I give blood early in the day because I care about people. I eat the biggest steak that doesn't actually still moo. I drive to the Chesterfield fairgrounds and have a little trouble finding a parking space, which is a pleasant surprise. I get in and accost Dave Layne and buy a chili dog. Zhix appears out of nowhere and WE'RE ON! There are far more people here than I would have ever imagined- 125ish is the general estimate. We find a seat next to the peanut gallery- which would be far less annoying if they would can the completely played out "TWO!" chant. Tim Noel is a stones throw away selling things. He is selling a FMW shirt that I should buy but I doubt if it would make the journey over my giant skull. We gear up for the grappling.
Rick O'Brien and His finest Hairpiece hit the ring and introduce- FROM CHESTERFIELD COUNTY- CHRRRISSSS DRAMIN! I tell Zhix that if he doesn't give a shoutout to his peeps from Centralia in the hizzouse that I'm definately going for Damien Wayne. Dramin speaks on going to LC Byrd across the street (TO HELL WITH BYRD! I LIVE IN THE MATOAKA DISTRICT BOYEEEEEEEEE) and gives Chester a shoutout so- TO HELL WITH DRAMIN. He doesn't represent MYYYYY particualr district in Chesterfield. Damien Wayne comes and is duly terrifying as crazy-eyed redneck ass-stomper, telling Dramin he's gonna piledrive him straight to HELL. It was awesome. Phil Brown comes out and sets up the tag of he and Sean Denny versus Mike Booth and MASKED SUPERSTAR 2! It takes Zhix five and one-half hours to realize that Sean Denny and Sean Lei are the same guy. The tractor fumes take their toll.
BRANDON DAY vs JEFF EARLY: This match was fun. Early is a rookie, I'm assuming- and acquitted himself well. Brandon Day must have helped train him because they drag this match out about five minutes too long because Day finds all these new and exciting ways to completely beat the living shit out of Early. Early's comebacks made his future in the art of professional wrestling quite promising because the crowd got behind him quite vocally as he was fighting back from Brandon Day completely slaughterizing him. Finish was this totally nasty Snap Brainbuster that looked to kill the youth from RVA. Day brings the STIFF. Early will accept an assbeating, That's the wrestling we here in the Old Dominion want.
PHAROAH/LAZARUS vs TOMMY SMALLZ~!/FAT TONY: Fat Tony is moving towards the Kinda Pudgy Tony- which is good for the young man's health so HEAR HEAR! This matched started well as Pharoah isn't afraid to just beat the shit out of somebody and Tommy Smallz is really good at taking the shit the getting kicked out of him. Zhix and I were both raised by Pentecostal Christians so we discuss the concept of a Jewish man raised from the dead by Christ tagging with a pagan Sun-God from Egypt. We decide that Lazarus needs to learn how to punch. Pharoah drops some fucking fabulous Elbow Drops and we weep the tears of men MEN! who see pure artistic beauty. After the hot tag and Fat Tony cleans house, it kinda meandered to the finish and made the whole thing suck. Strange.
- Ivan Koloff gets on the mic and tries to get everyone to give their hearts to Jesus. Ivan was a GREAT heel and was a great wrestler. But it is Chesterfield county. It's not like everyone there (other than me and Zhix) weren't gonne be in Sunday school the next morning. This ain't sunday school, we all came here to see somebody get their ass kicked. But it was Ivan Koloff so we all listened patiently. I tell Zhix of my 17 autographed pictures of Ivan Koloff that every body I know gets me whenever they see Mr Koloff siging autographs at WalMart.
MIKE VAUGHAN vs GRAIL: This went like 5 minutes and I think Grail got concussed. The chain wrestling clinic before the stoppage was really neat. They need to make one of these guys obviously an evil bastard because the heat wasn't there because folks were confused about who to like and who to hate.
ALEXXX SAGE vs SAJE HILTON: THIS was fucking awesome. Who is this Saje Hilton guy? He wasn't afraid to get Alexxx Sage to work just PREPOSTEROUSLY stiff. They took just SICK bumps to the floor and beat the living dogpiss out of each other. I was talking to Dave afterwards and he said he didn't like it because it was just a bunch of things they were doing as opposed to having a match. I agree to a point. There were huge lapses in selling- especially after the superfun brawling and beating each other to death with chairs section on the floor, but I was soooooo ready for a crappy Alexxx Sage indie style wrestling match that the fact that Saje Hilton was such slimy, smarmy asshole- JUST BY STANDING IN THE RING- that the crowd was deeply into the whimsical face stylings of Alexxxxx and really got into it when Saje stopped the fun and games and started beating the shit out of Sage, so I couldn't not love this. Sage going from comedy wrestler to stiff ass-stomper was pretty fucking great and I think that makes up for the CZWish selling in parts. Surprise match of the night.
