Vinny and Pauly decide to bust in on them and deny them privacy. Vinny, in a very "white man" voice, declares that they'll be having some popcorn "while you guys get it in." Pauly says they're leaving, but Vinny really thinks they should be retiring to the smush room, and says something approximating that in Italian. Deena's not too happy about this. To us: "I come off as, like a hard exterior, and like, I can take like when the boys pick on me, but like now I'm like, I am very sensitive!" Vinny, who must be drunker than we were aware, keeps yelling out "I'm gonna have to sleep in your bed because Deena's (fucking) in my room!" Pauly asks him to stop being a hater. "It's called a smush room, dude - where the (fuck) am I supposed to sleep?" Deena's had enough and leaves Ellis to confront her roommates in the living room. "First of all, I'm not doing sex--" (Pauly: "Well stop wasting his time then") "so (fucking) get real - I'm just (fucking) cuddling this guy - so stop talking (fucking shit)." Pauly's enjoying this a bit too much, while Vinny (deeply reclined on a wooden bench) keeps shouting about taking it to the smush room and probably not really listening. Now Pauly AND Vinny are shouting REALLY LOUD and I DON'T KNOW WHY. Deena won't let it go, and keeps coming back to have a last word. Deena: "If you guys (fucked) a girl, I wouldn't give a (fuck)" so why should they make a giant deal out of her having a guy in the room? It's her room too! Vinny demands more respect because he's sleeping on a bench. I feel like these kids may not be communicating on a level where both genders intersect! Pauly finally gets Deena to back off while Sammi asks Vinny to stop it - "she really likes this person."
Back in the bedroom, Deena apologises - and Ellis says he's gonna go home. "No you don't go home" "Why don't I go home?" "Because you stay with me."
Sleep montage! Everybody's sleeping! Even the pigeons! Oh, wait, Ellis isn't sleeping. Twin beds are UNCOMFORTABLE when you have to share them (when the girl hasn't even slept with you, I mean REALLY) so he sneaks out.
It's the next morning! The phone is ringing and Ron gets it. "Is Mike there?" "EH?" "Is Mike there?" And he hangs up. Another phone call - this time it's Pauly. But he tells Brittany that he's Vinny - and that he's madly, deeply in love with her. She persists in asking for Mike. "After all I just told you? This relationship's through!" and HE hangs up on her. So clearly everyone's made up their opinion of Brittany, probably as early as last week's show, but we've been spared most of whatever led up to it through the magic of editing. Mike is still sleeping, we see. Ring ring, Ron answers AGAIN. "Who's calling?" "Brittany." And he hangs up on her. "I think we have a new stalker...and she's twins." Ring ring! Pauly asks Ronnie to take this one. THIS time, Ronnie decides to affect a murmur and pass himself off as Situation. "Who?" "It's Mike." "Oh!" Somehow, she fails to notice it's NOT Mike, but accepts an invitation for herself and her sister to be at the house in one hour. Pauly and Ronnie decide to head out and eat.
COMING UP: Here they are! Mike is surprised!
And now, a sneak peak at the hilarious new comedy "Our Idiot Brother" - whoa you know something? It IS hilarious. It is HILARIOUS. It....nah, actually, it's not hilarious at all. Drugs are NEVER funny. Say no to drugs, kids!
When we come back, Brittany and The Twin Erica are ringing the bell - and ringing - and ringing. We see Mike preparing his face (I guess) - wait, is that Abercrombie &....nah, I guess it isn't. Snooki is on the phone, so it's up to Deena to buzz them in. (Yeah, it looks like you buzz people into this place. Whatevah. Hopefully Deena knew who was at the door before she buzzed just anybody in.) Snooki is on the phone with Snooki's Boyfriend Jionni - he's pining for her, not going out, waiting by the phone, wow what a sap. Meanwhile, two blondes are strolling through the place causing some mass confusion in the process. Finding the doorway to Mike's bedroom, they appear - and we get a pretty confused face out of Mike as well. While he adjusts to this situation and CONTINUES to sound very asleep. "You told me to come in an hour, I feel bad you're not ready!" "No, it's OK...." and the thing is, you would expect to hear the gears spinning, but for The Situation, there are no gears. He shunts them off to another room while he continues to get ready. He says he's gonna go with the flow and they'll have some breakfast. After sitting them on a sofa and heading back to his room, he makes sure to give Snooki (and us) some exaggerated "what the hell?" hand and arm motions. Snooki: "I'm so confused right now." Meanwhile, Ronnie, Pauly and Jwoww (who IS appearing in tonight's episode) have returned - Pauly greets Vinny: "How's your beard?" - and then they each take turns getting into the living room just enough to spy the twins, then immediately rush out and break into peals of laughter.
