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The W - Random - [DVDVR BOOZE REVIEW #17] NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE; LAWSON CREEK VANILLA CREAM STOUT
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1350 days
Last activity: 1348 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Hiya!

It's been a while since I wrote one of these- as new youngsters mean less money to piss away on overpriced booze. BUT my wife is out of the No-Drinking Zone with the youngun and actually has been advised to have a couple beers a week to clear up things in her system so we are back into the grasp of the sweet delicious booze. She went out and bought a six because I kept buying all these twelves of Josef Hoffbauer Lager that are on sale at every Kroger in the Greater Richmond Area. I like it because it's only $4.99 a six and is INFINITELY better than other swill available, swill that would actually cost more- I point a disdainful finger to Miller and Pabst Blue Ribbon. I like it, but the wife- who can outdrink any of you motherfuckers if she ever had to and who useta drink twelves of Goebles waiting for the keg to arrive at her Oregon Hill house after the shows at Shafer Court on Fridays back in her collegiate black belt drunk days- thinks it tastes like I spent 5 bux for some kind of chilled Milwaukee bathhouse urine in cans. She bought her fave, which is Newcastle Brown Ale. I never get pitchers or pints of Newcastle when I'm out howling at the moon with my fellow drunken codgers, because if a bar has Newcastle, they would also more than likely have Guinness. And Guinness always wins. Guinness ALWAYS wins. Guinness. It always wins. Guinness. But I do actually like Newcastle Brown Ale when it is cold and in my house. I've drank three in the last 24 hours and the bottle shape itself is as accomodating as the smooth and hefty taste. The bottle is super-cylindrical and feels good in my hand- like if a beer bottle were shaped like my personal dream penis...wait. The taste is caramelly and dense, but is all lucid and lively as it dances in your mouth- kinda like every thing I like in a Lager or Pilsner combined with a couple of things I like in a stout or a porter. I recommend drinking it if your wife, husband or boyfriend or girlfriend buys it and leaves it in he fridge. You would buy the Guinness though.

So anyway, we hit the end of the Newcastle and it was like 8:45 or so and the second episode of COPS was on and we were out of beer. I said, "Y'know. Y'know, I could go the store and get some more booze."

She says, "Yeah, and get some M&Ms. And dont get any of that crap you've been buying."

I said, "The Hoffbauer? I was gonna go to Ellwood Thompson. What time does it close"

"Make your own six pack."

"No....no, fuck that, I can't afford that. I'll go to Kroger and get something." So I remembered that Kroger had also gotten some kind of Josef Hoffbauer-esque close-out deal on some other Northern off-brand and I became excited again. I remember that next to the ceiling high stacks of Hoffbauer 12 packs, there were these $4.59 six-packs of some kind of faux Micro looking stuff called Lawson Creek. I usually go to the Kroger next to my work on my way home, but I was going to a foreign Kroger this time- the one in Carytown that useta be the most malt-liquor-drenched Safeway in the history of the great city of Richmond, Virginia. Luckily, the Lawson Creek was in the refrigerated section here as opposed to on the warm floor display like in the other Kroger and I notice they have three flavors of Lawson Creek- a Lager, a something and a Vanilla Cream Stout. Figuring the Vanilla Cream Stout would be either a] as repulsive as it sounds or b] as weird as Mobjack Old Coot Stout, I bought it because if something isn't going to be good at least be awful in an interesting way. The thing is, it's not repulsive at all. It's not GOOD or anything, but it's like if Sam Adams made a thrid rate creme ale, so it is better in it's genre of beverage than Vanilla Coke is at its genre. The vanilla is very prominent but it isn't a sweet vanilla taste. It's- I SWEAR- like Cool Colt malt liquor. It's the essence of vanilla like Cool colt was the ESSENCE of mint flavored Malt Liquor- a candy taste with the sugar taken out. It's fucking weird. But therein is its downfall as being anything worthy of being a high calibre BREW in that it's supposedly a stout but all you get is aslightly heavy beer with a overriding vanilla taste. C'mon a stout is supposed have some ass behind it and this is COMPLETELY assless. And it's only 3.2. If you can't have balls, at least have alcohol. This has neither, but for an on-sale knock-off of a Microbrew, ity's perfectly fine at $4.59.