Intermission, I go with Zhix to get a snowcone. Zhix is a fucking communist and doesn't like snowcones. Fucking communist. I get a suicide but the lady at the table calls it a "rainbow". I have a very long discussion with the lady about "suicides" and that they are called "swamp water" in Canada. She backs away from me slowly...
Another member of the Bellwood Athletic Association is selling raffle tickets and I joke that I can't GAMBLE! IVAN KOLOFF IS SITTING RIGHT THERE! She feigns amusement and sells me a LOSER of a RAFFLE TICKET. LOSER! I feel the sting of the vice of gambling.
PHIL BROWN/SEAN DENNY vs MASKED SUPERSTAR 2/ MIKE BOOTH: I laugh at the fact that Schneider and TomK miss this- this being the most perfect Southern Tag match to be done in the area in a while. Denny is really great in the Ricky Morton roll and Masked Superstar 2 is PROBABLY Preston Quinn so imagine the assbeating that the babyface takes in this match to set up the hot tag. Booth and MSS2 were fuckin'... well they were the fuckin' Old School Empire. Except they did all these even older school variations on the Southern Tag- like just violent control of their half of the ring- as opposed to really cut-and-dried rote spots to establish control of their half of the ring. It was more of a Miracle Violence Connection idea of controlling their half of the ring, but peppered with the usual Arn and Tully idea of controlling the ring. MSS2's triple Cobra Clutch thingy was AWWWWESOME. They beat the shit out of each other after Denny kicks Booth in the head enough to get the tag and I can't remember how Denny won because I was too busy watching MSS2 and Phil Brown beat the living hell out of each other at ringside. This was quality wrestling.
DAMIEN WAYNE vs CHRIS DRAMIN: This was a ladder match and pretty good one. Dramin isn't in the upper-tier of guys in NWA-VA but he got the crowd behind him and he will let Damien Wayne punch dead in the fuckin teeth so I didn't mind him in this match. Wayne is the best wrestler in America and is at his best when he is doing a straight wrestling match but he is also quite capable of brawling like a motherfucker. Here, he throws everything he's got into a gimmicks match and it would have been better against a psycho like Sean Denny or his natural rival Scotty Blaze, but he gets everything he can out of Dramin and it was a good match. Wayne brings the RIDICULOUS highspots, including a elbow drop off the girder across the cieling to the floor. Dramin uses ice tongs in a disturbing manner. Dramin is a MAN and takes the bodyslam to the ladder. I can't remember how they got to the run-in by the OSE other than Capo taking the ladder to the head but it all kinda broke down into MSS2 and Mike Booth trying to kill Chris Dramin with Decapitation and the faces running out and Wayne challenging everyone in the building to a title bout. Which led tooooo...
SEAN DENNY vs DAMIEN WAYNE: This was quite different than their last match- which was a pretty traditional title defense that degenerated into a world class Skull-Crushing dangerous finisher bonanza. This was a straight up gimmick match and wasn't very long- though it was long enough for Damien Wayne to climb up the giant warehouse metal staircase and miss an elbow drop to the ring- which rivals the Shane Gregory Helms dive of the army transporter to through the tabel as the craziest fucking thing I've seen at a wrestling match. Denny chokes Wayne out after the ginormous miss and WE HAVE A NEW NWA-VA CHAMPION! I would have been happier if Denny won it in a straight up wrestling match and in a match that wasn't such a product of such crappy ECW booking, but Denny as champ makes for a thousand fun matches so I'm happy if not ecstatic.
A quality evening of wrestling. Not as great as other NWA-VA shows because Scotty Blaze wasn't there and MSS2 wasn't in a singles match, but they should run there every week.
Postmatch, me n Zhix go to my house and annoy my wife and watch David Schultz and Buddy Rose bleed like they got heads stuck in a thresher. -------------------- DEAN.
This will be the only WrestleMania that will ever feature the Boogeyman character. If he is still around next year at this time it's going to be in the lower tier at best. It's kind of like if Damian Demento got a push.