Ronnie finds Mike and laughs heartily. "Who did this?" Mike still hasn't seemed to put it together. "I'm getting dressed, and all of a sudden the two twins are up here and I'm like....I didn't let them in...I mean...I...I don't, I don't remember, you know, inviting them." Pauly: "She wants to know where she put her toothbrush." Mike says that as things go, twins aren't too bad a thing to try for. Pauly tells us basically the same thing. So maybe this'll turn out all right. Vinny asks if he pulls one girl's hair, will the other feel it? Oh, come on. Also, Vinny is shirtless, so no Abercrombie & Fitch there. Everybody's yukking it up at the twins' expense. And away they go to breakfast! Vinny says Mike never takes girls out on dates, especially in the daytime. We'll tell Vinny how this was all a prank later.
Out to a cafe! We learn that The Twin Erica is a virgin - or claims to be, let's say, and leave it at that. Mike tells us about the delicate task of scoring a threesome. The Situation does the impossible "and I think I can get it done." Is it too early to start drinking? Mike is up for it!
Meanwhile, Ronnie and Sammi are dining on the rooftop - how romantic (and unlike Ron)! They're FINALLY gonna talk. Sammi says she's not that girl from Jersey, and she put some trust in him, and he hasn't brought any girls home yet. Ronnie's been hanging with the fellas, yes. Ronnie, to us: "I kinda wanna be with Sam (oh no) but I want Sam to be...THIS girl." Sammi tells Ronnie she's "a completely changed person and I like who I am." "No more (bullshit), no more (fucking) nonsense." "I don't want you to worry because I would never hurt you." DON'T BELIEVE HER RON. "All right, so....we'll.... give it a shot--" "Well how do YOU feel?" "Obviously I love you, Sam." CUE THE MUSIC! "I miss that feeling of holding you...being with you." Oh, Ron. Ron. Ron. "I haven't felt this happy in like, 20 years, I'm not even kiding you." Oh Sam. Hugs all around! ** NOW PLAYING: Marc Robillard - Blown Away ** AND CHURCH BELLS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Sammi, to us: "I GUESS this means Ron and Sam are back together." Shoot me now. So much for Hannah, I guess? The punchline: Ron tells Sammi she needs an altoid. Also, I'm not sure they ever actually had a meal here.
COMING UP: Deena kisses The Twin Erica!
LATER: Snooki and Mike shout about whether or not they did it!
Have I ever sung you that Champs Sports ad? DUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN NICE
Sammi, Deena want to get hopped up on Stacker 2 6 Hour Power energy shots ad (1)
When we come back, Ronnie and Sammi are holding hands and walking romantically. ** NOW PLAYING: National Skyline - Act Like We Do **Back to the house we go. Sammi says this is the first time she's seen Ronnie smile in forever. I guess she wasn't around for the first two episodes. Ronnie tells us he really thinks that they can move on this time. Oh, crap.
Back at the house! Snooki immediately wants details from Ronnie about dinner. So there WAS dinner in there somewhere! Snooki tells us how boring it is when Ron and Sam aren't fighting. Wait, what? Anyway, it takes some prying but Ronnie finally reveals they're back together. "No fighting this time." "Oh dea...let the games begin." Snooki gets permission to tell everybody else.