And- since the time that the last Booze Review was concocted a few months- my Men-TOR and the most knowledgable elder statesman in the Richmond Booze Society got a promotion and is now my boss. Does it get any fucking better than that? I SAY THE NAY!

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.



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Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

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#2 Posted on
Dean,

Check out http://www.logret.com/ I'm currently drinking the Eureka! Honey Wheat, which appears to be Brethren to your friend Josef.

It's not bad with a lemon.



Your a retarted looser.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1350 days
Last activity: 1348 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
It all makes sense. The distributor of Hoffbauer is from Cold Spring, MN and Lawson Creek Vanilla Cream Stout and it's sister beers are brewed in Cold Spring, MN. We have a new odd purveyor of high-grade swill in the US. HEAR! HEAR!

How much was the Eureka a six in comparison to what it was sitting next to?

DEAN.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 24.8.02 2257)


YES, I AM DEAN.



tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.46

Count yourself lucky that you can get Newcastle Brown in bottles. Our only recourse here for Newcastle Brown outside of a pub involves a can. Guinness in a can? Fine and dandy. Boddington's in a can? No complaints. Kilkenny in a can? Drink it all the time. Newcastle Brown in a can? Badness. Much badness.

And yes, the Guinness wins. Unless it's up against Mokka Ale. But they don't make that any more. Please pardon me whilst I go sob for a while in it's memory...




/tarnish...

how come you're so afraid of things that dont make any sense to you? do you water your raisins daily? do you have any raisins? is there anything that does make sense to you? are you afraid of twelve button suits? how come you're so afraid to stop talking?
Guru Zim
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Since: 9.12.01
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#5 Posted on
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    It all makes sense. The distributor of Hoffbauer is from Cold Spring, MN and Lawson Creek Vanilla Cream Stout and it's sister beers are brewed in Cold Spring, MN. We have a new odd purveyor of high-grade swill in the US. HEAR! HEAR!

    How much was the Eureka a six in comparison to what it was sitting next to?

    DEAN.

    (edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 24.8.02 2257)



It was cheap - I think it was $3.99, which made it the cheapest 6 of bottles in the cooler. It is really only good very cold. It starts to get skunky quickly as it warms up.


//edit: added the following


    The Logret system allows retailers to exercise a degree of freedom and control over a good percentage of their beer business. In addition, Retailers with this leverage can make more dollar profits on their premium segment and not to be forced to run near cost or below cost ads on those brands.


So... this is the cheap beer that is supposed to look like the expensive beer that is on sale, so that they don't have to put expensive beer on sale?

(edited by Guru Zim on 24.8.02 2143)


Your a retarted looser.
Bullitt
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Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

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#6 Posted on
It's all about the Newcastle Brown Ale, although I finally have a Red Stripe connection thanks to the new girlfriend in Toronto.

I also make frequent trips to Montana to stock up on Rolling Rock and Gulden's spicy brown mustard. I'm not well.

Richmond, VA is one of my favorite cities in the world.

(edited by Bullitt on 25.8.02 0021)

- Surprised you didn't know that...

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Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

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#7 Posted on
I was always surprised to discover I liked Newcastle, because I never much cared for the Guinness and figured it would be Just Like Guinness. (Of course, I've never given Guinness a second chance.)

Actually, I always seem to end up buying Gordon Biersch Martzen because it's FRESH! and (when I buy it) it's ON SALE! ($8.99 for 12)

Today at the crawdad feed I had BUD - you know how BUD has that "born on date" and you're suggested to drink within 110 days of said "born on date" - well, this beer was apparently born on 11Dec01. Damn Shriners



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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1350 days
Last activity: 1348 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Newcastle isn't like Guinness. Newcastle is a brown ale and Guinness is a pretty burly bitter stout. It's like if you married Buddy Landell instead of marrying Ric flair.

