Brian and Fat Ass Dave showed up at my house- as we here at the Rasmussen household were all recovering from the completely psychologically draining task of throwing a birthday party for a 4 year old in `03. Sex Machine Brian and I wait outside for young SatanPro to show up so we can head over the Hotchkiss Community Center. My wife walks out to the porch with the phone and says it`s SatanPro. He was saying that he will get up with us later and we assume that we will see him next week when the wrestling tapes are watched. We pile into the Loverman Brian Car Of Nonstop Fertive Wanton Sex and Womanly Pleasure and head off to the wrestling show to the sounds of the Burning Brides. The community center is located in the most beautiful sketchy neighborhood I`ve ever seen in Richmond- as they DO have a crime problem there but they also have some of the biggest and most beautiful houses in Richmond. It`s fucked up like that. You have one idea of what a crime-ridden area should look like. That area looked like a town in Upstate New York with somekind of bizarre drug war going on between the Victorian 1920s houses. Either way, we get there a smidge early and talk to folks and check out the snackbar. And yes, the snackbar kicked the ass of every other community center snackbar in Richmond. I had a cheeseburger and then I got the fish and fries. The fish was actual fried fish and not a Mrs Pauls type deal. Imagine my delight. We find a seat behind Kim who once again gives me shit about every AOL IP being banned on the board. This card was filled with guys that Kelly and Kyle trained at the GWA school all mixed in with usual kingsized motherfuckers from the VCW/NWA-VA axis, so it was a trip of peaks and valleys. As we were leaving I told Dave to e-amil me the results because all these rookies were more than my aging mind could remember. I`ll post his comical attempt at relaying the results and expand a little.
Fat Ass Dave`s results from e-mail will be labeled ``FAD``. I will be ``DR``. REJOICE AT THE CLARITY! The first part of the prematch angle set up section I missed as I waited for the fish to fry. I do get there in time to bust on Rob Hoffman`s toupee.
FAD: ``Mike Booth d. Quickstyle and BJ I forgot the last name. He used to be Gator.`` DR: I think Kim said his name is BJ Winger. Quickstyle is a flashy young rookie in his third match. Being a 5`3ish Black man who does highspots well got him waaay over with the community center youngsters, who were out in droves. The seating was weird- as they had the Puerto Rican thing of having the ring in the middle of the gym floor but didn`t have any chairs out, so everybody was in the bleachers 100 feet from the ring. The kids made a little group standing on the floor. For some reason, the only lighting was these two flourescent lamps that were aimed right into the crowd so all you saw were mostly just sillouettes of the wrestlers. It was quite annoying. Booth was on the apron the whole first half of the match, until Winger eliminated Quickstyle, which isn`t good because Mike Booth is one half of the wrestling machine called the Old School Empire and he fucking rules it. Still, Winger and Quickstyle was perfectly fine. Quickstyle showed flashes of goodness that could point towards him developing into something pretty special. According to Dave, he`s not even 18 yet. Mike Booth beat the life out of Winger and it was fun. Not enough Booth, but perfectly fine little opener.
FAD: ``Damien Wayne d. Chris Dramen`` DR: Damien Wayne was fucking fabulous in this- setting up Dramen`s offense by selling a rib injury early all on the way to Dramen doing a very nasty-looking Dick Togo Apron Senton to the floor. Wayne fucking rocks the Springboard Fistdrop and we weep love`s easy tears at the perfect melding of old school and new school. It fucking ROCKED. It was Dramen`s third match ever (I heard from Dave) and he acquitted himself pretty well- not obviously fucking anything up or anything and he hit a nasty move. He also took some fucking BEAUTIFUL punches from Wayne. It was great because Dramen wins because Wayne becomes uncontrollable in his strangling of Dramen in the corner and Wayne pushes the ref down three times and IS AS PSYCHOTIC AS HE LOOKS! God, he is a fun wrestler. Hoffman comes to ringside and Wayne says sinisterly (that`s a word. I swear.), ``Don`t even think about getting in this ring.`` It was awesome. Psychotic Southern Heels rule the fucking world.
FAD: Grail d. Dragan Frost for GWA US title DR: This is the third Grail match I`ve seen and I beginning to dig him. He needs to eat more community center cheeseburgers because he is a bit slight. Dragan Frost is solid and does a lot of cartwheels on offense, which is always fun. I drifted off into conversation with Brian about something having to do with getting all tore up Wednesday night drinking and I missed large sections of this and can`t really remember the rest- as I wasn`t overly riveted. It was fine from what I remember. Oh wait! The finish was Quick Style causing Dragan Frost to lose to make up for Frost`s shenanigans in the three-way causing Quickstyle to get eliminated. There.
FAD: ``Dustin Daniels d Tone UP`` DR: I remember absolutely nothing about this match. Maybe Brian remembers.
FAD: ``Pete Jannings d. Donovan Torrez`` DR: Playboy Pete Jannings is a good little wrestler. He did this super cool ass sliding bump ribfirst into the ringpost- a cool-ass variation on going shoulder first through the ropes to the ringpost. Torrez is really good at getting the youngsters in the community center to hate his stinkin blue-blood guts so that made up for the fact that he not a great shake in the ring yet. The fact that this went for like 53 minutes didn`t help him. Jannings bumping and fun little power offence couldn`t save this by the end.