Vinny and Pauly are AGAIN playing the tiniest foosball machine on earth - Ronnie has changed into a black V-neck, which Vin and Pauly IMMEDIATELY notice and conclude that he's back to being Conservative Ronnie and he's back with Sam. Ronnie immediately runs back to change AGAIN, and Vin and Pauly crack up because they know they're right. After singing his new tune "Conservative Ronnie (He's A Hell Of A Guy)," Vinny tells us that "we've been set back months and months of progress." "Hey, did you ask Sam first?" And now Sam comes out - "she's back in black, bro! She's not wearing COLOURS anymore! She's been wearing colours all year!" Pauly is cracking up AGAIN and Vinny is now debuting his next hit single "Conservative Sammi." Pauly tells us that if Ronnie and Sam got back together, HE'D kill HIMSELF - and you KNOW it's a bad relationship when you're considering your OWN suicide over it! Vinny deftly notices that black is the colour you put on for a funeral.
CABS ARE HERE. Snooki wants to know when they'll get it in - Sam says they're gonna take it slow. "Oh...so, slow sex?" ** NOW PLAYING: Pance Party - Mumble (soundcloud.com) ** This is FLÔ, looks like. Let's do another party/dance montage! Pauly: "We're in Italy right now. In case you were wondering." Jwoww (who IS appearing in this episode!) proclaims this a Jersey takeover - beats were bumped, fists were raised, and they took over the place. Vinny agrees - they got it poppin'! ** NOW PLAYING: Aitan - Top of the World ** Pauly says this night reminds him of the first time in Jersey. But the mood (and music) quickly change as Brittany and The Twin Erica have found their way on the scene. Vinny breaks out his "What The Hell?" reserved exclusively for stalkers. "Party foul!" "We have reached a new level of stalker...but The Situation adapts to handle all types of crazy things." Somehow a discussion of who is the hotter twin comes up - Deena notices a difference in their eyes. Snooki finally gets some quality time with The Twin Erica, which she uses to ask "so, when they're, like doing it, do you sit there and watch?" "Well...I have before." Somehow this is all being done because Snooki wants to see them have the three-way with Mike (what?) - "Mike's cool, so you should (fuck) Mike." Snooki apparently doesn't know that she's a virgin. "No you're not." She doesn't believe it because she's really hot. OK, so she's a virgin - but her sister's a whore. "I'm in love right now - his name is Jionni and he's from Jersey, and he's gonna come visit and I'm gonna (verb) his (anatomical body part)" - usually I guess at those bleeps, but I would HATE to be wrong here. The Twin Erica: "Foul."
Time passes. Mike has an arm around each twin. "When we get home, we'll figure everything out, okay?" is probably code for "C'mon, if you want to be on MTV you've gotta have a threesome with me (and also sign the release)." Somehow, DEENA gets in here, separates The Twin Erica from Mike and Brittany, tells Mike "she's mine," tells The Twin Erica "You're too attached to your sister - let her live!" and...deciding she's a blast in a glass just like she is (Mike: "I don't like it. I don't like it") and next thing you know they're kissing on each other. Ronnie notices first. Vinny's "what the hell" seems dubbed in this time. Deena tells us that sometimes, when you're drunk, you kiss girls. So...just file that one away, ladies. Pauly offers us some play-by-play: "This is not a playful, friend kiss friend thing, or however girls do, this is the full-blown, lesbi-honest experience right now. Deena pulled the robbery hardcore." Mike is not pleased!
COMING UP: Who is in whose bed?
LATER: Snooki flummoxes Mike!
Am I so wrong for not caring one iota about Lady Gaga OR the VMAs? NAY.
When we come back, we relive the last bit of the PREVIOUS segment with some slightly altered editing. Mike tells us that it was *supposed* to be a "menage a twins" but Deena has ruined his twinning AND his menage-rie. He can't be too upset, though, because he still has one twin. ** NOW PLAYING: Kate Crash - Generation of the Bored ** All on the way home, Deena and The Twin Erica are kissin'. Deena tells us that this isn't something she normally does, but it ain't the worst thing in the world. Out on the courtyard, Snooki says that if she was at a bar feeling lesbionic, she'd probably go for The Twin Erica, too. "You're too nice - (God) damn!" "No, I'm not nice at all." Deena tells us - now let me make sure I completely get this 100% accurate: "I wouldn't say I'm a lesbian, but I guess bi-curious - I don't think I'd ever date a girl 'cause I really really love penis - but I have fun." And with that, it's time to "go play."