And Sold On dates on Bud is hilarious- as if getting Budstraight out of the brewery keg would make it suck any less. Gimme Old Mil anyday.

DEAN.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 25.8.02 1026)

CORRECTION!: Hoffbauer is $4.99 a TWELVE, not $4.99 a six.

DHR.

(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 25.8.02 1047)

YES, I AM DEAN.



PhilRippa
Chourico








Since: 4.1.02
From: Fairfax, VA

Since last post: 2012 days
Last activity: 617 days
#9 Posted on
Dean's crazy numbering strikes again

This is actually Booze Review #19

Number 18 Click Here

The original 17 was a 6 parter.

Unfortunately - I blame myself.

Phil



Hate World, Revenge Soon
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PalpatineW
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Getting Rowdy

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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.44

    Originally posted by tarnish

    Count yourself lucky that you can get Newcastle Brown in bottles. Our only recourse here for Newcastle Brown outside of a pub involves a can. Guinness in a can? Fine and dandy. Boddington's in a can? No complaints. Kilkenny in a can? Drink it all the time. Newcastle Brown in a can? Badness. Much badness.

    And yes, the Guinness wins. Unless it's up against Mokka Ale. But they don't make that any more. Please pardon me whilst I go sob for a while in it's memory...



The Guinness in a can is just a little off, for my tastes. I drink nothing but Guinness when I'm out and it's on tap, but canned or bottled Guinness just doesn't do it justice. I daresay the bottled stuff is worse than the canned stuff. And I'm not talking the Extra Stout, I'm talking the Draught Bottles. But, from my grocer's fridge, I'd definitely take the Newcastle over the Guinness.



Using a key to gouge expletives on another's vehicle is a sign of trust and friendship.
Jubuki
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Since: 16.7.02

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#11 Posted on
Yeh, I had my first experience with the bottled Guinness the other night, and it wasn't a pleasant drink. 'Twas not so much bitter as it was borderline undrinkable; less a kick in the ass and more of an un fault. Been a long time since I had Guinness on tap, but I don't remember the cans being substantially worse (though I'm no expert). The bottles sure are a drop in quality, though.



Chris
The AIR RAID CRASH
tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

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#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.46

    PalpatineW said:


    The Guinness in a can is just a little off, for my tastes. I drink nothing but Guinness when I'm out and it's on tap, but canned or bottled Guinness just doesn't do it justice. I daresay the bottled stuff is worse than the canned stuff. And I'm not talking the Extra Stout, I'm talking the Draught Bottles. But, from my grocer's fridge, I'd definitely take the Newcastle over the Guinness.



    It's true that Guinness from a can will never live up to Guinness on tap, but the cans are closer to the real thing than Newcastle from a can is.

    We can't get bottled Guinness here except for the Extra Stout which (here, anyways) is bottled locally by *spew* Molson.

    I'm still mourning the loss of Mokka Ale (a.k.a. Khybeer). Brewed with coffee; what could possibly be wrong about a beer that keeps you up to drink MORE?!

    Also, methinks someone should endeavor to hook DEAN up with some classic Quebecois Unibroue concoctions...a BOOZE REVIEW of Trois Pistoles, Maudite, and La Fin Du Monde would likely send several generations of wieners into spasms of alcohol-addled ecstasy.



    (edited by tarnish on 25.8.02 1440)

    /tarnish...

    how come you're so afraid of things that dont make any sense to you? do you water your raisins daily? do you have any raisins? is there anything that does make sense to you? are you afraid of twelve button suits? how come you're so afraid to stop talking?
Jubuki
Kolbasz








Since: 16.7.02

Since last post: 4451 days
Last activity: 4435 days
#13 Posted on
There's a beer called "The End of the World"?!?!?!? What do we have to do to get our hands on THIS ONE??? Shit, I'd been off the sauce until this weekend, but now I'm all for the boozin'! Does this qualify as a place where I drop "MWB"?