FAD: ``Kiley McLean b. Casey J. Austin and Shahima and Nicole Starr to win vacant womens belt`` DR: I think Shahima is Lady Richard`s sister of something- except she has a much sweeter rack than the Pirate`s Dream Lady Richard*. This match was a clusterfuck but there were a few nice sections between Austin and Kiley and then they would blow something and fuck up the momentun they would create. Starr whipped out the body scissors and took a big bump off the top so I was happy. She`s lost weight since that one other match I had seen her in against GEE STAR on the amazingly beloved Statmark Carolina Pimping Tapes (all of which are wrestling tape MUST OWNs.)
FAD: ``Logan Night b. Mike Lynn to win the tagbelts with Pete Jannings He also holds Universal title. Don`t know it was up in this match or not.`` DR: Yeah, this had a bizzarre Russo/Indie quadruple stipulation that noone in the building understood. It didn`t affect how the match was wrestled so it`s water under the bridge. I was STOKED that Mike Lynn was wrestling and that he is now being managed by the OMNIPOTENT NEAL MOTHERFUCKING SHARKEY, MANGER OF FUCKING CHAMPIONS, MOTHERFUCKER. The first five minutes were really good and me n brian were all torqued about this being one of those weirdly good matches that crop up out of nowhere. Mike Lynn whips out the SWEET Standing Surfboard/Sharpshooter submission that Bull Nakano used to do. Then they tried all this stuff they couldn`t actually pull off yet and it ground to a halt and kinda reverted to a less than great match. Mike Lynn did hit his sweet assed elbow drop. Kim and I discuss whether Mike Lynn should come out to ``Bounty Hunter`` by Molly Hatchet or ``Live Wire`` by Motley Crue. I say if he were to use any Crue, he should use ``Ten Seconds To Love`` but that`s just me and my overly Shout At The Devil-centered perspective.
FAD: ``PQ beat Brandon Day for Vacant GWA belt`` DR: OH! The great development of the evening is that Preston Quinn is now managed by NEAL MOTHERFUCKING SHARKEY when he wrestles in the GWA so IMAGINE my delight. Quinn is fucking AWESOME enraging the youngsters at ringside, so between he and Sharkey, Day has the crowd behind him as the lock up. Brandon Day is not even fucking 19 years old yet and he is already looking like a guy who could be on Quinn`s level of rock-solid ass-stomping real soon. Having seen PQ beat the living shit out of Sean Lei last week in the Virginia Indie Match Of The Decade, I think it overshadowed this match because this is a fucking beautiful match. Quinn establishes the psycholgy of the match early by hitting the fucking balls out Double Kneelift to the shoulder of Day and then he starts just beating the shoulder down with armbars with the punches to the shoulder while he his driving it into the mat. The stomps, the punches, the FUCKING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL SHOULDERBREAKER- it was fucking DICK MURDOCK-LIKE in it`s precision and execution. Day sells it like a KING and I`m like telling Brian, ``Jesus! PQ is KILLING him! God, this is great.`` We had walked to the far of the ring and decided to stand up for this match so we could watch it without being blinded by the lights. The lady standing next to me taking pictures smiles and says, ``That`s my son.`` I then try to tone down my comments about how much PQ is breaking the shoulder of Day. Day makes some great comebacks with suplexes and punches to the face that REALLY looked fucking great. They were exchanging punches that Lawler and Dundee would have been proud of- it was fucking MANLY. But the great thing is that the psychology of the match where Day`s shoulder is completely toasted always dictated when his offense would end. He would go for a suplex but PQ would power out because the shoulder couldn`t pull off the move. The fact that PQ was working on the shoulder telegraphs his moves and allows Day to counter out. The ending is fucking GREAT. PQ drives his elbow through Day`s shoulder from a standing position to the mat and hooks up this super-Snakepit-looking Keylock/Chinlock Bridging combination which forces Day`s back to arch as far it will arch. He is almost at the ropes and makes them once but Sharkey knocks his hand off the ropes before the ref can see- as the hold continually forces the ref to make sure that the chinlock hasn`t drifted in to a choke. PQ cranks back after Sharkey has knocked Day`s hand off the bottom rope and sinks in the hold again. As Day tries to inch closer, the ref has to check the chinlock section of the hold again and Sharkey pulls back on the bottom rope. PQ sinks the hold in again and the ref checks Day`s arm and Day can`t raise it on the third try. It was fucking GREAT. Day is the super babyface who SHOULD have gotten out of the hold. PQ is superstrong as the heel because he delivers the fucking beating like a fucking KING. And Sharkey moves into the realm of Evil Effective Dick Manager instead of just guaranteed cheap heat generator. 20 minutes of pure hell and pain. It was fucking great Southern wrestling.
I dig this wrestling show every week thing. The main event was fucking beautiful. The rest was pretty hit and miss as a show with this many green guys on it will be.
What does WWE have to blame ratings on this week? That rousing Dolphins/CHARGERS game? The new season of Joe Millionaire? The sad thing is, the highest rated segment was Shane/Test. Somebody's going to interpret that as SHANE = RATINGS!!!