Meanwhile, Mike has Brittany go lie down in his bed - this takes more talking that I expected.
Deena has The Twin Erica in HER bed - no, wait, she has to pee. Then DEENA has to pee. Presumably they're gonna end up in the bed together at some point during this show.
Our main cast has mostly assembled around a table to eat some sort of pasta variety. Snooki notes that Mike left Brittany behind - he offers to bring her out, but Snooki says that she doesn't feel like "conversating" so...actually I have no idea what the point was here. Let's move on
Ronnie: "He told me a story the other day that I don't want to repeat." This roughly translates to "Oh my God you guys, let me tell you this thing Mike told me a couple days ago." With Sammi and Jwoww (Jwoww is in this episode!) both listening, Ronnie relays Mike's tale of the hookup with Snooki a few months back while she was ostensibly seeing Jionni. Jenni presses for specifics and Ron specifically says "she cheated on him with Jionni" which sounds like he got it backwards but Jenni knows what he meant.
Let us take you back two weeks: "Me 'n' Snooki...we kinda hooked up."
Ronnie tells us that he knew exactly what he was doing here: "Mike (fuckin') ratted me out in Miami, he (fuckin') ratted me out in Jersey." There ain't no "guy code" between Ronnie and Mike as far as Ron is concerned! Jenni thinks Snooki needs to know about this...
Meanwhile, Snooki and Mike are having a deep conversation out in the courtyard - Mike is so disappointed in Deena for pulling the robbery after he put in all that work! "I think, she's like...selfish." Hopefully the irony hasn't been lost in translation.
Deena has wandered out to get a plate of what everybody else is eating, leaving The Twin Erica to...straddle Vinny in HIS bed?! Okay, so they're both ... well, I hate to say "whores," so I'll instead offer "cognizant of what they want in a mature fashion." Actually, she falls over, so her balance - and sobriety - has to be questioned at this stage. "What if I started making out with you right now?" Vinny fails to object. THEY'RE kissing.
By the time Deena comes back...is she blowing him? Well, Deena puts a stop to whatever's happening, saying "she wants to cuddle with me!" and The Twin Erica replies "F*** yeah!" - Vinny is miffed. "That's weird though. She just jumps from bed to bed." AGAIN she splats getting out of Vinny's bed. Deena tells her she has to have pants on to get into HER bed. The pixelation DOES seem to indicate that she's pantsless. "OK, I'm back - I'm back in this situation."
Back to Mike and Snooki - even NOW he's trying to tell Nicole that he doesn't want to cross her (oof) but before this goes even further, Jwoww blurts in and says she really needs to talk to Nicole one on one right now, it's an emergency, and freaks out Snooki to the point where she gets up to go talk to her. Mike is nonplussed.
"You're scaring me!" Jenni drops the bomb: Mike told everyone - EVERYONE - that they hooked up two months back. Snooki completely denies it. "He's psycho!" Jenni goes into "details" - "I - (fucked) - Nicole - and - she - cheated - on - Jion - ni." "I'm gonna cry right now. No." "Handle that. That's your boy." Snooki tells US it never happened - she was there for him as a friend, but it's messed up that he's talking this kinda stuff now.
"DUDE! Mike!" She lights into Mike, who does a lot of stammering trying to figure out how this could possibly have gotten back to her. She doesn't want to be friends right now, she doesn't even want to look at him. DONE.
COMING UP: Mike somehow connects the dots after remembering he'd told only one person
LATER: Snooki plots a murder
Sammi, Deena want to get hopped up on Stacker 2 6 Hour Power energy shots ad (2)
Mike is spending a lot of time saying he would never lie, and then tells us that the one thing The Situation is not is a liar. I can't say as I believe him - it seems to me he's either lying now or he lied to Ronnie. Anyway. "We hooked up two months ago!" "You're PSYCHO!" Mike says "I'm not gonna lie" another couple dozen times. Nicole said she was his last friend in the house and that's done, he's a (fucking) douchebag, she (fucking) hates him. Sammi (to us): "For once no drama with me and it feels (fuckin') amazing!" Snooki again denies that any of this happened two months ago. "The reason you're walking away is because you know I'm right." So she comes back and we continue. Snooki tells US that Mike crossed a line here. I believe Brittany is still around here somewhere.