Chris
The AIR RAID CRASH
evilwaldo
Lap cheong








Since: 7.2.02
From: New York, NY

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#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Ahhh, Guinness, the nectar of the gods. I have come to believe that on the seventh day God created Guinness and THEN decided to rest.

Red Stripe is the best beer to use when out picking up women. Find one sitting at the bar and saunter up placing your empty stripe next to her drink while ordering a new one. Chances are she will look at it or pick it up interested in the funky bottle and bingo, instant icebreaker.




These commercials are superfine because they pay for the production costs of putting CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING BENOIT on my GODDAMN TV SCREEN! I will GO GREYHOUND! I am thinking OUTSIDE THE BUN! Dean Rasmussen 8/1/2002 Smackdown Workrate Report
DrOp
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Since: 2.1.02

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#15 Posted on
Most bars in B-more, specifically in Fells Point have a million beers on tap and thus bottles are a little bit harder to come by and use to start conversations. Although being of the Married...with Children brand like Dean and Pieman limits the convo to the friends you came with.
Like Zed I've tried Guinness and can't hang. ACK, much too stark. I've got a real bad sweettooth and lean more towards: Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, Pete's Strawberry Blonde, or Black Dog Honey Raspberry when I'm not drinking Yeungling or Corona or Honey Brown. Yum.

Hmm...I'm getting thirsty just reading this thread...



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Jubuki
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Since: 16.7.02

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#16 Posted on
Guinness is something you just have to suck up and take, knowing it will put hair on your chest. I couldn't stand it the first couple of times I tried it, either, but that was true about beer in general for me. Now, it's one of the first couple of things I look for. What really sucks is having to settle for shit like Heineken. In that case, I suggest y'all do your best to hang with the stark.



Chris
The AIR RAID CRASH
The Sham
Kolbasz








Since: 20.1.02
From: Hamden, CT

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#17 Posted on

    Originally posted by tarnish

    ...Kilkenny in a can? Drink it all the time...



Sweet lord, I can get Kilkenny on this continent?! Has anyone seen it south of the border? I've only had the pleasure of drinking it in Ireland.

I can't drink Guinness all night, but I usually make it a point to start with one at a pub before switching to Harp (or go with a Harp/Guinness Black and Tan if I'm eating). But Kilkenny... there was a stout I could drink all night.



"Cram it with walnuts, ugly!"- Mr. Homer Simpson
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

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#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
LA FIN DU MONDE is absolutely balls out awesome. I'm acquainted with all the finer Canadian boozes after spending a few nights on the town in Ottawa with Ollie Postlethwaite. Many of these boozes I ever remember the names of. When does the BIGFOOT EXPEDITION come out again, speaking of a balled fist of alcohol.

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.



pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

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#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21
We've a local brewery here in the Greater Portland area called "Shipyard." We sampled their Fuggles Pale Ale or something or other this weekend. A little too much for my tatse, but the piewife thought it kicked ass. She of course is of the Guinness liking variety, while I will suck down a Molson Golden or MGD. (I have little taste, see).

And as Senor DrOp stated above, I know nothing of the bottle pick-up techniques either. You youngsters and yer gags!!

(edited by pieman on 25.8.02 2127)


He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
PalpatineW
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Getting Rowdy

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#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.44

    Originally posted by Jubuki
    Guinness is something you just have to suck up and take, knowing it will put hair on your chest. I couldn't stand it the first couple of times I tried it, either, but that was true about beer in general for me. Now, it's one of the first couple of things I look for. What really sucks is having to settle for shit like Heineken. In that case, I suggest y'all do your best to hang with the stark.


Aww, Heineken isn't that bad. For a mass-produced beer, I'll take it. It's better than your average American swill, at the least. Something that struck me as amusing when I was in Ireland was the amount of people drinking Heineken. I expected them all to be drinking lovely black pints, but the lager enjoys a degree of popularity.

For some reason, one beer I really can't get into is the India pale ale. The Harpoon IPA, at least. (Is that a local thing? Pieman, maybe you know). It just seems too... one dimensional. Sharp, but not full.



Using a key to gouge expletives on another's vehicle is a sign of trust and friendship.
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