Back to the occupied bedroom. Vinny sleeps alone! Pauly D sleeps alone! Deena and The Twin Erica are making out! Isn't it interesting that Vinny and Pauly really dick out when Deena has Ellis in her bed, but when it's The Twin Erica...well, that's probably just a bro thing. Somewhere along the line, though, ANOTHER line is crossed, and some voice in Deena's head says that she likes penis, so she breaks it off and shunts The Twin Erica back to...Vinny. Ha!
Next morning, Snooki is really bothered about Mike's revelations to the world. Snooki says that what really happened was they were hanging with Ryder and Unit - OK, I like to think I know who's who on this show, and I DO know who Ryder is, but Unit escapes me - so Ryder and Unit hooked up and Mike wanted to hook up with Snooki, but she said no, and he got (fuckin') pissed off. Ronnie doesn't know who to believe, because they both have reasons for telling stories. Ronnie thinks she should woman up and tell Jionni, whether it happened or not, that Mike's saying it did, because better than he heard from her than from him. Snooki can't understand why Mike would do that - but it's done. DONE
Mike expresses to Ron his disappointment in him - Ronnie tells US Mike better (fucking) shut his mouth 'cause he's a (fucking) snitch. After all the trouble he's caused in the past, lighting the fuse and then sitting back? Ron tells Mike he did tell Jenni and furthermore he's pretty sure Mike knew it was gonna come out when he did what he did. Mike repeats that he's disappointed. I'm sure that'll really eat at Ronnie later.
Jenni joins the conversation, and they keep talking until Brittany wanders out wondering where everybody is. Mike has to corral her, and ends up taking her to bed, so that kinda leaves things laying for a while. To US, Mike says we'll see what happens - the truth will come out, and for Snooki, the truth will set her free. What is this, a pro wrestling promo?
Snooki hopes this doesn't destroy everything. Jwoww says this can be fixed. Snooki says if this breaks them up, she'll KILL Mike. Jwoww says that if Jionni is dumb enough to choose to believe Mike instead of believing her, she probably shouldn't be with him anyway, which is always such useful advice to give somebody else when you don't have to take it yourself. She says again that Jionni won't leave her over Mike talking (shit).
** NOW PLAYING: Hogni - Big Personality **Mike and Brittany to bed, Jwoww and Snooki hug, Sammi in the bed with Ron (NOOOO), Pauly alone (NOOOO), Vinny with The Twin Erica, Where's Deena?, the last shot is of Snooki alone...and pretty unhappy. Back to topless Brittany - pull the covers over 'em 'cause they're probably DOIN' IT.
NEXT TIME: Snooki needs to tell Jionni! Over the phone! Pauly tells Deena she's become a (cock)blocker and she's change! Deena FROWNS! Sammi and Ronnie are amazed that the drama is not about them! Ronnie THROWS LUGGAGE! But it's a SWERVE because he's not mad at Sammi, but in fact at THE SITUATION! Mike FROTHS! LET'S DO IT!
VMA ad blocks out that Wallpaper. track this week
The trend continues - I've dropped below 5300 words this week - well, until now. I'm @CRZ - GOOD NIGHT
Pauly and Vinnie must have a great time, mocking all of the craziness that happens to everyone around them. Is it me, or does nothing crazy ever happen to those two (oh wait, there was the stalker/jewish girl in the 1st and 3rd season)
I laughed when at the end Jwoww said she expected Ron and Sammi to be fighting but it turned out to be Ronnie and Mike.
Situation went from bad to worse this season. And ugh Ronnie and Sammi together again? Can't wait to see how that plays out (no I don't wanna see that, but I will watch regardless)
Nothing says 'contractual obligation' like J-Wowww on this season of the show. She doesn't seem like she's having fun, wants to be there, or is still interested in playing den mother to these morons.
Snooki actually wanting Ronnie and Sam to end up together is the dumbest comment she's ever made.
"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." --- Bart Giamatti, on baseball
It's a quick and dirty list this week because I am positive I will not feel like doing this this weekend. We have a grand total of 333 titles here - you break 'em out and, optionally, make the same jokes I usually make every week.